The Boy Who Has No Belief (Soulless Book 7)

by Victoria Quinn

  “Tutoring Lizzie.”

  My eyebrows furrowed. “How did you know about that?”

  “Emerson told me,” she said, a smile in her voice.

  It was weird to think that Emerson already had a personal relationship with my mother before she was even my girlfriend. Now, that relationship had deepened. It was like they were girlfriends. “It went better than I thought it would.”

  “I knew it would be fine. Wasn’t worried one bit. What did you think of her?”

  I shrugged even though I was alone in my penthouse. “She’s like a lot of students in the system. They think they’re stupid because they’re not absorbing the information based on the way it’s being taught. But if you give them instruction in a different way, they absorb the information. It really started to click for her…and she improved. Her confidence seemed a lot higher at the end of the session versus the beginning—”

  “I meant, what did you think of her personally, Derek.”

  “Uh…I don’t know her.”

  “You guys didn’t talk about anything besides schoolwork?”

  “No. My job was to tutor her. That’s what I did.”

  “I understand that, honey. But maybe next time, ask her a few other questions in the beginning. You know, what are her friends like, does she have hobbies, does she play sports…stuff like that.”

  I was just relieved we’d made it through the session without me saying something really stupid and making her dislike me. “You know, Mom, I’m just trying to take it slow. I’ve never done this before. When we’re focused on the work, I’m comfortable. But if we aren’t doing that, I panic, so…”

  “You’re right. Take your time.”

  “But I think she’s a bright girl with a bright future…and she’s beautiful like her mother.”

  “Emerson has shown me pictures. She is beautiful.”

  I wasn’t sure if Emerson noticed, but her daughter had her same fiery attitude, so she tried to discipline Lizzie for it. But I knew exactly where Lizzie got it from.

  “I also wanted to check in…about that phone call you made to your father.” Her voice turned quiet, handling the situation delicately.

  “I just realized I should spend more time with you. That’s all.”

  “Where did that come from, Derek? Was it the book signing?”

  “No.”

  “Then where…?”

  I decided to tell her the truth. “Dex told me he feels guilty about being away from you guys for so long. He’s been in college this entire time, living outside of New York, and he looks forward to the day when he moves back and can see you more. He’s almost a decade younger than me, and the fact that he had that epiphany and I never have made me realize how obtuse and ungrateful I’ve been…”

  “I think you’re being a little harsh on yourself, honey.”

  I wasn’t being harsh enough.

  “And you and Dex are different people. He jokes around a lot, but he’s very sensitive. He’s always been that way. He wears his heart on his sleeve easily and has to remind himself to tuck it away.”

  Then maybe I should be more sensitive.

  “I think you’re perfect the way you are, Derek. You’ve been through a lot… It’s understandable.”

  I stared out the window, not wanting to go this deep.

  My mother seemed to read my silence. “When are you seeing Lizzie again?”

  “Thursday.”

  “If you’re not busy on Sunday, want to come over for dinner?”

  I wanted to ask them to do things instead of them always asking me, but the offer was on the table and I wouldn’t reject it. “Sure.”

  10

  Emerson

  “So, Derek is a good teacher?” We stepped into the dark apartment, and I flicked on the lights.

  “Totally.” She slung her backpack onto the kitchen table even though I’d told her a million times not to do that.

  But I let it go this time.

  “I thought he would be one of those nerds that is just so smart, you have no idea what they are saying, but he was cool.”

  “Cool?” I asked with a smile.

  “Yeah. He didn’t make fun of me for not getting stuff, and when I couldn’t get there, he explained it in another way until it clicked. And then he taught me different ways of doing the problems, and it was way easier that way.”

  It meant the world to me that she had positive things to say about him. Normally, she complained about her teachers all the time, said they were all stupid, so maybe she was actually being honest since she didn’t say it about Derek. “That’s great, sweetheart.”

  “He’s funny too.”

  “Funny?” I asked, knowing Derek was a lot of things, but funny was not one of them.

  “Yeah.”

  “What did he do that was funny?”

  She shrugged then headed to her bedroom. “Don’t be nosy, Mom.”

  It was Wednesday morning, so instead of leaving for work, we enjoyed some time together. I arrived to see him already standing there, waiting for me to enter his penthouse at any moment. He looked at me with trepidation in his gaze, as if he were waiting for a sentence from a judge.

  “She really liked you, Derek.”

  He closed his eyes as he released a sigh of relief, like that had been weighing on him all night.

  I smiled, touched that her approval meant so much to him.

  “She said you didn’t make her feel stupid when she didn’t get it, and if she couldn’t get there, you taught her differently until it settled in her mind.”

  “She’s a bright girl, Emerson. There’s no reason she should ever feel stupid.”

  I loved the way he believed in people so resolutely. He believed all people were capable of anything with the right tools, so when he described Lizzie that way, he meant it. “She said she wishes you were her teacher instead of the one she currently has.”

  He dropped his gaze and didn’t say anything.

  “And she said you were funny…but didn’t tell me why.”

  The corner of his mouth rose slightly, but he turned away to try to mask it.

  “Why does she think you’re funny, Derek?”

  He shrugged.

  “Come on, why won’t you tell me?”

  He released a sigh before he turned back to me. “I appreciate how loyal your daughter is for not throwing me under the bus.”

  “Throwing you under the bus for what?”

  He took a while before he answered, as if he was searching for the words. “Well, when I looked at her teacher’s worksheet and all the goddamn red ink everywhere, I realized he spends more time ripping apart her work than explaining what she should have done beside it, which would have been a lot more effective and instructive…so I blurted out that her teacher was an asshole. She found it amusing.”

  Of course she did. “You guys sound alike.”

  “I’m sorry. It just came out.”

  “It’s not a big deal, Derek.” I chuckled because I actually found it funny. “I’m sure that made her feel connected to you, so that’s fine.”

  “I know you work really hard to make sure she behaves a certain way.”

  I shrugged. “I think it’s inevitable. Lizzie has a strong personality and calls things as she sees them. It’s not really a bad thing. She calls people out on their shit instead of blindly accepting her environment. I don’t want her to have a dirty mouth, obviously, but I’m relieved that she’s that way.”

  “You know where she gets it from, right?” He turned back to me, amusement in his eyes.

  I grinned. “Yeah, I know.”

  “And if she grows up to be like you, I think you’ve done your job as a mom.”

  Those words filled me with elation because that was all a mother wanted to hear—that she’d done a good job, that she’d raised a beautiful person. When I thought about how Derek was when we met and how much he’d grown, it made me realize how lucky I was to have a man like him, a man who would change
for a woman.

  All my apprehension about the success of this relationship faded away after that first meeting between Derek and Lizzie. They both seemed to get along and enjoy each other’s company. I understood tutoring Lizzie wasn’t the same thing as being a stepfather, but it was still a good first step.

  A hurdle we both conquered.

  I continued to stare at him in front of me, in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, his hair styled and his jaw shaved. He was a million times more handsome than he was before, knowing he’d done something for me that utterly terrified him.

  He continued to hold my gaze as he waited for me to say something. When I didn’t, he whispered, “What is it?”

  “I just…” I stepped closer to him. “I’m not sure if I want to jump your bones on that couch…or give you a blow job instead.” My hands moved to the bottom of his shirt, and my fingers slowly slid underneath.

  His eyes darkened immediately at my bluntness, his body stiffening as he prepared for whatever my decision would be.

  My fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt and slowly pulled it up his body.

  His eyes stayed on me as he lifted his arms so I could pull it over his head and leave him bare-chested, hard, and sexy.

  My hands went to his jeans and got them loose before I pushed them down, hooking my fingers in the waistband of his boxers so I had a good grip to get them down his narrow hips, his thick veins emerging, and then his big cock. “So, you have a preference?” I tugged his bottoms down farther as I sank to my knees in front of him.

  He sucked in a breath and held it when he watched what I was doing.

  I knew this was an experience he’d lived through in his mind, a story he’d written for himself. A fantasy was unfolding in front of his eyes, my skirt rising up as I moved to my knees on the bare hardwood floor.

  He still didn’t take a breath as he looked at me, like he couldn’t believe this was real, that this was about to happen and he didn’t even have to ask. His cock twitched like it was eager to slide past my warm lips and glide across my tongue.

  My fingers moved to the buttons of my blouse, and I popped them open so he could see my cleavage in my push-up bra. Then I grabbed the base of his dick, my fingers wrapping around its thickness, and I pointed his swollen head at my mouth as I inched closer, and I slowly dragged my tongue over his skin like it was a delicious popsicle.

  He immediately inhaled a deep breath, practically wincing because the touch was so raw.

  I did it again and again, watching his eyes darken and intensify, his cock throbbing in my hand.

  I pushed my mouth over his crown and shoved him slightly down my throat, letting him stretch me a bit before I pulled out again, the spit building up in my cheeks. I licked my lips before I looked him dead in the eye and said, “Fuck my mouth.”

  He inhaled another breath before he fisted his hand in my hair and released a loud moan, like that was the button he wanted to be pressed, like that was exactly what he wanted to hear. His fingers dug into the back of my neck, and he thrust in my mouth, fucking me just like I’d asked. “Baby…take that dick.”

  We didn’t go out for breakfast like we planned.

  We ended up in bed, naked under the sheets, lying side by side as we stared at each other. His thick arms were around my waist as his head rested inches from mine, his eyes looking into my face like my features were mesmerizing, even when my makeup was a shitshow after all the stuff we’d just done. I loved it when he surrounded me with masculine strength, when he just held me and looked at me like this.

  My stomach rumbled, announcing my hunger.

  His eyes softened like he thought it was cute. “Want to get breakfast?”

  “There’s no time…”

  “We can go on the way.”

  “No. I know you need to get to work. And I’d rather spend our last few minutes like this.” My fingers touched his arm lightly, feeling the thick muscles of his sexy arms. I wasn’t a petite woman. I was five-seven, had wide birthing hips, and a loud personality. It was nice to be with a man big enough to make me feel small for a change.

  “I really don’t mind. There’s more to life than work.”

  My eyes narrowed at his comment. “Did Derek Hamilton just say there was more to life than work?”

  He shrugged. “There is. I’ve learned that the hard way.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  He stared at me for a while before he answered. “I’ve neglected my parents for many years. Dex made me realize it. I’m committed to my work for a lot of reasons, but they aren’t going to be around forever, and I should treasure the time I have with them. Not once have I asked my dad to go out to a game or something. And a lot of times, he’s asked me to do stuff and I was too busy. He told me not to beat myself up over it. There’s still time to change things.”

  My eyes softened.

  “So, we have time to go out to breakfast…if you’ll join me.”

  “I don’t want to distract you from your work. You’re carving time out of your day, when we should spend time together outside of work, but I’m the reason we can’t do that. That’s not fair.”

  “That’s not how I see it. You’re a priority. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard ambitious people lose their partners because they wouldn’t make time for them. I don’t want to make that mistake with you. You’re important to me, so you’re a priority. Your daughter is important to you, and she’s your priority.”

  My god, this man was too good to be true. Why was I the woman he was lying next to in that moment? Why was I the woman he wanted to be with when he could have literally any woman he wanted? Why was I the woman who somehow earned his affection when I was unremarkable in comparison? He was a gorgeous billionaire, and I was an almost-thirty-year-old single mom who’d never actually been alone as an adult because I’d had my daughter so young. “That means a lot to me, Derek.” I waited for him to tell me he loved me, but those words never came out of his mouth. But I wasn’t anxious to hear him make that kind of commitment because he showed me how he felt every single day—and that meant a lot more anyway.

  Mom and I sat together on the couch while Lizzie was in the shower.

  “So, everything went well?” Mom asked, trying to keep her tone neutral.

  “It did, actually. He helped Lizzie a lot, and she seemed to like him too.”

  She nodded slowly. “It’s nice that he’s putting in the effort.”

  “He is doing a lot more than putting in effort, Mom.” Derek had gone above and beyond for me, doing things he was scared of, but doing them for me.

  She turned to look at me, ignoring the show we watched together every week. “This man is really something special to you, isn’t he?”

  I turned to her, slightly incredulous. “Mom, you have no idea.” With every passing day, I was falling deeper and harder, moving into areas I didn’t think I ever could. My heart beat for him the way it beat for Lizzie, not just because I loved him, but because that love was unconditional. “I want to spend the rest of my life with him.” My eyes watered, not from sadness, but from the depth of my emotion, the profound feeling in my chest. It was like when I held Lizzie for the first time and that love rang true. I felt that way about Derek because I was so deeply in love with him.

  My mom’s eyes softened. “What is it about him?” she whispered, not challenging me, just wanting to know.

  “Everything,” I said with a sarcastic laugh. “He’s been on his own for ten years, you know, typical billionaire playboy bullshit. Then we got together, and he just…became this deeply committed man. He only has eyes for me. He’s always honest with me. He doesn’t go out with his friends anymore because he says there’s no purpose for him to be in the bars and clubs anymore. He’s made an effort with Lizzie even though it terrified him. He wanted me to go to lunch with his family…because I’m family. He told me I was his priority, that he doesn’t want to ever lose me, that he’s afraid Lizzie won’t like him because tha
t means I won’t like him either. This guy could have anyone in the world he wanted, but he wants me. And he treats me like I’m some supermodel… I just don’t understand it. I don’t know what I did to deserve him.”

  Mom continued to watch me, her eyes soft. “Emmy…”

  I waited for her to tell me it was moving too fast, that I hadn’t been seeing him long enough to feel this way, that Lizzie still didn’t know who he actually was yet. But she said something else.

  “Emmy.” She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and gave me the kind of squeeze only a mother could give. “You don’t have to do anything to deserve a man like that. He’s the one who doesn’t deserve you—and he knows it.”

  11

  Derek

  Lizzie sat beside me at the dining table, opening her notebook and getting settled.

  I could immediately segue into our lesson, but I thought about what my mother had said and knew I should try to cultivate a personal relationship with Lizzie, even though I could barely talk to people on my best days. “Do you play sports or anything?”

  She grabbed her pencil sharpener and started to sharpen it. “Soccer and softball.”

  I nodded even though she wasn’t looking at me. “Do you like one more than the other?”

  She shrugged. “I guess softball. I’m a good hitter, so that’s my favorite part of the sport.”

  “Cool.”

  When her pencil was sharp, she pulled out the worksheet.

  “Do you have friends on the team too?” I felt weird asking these questions. It was obvious in my voice that I’d never been more unsure of myself. I literally repeated the questions my mother had told me to ask.

  “Some,” she said. “But most of my friends are people I met in class. Did you play sports?”

  “Me?” I asked incredulously, unable to believe she asked me something.

  “Yeah.” She smiled slightly, like she found my reactions amusing.

  “No, I’m not a big sports guy.” Now I wished I had played one of her sports so we could talk about it. I didn’t even know the difference between baseball and softball. I wasn’t sure why there were different versions of the sport for men and women.