SEVEN DAYS
Page 23
She missed her late night chats with Mark, the warmth of his body enveloping her, his breath cool against her skin.
Fortunately for her, when she got home he was on her doorstep.
“What are you...what are you doing here?” she said.
“Hi,” he said and then gestured to the wheelie case and rucksack at his feet. “I've just come from the airport. It’s not what it looks like. I didn’t lose my key. I have somewhere to stay, but I came here instead.”
“Why?” Judy asked.
“Because you're here, not there, and I want to be with you. I know you have a colour-coded diary or something and I should have called ahead and you probably have plans, but as you know, I don't exactly work like that, as you noticed, and so...”
She threw herself at him, slamming him into the front door and knocking the wind out of him. Before he could draw a breath, she planted her lips against his. She kissed him hard and, at the same time, fumbled to get her keys out of her handbag and unlocked the door.
They fell inside, slamming against another wall, still kissing hard. Judy kicked the door shut and dropped her keys and her handbag at their feet.
She broke off their kiss for a moment, to retrieve Mark's luggage from the step.
“Are you still going to change the locks?” Mark asked.
“Yes,” Judy assured him, “but with you on the inside, you gorgeous man. You're not going anywhere.”
THE END
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[LMB1]I would recommend changing words like this to something that is more common. I’d never heard of a Tannoy system and I had to look it up. I got the gist, but it pulled me out of the story.
[LMB2]And why do you use military time throughout? If you have no experience with it, this is something else that will throw a reader out of the story, trying to figure out what time it is.