“ TJ, everybody has bad dreams from time to time. Danny has been on his own for quite a while. I am sure he can manage through the night without you,” Mitch said, backing up Antonio's words.
“ These are different, they aren't normal dreams. He gets really frightened and sometimes he cries. He doesn't think I notice, but I can tell by the way he huddles up and hides his face. I hear him sniffling when he thinks I'm sleeping. He shouldn't be alone when he's that upset.”
“ Nobody wants him to be hurting, TJ. However, you can't be spending every night in his bed. You don't have to sleep with him to offer comfort,” Antonio continued to advise.
TJ refused to concede his position. “With me he sleeps through the night, and he doesn't have those terrible dreams.”
“ That may be true. Nevertheless, it's not healthy for either one of you to develop a habit of sleeping together.” Although Antonio was sympathetic towards TJ's feelings, he was confident that their concerns held merit.
“ But...”
“ That's enough, TJ. You heard what we sai d. No more arguing,” Mitch warned.
“ That's not fair. You said he was my responsibility...”
“ TJ, we understand that it is difficult for you to see him so upse t. Regardless, if you continue to speak disrespectfully we will end this conversation for another that will begin with you over my knee,” Mitch threatened.
“ I'm sorry,” TJ mumbled, “but he needs me.”
“ No, what he needs is a safe place where he can learn to take care of himself.”
“ No one should have to suffer alone like that.”
“ Look, you can offer him a shoulder to cry on, and encourage him to talk about whatever is bothering him. However, if you continue to crawl into bed with him, you are going to have a young man who is not only dependent on you in order to fall asleep, but is liable to develop other feelings for you, as well. If you think you have a traumatized boy now, wait until the repercussions that are sure to follow when he realizes his feelings will not be reciprocated.”
“ He is way too vulnerable right now,” Antonio sa i d, following up Mitch’s lecture.
“ We don't do anything, we just sleep.” TJ wanted to be convincing and regretted sounding so whiny.
“ Trust us, TJ, yo u’ re heading for trouble.”
“ I can handle it, Mitch.”
“ That doesn't mean Danny can,” Antonio reasoned.
“ It's my job to take care of him,” TJ pushed sullenly.
“ Right now it is your job to listen and do what you're told,” Mitch scolded.
“ Sweetheart, it’s nice that you care so much about him. We care about him, too. But his issues run deep. Having him here is going to be an adjustment for all of us. As much as we all want to help him, we need to make sure we don't do more harm than good,” Antonio cautioned.
“ I brought him here. I have a responsibility to make sure he feels safe.”
“ While he is in this house, we’re all responsible for him,” Antonio reminded his young partner.
TJ opened his mouth to speak. Mitch cut him off. “Ultimately, you and Danny are our responsibility, and we have final say about what's best for the both of you.”
“ Fine,” TJ uttered with an eye roll, acting very much like the adolescent at the heart of the discussion.
Mitch's patience had worn out. He swiftly grabbed TJ, pulled him over his lap, and delivered several sound reprimands to his upturned bottom. “This is your last warning. You will pull your attitude together and watch your tone. Or, do I have to get my belt to remind you just where your responsibilities lie in this house?”
“ No, sir. Sorry.”
“ Good. So let me make this perfectly clear. You will not be going into his bed tonight.”
“ What if he has a nightmare?” TJ asked, feeling slightly ridiculous laying over Mitch's lap.
“ You may wake him up and offer to talk to him. That's it.”
*****
Danny didn’t want to think about how reliant he was becoming on TJ's nightly visits to his room. With TJ at his side, his sleep was calmer, his dreams more peaceful, and he woke better rested. He feared it wouldn't last. When TJ didn't come into his room that night he wasn't surprised. What he hadn't expected was the way his body physically craved the warmth of his embrace and the soothing caress of his touch. All night long he laid half awake hoping to hear his door crack, and for TJ to crawl into his bed. The next day he was overtired and cranky. After several more nights like that, Danny was miserable.
Antonio sent him to bed, concerned that if he continued on his current irritable path, he'd be facing a spanking before the night was over. Danny made a slight fuss about his early bedtime. He dreaded being alone in his room at night. During the day he would keep busy to force haunting memories and bad thoughts to the further recesses of his mind. Being put to bed caused Danny to feel anxious. It was too much time to think. He couldn't rest knowing the night terrors that tormented his childhood were cycling back.
“ It's not even nine o'clock yet,” he complained.
“ I'm aware of that, sweetheart, but you've been tired lately. I think its best you make it an early night.”
“ I'm fine. I'll go to bed after the movie is over.”
“ The movie just started. I'd rather you go to bed now.”
“ Why?”
“ Please don't argue, Danny. We've talked about the rules of the house. You either do what's asked of you, or suffer the consequences.”
Danny detected the threat in Antonio's usually patient demeanor. He wasn't sure if Antonio spanked, too, and decided today was not a good day to find out. He trudged upstairs unhappy about having to face a long night in his room. He tossed in bed for hours. Finally overcome with exhaustion, he fell into a fitful sleep. His nightmares always seemed so real in the mid hours of the night. It was then that Danny had the hardest time distinguishing between what were dreams and bad memories. With vague images quickly receding from his memory, the feeling of foreboding couldn't be shaken. Danny couldn't stay in bed any longer. A tightness in the chest forced him up with plans to distract his mind until morning.
Surprised that the door to TJ’s old room was left ajar, Danny wandered closer to take a peek in. He rubbed his eyes to make sure he was seeing correctly. TJ was sleeping in bed by himself. Danny stole a moment to gaze at him. The reading lamp was on over the bedpost, and it casted a soft light on TJ’s fine features. TJ was painfully attractive. Danny’s heart was beating to his throat. He couldn't resist the compelling urge to crawl into bed with him. The closer he got to TJ, the more nervous he became. He had never initiated contact, and was feeling quite bold as he pulled back the blankets to climb into bed.
“ What's the matter, baby? Did you have a bad dream?” Having heard Danny get up, TJ anticipated him coming into his room.
“ No...Yes... I couldn't sleep.”
“ Do you want to talk about it?”
“ I just want to sleep.”
“ You know, it might help to talk. You've had a lot of bad nights lately.”
Danny turned red. “There is nothing to talk about. I just have trouble sleeping.”
“ Something is obviously on your mind or you wouldn't be having so much trouble sleeping.”
Although Danny didn't want to talk about it, he took solace in hearing TJ's caring voice. It reminded him of the first night they met. With the word baby echoing in his head, Danny impulsively leaned over and kissed TJ on the lips.
After gaining his senses, TJ pulled away. “What
was that for, sweetheart?”
“ I...Why don't you want to kiss me anymore?”
“ Danny, you know I'm in a relationship with Mitch and Antonio.”
“ But you kissed me before, back at the party.”
“ I had a little too much to drink that night. Besides, you looked like you could use one.” Passing his comment off as a joke, TJ offered a sly smile.
“ So… what? It was a pity kiss?”
“ No. No, that's not what I meant.” TJ tried to retract his insensitive remark. “I wanted to kiss you. You were so damn adorable. I couldn't help myself,” he admitted, this time laughing at himself.
It didn't have the effect he was hoping for. Danny couldn't find anything funny about the situation.
“ I shouldn't have given you the wrong impression. I'm sorry."
Danny blinked, taking on the appearance of a kicked puppy. The look of a hurt, innocent boy struck TJ so profoundly that he instantly understood the gravity of Mitch and Antonio's warning.
“ I really am sorry. If I wasn't already in a relationship, and you were a little older...”
“ You don't have to say it. I know I'm not your type. Why would you be interested in me?”
“ Who wouldn't be interested in someone as cute as you?”
“ Yeah, right. Cute isn't exactly a turn on. I'm not so stupid to think you would choose short and scrawny when you have tall, dark, and burly.”
TJ gave a seductive smile. “I could have had anyone I wanted. It was you I chose to kiss that night.”
“ That's because you were going home to Mitch and Antonio. They're both big and strong. They have biceps the size of my entire arm. Who wouldn't want them? They're both hot.”
TJ chuckled. “Yeah, there is no denying that.”
“ Then why are you sleeping in here alone?”
“ I wanted to be close in case you had another bad dream.”
Danny didn't know how to respond to that, so he sank back into the bed. “You feel sorry for me,” he finally said in resignation. He felt like a small child who was just told Santa Claus didn't exist.
“ I care about you. I only want to help.”
“ You can't help me.”
Danny turned to get out of bed. TJ reached for him, overpowered him, and pushed him against the bed.
“ I can help you to sleep,” he insisted.
“ It's too late. I'm getting up.”
“ No you're not. Be quiet and relax. You could use some sleep, you're long overdue.”
Danny thrashed about unsuccessfully. He was too weak from lack of sleep to pull free.
TJ held firm. “I said relax. You're not going anywhere until you get some sleep.”
“ Fuck you!”
“ Not tonight. Close your eyes.” TJ hoped he sounded firm yet gentle like Antonio.
Danny hated having his raw feelings exposed. He fought against TJ and his body's desire to surrender into his arms. TJ was unyielding. He used his entire body to press into Danny causing him to lie defenseless against the mattress. Danny was unwilling to allow himself the comfort TJ was offering. He was mortified and angry. The warring emotions and fatigue caused Danny to slip into a flashback of being held against his will. No longer aware of his surroundings, he cried out, “No! Please don't hurt me!”
“ I'm not going to hurt you, Danny. I need you to relax.”
Mitch and Antonio entered the room at the sound of Danny's muffled cries to be left alone.
“ It's okay, Danny,” TJ tried to sooth. “It's okay. We're just going to get some sleep.”
Mitch could see the boys in distress and quickly strode to the bed. “Danny, it's Mitch,” he said calmly, but stern enough to force a reaction. “Look at me,” he ordered.
Danny couldn't catch his breath. He began to hyperventilate. TJ jumped back in fear, allowing Danny to swing out wildly. Mitch caught his fists and held them against the bed.
“ Settle down, Danny, and take a deep breath.” Mitch spoke softly as he readjusted his hold on him. Antonio sat on the bed and wrapped his arms around Danny's legs to keep him from kicking out.
TJ was visibly shaken, but felt helpless to do anything. “I'm sorry,” he kept repeating like a mantra.
“ That's enough, TJ, it's not helping. Danny, stop it!” The loud strident reprimand snapped Danny out of his flashback into full consciousness. “That's it,” Mitch encouraged. “Stop struggling. Good boy. I'm going to let go of your arms if you promise not to swing at me.”
Danny closed his eyes attempting to block everything out. Mitch waited to feel his muscles relax and the fight go out. “We're going to let you go.” Mitch looked to Antonio to signal their release.
Once the pressure on his arms and legs were removed, Danny burrowed into the bed. Antonio comforted TJ while Mitch pulled the blanket over Danny. He sat by the edge of the bed running his large hand through Danny's sweaty hair. “It's all right, son. Get some sleep.”
Danny was completely worn out, and fell into a deep sleep within five minutes.
“ I didn't mean to do anything wrong. He came to me. He said he couldn't sleep,” TJ cried, into Antonio's arms.
“ It's okay, TJ.”
Despite Antonio's best effort, TJ was inconsolable. “I just thought if I could hold him down long enough he'd tire out and fall asleep.”
“ I know, honey.” Antonio placed soft kisses to both side of TJ's tearstained face.
“ I didn't think he'd freak out like that.”
“ We know you didn't mean anything wrong. He's okay now.”
“ I kissed him,” TJ blurted out.
“ What?” Mitch and Antonio questioned simultaneously.
TJ looked up into his lovers' questioning eyes. It was time for a full confession. “That night in Florida, when I first met him, I was supposed to find out if he was underage. He seemed so helpless and innocent. I didn't have the heart to kick him out. I watched as his friends kept supplying him with alcohol. I didn't trust them from the beginning. I was trying to keep him sober and out of harm's way. I didn't mean to, but I kissed him. It was the first time he ever kissed a man.”
“ Did you do anything else with him? Any other first times we should know about?” Mitch asked, bewildered.
“ No, I swear.”
“ Have you been leading the poor boy on?”
“ No, Antonio. I mean, I didn't think I was. I told him I was involved in a relationship before we left for New York.”
“ Were you not warned that by getting into bed with him you would be giving him mixed messages?”
“ I'm sorry, but it always helps him to fall asleep. If you could have seen him that night, after he was violated by those friends of his. I never want to see him in that much pain again. I can’t bear to hear him cry like that.”
Mitch and Antonio listened patiently as they processed TJ's full confession.
“ When he came to my room tonight I tried to get him to talk about whatever was bothering him." TJ hesitated then said in a rush, "He kissed me, very innocently, on the lips." TJ started to sob. "You were right. I didn't know. He acts like he barely tolerates me some days.”
“ TJ, you are an extremely handsome and charismatic young man. What boy wouldn't fall for you?”
TJ had to laugh at Antonio's flattering proclamation, and his assumption that all boys liked men. “I wasn't sure he was even attracted to guys. I tried to let him down easy, but he refused to talk about it. He wanted to leave. I knew he needed to sleep so I wouldn't let him go. I'm sorry.”
“ TJ, the boy is sixteen years old. I don't care ho
w long he has been on his own. He is not an adult. You can't treat him like one," Antonio said prudently. "Don't be fooled by his tough act. Danny is a scared kid who's been without parents for far too long.”
The men gazed wistfully over at the sleeping boy. They then headed for their room. Each with their own worries and conflicting thoughts, they turned to each other for physical comfort.
*****
Danny didn't think it was possible to hate himself even more. He liked sleeping with TJ. Now, he was sure he had ruined his chances of ever sleeping with him again. Why did I have to kiss him? TJ's interest in me is not the same. I was deluding myself to think he could ever be attracted to me. How am I going to face them after losing it like I did? Once Danny started torturing himself with worry and self-doubt, he couldn't stop. To top it all off, he was sure TJ was going to tell Mitch and Antonio that he kissed him. Not that he thought anyone would be threatened by it. No, it would be worse. They'll laugh at me behind my back for being a stupid little kid. What's wrong with me? It's only bad dreams. Why did I have to freak out like a baby? I bet Mitch and Antonio will want to have a "conversation" with me. Why am I such an idiot?
It didn’t take long for Danny’s fears to be realized. It was midday when he ventured from his room and made his way downstairs. Mitch cornered him in the hall, then steered him towards the kitchen.
“ After you have lunch why don't we have a little talk in the office?”
Danny didn't need to be told that Mitch's request was not intended as a choice. Oh great, a discussion in the office. That always turns out well. “I’m not hungry. Couldn't we have the talk now and get it over with?”
“ We'll wait for Antonio to get here. In the meantime, I would like you to eat something.”
Danny frowned at the idea.
“ Hey, Danny, I made mac and cheese. Want some?”
Danny turned to TJ who was taking a casserole dish out of the oven. “Okay,” he said, making an effort to sound casual.
TJ scooped him a generous portion that Danny took to the table to eat.
“ Do you want some, Mitch?”
Bringing Home Danny Page 17