In Two Minds

by Gordon Parker

  Todd remembered that image for years, judging that she looked like a pedigree filly coming into the mounting yard.

  ‘Good day, beautiful. I could get a great price for you in Asia,’ he guffawed.

  Those in his vicinity stepped on each other’s feet as they shuffled away.

  Bella turned to rail at Todd, at such an oafish, overweight item of offal, but was stopped by his simple smile, being always a sucker for smiles. She walked up to him. ‘Daddy?’ she said, childlike and with eyes fluttering.

  ‘I’m not your daddy?’

  ‘Perhaps not, but you could be my sugar daddy?’ Bella smiled winsomely. ‘And I never look a gift horse in the mouth at the races.’

  Sufficiently inviting for Todd to invite her into his tent and to his bottle of Champagne, which he clutched possessively as he thought the waiters were too slow in circulating.

  ‘Now that is the only Champagne,’ judged Bella as Todd refilled her now empty glass and she had time to place him, and potentially spook him. Drunk as a skunk. Sterile marriage to sad wife. Bombastic, misanthropic conservative whose only status comes from a responsible job, probably banking but might even be an accountant.

  She simpered, ‘You felt a need to rescue me?’

  ‘Well I haven’t found anyone here that I’ve enjoyed talking to. To tell you something funny…’

  Those dreaded words that foreshadowed a mandatory lack of humour and turgid detailing. Bella feigned interest and, when Bella so feigned, recipients were smitten. Yes, Todd had been an accountant before, at the age of fifty, he had landed a respected bursar position. Yes, there were allusions to a sterile marriage and not much fun in his life. He had been given a ticket to the tent by the development and fundraising manager, Bob Gibson. And, as Bella had surmised, not knowing anyone, not used to partying excessively, not being au fait with the faux-racing crowd, he had tried to settle his social anxiety with too much Champagne. Bella herself was keen to simply enjoy too much Champagne and then go back to her escort’s flat to trash it, but she was intrigued by a level of vulnerability in Todd. He was a sleazebag, accustomed to exploiting others, perhaps simply bullying staff at work, or perhaps going to church on a Sunday after visiting a brothel the night before. He might be handy meat. Bella decided to give him her undivided attention for a couple more Champagnes.

  Todd had never had a young woman show such interest in him. She clearly found him sexually attractive, a judgment that he found so surprisingly enlivening that he caught himself pulling in his abdomen and expanding his chest, but, despite the heady Champagne, he was apprehensive as to where it might all lead. He was, after all, representing the school to some degree. But, when Bella suggested that she needed to leave, he felt anxiously mournful. Bella, he observed to himself, such a bright butterfly of a gal, such an energiser, such a brilliance to her face. He needed to see her again. But how much of the attraction was simply the Champagne talking? Inviting her to meet when sober was too threatening, too much risk of mortification. He must maintain control. She had stated she was unemployed. Providing an option.

  ‘Bella. This might seem a bit outrageous but I’m impressed by your personality. Our development and fundraising manager is about to advertise for an assistant. The job essentially requires someone with a very bright and engaging personality. Really not too much else required. If you are possibly interested, I’d be happy to put in a good word for you. I could say we go back years.’

  Well, thought Bella, it is just like fishing. You throw out some bait, and you can never tell what will land in your net.

  ‘Why thanks, Todd, I might just take you up on your offer.’

  Todd felt pleased. He had regained control, aborted a sense of loss and, if Bella was hired, he might softly, softly, catchee monkey. Bella gave him a gentle hug, a peck on the cheek and strode, now more stallion-like, out of the tent. It had been a satisfying encounter and perhaps she might drop down to the Sheaf Hotel rather than face the desolate task of flat trashing.

  Todd had a word or two with Bob before the interview.

  ‘Known her for years. Impressive young woman. Solid background and good family. And a striking personality – would be superb in dealing with your donors. People just take to her amazingly. And she knows quite a bit about the school. Not worked as a fundraiser before but has all the ingredients. Knows what the school needs. She’s really savvy. Know what I mean. If you have any doubts after the interview just call me, Bob.’

  Bob joshed. ‘Well I won’t call you Bob as that’s my name. But thanks for the brief…Todd. Really handy. I’ll report back.’

  At the interview, Bella was dressed like a corporate lawyer, in a well-cut and expensive-looking dark suit. Her hair was curled. Before being introduced, she acknowledged by name each of the five committee members facing her across the table. She focused first on the chairman – Jim Smith, the head of the Old Boys’ Union – and then apportioned equal periods of eye contact with other committee members. When she smiled, the radiance from her eyes captivated all on the committee, other than one woman, Agnes Webb, senior assistant to the development and fundraising manager.

  Agnes instinctively thought, I want to rip her eyes out. Then, aghast at her primeval instinct, she focused on the agenda papers, lightly drumming her fingers.

  Jim was surprised to be developing an erection but also pleased as he had previously found this to be an excellent signal for choosing candidates. He wriggled slightly, trying to work out whether dressing to the left or right would be least noticeable. If the applicant asked for a glass of water he would defer to another committee member rather than stand and reach across the table. But the bulge of his member had already been noticed by several committee members.

  Bella stood out from all the other applicants. Yes, because she answered their questions directly – but then she added some extemporaneous snippet that evidenced a bubbly personality, ideal for a position that relied on spontaneous interpersonal interaction. References would be sought but they would be irrelevant to the committee’s decision. It was a lay down mísere.

  Bella thanked them. They rose – Jim somewhat stiffly – to thank her indeed. She walked slowly to the door, a model’s walk, and the committee members followed with their eyes. Agnes alone felt annoyed, quite unusual for her when hers was usually a commanding and gracious presence.

  Two weeks later, Bella took up the position, initially being inducted by Agnes, who, having been at the school for nearly two decades, and in the development and fundraising division for five years, knew the culture of the school, the staff, many of the parents and all the major donors. Agnes took Bella through the administrative tasks and the donor lists, with Bella keenly involved and making the occasional note.

  Donors were classified on the basis of the size of their donations (gold, silver, bronze), their pro bono capacities and their status as networkers. Agnes told Bella that she, Agnes, would continue to manage the gold and silver donors and that Bella would be assigned the bronze donors.

  Agnes began to view Bella, who treated Agnes with unsolicited respect, as quite delightful. Bella frequently expressed admiration at Agnes’s mastery of the role, and observed that she had never worked with someone so competent. After a month in the office, Agnes encouraged Bella, after handling her administrative office tasks so readily, to go on the road for several hours a day to find and develop relationships with potential bronze donors.

  In the second week of this tour, Bella burst into Agnes’s office, eyes bright and nostrils flared. She whooped, ‘Got one.’ One of their younger old boys, now working at a development bank, had donated 50,000 dollars to their building fund.

  Agnes sat back, smiling warmly and admiringly at Bella. ‘Well, well, well. A gold donor! And your first week on the road. That is wonderful, Bella. Just how did you achieve it?’

  Bella suggested she might give details over lunch, which impressed Agnes.

  When Agnes offered her a glass of wine to go with her grilled macadam
ia-nut-crusted barramundi fillet, Bella demurred. She explained how she had established a connection with the donor – that they both liked sports cars and that both had once raced their cars around the Oran Park raceway. Their motoring interests had led on to other connections.

  Bella omitted to detail how the donor had invited her to his pub and had been certain that she would later accept his invitation to go to his flat, but that Bella had aborted his plans during a drinking game, which she had initiated. After matching each other for five drinks, with Bella staring intently at him, fascinated in his account of a successful trade he had just made, Bella proposed a challenge. He and Bella would drink glass for glass, with his donation to the school contingent on Bella outdrinking him, and calibrated by the extent to which she actually did outdrink him. If she lost, he would still make a donation to the school but Bella would provide some unspecified but hinted-at service – he could not remember the exact term later. As he struggled with his last drink he let Bella help him add some figures and a signature to the cheque before sliding to the floor where he commenced snoring.

  Appearing genuinely interested, Bella asked Agnes about her life outside the school. Agnes had few interests or hobbies, but she felt encouraged to chat more about herself, especially when Bella was so politely deferential, so interested in Agnes as a person and had such a delightful way of handling Agnes’s occasionally self-effacing remarks.

  Agnes, despite her seniority in position and age, sought a closer friendship. Over the next month, they became established lunch companions, while Bella spent the rest of the day in the office or on the road. There was something about Bella, some vulnerability – but she wouldn’t call it a weakness – that invited Agnes’s support. That vulnerability was hard to define as Bella artfully deflected the conversation when she was the potential topic. Agnes established that Bella had gone to a private school in Melbourne, had been married briefly before going to university, and had lots of interests. But, for each of these few background domains, there were no specifics. It was as if she had arrived on earth from another planet, without a past. Agnes laughed at herself when she made such a judgment, especially when she and Bella were such good friends so quickly. She felt closer to Bella than to most of the people at the school. Bella was kind – this being evidenced in so many ways, including the weekly raffle that Bella initiated to support a charity for orphans in India. It was nice to have someone whom she could chat to. Bob Gibson was always busy and, while the two got on quite well with each other, she had long judged that Bob was not quite up to his position. Perhaps that was why he worked so hard. By contrast, Todd Green was an excellent bursar but a bit creepy and she felt uncomfortable with him. And Jim Smith? Well Jim Smith was Jim Smith – bold, funny and the best conduit to the old boys they had had in years. Agnes confessed to Bella how she had felt during Bella’s job interview. How she regretted her initial doubts. And she told Bella about the highlight of the interview – how Jim Smith had had an erection and imagined no one had noticed. Such a hoot!

  Agnes was quick to report Bella’s successes to her line manager Bob Gibson and Bob, in turn, often asked Bella to pop by to report some of her successes to him directly.

  Bob was fascinated by Bella’s sparkling personality, albeit perplexed at her throwaway criticisms of Todd Green. Todd had waited for a month after Bella’s appointment before initiating any one-to-one contact, finally inviting her to his bursar’s office late on a Wednesday afternoon and when his secretary had left for home. Todd offered her a whisky or ‘perhaps a wine’ as soon as she entered, and smiled patriarchally at her, no oleiferous words needed to convey his message that she owed her position to him. He indicated the lounge for her to sit on. Bella declined any alcohol, moved behind his desk and sat on his chair.

  ‘Thanks, Todd. I’m going to an engagement party tonight so I’ll hold off.’ She looked around. ‘So this is the engine room?’

  Todd swept his arm around imperiously but stopped when he noticed Bella going through his diary. He closed it gently. Bella looked intently at him, perhaps somewhat coldly. Todd chose to assert his instrumental authority in order to elicit some thanks from Bella, for her to acknowledge some debt. ‘So Bella. I hear you are doing an excellent job. I’m glad I was able to point you in a new direction. How are you finding the position?’

  Bella avoided eye contact. ‘Fine.’ She leant back on the chair. ‘You’re different sober, Todd.’

  Afterwards, Todd practised alternate answers – ‘Aren’t we all?’ And ‘What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.’ But, caught on the hop, he spoke plaintively. ‘I wasn’t drunk. Just merry. It was all just fun.’ But he knew, as the words stumbled out, there had been a role reversal, that she had somehow rearranged their relationship. That evening, as he sat and strained at the toilet, he thought, Shit! She bloody well had me by the balls.

  Concerns commenced after Bella had been in the position some three months. The first followed the school’s annual fundraising dinner. Bella had volunteered to get some of the auction items. She would arrange some trips to exotic places from a travel industry contact, and her contact would only charge thirty per cent of the regular price.

  The group of ten that bid 10,000 dollars for a week in a luxury French villa in Bordeaux had headed there the following week. Two days later the development and fundraising division began receiving their angry phone calls and vitriolic emails.

  Arriving late at night to the given address, they had found no luxury villa but a rundown two-bedroom apartment sandwiched between a backpackers’ hostel and a bordello. Unable to get any other accommodation till the morning they had shared beds with themselves and the bed lice to the background charivari of a clanking, flushing and overflowing toilet. The emails emphasised that the wrath of God would descend in the form of legal action.

  When questioned at the crisis staff meeting, Bella stated she had never previously had any problem with the agent in France but noted that he was not responding to phone calls or emails. However, as the agent’s fee had been banked she was confident she would be able to make contact shortly and sort things out.

  Other problems and concerns emerged relatively quickly. Bob Gibson met with Agnes to discuss concerns he was having about Bella. ‘I don’t see her around the office and I can’t find evidence that she has brought in any donors for at least a month.’

  Agnes was minimally troubled as she knew Bella was on the road, just as Agnes had directed her to be. She felt a need to defend Bella, this young woman, whose vulnerability brought out a protective response. ‘I’m sure it’s only a fortnight, Bob. I’ll check into it.’

  ‘I think that would be wise. A couple of people have raised other concerns but these are rather gossipy and hard to clarify. Please report back when you have a fix.’

  Agnes rang Bella an hour later but her phone was on message bank. Agnes sent an email. Bella was quick to respond to Agnes’s mobile phone, but somewhat hard to hear as there was a lot of music in the background. She was in Wellington.

  ‘Wellington, New South Wales?’ Agnes queried.

  ‘Wellington, New Zealand, Agnes. My closest friend has developed multiple sclerosis and I just had to go there for a couple of days to offer my support.’

  ‘But you didn’t tell me…Put in a leave form.’

  ‘Sorry, Agnes, but I did have to leave in a rush. Couldn’t get through to you, so I left a message with Todd. Didn’t he pass it on?’

  ‘No and that’s unlike him.’

  ‘Perhaps. But I’ll be back on deck tomorrow. At the office by eleven at the latest. Cheerio.’

  The next day Bella came to the office around three. The plane had been delayed. She spent the first ten minutes with Todd to remind him of a conversation he had forgotten. Where she had clearly told him that she would not be at work the next day and that he would pass that information to Agnes. After a few minutes, Todd stated, ‘Now I think about it…yes, you’re right.’

  Agnes initially r
adiated disappointment with Bella when they met in her office. Disappointment about not being told about the leave and the lack of any new donors recruited by Bella. Bella reassured Agnes. She had checked with Todd. Todd clearly remembered being told by Bella to Make sure Agnes knows I won’t be in for a day or so. Bella appeared downcast by Agnes’s evident lack of faith in her. Bella described the terrible impact of MS on her Wellington friend – one of her oldest friends – especially when her husband had left her and she had three children, including a new baby, to look after, her dog had died and the landlord was about to evict her.

  Agnes progressively felt churlish about how she had initially interacted with Bella – perhaps she had been feeling let down by a friend rather than by an employee. She reassured Bella. But Bob Gibson was not reassured when Agnes met with him later in his office.

  ‘Agnes. The facts are facts. No new donors and rarely in the office according to the secretary.’

  ‘You discussed her with my secretary?’

  ‘That’s what I just said.’

  ‘You didn’t go through me?’

  ‘It’s not a formal matter, Agnes. It’s not a matter of going through your staff or bypassing your authority, it’s a –’

  ‘But it is! You did bypass me. You asked me to report back and it was up to me, not you, to chase the issues.’

  ‘There’s no need to get so hot under the collar, Agnes. And there are other concerns about Bella. One influential old boy has said something to Jim Smith about Bella not being professional.’

  ‘Said something? Now who’s not being professional when gossip is being prioritised?’

  ‘Let’s leave it there for the moment, Agnes.’ Bob walked to the door and stood there as an invitation for Agnes to leave but resisted shaking her hand as she walked past him.

  Agnes didn’t know why she was so angry, hurt and so defensive of Bella. She had never been that impressed by Bob but she viewed him now as vindictive.

  She called Bella to her office, and was in tears as she recounted her discussion with Gibson. Bella was quick to thank Agnes and gave her a hug before she left the room.