There's Something About Sweetie

by Sandhya Menon

  “Nothing; just having an awesome time at lunch with Amma and Achchan, though.”

  Anjali Chechi could obviously hear the sarcasm and hurt in her voice. She sucked in a breath. “Uh-oh. Lay it on me.”

  “It’s not even worth getting into. It’s just more of the same, you know? You can’t wear that because it exposes too much of your fat skin. You can’t have a chocolate fountain on your birthday because you need to lose weight. You can’t date a thin boy because you’re too ugly for him.”

  “Whoa, whoa. What’s this about a boy? What boy?”

  “His name is Ashish Patel. He’s Richmond Academy’s big basketball star, and his mom wanted me to date him, but Amma thinks we’re mismatched and people will laugh at us.”

  She heard a male voice in the background that belonged to Jason, Anjali Chechi’s husband (she’d married a white man—another reason Amma would never understand her). Anjali Chechi said “Ashish Patel” away from the phone, her voice muffled. Returning to the conversation with Sweetie, she added, “Hold on. Jason’s Googling the dude.” A pause. “Oh, wow. He’s seriously gorgeous!”

  Sweetie felt herself get warm. “Uh, yeah, he is. And according to Amma, that puts him out of my league in an another-stratosphere sense.”

  “That is ridiculous,” Anjali Chechi said, her voice loud with endearing vehemence. “You are a beautiful person, and I’m not talking about that ‘on the inside’ crap!”

  Sweetie grinned. “Yeah, that’s exactly what Ashish said.”

  There was a pause as Anjali Chechi processed this. “Wait. What do you mean that’s what Ashish said?”

  “I met up with him without telling Amma. Or Achchan, actually, but he was away on a business trip anyway. I, um, sort of challenged him to a race.”

  Anjali Chechi guffawed. “Niiiiice. And? How’d it go?”

  “Really well. He’s, uh, really nice. I mean, I won, naturally, but he was cool with it—not like a lot of guys. And he genuinely didn’t seem to have a problem with my weight, either.” She felt her cheeks grow warm at the memory of him calling her pretty.

  “Oh? Do I detect a hint of first-loveness?”

  Sweetie giggled. “Stop it. Anyway, I guess the plan is to keep dating without telling Amma and Achchan.”

  “Mm. And how do you feel about that?”

  Sweetie thought about it. “Surprisingly okay. I feel like I’m ready to do things that Amma deems totally unsuitable for me and make up my own mind about them, you know? I mean, I know people really are cruel and stupid about fat people and I don’t have to tell you that. Like that kid last year who said Amma should’ve made a business selling vegetables for my sake. And she was totally serious, too.”

  Anjali Chechi blew out a noisy breath. “Ignorant jerk.”

  “Yeah. But there’s also a part of me that loves myself in spite of all that anyway? And I want to give Self-Love Sweetie some airtime. See what she thinks about dating a hot jock. You know?”

  “I totally get it, sister. And I support you one hundred percent. You know my parents didn’t know I was dating Jason until he practically proposed.”

  “Yeah, I remember. They wanted you to marry another Indian doctor.” Sweetie chuckled.

  “Yeah, and I got the whitest, most liberal, hair-dyeing, Hawaiian-shirt-wearing dork I could find.” She laughed. “Jason says he did me a favor.”

  “He did!” Jason Chettan was one of Sweetie’s favorite people, after Anjali Chechi and her parents.

  “He totally did, true,” Anjali Chechi says. “So we’ll be there for your birthday party next month. Anything in particular you’d like for a present?”

  Sweetie opened her mouth to say their presence would be present enough, but then she closed it, an idea beginning to take root. If she really was going to do more of what she wanted, to find out how she felt about things, then … “Actually, yeah. There is something you could get me.” And she proceeded to tell Anjali Chechi exactly what that was.

  Ashish texted on the drive home. Sweetie had relegated herself to the backseat after what Amma said in the restaurant, and the environment in the car was prickly and still and weird. She wasn’t even sure her parents knew what the matter was, and if they were curious, they weren’t asking.

  Achchan would make these random comments, just interject them into the silence. Like, “Oh! Bob’s Air-Conditioning!” because he’d literally seen a billboard and wanted to talk about it since that was better than what was going on in the car. Sweetie would’ve laughed if she hadn’t been so pissed off.

  Her phone buzzed and Sweetie pulled it out.

  What are you doing later today

  Her heart got all fluttery, like it was made out of feathers instead of muscle.

  Nothing much why

  Can you come over to my place

  Huh. She didn’t know about that. Was this a Come over to my place—wink, wink—so we can make out thing? OMG. She so wasn’t ready for that. Her heart sank. Had Ashish just said all that nice stuff because he thought she was easy? It was one of her big fears. What if she found a good guy who she believed liked her for her, only to find out that he just wanted sex? The idea had terrified her ever since she overheard two guys at school say fat girls were “an easy lay” because they were so desperate for love.

  Why, she typed with shaking hands.

  We got busted. My mom and dad want to meet you

  As she stared at the screen, horrified, he added, Sorry L.

  Are they gonna tell my parents?

  No, don’t think so. They’ve got another nefarious plan though ugh

  She relaxed a bit. Okay, so Ashish didn’t want sex and her parents weren’t going to find out, apparently. If his parents just wanted to lay into her, that was okay. She could take that. And obviously she’d ask Ashish if he still wanted to keep dating, because the Sassy Sweetie Project was now underway. But what if his parents forbade it too, and he decided he didn’t want to go against their wishes? Ack. She needed to stop obsessing and just go with it. See what happened. Be chill.

  K be there at 5?

  Sounds good. He texted her his address—of course it was in the ritziest part of Atherton—and then she put her phone away, her heart thudding as she looked at the backs of her parents’ heads. All of this sabotage, and they had no idea. It simultaneously thrilled her and made her uneasy. It would be so much easier if she didn’t have to lie. If Amma would just understand her, and if Achchan would just stand up for her more. Oh well. This was what it was, and she had to make the best of it. That was all there was.

  Ashish paced the floor of his bedroom. It looked out over the driveway, so he’d see when Sweetie pulled up. God, what must she think of him? Their first meeting and he’d already managed to get busted and had shamelessly spilled his guts to Ma and Pappa. Well, at least that was one career down the tubes: spy. He could just strike that off his list right now.

  The weird thing was that he was willing to try their ridiculous plan of going on the four dates they picked (like some kind of weird tourism/dating agency mash-up) if Sweetie was. If it was a choice between not seeing her again and adhering to their plan, well … If he was being honest with himself, Ma and Pappa had done a really good job picking someone who, at least on the surface, had stuff in common with him. He’d felt an instantaneous click, which had thrown him for a loop.

  Of course, now the only click he’d hear might be the sound of Sweetie closing the door behind her after she heard what his parents had in store for them.

  Her little brown sedan pulled into the circular drive, and Ashish stopped pacing. He watched as she got out, patted her long ponytail, and took a deep breath before beginning the walk up to the house. She was beautiful, even unsure and nervous. Ashish turned and ran down the stairs to meet her.

  He yanked the front door open before she could ring the doorbell. “Hi.” Just seeing her on his front porch—those big, soft eyes that reminded him of a doe’s, that thick black hair, that athletic hoodie and pants—m
ade him smile.

  He realized he’d taken the smiling past the point of normal only when she frowned a little and said, “Are you okay?”

  He put the smile away. “Oh, yeah, totally. Come on in.”

  She followed him in silently.

  “So … thanks for coming,” he said as he led the way to the study, where Pappa and Ma waited like hungry lions. Well, he was a gladiator. He’d protect Sweetie from them.

  “Um, sure. I’m not clear on what they want from me, though. Are they going to yell at me or something?”

  Ashish tossed her a sympathetic grimace. “It’s a lot worse than that, unfortunately.” They were at the door to the study. “Just, uh, whatever you want to do, I’ll support you. I really hope you’ll say yes, but I’ll totally get it if you want to say no.”

  Her face was a mask of confusion. “Ashish, I’m lost.”

  Ashish sighed and pushed open the door. “You’re not the only one.”

  CHAPTER 11

  Pappa and Ma sat in identical leather armchairs. Pappa gave them a tight-lipped smile, but Ma got up and enveloped Sweetie in a hug.

  “It’s so nice to see you, Sweetie. This is my husband, Kartik.” She smiled. “Thank you for coming over.”

  “No problem, auntie.”

  Ashish gestured to the couch, and he and Sweetie sat. She kept twisting her fingers around, he noticed. He wanted to hold her hand, just to make her feel better.

  “Sweetie, I know you must be wondering why we’ve asked you to come over today, so we’ll explain right away.” Ma glanced at Pappa, who nodded. “The thing is, we don’t think it’s right for you and Ashish to sneak around behind your parents’ backs.”

  Sweetie straightened a little, but she didn’t say anything. The finger twisting intensified.

  “We are your parents,” Pappa put in, staring at Ashish. “And lying to us doesn’t get you anywhere.” He looked over at Sweetie. “You’re an Indian girl. This isn’t how your parents raised you to behave.”

  “Pappa,” Ashish said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “Sweetie wasn’t the only one who lied. And her being a girl has nothing to do with anything.”

  Ma held up a hand, probably because she could sense an argument with no winners brewing. “Be that as it may, this behavior is very disappointing.”

  “I understand,” Sweetie said. “I don’t necessarily agree with everything you’ve said, but I understand. It won’t happen again. I’m sorry.” She made a motion to stand, and Ashish watched in alarm.

  “Wait, beti,” Ma said kindly. “We’re not finished. The thing is, we know you’re a very good girl. And you must have had a reason for doing what you did. We don’t want to know those reasons; I’m sure they’re private. But we also don’t want to lose the opportunity for Ashish to date someone like you. So, Ashish’s Pappa and I have come up with a plan. If you and Ashish agree to it, we’ll keep the secret from your parents, for a little while.”

  Sweetie glanced at Ashish, and he raised his eyebrows at her in a Yeah, I know they’re super bizarre way. “What … what plan?” Sweetie asked finally, looking around at them all.

  Ma filled her in on the whole four-date thing. There was silence as Sweetie processed it, all three of them trying not to stare at her while totally staring at her. God, she must think they were all so weird. Ashish wouldn’t judge her if she bolted out the door right now. In fact, he might judge her if she didn’t.

  She took a deep breath. “So … what you’re saying is that I can date Ashish, but only if we go to the specific places you want us to go for our dates. Like … the temple.”

  “Correct.” Ma nodded.

  “It’s our only offer,” Pappa said, and Ma swatted him.

  “Kya offer-shoffer, Kartik,” she said. “This is not some software you’re selling.” Turning to Sweetie, she said gently, “We know this must seem odd, Sweetie. But we only want to make sure nothing happens that we’d be ashamed to tell your parents about. And this is the only way we know how to do that.”

  Sweetie stared out the window for the longest moment in the history of mankind and womankind. Then she looked back at Ma and Pappa. “O-okay. I guess I agree to your conditions.” She darted a look at Ashish that was half panic, half confusion. He had a feeling she’d agreed only because she was being put on the spot. Aaahhh. Cringe, cringe, cringiest of cringes.

  Rallying himself, he said, “Good. Then we’re both on the same page.” He could always talk to her later. Get her to see that he wasn’t as much of a crackpot as his parents might have led her to believe.

  They’d had a real connection this morning. He just had to remind her of that. His hand inched next to hers on the sofa. Obviously holding hands in front of Ma and Pappa would be out of the question. But if even the sides of their pinkies touched, Ashish could maybe convey that he was on her side, that he saw how bizarre this was too. But when he was less than a millimeter away, Pappa cleared his throat and stood, causing Ashish to jerk his hand away like it had been burned or something.

  “I have something for you two,” Pappa said, handing them each a sheet of paper from his desk.

  Frowning, Ashish glanced down at his.

  MEMORANDUM OF AGREEMENT

  This Memorandum of Agreement is entered into by Kartik and Sunita Patel (hereafter referred to as PARENTS) and Ashish Patel and Sweetie Nair (hereafter referred to as CHILDREN) on April 7, 2019, in the city of Atherton, California.

  Ashish looked up, one eyebrow raised. “You seriously drafted up a legal contract, Pappa?” He glanced at Sweetie, who was reading it with a wondrous look on her face. “You’re going to scare her away.”

  “Sweetie’s not scared of making things official! Are you, Sweetie?” Pappa boomed.

  Sweetie chuckled, but it was a dry, withered sound, as if she were considering just jumping out of the window and running to her car. “Um … no, not … not really.”

  “Read, read!” Pappa ordered. He pointed with his pen toward the bottom of the document, where there was a numbered list.

  Jeez, he could be bossy. Ashish scanned the list.

  Pavan Mandir. Both CHILDREN shall have their first date at Pavan Mandir, located at 12 Oliphant Drive. The date shall commence next Saturday, April 13, to begin no later than 9:30 a.m. and terminate no later than 3:00 p.m.

  Holi Festival of the Indian Association of Atherton. Both CHILDREN shall have their second date at Oakley Field, where the Indian Association of Atherton will be hosting the annual Holi Festival on Saturday, April 20. Both CHILDREN must take part in the festivities. The festival will be from 9:00 a.m. until 12:00 p.m., after which the CHILDREN may go to lunch at a restaurant of their choosing.

  Gita Kaki. Both CHILDREN shall visit the home of Ashish Patel’s Gita Kaki (paternal great-aunt) in Palo Alto, California, on Saturday, April 27. They shall drive up in Ashish’s Jeep and arrive promptly at 11:00 a.m. The visit shall terminate no earlier than 2:00 p.m.

  Free choice. The CHILDREN shall make their own choice for this date, to be held on Saturday, May 4, with consent from both PARENTS.

  Ashish looked up at Pappa, careful to keep his gaze away from Sweetie. He had no idea what she was thinking right now. She had to be internally screaming just as much as he was, though. “Gita Kaki?”

  Pappa frowned. “Eh? What about Gita Kaki?”

  “More like Gita Kooky. Wasn’t she the one whose neighbors got a restraining order because she attacked their yappy dog?” Ashish said, fighting to keep his voice level.

  Ma looked aghast. Darting her gaze between him and Sweetie, she said, “That was all blown out of proportion, Ashish.” She laughed. “She was only being friendly! They misunderstood.”

  “If I remember correctly,” Ashish said, “she ripped the poor dog’s sweater off and screeched ‘Banshee!’ at it over and over again, until they called the police.”

  “The dog was very obnoxious,” Pappa said. “Its owners had been fined for noise disturbance many, many times before! And it had bi
tten people too! Your Gita Kaki can hardly be blamed.”

  Ashish looked from him to Ma, who was nodding in eager agreement. “So. This is your idea of getting back at us.”

  He expected Pappa to get mad and tell him it didn’t matter if Ashish liked it or not, this was the deal and he had to stick with it. And if he didn’t like these punishment-dates, he shouldn’t have been sneaking around.

  But Pappa actually looked perplexed. Glancing at Ma, he shrugged, like Kya? What is our son talking about now?

  Ma looked at Ashish. “Beta, Pappa and I put a lot of thought into these date choices. We wanted them to be fun but also culturally immersive. Do you … do you not see it that way?” She looked from him to Sweetie, her gentle face anxious.

  Oh God. They actually thought these were good dates. They weren’t trying to punish him or Sweetie. Before he could open his mouth or even think of a response, Sweetie was speaking.

  “Auntie, uncle, these are all really thoughtful date ideas. I really think Ashish and I will have fun and learn a lot.” She nudged him discreetly with her elbow.