Sempre (Forever)

by JM Darhower

  He kissed the nape of her neck before taking his usual seat on the counter. Haven looked at him peculiarly. “Did he say anything when he was leaving?”

  “Just the same bullshit he usually says. Told me to consider visiting him. Says he misses having his godson around.”

  “Are you going to?” she asked.

  “Honestly, I couldn’t care less about Chicago right now.”

  Relief washed through her at that answer. She’d already have to spend a week without him when he went to football camp this summer. She couldn’t imagine him going across the country and leaving her behind.

  She finished cooking and they sat down to eat together, the atmosphere in the house relaxed with the Capozzi’s gone. She still wasn’t completely comfortable, though, as Corrado’s eyes were on her throughout the meal.

  After dinner, Carmine opened presents from his family. Feeling bad for having nothing to give him, she watched longingly as others bombarded him with an array of gifts. Afterward, they put on a movie and chatted, but she couldn’t focus on what was happening. Her mind was stuck on thoughts of the day, furiously trying to make sense of it all.

  About halfway through the movie, she told Carmine she was going upstairs, wanting a moment alone. She headed up to her bedroom and climbed into the cold bed. She hadn’t slept in it in a few days, always finding her way into Carmine’s room at night after the two of them spent time together in the library. It was their routine, one that comforted to her. Reading and music, conversation and laughter were the norm for them now.

  Pulling the blanket over her, she snuggled into a pillow and drifted off to sleep. She was awoken later by the bed shifting and blinked a few times as she adjusted to the darkness.

  Carmine slid in beside her. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” Her voice was thick with sleep. “What time is it?”

  “A few minutes past midnight,” he said as she snuggled up to him. He was warm and smelled like a mixture of cologne and smoke. “The movie just ended. We were watching Scarface. Go figure.”

  “That’s nice,” she said, although Scarface sounded like a horror movie to her. It reminded her of monsters, and a brief flicker of hers flashed in her mind. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly so to ward off the image of mangled skin. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get you anything for your birthday.”

  “I have all I need, Haven. We can be together now.”

  “Did they really mean that stuff about me?”

  Carmine buried his face in her hair. “Yes.”

  The confirmation sent her emotions surging. “It’s that easy?”

  He sighed. “I wouldn’t call it easy. The hard part is ahead of us. But you’ll be able to do whatever now: go to school, marry me, make a house full of babies if that’s what you want. Could leave my ass, too, if you’d rather do that.”

  She was stunned he’d even think that. “I’ll never leave you.”

  “That’s good to hear, colibri. I’m just saying you could.”

  “What does it mean when someone vouches for you, anyway?”

  He remained quiet for a bit, sleep nearly taking her under as she figured he wasn’t coherent enough to answer. He finally spoke, though, his voice barely loud enough for her to hear. “It means they guarantee your loyalty. Slaves aren’t the only ones who pay for other’s mistakes, Haven. Corrado just swore if you made one, he’d pay for it with his life.”

  His words were like a current of electricity, shooting her straight up in bed. “He can’t do that, Carmine.”

  Carmine propped himself up on his elbows, eyeing her in the darkness. “But he already did.”

  “Well, he has to take it back! He can’t pay for my mistakes!” What had felt so right mere moments ago suddenly seemed horribly wrong. All she could imagine was more people suffering because of her.

  “What mistakes do you plan to make that he’d ever have to pay for?” Carmine asked. “Because what they call a mistake and what you call one are two different things. He’s not gonna get into trouble if you break a glass or burn the damn dinner. They don’t care about that shit.”

  “What do they call a mistake?”

  “They’re not so much mistakes as they are life choices, I guess. People ratting them out is their biggest concern, so unless you plan to go to the police, I don’t see what the big deal is.”

  “I’d never do that,” she said. “I’d never tell anyone.”

  “I know that, and you know that. Hell, we all know it. But someone has to vouch for you, regardless. It's kind of like a security deposit. Someone has to take responsibility in case we’re all wrong, which we aren’t, but you know… technicalities again.”

  She wanted to believe him, but it just felt like another burden she had to carry. “I don’t understand why he’d do that for me.”

  A tear slid down her cheek as she lost her fight to hold them back, and Carmine brushed it away. “Somebody had to do it. It was either him or me.”

  “But he said you couldn’t, because you weren’t one of them.”

  “Exactly.” He paused, scratching his scruffy chin. “Look, my godfather’s a smart man. He came here for a reason today, Haven, and I shut him down. Salvatore wasn’t getting what he wanted, so he tried to use everything he could to influence the outcome.”

  “He tried to use me,” she said quietly.

  “Yes, but he didn’t take into account the fact that Corrado would speak up.”

  Tears continued to slip down her cheek. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me.”

  “I know, but Corrado knows what he’s doing,” he said. “You may not trust them, but you gotta trust me when I say this is the only way, baby. It’s the only way you can be free.”

  Free. She once looked up the word in the thesaurus Carmine had given her and memorized the words on the page: unrestrained, emancipated, independent, individualistic, liberated, self-directing, self-governing, self-ruling; antonym: bound, enslaved. That had been her—enslaved—but not anymore. Now, because of Carmine, she knew what the word ‘free’ meant, and soon, she realized, she’d know how it felt.

  “I trust you,” she said, her quiet voice strained.

  Chapter 36

  Groggy, Carmine felt like he was in a fog as he dragged himself out of the bed the next day. After washing the sweat and grime from his body, he gazed at his reflection in the mirror. He desperately needed a haircut and a shave, but otherwise he looked like the same Carmine DeMarco. Same person he’d seen every day for years, but he didn’t feel the same anymore. It wasn’t because he was older or wiser—far from it. It was because of her.

  He dressed and put on his new Rolex, smiling when he saw Haven standing in the library. She scanned a row of books, her fingertips grazing the spines. She was entranced, so relaxed and content around books that Carmine wondered if it was natural or a product of her upbringing. Did books fascinate her because she’d never had them before, or had she been born that way?

  She pulled a book off a shelf, her brow furrowing as she studied the front cover. He chuckled at her expression, and her eyes snapped in his direction. “I didn’t hear you come out of your room.”

  “You aren’t the only one who knows how to be quiet, Ninja.”

  She smiled as she replaced the book on the shelf. “Hmm, well, maybe we should get you a bell, Carmine.”

  “Hey, at least I don’t almost give you heart attacks. You used to startle the hell out of me. I thought for sure you’d need to give me CPR a few times.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Don’t be so sure about that. You make my heart race every time you come near me.”

  He strolled over to where she stood and leaned down to kiss her. He nipped at her bottom lip as he pulled back, pressing his palm against her chest. “How’s the heart?”

  “Feels like it’s going to explode.”

  “It won’t,” he said. “It’s strong; it’s not gonna break.”

  Her smile fell. “Promise?”

  Carmine stared
at her for a moment, confused by her sudden shift in demeanor, when it struck him what he’d said.

  “Promise,” he said. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure it continues to beat, hummingbird.”

  “Good.”

  “So what are you doing in the library?”

  She turned around, scanning the books again. “I was looking for something to read. I feel like I should learn something.”

  “I get out of school for the summer, and you decide it’s time to learn? That’s kinda backward.”

  “I know, but if I’m going to be free, I shouldn’t be stupid.”

  “You aren’t stupid, Haven, but there’s nothing wrong with learning. If you wanna learn, I’m all for it. Actually, you know what? I have an idea.”

  Grabbing her hand, he got no resistance as he pulled her toward the steps. Once they reached Vincent’s office on the second floor, Carmine reached for the knob but hesitated. He knocked instead, and Corrado opened it, stepping to the side so they could enter. Haven stiffened as she took a seat, looking at Carmine nervously as Corrado walked to the other side of the room.

  “Do you need something?” Vincent asked from behind his desk. He had his laptop open, his fingers stilled on the keys.

  “I was wondering how hard it would be to get Haven a GED.”

  Vincent sat back and pushed his glasses up on his nose. “Now?”

  “Yes. Well, I mean, not right this damn minute, but soon.”

  “Depends on what you want it for,” Vincent said. “We could have one made for her, but it might not pass a strict vetting process.”

  Carmine shook his head. What was the point in getting her a GED if she didn’t learn anything? “I’m talking about her earning one.”

  “Oh.” Vincent glanced at Corrado. “I suppose it wouldn’t be too difficult. She’ll need some documents and a driver’s license for proof of identity, but I can pull some strings and get her the stuff. All you have to do is make sure she’s ready to test.”

  “Seriously?” That simple? “I wish I would’ve known sooner.”

  “Don’t even get any ideas,” Vincent said. “You made it this far; you can finish high school. She wasn't afforded the opportunity, but there’s no reason she can’t test for a GED if she wants one.”

  Haven glanced between them. “GED?”

  “Stands for General Education Diploma,” Carmine said. “Or maybe it’s General Equivalency Diploma. I don’t know.”

  Corrado shook his head. “General Education Development.”

  “Whatever, it could stand for Goddamn Endocrine Disorder for all I care,” Carmine said. “It means the same thing.”

  Vincent laughed loudly. “You just wished a hormone deficiency on the girl.”

  “Oh, we don't want that,” Carmine said. “I mean a diploma.”

  Haven stared straight ahead. “Diploma?”

  “Yeah,” Carmine said. “It’s just a piece of paper, but it means you know enough to complete high school. You can get into some colleges with it.”

  Her eyes widened. “I can get one of those? A GED?”

  “Yes,” Carmine said.

  “If you want one, that is,” Vincent said. “It's up to you.”

  Haven blinked back tears, and Carmine realized how big of a deal it was to her. His father, the man she saw as a master—the one who controlled her life—just told her something was up to her.

  Haven tried to speak, but no sound would come out when she opened her mouth, so she just nodded instead.

  “It’s settled then,” Vincent said. “I’m sure you can find some practice work online to prepare her. Anything more and you’ll have to wait for the documents.”

  Vincent turned his attention back to his laptop, the conversation over. Carmine opened the door and was about to leave when Corrado’s voice stopped him. “Carmine, I’d like a moment with you.”

  He turned back around and shut the door after she left. “What?”

  Corrado came toward him, and Carmine tensed when he grabbed his arm. Ripping the Rolex from his wrist, Corrado’s eyes lingering on the tattoo underneath it. “Fiducia Nessuno. Trust no one. For someone who believed that enough to permanently mark his skin with it, you’re quite gullible.”

  Corrado pulled out a pocket knife and turned the watch over, popping off the back. With the tip of the knife, he pried something tiny out of it that sat on the tip of his finger. He handed it to Vincent, who eyed it with interest. “GPS.”

  Carmine stared at it, dazed. “He chipped me? Why?”

  “Because he can,” Corrado said. “Experimentation. Intrigue. He likes keeping tabs on people. Testing people.”

  Vincent opened his top desk drawer, placing the chip inside. “You can go now, Carmine.”

  Corrado held the watch out to Carmine, but he shook his head as he headed for the door. “Keep it. I don’t want it anymore.”

  The moment he stepped into the hallway, Haven flung herself at him. He stumbled a few steps but managed to keep his balance as she leapt up, wrapping her legs around his waist. He clung to her tightly so she didn’t fall.

  Haven buried her face in his neck, her hands finding their way into his hair. Carmine was stunned into silence, unable to do anything but stand there and hold her.

  She let go after she calmed down, trembling, and dropped back down to the floor. Her eyes were red from tears. “Thank you.”

  “You’re the one who has to do the work. I just had the idea.”

  “But you cared enough to suggest it.”

  “Well, you’re welcome for that. How about we get some breakfast now? Or, uh… lunch?”

  He glanced at his bare wrist and groaned.

  “What happened to your new watch?” Haven asked, looking at his old one on her wrist.

  He shook his head. “You don't even wanna know.”

  Carmine pulled the cake out of the fridge when they made it to the kitchen. Haven watched as he cut a large slice. “I don't think that counts as lunch.”

  He chuckled. “Says who?”

  She shrugged. “So you like the cake?”

  He nodded, grabbing a fork to take a bite. “Italian Cream cake’s my favorite.”

  “Is it really?”

  He smirked, taking another bite. “It is now.”

  Haven laughed as Dominic strolled into the room. “Whoa, I can’t believe you’re eating without me. That’s foul.”

  Shrugging, Carmine hopped up on the counter as Dominic cut a massive piece for himself. Soon the rest of the family joined them, Corrado and Celia getting pieces and standing off to the side while Dr. DeMarco grabbed a bottle of water. He closed the fridge door and turned to look at them, his gaze shifting toward the cake.

  “Have you tried some, Dad?” Dominic asked.

  “No.”

  Dominic cut another slice and slapped it on a plate, holding it out to his father. “You should. It’s melt-in-your-mouth good.”

  “I’d rather not,” Vincent said, eyeing the plate with distaste.

  Dominic shrugged. “Your loss, but I tell you—this is the best cake I’ve ever had. The cannoli the other night was good, too. Hell, and dinner. She’s a great cook.”

  “Yeah,” Carmine said. “Probably the Italian in her.”

  He tensed when he realized what he’d said and noticed his father had the same reaction. Vincent opened his water and took a drink as Carmine tried to think of something to say to shift the conversation elsewhere. Before he could, Dominic laughed. “Must be. You know damn well she has Carmine’s full-blooded Italian in her all the time.”

  Carmine’s muscles went rigid, and Vincent started coughing as he choked on his drink. Celia snorted, trying to hold back her amusement, but Dominic didn’t bother containing himself.

  Dominic’s laughter died down as Vincent caught his breath, looking at him with disapproval. Carmine waited for him to say something, but he just shook his head and walked out.

  After he was gone, they burst into another round of laugh
ter. Haven looked at Carmine with confusion. “I thought you were half-Irish.”

  Carmine opened his mouth to answer but closed it again, shaking his head. There was no way to explain it without embarrassing her.

  * * * *

  Carmine sat on the piano bench in the family room later that night, ghosting his fingers over the keys. After a moment he pressed down, randomly playing a few notes.

  Haven stepped into the room, wiping her hands on her pants. She’d been washing dishes from dinner, having forced him out of the kitchen by saying he distracted her too much. “You’re playing.”

  He motioned toward the bench beside him. “Join me?”

  She sat down, and he ran through a sloppy rendition of “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” while she watched. He was winding down the last few notes as he glanced at her, noticing she had tears in her eyes. “You shouldn’t cry so much.”

  She smiled. “They’re good tears.”

  “I’m glad, but still… you keep crying and you might get dehydrated or some shit,” he said, shrugging when she laughed. “Yeah, I don’t know what I’m saying.”

  She cupped his cheek with her palm as she leaned toward him. Their lips met, the kiss soft but full of passion.

  “Damn, hummingbird,” he said when she pulled away. “What did I do to deserve that?”

  “I love your playing.”

  “I’m not that good,” he said. “I only took two years of lessons when I was a kid. I know maybe four songs.”

  “It sounds good to me,” she said. “I like the guitar, too, but the piano sounds so pretty when you play it.”

  He laughed. “Well, do you wanna learn?”

  “No. I like it, but I don’t think, you know…”

  “Ah, come on. If you can scale a tree, you can play a song.”

  “Okay,” she said nervously. “I don’t want to mess up your piano.”

  “Don’t be silly. You won’t mess it up. Besides, what’s mine is yours. You can touch it anytime you want.”

  She looked at him teasingly, a smile on her lips. “Can I?”