An Act of Restraint: Order & Chaos Book 1

by Samantha Wolfe

  "Let me up," I grumbled teasingly. "I need to get dressed."

  "I prefer you naked," he growled out and tightened his hold on me. Being pressed up against his glorious bare chest made me tend to agree, but one of us had to be sensible right now.

  "Ford," I said in exasperation as I glared at him. His grin widened in amusement. I narrowed my eyes threateningly at him.

  "Okay, fine," he grumbled petulantly. "Have it your way." He set me down on my feet in front of him, but instead of letting me go, he grabbed my hips and pulled the front of my body in close to him. He rested his head between my breasts, and his hands slid up my back. I opened my mouth to complain, but he interrupted me.

  "I'm so happy you're mine, Jenny," he murmured into my skin, his large hands splayed across my back protectively. A scary rush of emotion hit me again, making me shiver. What this man did to me, blew me away.

  "Me too," I whispered and wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my cheek on his head and holding him close for a moment. Our relationship had shifted to a whole new level, and I liked this affectionate familiarity. It helped settle the fear that still percolated inside me with the more serious direction we were moving in. The moment was broken as Ford's stomach growled again loudly.

  "Alright." I took a reluctant step away from Ford. "We need to eat, because if you drop dead there's no way in hell I can drag your ginormous ass out of here."

  "Are you calling me fat?" He crossed his muscular arms and eyed me sharply.

  "No," I said facetiously as I gathered up my discarded clothes. "I'm calling you an ass."

  He laughed as the skin around his eyes crinkled with a wide grin. "No argument there."

  We both got dressed, each of us watching the other fervently. I had no idea that I could be so turned on this soon after sex. Everything with Ford was different, and I took comfort in that.

  He followed me to the kitchen, and leaned against my kitchen counter as he watched me surveying the contents of my refrigerator. I pulled out some lunch meat and bread, handing it to Ford, then grabbed cheese, lettuce, and some condiments. It wasn't anything fancy, but then again, neither were Ford and I.

  "So you've never had a girlfriend?" I eyed Ford curiously as he opened the bread and handed me two slices.

  "Not really," he admitted sheepishly, his eyes darting away from mine to focus on the sandwich he was putting together. "I never let myself get attached to anyone. My parents had a nasty divorce when I was a teenager, and I guess that made me want to avoid getting close to someone." He met my eyes again with a warm smile. "Of course, maybe I just hadn't met the right woman yet."

  Now I was the one who was embarrassed. I glanced away from Ford uncomfortably as my face felt warm. I was still struggling with the fact that a gorgeous man like Ford wanted me to be his girlfriend, and it was disconcerting to me. I turned away and got two plates out of the cupboard for a distraction. I handed one to Ford and kept focusing on putting my sandwich together, since I didn't know how to respond to what he said.

  "Jen," Ford murmured comfortingly as he lifted my chin with his fingertips to meet his warm eyes. "You are gorgeous, and smart, and stronger than you know. And I'm making it my mission to get you to see that. So get used to the compliments, honey." He leaned down and gave me a soft almost chaste kiss, before turning back to his sandwich.

  "My parent's divorce messed me up for a long time," he continued as if nothing had happened. It was just what I needed to recover from my discomfort. How did he always know what I needed? "I acted out and got into shit-loads of trouble trying to get their attention, bullying, fighting, and mouthing off to anyone in authority. I was pissed off and took it out on anyone around me. I was a petulant spoiled asshole. It wasn't pretty, and you wouldn't have liked me." He let out a harsh sigh. "I didn't like me," he mumbled under his breath.

  "Anyway," he continued. "I ended up being charged with assault when I was eighteen. If it wasn't for my Dad being a lawyer, I'd have a felony on my record. Thankfully, for once it was I fight I didn't start, but I sure as fuck ended it. The guy ended up in the hospital, and I spent the night in jail. Dad was lucky to get me off. I'm still not sure he should have, even if a witness corroborated my story. I hurt the guy pretty bad, regardless of who started it. I don't even remember what we were fighting over. My God, I was such a dumbass back then."

  He went quiet as we finished making our sandwiches. Ford followed me to my living room, and we sat on the couch to eat. We ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes before he spoke again.

  "After that, I tried to get my shit together in college." He gave me a bitter smile. "But I just ended up trading in the violence for alcohol, pot, and ecstasy to try to block out the rage inside me. Fortunately, I never got busted for any of that stupidity. I hid it well. No one in my family even knew I was spending most weekends drunk and high as a fucking kite. The only reason I didn't flunk out of college was because I somehow managed to stay sober during the week. I was a pretty functional substance abuser."

  "I spent some time in college doing the same thing, Ford." I reached over and gripped his forearm reassuringly, touched that he was sharing all of this with me. "I was trying to block out the pain of what happened to me. Sometimes it was just easier to get high and get out of my own fucked-up head for a while."

  "Exactly," Ford said with a wan smile. He lifted his hand and wiped some mustard off of my mouth. The feel of the pad of his thumb brushing lightly across my lips, made me shiver involuntarily. His eyes softened. "I've never told anyone any of this before," he whispered with an awed expression on his face.

  "I've never told anyone what Carter did to me before." I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and I tried to fight it. Ford's face hardened as he watched me closely.

  "Carter," he growled out the name with furious contempt. "I want to hurt him for what he did to you," he said through clenched teeth, his eyes flashing in anger. His fierce reaction moved me, and a hard sob burst out of me as the bad feelings from my past and the good from my present with Ford overwhelmed me. He immediately took my plate and set it on the coffee table with his. He scooped me up into his lap again, and held me tight while I wept. This was quickly becoming my favorite place to be, where I could feel safe and cherished. Where I could be myself and not worry about pretending to be someone I wasn't for the sake of appearances. When I calmed down a little, Ford started speaking again.

  "Everything changed one night when I decided that I wanted a tattoo." He snorted out a laugh. "I went to this tattoo shop drunk off my ass, and insisted that I wanted a tattoo. They refused, of course, but I got pretty belligerent, and the owner came out to see what was going on. He should have kicked my ass out, but instead he took me to an all-night diner nearby and sobered me up with some food and a shit-load of coffee. Then he told me if I still wanted a tattoo, he'd be more than happy to give me one if I came back the next day.

  "The next morning I woke up hung over and dragged my sorry ass back to that shop. That's when Nick gave me the tattoo of my truck, and I was completely fascinated by the whole process. That was when I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I talked him into taking me on as an apprentice, and the rest is history.

  "So you see, Jen," he said tenderly as he nuzzled my ear. "If I can change my life, anyone can, even you. You just need to want it enough to fight for it, and have someone to support you when you need help. I can see the fight in you, Jen, and I'm going to help you anyway I can. I promise."

  I looked up to meet his eyes, and saw such warmth and sincerity that it blew my mind. A wash of affection and gratefulness rushed through me.

  "Ford, I...I..." I couldn't articulate how I was feeling. No words seemed adequate enough, and the one that came close I couldn't say yet out of fear. I bit my lip and touched his face tenderly, silently willing my feelings to get to him somehow.

  "I know, Jenny," he whispered as his eyes darkened and swam with adoration. "You don't have to say anything." The tears came again, but this time,
there was more joy than pain, and Ford was my rock to steady me through the storm.

  **********

  "Hey, Jenny," my brother called after me in the hallway at work. I turned and looked at him expectantly. "Do you want me to take you out to lunch today? My treat."

  "I'm sorry, big brother of mine," I told him with a wide grin. "But I'm having lunch with Tori today."

  "Oh," Andy said with little to no inflexion as a brief look of distaste crossed his features at the mention of my best friend. For some reason, my brother didn't care for Tori. He usually hid it from me, but occasionally I'd see it on his face.

  "How about a rain check," I offered, ignoring his reaction like I always did. I didn't know what his problem with her was, but she was my friend, not his, and I didn't want to fight over it.

  "You got it," he said with a smile as he unexpectedly fell in step with me down the hall toward my office and followed me in.

  "Are you here to harass me about something?" I eyed him suspiciously as I walked around behind my desk.

  "Who me? I would never do that." He smirked as he sat in a chair in front of my desk. "I just wanted to talk to you."

  "Well," I replied facetiously as I glanced around my empty office. It was a really slow Monday for both of us so far. "I guess I could squeeze you into my busy schedule today."

  "Gee, I didn't know I needed an appointment to have a conversation with my own sister?"

  "Well, not everyone is as popular as I am." I sat down and continued grinning at Andy. "What's up?"

  "I wanted to see how things were going with Ford," he answered as his smile softened. "You're in a really good mood today, and I figured it had something to do with that."

  "Maybe." I smiled sheepishly and felt my face get warm as embarrassment fell over me.

  "I'm going to assume from your red face, that things are going very well." Andy's smile turned wry again. "I can't wait to be invited to the wedding."

  "For fuck's sake, Andy," I blurted out in exasperation. "We're just dating."

  "Ah-ha," he sat up and eyed me avidly. "So you're calling it dating now. That's a step in the right direction. See what happens when you listen to my advice. I'm a fucking genius, you know."

  "You're something all right." I shook my head at him. "The word 'dumbass' comes to mind."

  "I am so unappreciated," he grumbled out. "Someday when I'm gone, you'll look back and feel horrible about how you treated me, your own flesh and blood."

  "Get out of here." I rolled my eyes and made a shooing motion toward him. "I've got shit to do."

  He stuck his tongue out at me as he stood and moved toward the door. I picked up a pen and began focusing on the papers on my desk when he spoke again from the doorway.

  "Hey," he began in an earnest tone. "Since Lydia and I are trying to get pregnant and things seem to be getting pretty serious with Ford, maybe you and Lydia could end up pregnant at the same time. We could have dual grandbabies for Mom and Dad."

  I looked up with a wide-eyed, horrified expression to see Andy looking back at me with a huge shit-eating grin. His eyes lit up in giddy delight at my reaction.

  "Get the fuck out!" I shouted at him and winged my pen at his head. He ducked it easily and ran down the hall with laughter in his wake. Oh yeah, my brother was a dumbass. I felt sorry for his future children.

  I threw myself into work for another hour or so, until Tori knocked on the frame of my open door. The smile she gave me when I glanced up at her seemed a little forced to me. We hadn't talked since she left my house Saturday night, after I told her that I couldn't go out trolling for guys anymore. I felt bad about how we left things, and I asked her to have lunch with me today to talk it out.

  "Hey, girl," I told her with a warm smile that I hoped she took as the olive branch I intended. I pushed my chair back and stood. "Where do you want to go? I was hoping we could go to that new sushi place that I-"

  "There's an outdoor cafe I've been dying to go to for weeks," Tori interrupted me as she stepped into my office. "It's supposed to be amazing. Let's go there."

  "Oh," I said as a flash of irritation hit me, but I tamped it down. I was doing this to try to make things right between us, not start a fight. "That's fine." I grabbed my purse from my desk drawer and rose from my chair.

  As we headed down the hall, Tori pulled out her phone and started doing God knows what on it. I think she was addicted to the thing. We didn't really talk again until we were in my car, but she was still on her phone. We spent the drive chatting about work and our families, and I was hopeful that Tori was accepting the change in our relationship. She was my best friend, and I really needed her support for the changes I was trying to make in my life.

  We were seated swiftly when we arrived at the little cafe, and we got to sit outside on this beautiful day since it actually wasn't hot out for once. We ordered then talked some more and everything was going well, until the waiter dropped off our salads. That was when Tori opened her mouth, and any hope that I had of us working anything out today was dashed.

  "I had a really great time at that new club last weekend without you," Tori said nonchalantly, but I think she was trying to make me feel guilty. It worked. "The music was insane, and the guy I hooked up with was fucking gorgeous and phenomenal in bed. We'll have to hit the place together this weekend."

  I pursed my lips at her in exasperation. This was getting ridiculous.

  "Tori," I said with a shake of my head. "I have a boyfriend and I don't want to go clubbing. Can't we do something else? Like a movie, or dinner. Can't we just hang out?"

  "So you're calling this guy your boyfriend now?" She shook her head in disbelief. "Unbelievable. Does he know that?"

  "Yes," I told her vehemently. "It was actually his idea to be exclusive."

  "Jenny," she said reasonably. "You don't actually believe this guy, do you?" She reached across the table and grabbed my hand. "You're going to get hurt. Don't you see that? Men can't be trusted. All we have is each other. I can't believe that you'd pick some asshole over me. I've been your best friend since college. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

  "I'm not picking anyone over you. I swear." I squeezed her hand desperately. "Ford's not like that. He's a good man. He's never been anything but honest with me. He makes...he makes me feel safe and cared for. I can't explain it, we just...we just click."

  Tori frowned at my words. What could I say to make her see that this wasn't just a fling, and that it didn't have to cost us our friendship?

  "I...I think I'm falling for him, Tori," I confessed quietly, even though admitting it was difficult, but I had to get her to understand somehow. "And I think he's falling for me."

  "You're a fool," she murmured sympathetically. "And so am I for thinking you'd be a loyal friend to me."

  "Tori, please understand. I'm not being disloyal to you. I just want to be happy."

  "Why do I have to pay the price for your happiness?" she said pathetically as tears welled in her eyes. "I can't believe you're being so selfish."

  Guilt hit me like a fist in the gut. I didn't know what to do, because I didn't want to lose either of them. I didn't understand why she thought I had to choose one of them over the other. Why couldn't I have both?

  "Tori," I tried to reason with her again. "It's not like that."

  "It doesn't matter," she said bitterly. "You've obviously made your choice."

  We spent the rest of our meal in mostly awkward silence as I tried to talk to her and only got monosyllabic answers in return. By the time we got into my car to leave, she was giving me the silent treatment, and part of me was starting to think I deserved it. Maybe I was being a shitty friend, but why did wanting to change my life and be happy have to be this hard or cost me a friendship I had for years?

  I still had no answers when we got back from lunch. Tori drove away from the Purcell Auto parking lot without even saying good-bye. The good mood I'd been in today was long gone, and all I was left with was sorrow, guilt, and confusion
.

  **********

  "Hi, honey," Ford said warmly when he opened his door for me when I showed up around six o'clock. His indigo eyes lit up as a wide grin graced his dangerously handsome features. The man took my breath away every time I set eyes on him. A tight blue T-shirt stretched across his broad shoulders and chest, the fabric dipping and curving with every rock-hard muscle. My eyes moved down his mouthwatering body, admiring the sinewy muscles shifting under the tattooed skin of his arms. My gaze slid down further to his narrow waist and ended at his groin. I knew what was under there, knew how well endowed he was, and how skillfully he knew how to use it. My sex clenched with instant desire.

  I glanced up when I realized neither of us had moved for several long moments. Ford's eyes were focused downward as he admired me with a look of open appreciation. I was only wearing skinny jeans and a blue tank top, but I made sure my cleavage was on full display for him. It was liberating, and also a relief, to not be wearing one of my club dresses. They were a part of a past I wanted to let go. I was comfortable enough with Ford now that I could wear what I wanted and be okay with it. Although, from his reaction, this outfit was just as hot to him, and I suspected he'd like me in just about anything.

  His eyes finally made their way back up to my face. His eyes softened with affection, and he stepped forward wordlessly and took me into his arms. He stared down at me, our eyes locked on each other. He pulled his lower lip between his teeth and gnawed at it as arousal darkened his eyes.

  "I missed you, Jen," he whispered roughly, then kissed me fiercely before I had a chance to reply. I lost myself to him as his lips crashed into mine, his tongue pushing into my mouth demandingly. He held me so close, that I could feel his heart pounding in his chest. A giddy feeling hit me. I did this to him. Me.

  His hand slid down my body to my thigh, and he lifted it up to wrap around his leg, grinding his growing erection against me. I buried my hands in his blond hair and held on tight as he overwhelmed me completely. If I had any doubts left that I was his, this kiss obliterated them.