Lost in the Mist of Time

by Karen Michelle Nutt

  “Ye are a tall lass, but my brother is taller still. Were ye much of a match for him?”

  “I believe I gave him some competition.” There was a slight edge in her voice causing Miriam’s eyes to crinkle with amusement. Aislinn relaxed then for she realized the woman wasn’t trying to find fault with her. She was only interested in hearing the story. Aislinn leaned forward on the desk. “Dougray actually distracted me and that was how he won.”

  “And is the rumor true that ye fought others before him?” “Guilty as charged.”

  “But why would ye go to all this trouble?”

  “I had no wish to marry and your brother insisted that I must.” A frown set into her features, causing Miriam to suppress a giggle.

  “Dougray can be so stubborn when he wants his way. Obviously, my dear, he wanted ye direly to have fought for ye.”

  “I think he wanted to teach me a lesson.”

  “Maybe so, but he married ye and I thought that he would never attempt marriage again.” As soon as she saw the flash of surprised confusion penetrate Aislinn’s features, she knew that she had said too much. “I am sorry. Didn’t ye know that Dougray was married once before?”

  “No. He failed to mention that little tidbit.”

  “Oh, please do not be angry. It is difficult for Dougray to speak of Ella.” “Ella!” She nearly flew out of her seat. “That scum. Do you know he still thinks about her?”

  Miriam was baffled why Aislinn was so upset, but she tried to calm her.

  “I am sure that he would think of her now and again, but ye need not be so upset.”

  “And why not?” Her dark eyes blazed at Miriam as if she were dense. “It would be a waste of your time to be jealous of the dead.”

  Aislinn’s mouth dropped open and the color drained from her face. “Ella is dead?”

  “Ye didn’t know?”

  “No. He never told me. He spoke out her name when he was sleeping. I asked him about her but he told me to mind my own business.”

  “Well I never.” Miriam was perturbed with her brother’s lack of grace. “He should have told ye. Ella was a Butler and her death has caused the petty clan war to rage across the land again.”

  “So that was what Dougray meant when he said that Fingham Butler would not forgive him for something that was beyond his control.” It all made sense now.

  “It is a sorry situation, I fear.” She studied Aislinn as her features changed from one emotion to another. There was compassion now that she understood the circumstances. “Ye will not hold this against Dougray?”

  “No.” She took her seat again. “I just wish that he would have told me.” “Be patient with my brother; he will come around.” She paused for a moment trying to think of how she was going to word her next question, but decided on being blunt and to the point. She didn’t want to waste time on formalities and she sensed that Aislinn was one who appreciated frankness.

  “Are ye in love with my brother?”

  Her eyes widened in surprise and she again came to her feet. She was silent for so long that Miriam didn’t think that she was going to answer her, but then she faced her with a timid smile. “I care for Dougray and maybe even would call him a good friend, that is when he’s not trying to piss me off. Love though?” She took a deep breath and let it out again. “I am still trying to work that one out.”

  “I think, then, not all is lost. Friendship is a good place to start. I knew right away I detested my husband, and till the day he died, I held fast to that conviction.”

  “Wow.”

  “Do I shock ye?”

  “Maybe a little but I admire your honesty. So you are a widow?”

  “Aye, and glad for it. My heart belongs to another whom I cannot be with.” “You’re in love with someone else?”

  “Forever.”

  “Doesn’t he return your love?”

  Miriam’s face clouded with uncertainty. “He did a long time ago. He was hurt terribly when I was forced into my marriage with Sir Reynolds.”

  “But it wasn’t your fault.”

  “It doesn’t matter.” She sighed.

  “It should. Maybe now you could contact him. Let him know….” Seeing Miriam’s stricken expression made her stop. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have….” “Nay, ye may have a point, but many would not like it and it could be dangerous.” “Dangerous? Why?”

  She held Aislinn’s gaze debating if she could trust her. In the end, she did. “My heart belongs to Tremain Butler.”

  “He’s not related to the enemy, is he?” already knowing the answer.

  “Fingham Butler is an enemy because he makes it so. Tremain is his nephew, and if he is as I remember him, he would never harm me.” “But you don’t know that for sure now.”

  She shook her head, her plaited hair falling over her right shoulder. “Nay, I do not know, and I cannot risk it for I have a son that depends on me still.” “Is he here at Dunhaven?”

  “He was not back from his training. He is being fostered by the O’Flahertys. It is agreed that he comes home every three months to continue with his studies and this enables us to spend time together.”

  “What’s his name?”

  “Oren and he has seen ten and four summers now. He’s nearly as tall as Dougray and fine boned. Quite handsome, if I should say so myself.” “You must have been very young when you had Oren.”

  Her smile showed how very pleased she was with that compliment. “I was young and reckless when I became pregnant with Oren, but I don’t regret it in the least. Tremain would have been proud.”

  “Tremain’s son?”

  She nodded. “He doesn’t know. My father and grandfather forbade me to tell him by threat of death.”

  “They would kill you?”

  She chuckled. “Nay not I, Tremain.” “Oh…oh how horrible.”

  “It had to be done. After so many years, I have come to terms with it.” She smiled. “Now how did we come speak of such matters that I have not spoken of in fifteen years? Ye are indeed easy to converse with. I feel that I have known ye forever.”

  “I think that is the best compliment anyone has ever given me.”

  They smiled, each pleased that they had found a new friend. “Would ye care to continue our conversation outdoors? It looks like the weather will hold.”

  “I would love to.” Aislinn put her journal away in her backpack. She looked up to see Miriam was waiting for her at the door. When she walked over to her, Miriam placed a delicate hand on her forearm.

  “I hope that ye will find love with Dougray. He’s a good man, Aislinn, and I am gladdened to know he has ye.” She put her arms around her in a sisterly hug and Aislinn returned the gesture.

  “Well I see the two of ye are becoming well acquainted.” They parted to see Dougray standing there watching them. He wore a rust-colored tunic with beige and a blue tinge shirt that made his gray eyes look like silvery smoke.

  He looked quite impressive with his more adopted English style, not that the more rugged look didn’t suit him.

  Aislinn glanced down at her attire feeling particularly underdressed. “Before we go for our walk, I think I will change if you don’t mind.”

  “Not at all.” Miriam smiled. “I would like to fetch my wrap just in case the weather should decide to turn on us.” She then turned her attention to her brother. She placed a hand on his arm. “Ye have a rare gem. Be sure ye treasure her.” She ignored her brother’s raised brow and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before she moved down the hall.

  Dougray turned his attention to Aislinn. “What have ye two been talking about?”

  “Oh this and that.” Her grin told him that he wasn’t going to pry any information out of her.

  “I see. Well, my rare gem, let me escort ye back to yer room.” How he hated to say her room when she should be in his. He bit his tongue though as he linked his arm around her. “I do have to say that I am a bit jealous.” “Jealous?”

  “My sister conver
ses with ye for a small space of time and ye hug each other like ye are family. While I, who have taken to handfast with ye, have yet to make….”

  “Don’t say it, Dougray.”

  He sighed heavily. “What may I do to have ye throw yer arms around me?” “If you wouldn’t ask for more than I am willing to give you, I would not hesitate to hug.”

  He opened the door to her room and followed her in closing it behind him. “All right then.”

  “All right what?”

  “I accept. I would like a good morning hug. No expectations.” He saw her wary look and he chuckled. “I promise.”

  It was a harmless request, after all. Hugging was for family and friends. Dougray surely qualified for both. “All right. One hug, then you have to leave.” She walked over to him and nonchalantly placed her arms around his neck, pressing her body against his hard chest for what she thought would be a platonic embrace.

  Dougray closed his eyes and hesitantly placed his hands on the small of her back. When she didn’t protest, his hold on her tightened. He had made a grave error in suggesting a hug, for having her body pressed against his was beyond torturous. “Dar Dia!”

  “What’s wrong?” She leaned her head back to look at him, their lips so close that their breath mingled as one.

  “I should let ye go before I forget my promise so soon.” But he didn’t release her and she found that she had no desire to back away. “Aislinn?” He said her name as though he was suffering. She felt his subtle movement and she closed her eyes as his lips pressed against hers gently covering her mouth, bestowing a slow drugging kiss that sang through her veins from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. She felt herself falling and unable to stop herself.

  Trying to temper his passion, he raised his mouth from hers, only to be drawn to kiss the pulsing hollow at the base of her throat. He then returned to brush her lips like a whisper.

  “Dougray, I…” He didn’t let her finish for his mouth had descended once more showering her with a series of slow, shivery caresses. He raised his hand to gently outline the circle of her breast. She moaned against his mouth sending his senses reeling. He wanted her. He could feel that she wanted him too.

  “Aislinn, I don’t want to stop.” “I…don’t…I….”

  “Do ye want me to stop?” His lips came coaxingly down on hers, kissing her again and again.

  “No…” she said against his mouth. “I mean yes.” “Which is it, Aislinn?” He pressed against her.

  “Aislinn, are ye ready?” Hearing Miriam’s voice brought her hurdling back to reality in one breathless sweep.

  “Nay.” Dougray tried to hold on to her, but she broke free, still gazing at him, her breathing labored. She lifted her trembling hand to smooth back her hair.

  “Aislinn?” Miriam knocked on the door.

  “I’ll be but a moment. I’ll meet you downstairs, okay?” “All right.”

  Dougray let out a groan, his eyes pleading for her not to go. “Why do ye do this?

  “You promised,” her voice choked.

  He cursed under his breath, and ran his hand through his hair. Slowly he nodded his head. “So I did.”

  “You’re not angry are you?”

  “Nay.” He was sexually frustrated, but he kept that to himself. “Go.”

  She made her feet move toward the door. “Aislinn?” She turned to him. “What do ye feel when we kiss?”

  “I feel like I’m losing myself.” She smiled meekly, surprised at her own honesty.

  “That is a good thing. Have ye never experience passion before?” “You know I have never had….”

  “I don’t mean coupling. I’m talking about passion, like what we felt a moment ago?”

  “No, not like that. Never like that.” His mouth spread slowly into a grin.

  “Good Lord, Dougray, don’t look at me like that. It makes me think ye are going to devour me.”

  “I just might. Come here before ye go.” “No.”

  “Scared?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “Then come here…please.”

  She walked over to him, careful about keeping a safe distance. He chuckled and his hand snaked out causing her to gasp as he pulled her to him. He cupped his hand below her chin before he lowered his mouth to hers. She drank in the sweetness of his kiss. It was like a drug and she wanted more, so much more, but he raised his mouth from hers. “I like the way ye kiss, lass. Ye make me lose myself too.” He then kissed the tip of her nose. “Ye better go now.”

  She blinked trying to remember where she was supposed to be. “Miriam’s waiting?”

  “Yeah…oh yeah.” She reluctantly moved away from his arms. “Aislinn?”

  “Hmm?” She looked at him.

  “Will ye be willing to kiss again? No more I promise.” His eyes held a mischievous glint and it made her laugh.

  “Maybe.” Then she was out the door.

  Miriam was down below waiting. She was beginning to think that Aislinn wasn’t going to show, but then she came galloping down the stairs. She was a bit baffled to see that she was wearing exactly what she had been wearing earlier. “I thought ye were going to change?”

  Aislinn dropped her gaze to her sweatshirt, as though she couldn’t believe it. From her neck to her hairline she flushed pink with embarrassment. “I guess I changed my mind,” she lied miserably.

  Miriam smiled and linked her arm with hers. “Did my brother distract ye again?” She nudged her and Aislinn burst out with a laugh.

  “It was something like that.”

  Chapter 47

  It was time to say farewell to the many guests who had stayed at Dunhaven. It was a teary good-bye for Aislinn and Miriam, but they promised to write often. Dougray pledged that in a few months, when he made his visit to Dublin to speak business with Aislinn’s uncle, that he would take her with him. On the way back home, they would make it a point to stop by Miriam’s for a long visit.

  Miriam had left with her escort along with Aengus Hennessy and his garrison hours ago and now Dubhdara O’Malley and Robert Burke were packed and readied for their journey home.

  “For now Robert and I can only spare the men we have left behind and I will send others in a few months’ time.”

  “I am grateful for yer generosity, Dubhdara.”

  “Good then. We will meet again soon and…” Dubhdara’s gaze wandered over to where Aislinn was conversing with his daughter. “I wish ye the best of luck with yer new bride.” He chuckled and shook his head. “She will be a handful, I wager.”

  “Already has proven to be that. And I wouldn’t chuckle too loudly. Aislinn seems to be giving yer daughter some advice.”

  “Ach! And me wife will have an earful for me on that account. She already feels Grania possesses too free a spirit.”

  “I will miss ye.” Grania did not care that others were watching and she threw her arms around Aislinn.

  “I will miss you too, Grania. You’ll remember my words?”

  She pulled away and looked up at her with admiration. “Aye. I will stand tall and keep my wits about me. The sea will be my making, as long as I respect it and respect all who will follow me.” Some of this seemed strange to the little girl, but she would heed the words.

  “You will do well for Ireland, Grania. Do not despair when you think you are alone. You are strong and you will endure.”

  “I will find happiness then?”

  Aislinn hesitated to answer her for there had not been very much recorded about her personal life. She finally left her with words that would be wise for anyone to follow. “Grania, we make our own happiness. Remember that and you will do fine. Not everything may work out to your expectations and there will be times that you’ll make mistakes, but you must learn from them. If you do, then you will have the chance to relish in your triumphs.”

  Grania’s thoughts weighed heavily, but she nodded and she again hugged Aislinn. “I will remember.”

  Aislinn stayed until she
could no longer see the tall, brave girl standing at the bow of her father’s ship.

  Chapter 48

  Dougray was seated with Fiach and Murrough in the hall. The discussion was once again on how they would better their defenses against the Butler attacks in the south. With the extra garrison at their disposal, they should be able to cover a considerable amount of territory.

  Dougray swirled the honey wine around in his goblet before he lifted it to his lips, quenching his thirst. Over the rim, he spotted Moira hurrying toward him with obvious intent. He placed the goblet down on the table. It wasn’t often that Moira sought out his audience, since he was well aware that he intimidated her.

  She reached him and smiled broadly before she curtsied before him. “Milord, forgive me.” She curtsied again. “Milady A.J. wishes ye to see the miracle.”

  “Miracle?” Abbot Kirwan craned his neck. “What miracle and why was I not informed?”

  Moira had not seen the abbot approaching. If she had, she would have waited for him to make his leave. She was apprehensive with her lord, but the abbot had a way of making her feel like she had committed a grave sin for just being alive. “Aye, it is a miracle,” she answered him timidly. “Declan is no longer fairy taken. The lad speaks.”

  “I must be witness to this,” Abbot Kirwan insisted indicating he would not take no for an answer.

  Murrough glanced at Dougray as the abbot nearly jogged his way to the stairs. “Maybe Declan will be able to shed some light on his attacker.”

  “Perhaps, but I do not wish to push the matter. The lad’s health comes first.”

  Fiach nodded. “Come, I for one do not want to be left out on a miracle, and if Kirwan is so interested, I venture that I should at least be there to make comment.”

  By the time the three reached the room, the boy was screaming hysterically, and was huddled against Aislinn clutching his arms around her neck.

  “What has happened?” Dougray frowned as he witnessed Declan’s heaving shoulders. He was holding onto Aislinn so tightly that his small hands had turned white.