No Apologies (Bomar Boys Book 2)

by Jess Bryant

  “Yesterday?”

  Colt’s head was spinning again. He’d shot through too many emotions in too short a time. From anger to fear to panic to… damn that felt like guilt. He swallowed hard when Cash remained silent and let him catch up.

  “After he found out about my deal with Link?”

  “Yeah. He and Lincoln got into a pretty big argument about it and before you ask, no, Link didn’t kick him out. Remy left because Link took advantage of you and he was pissed.”

  “Link didn’t take advantage of me. I needed help and he offered.”

  “He put strings on his offer, Colt. That’s the definition of taking advantage. He wanted something from you, to keep you tied to him and the family knowing full well we wanted out.”

  “I had strings too. He couldn’t tell you or Remy.”

  “Strings he was more than happy to agree to because it benefited him. With us in the dark you were even more indebted to him.” Cash swerved to avoid a huge pothole, “Look, I’m pissed you didn’t tell me. Remy? He never expected that kind of honesty out of you. Doesn’t think he deserves it probably, because he left. Remy’s pissed at Link.”

  “Because they’re friends?”

  “Because Link was supposed to look after us.” Cash snorted and Colt knew his face must have shown his disbelief. “He told me that himself. Link I mean. When he apologized for getting you hurt he said Remy asked him to keep an eye on us before he left town a decade ago.”

  Colt scratched his head, “Why would he do that?”

  “I don’t know. That’s part of the reason we’re here. I said it was time to come clean and I meant it… for all of us.”

  Colt didn’t say anything to that because he wasn’t sure what to say. Instead he watched as a battered old trailer house came into view when they crested the last ridge. He’d honestly forgotten the thing was even out here on the land their family owned.

  Decker’s twin brother, Duke, had moved it out here when Colt was still a kid. He hadn’t been very old but he’d understood enough to know Uncle Duke was out of prison on probation and Aunt Mary had kicked him out of the house. When Duke went back to prison it sat empty for years and years until his son took it over.

  Joel had been in the process of fixing it up for his pregnant girlfriend when he died. Right after that, Colt had come out here and looked at it because he and Cash had needed a place to move to after graduation. Ultimately they’d decided it was still too close to Decker and from the looks of it as Cash slowly pulled the truck through the almost overgrown path to it, nobody had been out here since.

  Nature was trying to reclaim the space. Weeds grew waist high in some places and vines had grown over one end of the trailer almost completely. But the slick black Challenger in the drive said somebody was indeed inside and the juxtaposition of the flashy new car and the junky old trailer made him uneasy.

  Remy was living here? In this dump? On Bomar land no less? And when he’d had a cozy little setup crashing at Lincoln’s house in town only days ago?

  Colt didn’t like the feeling in his chest and he knew what it was this time. Guilt. Again. Because Remy was living like this because of him. Remy had left Lincoln’s place because of him and he’d made it abundantly clear when his older brother first arrived back in town that he wasn’t welcome at their place. For Remy, it was this place or going back to Decker’s house.

  That thought made him even more uncomfortable because until recently, that’s exactly where he would have expected Remy to go. And why not? The beloved first born son had never been beaten or abused, never been ignored or neglected. He would have been welcomed home with open arms but if he’d gone to see their parents even once since he came back to Old settlers, Colt didn’t know about it.

  Remy didn’t talk about their parents. Since Colt didn’t either, he’d never bothered to ask why that was. Now, seeing this, seeing the squalor that Remy had chosen to live in instead of going home to them, he felt that niggling doubt in his mind again, the one that said maybe he didn’t know his brother at all.

  Cash pulled the truck to a stop next to the Challenger and sighed, “You okay with this?”

  “Not like you gave me much of a choice.”

  “I’m giving it to you now. You say the word and we’ll talk to Remy about Skylar and what happened the night you were attacked. We don’t have to ask him why he left. Your call.”

  “No. It’s okay. I think it’s time we knew the truth.” He ran a still shaky hand through his hair, “It’s past time.”

  A dark shadow appeared behind the screen door and a shiver of dread went down Colt’s spine. He had to consciously remind himself that it wasn’t Decker. But damn if his older brother didn’t look like that fucker.

  Remy opened the screen and walked outside, squinting at them as he wiped his hands on a rag. He was wearing a pair of faded blue jeans, ripped at the knees, and a white muscle shirt. With his tall, muscular build, dark hair and eyes and casual outfit, he was nearly the spitting image of the Decker that had tried to destroy Colt in his younger years.

  Remy raised a hand to shield his eyes and a grin split his face. Colt relaxed instantly. Decker had never smiled at him. Not once. Not unless Colt was lying on the ground in a pool of blood or vomit and even then it had been more of a sneer. That smile belonged to his brother alone.

  “Well hell, ya could’ve called. I ain’t exactly set up for visitors yet.”

  Cash stepped out of the truck, “We ain’t visitors. We’re family.”

  “Shit.” Remy drawled as his gaze cut to Colt climbing carefully out of the truck, “How you feelin’ little brother?”

  “I’ve been better.”

  “That drive out here is rough as hell.” Remy shot Cash a look that they hadn’t seen in ten years, all big brother sternness and reprimand, “If you’d called I would’ve come to you in town. Could have saved you a trip and Colt some soreness.”

  “Wasn’t time.” Cash only shrugged.

  “Time for what?” Remy looked between them.

  “I needed to get Colt away for a little while before he did something stupid.” Cash shot him a look and then turned back to Remy, “He seems to have a problem with the way things went down the night he was attacked. He’s mad at Skylar for getting involved and I thought, since you were the one there with her, that you could explain it to him.”

  Remy’s lips pursed into a thin line and Colt felt some of his age old anger towards his big brother slip away. He knew that look. Cash did the same thing when he was mad at him. His lips always thinned with disapproval right before he threatened to smack some sense into him. They all really were brothers.

  “Yeah, come inside.” Remy motioned them to follow him as he turned and headed back into the trailer, “It’s not much but I got the AC unit working.”

  Remy went in. Cash followed. Colt was the last one through the door and he gaped at what he saw. It wasn’t a nice place, not by any stretch of the imagination, but it was clean. The smell of bleach and lemons assaulted his nose and his eyes watered. Clearly Remy had been busy.

  There wasn’t much inside. No tables or chairs in the small kitchen. Only a stained couch in the living room and then a very out of place looking La-Z-Boy recliner. It was shiny brown leather and had that new smell to it. He raised an eyebrow and Remy only chuckled.

  “I had to get somewhere to sit. Sue me if I like old man chairs.” He shrugged and motioned around the tiny living area and kitchen that was separated by only a counter, “The rest of the shit in here was junk, just like that couch, so it had to go. I don’t have the money to upgrade but I got a bed, a chair and a TV so I’m all set for now.”

  “You know, if you downsized the car you could probably afford some furniture.” Cash pointed out with a smirk.

  “Car isn’t mine. It’s Links... or one of his boys. I didn’t ask any questions when he turned over the keys.”

  “Probably for the best.” Colt agreed with a nod, “You moved out of his place and k
ept his car?”

  “I found somewhere else to live easy. What’re the odds I’ll find a car like that sittin’ around unused?” Remy joked.

  “Yeah, just don’t get pulled over in it. Odds are it ain’t legal.” Cash warned.

  “Nah, Trebly’s been on the take for years.” Remy shrugged.

  “Maybe but Little Law ain’t and that bastard hates me so watch your back around him.”

  Remy smiled softly, “Careful little brothers, I might get the idea you actually give a shit about me.”

  Cash winced. Colt frowned. He didn’t like to admit it but Remy had a point. They’d kept themselves carefully separate from Remy since he returned. He’d thought it was because they were both angry with him but now he could admit it had mostly been about protecting himself. He’d worried Remy would leave again and it had hurt so badly the first time he hadn’t wanted to open himself up to that again. And as long as he didn’t know why Remy had left, there was no way to be sure he wouldn’t do it again.

  “That’s part of the reason we’re here. We need to talk. Clear the air.” Colt motioned to the couch, “Can we sit? My ribs are killing me.”

  “Yeah. Sure.” Remy looked between them, a sudden wariness in his eyes, “You boys wants a beer?”

  “Nah, pain pills.”

  “No thanks.” Cash shook his head.

  “Cigarette?”

  Colt scowled at the mere mention of it. He didn’t smoke. Neither did Cash. They both had too many bad memories, too many scars. But Remy didn’t have any and the reminder made his insides twist again as he remembered Skylar saying she knew what they were from and how he’d gotten them. He shook away the sharp longing that pierced his heart.

  He had a feeling, a deep, sinking feeling that Remy had his own scars to contend with. Only his weren’t visible to the naked eye. They were internal and much, much deeper.

  “Sorry.” Remy dropped his gaze and sighed heavily, “I forgot.”

  “It’s ok.” Cash offered but Remy shook his head.

  “No. It’s not. I should have been there. I should have… fuck.” He glanced between them and the wariness in his eyes turned to dread, “Fuck. Are we really doing this? Is this why you two are here? Not just to talk about Skylar. You want to know why I left?”

  In another situation, he might have smiled that Remy had figured it out so quickly and easily. He and Cash had always been able to read each other. It was part of their twin connection. They had entire conversations without words, sometimes a necessity give Cash’s bouts with silence. There had even been times when they felt each other’s pain.

  But at one point in their lives, it had been the same way with Remy. He’d forgotten about that or shut it out. But it was still there.

  He nodded.

  Remy’s face dropped as if he’d hoped to never have this conversation. And maybe he had. He’d stayed gone a long time. Colt had long ago faced that Remy had been running from something or someone but for the first time since his brother returned he wondered if he still was.

  “I’m gonna need a drink for this. You boys sure you don’t want one?”

  Colt exchanged a glance with Cash after they both declined. This was going to be bad. They’d known it going in so the question was, just how bad? The tension in the room persisted. Nobody spoke until they were all seated. Remy in his chair and the twins on the couch.

  Remy took a long drink and then met each of their gazes, “I never, ever, would have left you if I’d thought there was any other way. You have to know that first. I… I didn’t have any other options or at least I didn’t think I did, not back then. I had to get away.”

  Cash posed the question that Colt knew they’d both asked themselves a hundred times, “From us?”

  “No. God no. What would make you think…” Remy cursed a blue streak, “Decker. Fuck. I should’ve known he’d blame you for that too but I didn’t think about it. I was a stupid, stupid kid.”

  Remy took another long drink of his beer and then stared off into the distance as if he was having an internal debate. Colt frowned. Remy’s face was pale and he didn’t look at them when he started talking again.

  “I left because of Mom.” He winced as if he’d only realized what he called her after it left his lips, “Chrissy.”

  “What?” Colt tilted his head, unsure if he was asking for clarification that he had heard right, or wrong.

  “I don’t understand.” Cash shook his head, “Chrissy loved you. Still does. You’re the only one of us she asks for when she’s even half lucid.”

  “Yeah… She uh… Fuck… This is…” Remy stammered for another minute and then his voice trembled when he said, “She loved me a little too much.”

  “Too much?” Cash asked even as Colt’s confusion tipped into understanding.

  Something dark and dangerous flared inside of him. Anger. Pain. Rage. He wondered what it said about him that his brain had instantly filled in Remy’s statement with the sickest, most vile thing imaginable. It took Cash longer to get there but he saw it when he did. His twin paled noticeably and he shook his head again, horror lacing his words.

  “No. No. That’s… no.”

  “Cash.” Colt shot his twin a warning look to calm down.

  Remy already looked on the verge of shutting down. If Cash tried to argue with him, he might run again. And Colt didn’t want that. He realized that all of his anger and resentment, all of it had stemmed from the belief that Remy had always had it easy and he’d still gotten out long before and far more easily than them.

  Finding out that wasn’t true… Damn. Remy had far more fucked up issues than he did. He must. Because as damaging as Chrissy’s neglect had been it was preferable to what Remy had gone through.

  “She… She hurt you?” Cash looked like he might be sick at the thought and Colt wasn’t far behind.

  “I…yes. No.” Remy dropped his head into his hands, “I mean, she never raped me but… it was heading that direction. That’s why I had to leave. I couldn’t stay. I… I couldn’t.”

  Colt’s throat felt tight but with Cash staring at their brother like he’d just grown a second head, he knew he had to say something, “You never told anyone?”

  “Not at the time. No. I mean, who was I gonna tell that when I was sixteen my drugged out mom started wandering into my bedroom at night, confusing me for my dad and touching me? Decker?” Remy winced, “I had a front row seat for the abuse he leveled at you two whenever I couldn’t get in his way. He did that simply because you were born so I can only imagine what he’d have done to me if I told him she was coming into my bed at night. I was a teenage boy and he would have made it my fault.”

  Colt’s stomach turned again because yeah, he thought the same thing. Decker would’ve blamed Remy. No doubt. He’d have mocked and scorned him. Beaten and maybe even killed him. And for the golden child that had seen it, had protected his little brothers from it but never experienced it himself, that must’ve been just as terrifying as a mother violating his innocence.

  “I… I did the only thing I could.” Remy whispered, “I had to leave. If I’d stayed…” He shook his head violently, “I couldn’t stay and I couldn’t take you with me. You were only thirteen!”

  Colt winced when his brother heaved a sob. He understood. Better than Remy could ever know. He understood what it was like to be helpless, to be hurt by the people that should’ve loved and protected you. He knew what it meant to be at your wits end, out of options and have to make the only choice you could. He’d done it when he’d accepted Lincoln’s offer. He’d done it to save Cash, sure, but he’d done it to save himself too.

  He reached out and clapped his hand around Remy’s knee, “I get it.”

  “No. I left you with those two…”

  “You did what you had to do to save yourself.”

  Remy shuddered again, “There wasn’t a second I didn’t think about you, didn’t worry about you. I… I figured you were safe from her even when you got older bec
ause you don’t look like him.” Remy swallowed audibly, “You were, weren’t you?”

  “She never touched us.” Colt squeezed his knee reassuringly and Remy practically crumbled into himself, “She never even acknowledged us.”

  “Thank God.” Remy dropped his head into his hands again.

  Yeah, his brother had demons, just like him. Just like Cash. Different horrors but the same twisted, messed up history. And all because their parents were monsters.

  Cash had been quiet for a long while but he spoke up suddenly, “That’s why you left and why you haven’t gone to see them since you came back.”

  “I can’t.”

  “I’ve been taking care of her for years. I fought Colt when he said she wasn’t as bad as Decker.” Cash winced, “I was wrong.”

  “You didn’t know.” Remy raised his head.

  “But you do now.” Colt met his twin’s gaze and knew what would come next without needing words.

  They were done. Finally. No going back to believing Chrissy was somehow less responsible or less guilty for their abusive childhoods.

  For the first time, possibly ever, all three of them were in complete agreement. As far as they were concerned they no longer had parents. All they had were the memories of the devils that had tried and failed to ruin them. And each other.

  They were all silent for a long time, processing the horrible truths of what had been admitted today. When someone spoke, he was shocked that it was Remy. More surprised was what he had to say because after that emotional confession, Colt had all but forgotten the other reason Cash had dragged him out here to talk to their brother.

  “Whatever reason you’re telling yourself you have for being mad at Skylar, let it go.” He met Colt’s gaze and held it, “That girl loves you and she wanted to protect you however she could.”

  Skylar. God, just her name made his chest hurt. He wanted, needed, to go back and talk to her, explain why he’d been so upset and figure out a way to work through it, but mostly he just wanted to touch her, hold her, kiss her. He missed her.

  “She was fierce, man.” Remy continued, “I wish you could’ve seen the way she stood up to Link. She slapped him. Did you know that? Just walked right up to him and slapped the living hell out of him, yelled at him that it was his fault you were hurt and he damn well better fix you.”