Save Me: A TAT Novella

by Melanie Walker

  Before I can say anything to her and let her have it, I hear Chad yelling for me to hold on and then seconds later he’s eyeballing this bitch. I know it, because I can see it on her face.

  I can hear Shame demand to let me through as this old bitch snidely asks if he is leaving. It’s hearing Chad, practically begging to let me through. that must have made Shamus snap. Other than Noah himself, Shame is a pretty intimidating guy. Tall, tatted and always wearing a look of cockiness and determination. Listening to him let this chick have it though…was pretty fucking rad.

  The doors open and me and Tay come rushing through, Tay slowing only enough to look at the nurse before we continue on. “Bitch.” She says it loud enough for the nurse to hear it, but Shamus wasn’t even close to done with her considering he stayed to lay her out a little more while we followed Chad.

  I watched as Tayla rushed to Carrie and Cassa and both of them started crying again. This was when it hit me… It changed everything I ever thought I knew about the world.

  *

  It had been two days since Candey died. Two days since she was ripped from this world and destroyed the life of my best friend. We had no clue if Noah would know what happened, what the extent of his head injuries were. We were left to wait for him to come too before we knew exactly what our next move was.

  Tayla was off handling the public, being the face of TAT, while we all sat vigil waiting. We all looked and felt like shit, but had literally not left his side. If we weren’t in his room- we were in the waiting room. Whatever Shamus did to that nurse was epic, because all of TAT was here. Roadies, drivers, light crew, sound crew, a few of the guys from Slave to the Needle, Seth and Lilly and our PR staff, accountants, record label and of course Tayla.

  My concern wavers between Noah’s health and whether or not Tayla has slept in two days. She has been planning the press release for tonight, making it clear what is and isn’t allowed. Shame is speaking on behalf of TAT. Our fans are loyal and since the word got out about the accident, a nonstop candle light vigil has gone on outside of the hospital. They need to see one of us, speak on the accident and we all agreed Shame was the best choice. Chad is taking this the hardest for obvious reasons and like it or not, accept it or not, I come off emotionally retarded in situations involving …well…emotion.

  I don’t mean to be that way. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism, maybe I just don’t know how, but I am not unemotional. The only time I have been outside of this hospital in the last two days, was a few hours after arriving. I don’t know what I expected. Maybe I thought he was asleep but would wake up any minute. Maybe I thought that waiting would keep me from thinking. Maybe I thought it would all make sense once I was there and living it. Regardless, I left because I was breaking down from the inside out and I couldn’t let anyone see that. I walked as fast as I could to my car and fell apart.

  I cried for Candey. I cried for the band. I cried for Noah, all the shit he would have to face…and I cried for Tay because she was the only one I wanted in that personal moment. I cried because I was alone.

  That moment alone in the car made it possible to sit here now, waiting. The doctor said that his brain waves are strong and it’s most likely his minds way of protecting him from what he may know, or at least from the pain from the injuries. I think he’s just tired. This is Noah Beckett…he isn’t the weak type. His mind is filled with memories already that would have broke the strongest of men.

  My mind wanders to my love for Tayla, the way I deny it and pretend it isn’t real. If our situations were reversed, I think I would probably shut down too.

  My mind on things that terrify me, and a game of Candy crush on my phone, I am snapped out of my thoughts by Shames hand slapping my leg. “Get the nurse or doctor or some shit.” He says and stands, making his way to Noah’s bed. “Grab Chad too.” He says and I see Noah coming too.

  Shamus

  I stood off to the side of the area Tayla had set up for the press conference. We were outside in a less populated area across from the hospital, and for good reason. To avoid complete pandemonium in the hospital we decided to hold the press conference in a small park just across the street. Journalists as well as reporters for local news, TMZ, reps for MTV and E and VH1 were all present. Behind them were countless numbers of people; all fans here showing their support. The world knew what happened, Tay had made a few statements on our behalf, but tonight I was speaking for all of Thick as Thieves.

  Once Tayla had set the ground rules for what will and will not be answered, as well as stating that I will give our statement before questions, she left the stage and I took the microphone.

  “As you all know, my name is Shamus James and I am the drummer for our band Thick as Thieves. I hope you’ll bear with me. We didn’t want this scripted as it’s not our style and with all the emotions and worry I’m not at my best. So, if you’ll excuse that, it is greatly appreciated.”

  I feel like a beehive is in my chest, it’s anxiety of everything from Candey passing, to Noah waking, to my nuptials earlier. I am exhausted, emotionally spent and somewhere in all of it, I am blessed. I look out over the enormous crowd, and just like when I’m on stage behind my drums, seeing them, it calms me.

  “Saturday night at eleven-forty-three pm, Candey Love True, passed away in the arms of her true love, Noah Beckett. Noah, the bassist for Thick as Thieves, and the brother of my heart, has asked me to thank each of you for the prayers, the condolences and the support. He feels it from each of you and though he is broken over his loss, he loves you all so much.”

  I clear my throat as Noah’s voice comes back through my memory from right before I came to the press conference. He’d asked me to speak on his behalf, as well as Cal and Chad, and fuckin’ A right I will.

  “The extent of Noah’s injuries and his expected recovery will undoubtedly put our album release on the back burner for now, but I assure you that TAT will be back, bigger and stronger, than ever. As for the personal hit we took loosing Candey, we all need to get on a more emotionally level ground and it will take us some time.

  This came on the eve of Chad and Carrie’s wedding night, but I am to inform you all that they are honored to have had Candey with them that day and that her memory will forever live on through their daughter Noelle True Blake.

  We will keep you all informed in the process of Noah’s health, but the Doctors say he is expected to make a full recovery…” I pause and question if I should say what I want, and decide to be brutally honest.

  “We all agreed that we would give our fans one hundred percent all the time. This is no different. Noah’s injuries consist of both lungs punctured, as was his spleen and there is a tear in his liver. His head wounds were minor compared to his gravely injuries, but he is awake and doing remarkable.

  I want you all to know that Noah tried to save Candey. He used his body as a shield trying to keep her from any injuries, and knowing how bad the wreck was, he would have lost his own life for hers. Candey sustained only one injury in the accident and unfortunately it was to her neck and she died on impact. We are thankful that it was fast and that she didn’t suffer, but wish there could have been mercy on them both in the end.

  Regardless, to us, and I speak on behalf of Cal ad Chad as well as my girl Cassa and Carrie Blake, that Noah Beckett is and will always be the hero in this tragedy and that our support of him is limitless and we hope you all feel the same. Thank you.”

  I walk away from the podium and go to Tayla. “No questions Tay. I barely got through that, and that was more than enough.”

  I walk to Cassa and let her wrap around me, though she is so small, she is my rock and I need her right now. Tayla doesn’t fight me on the choice to leave without questions, and I stand beside Cassa, out of view and am joined by Chad, Mike and Roni and Cal to watch Tayla wrap up so we can all get back inside to Carrie and Noah.

  “Sorry to cut this short, but this has been hard on my guys and they aren’t ready for questions.” You would ne
ver guess that she was as effected as us in this. She looked the part of the cut throat manager and she gave that to the press and dared them to argue. One prick wouldn’t let it go though.

  “Well they take that chance being in the public eye. It’s their job to be in the spotlight whether life is hard or not. Their fans, who are devoted, deserve more than a few words of thanks and his opinion.”

  Tayla, calm and cool, smiled for the thousand flashes going off. What she said though…was epic. “Opinion or not, he had the decency to come down here and look you all in the face and thank you, providing enough information that their fans will understand. TAT is loved sir. They have a huge following of loud proud fans and they are loyal. The loyalty of those fans has little to do with the music they make, but more so the type of men they are and how they are with their fans. They interact; they never deny autographs or complain about pictures or greeting fans after a thirty hour flight and six months away from home. All of their personal lives have played out to the world because they give one hundred percent of them as people, one hundred percent of the time. The deserve peace and respect right now…” She pauses to get a good look at the douche bag who called us out. “Paul is it? From Rock N Roll news? I’ll be sure to give Simon Lake, your employer, a call and the scoop when it’s readily available. I think it’s more than a little fair to ask for some personal time don’t you?” She asks and the crowd, all the way in the back where the fans are, scream and chant ‘TAT forever’ as Tayla leaves the podium.

  We all make our way up to ICU where Carrie and Noah are waiting. I feel that beehive come back to my chest, unable to forget his eyes when he woke up. The pleading that came from every fiber of his being…his eyes on me…

  “Hey.” I say and see him panic some at the sight of the tube down his throat. He goes to reach for it but I stop him and shake my head. “Cal went to get the nurse, just chill a sec yeah?”

  I watch…literally watch as his eyes scan the room. Slowly he takes in the flowers, the various food containers from all of us being in and out and then those sad eyes land on me and I watch him realize it all was real. I know he knows because he shakes his head no and looks at me with a pleading look. He is begging me to tell him he was dreaming. I want to lie so bad right now because I can’t be the one that essentially confirms his worst nightmare. I am reminded of all the times over the last few months that Noah told me true, no matter how bad it hurt or gutted me to know I was wrong. Gutted me to know he had my girls back in her darkest hours. I could not lie to him.

  I sit down and pull close and take his hand in mine because I need him to feel some kind of connection to all he has fighting for him. In this moment I am TAT, Carrie, Noelle and every damn fan praying for him.

  “I don’t know what you’re thinking Noah, but I can guess.”

  He shakes his head no so rapidly that the tubes sending oxygen through his nose slips free and gets tangled in the tube down his throat. I can hear him trying to wail and fight me and I am so fucking wrecked right now it is hard to look at him.

  But I do.

  I look him square in the eyes, eyes that are crying, wet and red and I watch him losing the control he so desperately needs to survive.

  “I’m so sorry Noah.” I say and feel tears fall from my own eyes and for the first time in my life I am not ashamed. “It’s true bud im so fucking sorry.”

  I hear him crying out and it is broken and sounds painful because of the ventilation tube. His hands are going to his chest and I know it must hurt to cry with the trifecta of surgeries he has undergone. But though he feels the physical he is only concerned by the mental fuck he is receiving, knowing she is gone.

  I’m snapped from the memory as we follow Chad into the room, but we all kind of shuffle into one another because he stops abruptly at Carrie’s words.

  “Hold on a minute babe.” She says, and like before, I tune out everything else and watch Noah. His heart is beating but he is dead. Rotting from the inside out, and everyone else is refusing to acknowledge it, because we all know he won’t be back.

  “No, we are all going to do this round.” Chad says in a tone I have never heard him use before with Carrie. He isn’t leaving room for argument and I have no clue what we are all about to do. “This is a family feud round.”

  The only game I can think of, that any of us would play at a time like this makes my stomach sink, but I pull Cass in tight and sit her on my lap and take a seat on the left side of his bed.

  Cal and Tayla as well as Seth and Lilly are surrounding the bed, and Carrie is holding his hand. “So…” She says and her voice cracks. “In this world…” She shakes her head and wipes at her tears. “Cans is here, sitting beside you with your hand in hers…and you awake from this awful nightmare where she left you…”

  Trust me.

  We are playing trust me, the game Noah invented when they were too small to understand the evil they survived and would live in for years.

  I admit that it was genius on Noah’s part inventing this game, but right now it is too hard and think of a world where Candey isn’t gone. Its music that I think of as Noah stares off at the window like she isn’t talking. I know, as does everyone else, that he is hanging on to every word she is saying.

  I’m singing songs in my head, trying to place all this fucked up shit in its place in my mind. Joshua James ‘Crash this Train’ comes to mind and it is fitting.

  Someone, God or anyone, crash this train. This is suffering to the N’th degree.

  Sass takes my left hand and opens my palm, using her finger to write ‘I <3 U’ on the inside then touches the spot where my wedding ring should be, reminding me that I’m lucky.

  Reminding me he is destroyed.

  Like earlier, his suffering undoes me and tears fill my eyes. I am unashamed because everyone in this room, except Noah, is dripping tears. Even Cal keeps looking up at the ceiling as tears slip down his cheeks.

  This isn’t just the loss of the woman we all loved as a sister, but it’s the loss of my hero Noah.

  My hero, and the strongest man I know, is nothing more but a shadow. I think of everything he has overcome… and this is what will break him.

  “She is forcing you to dance right now, to the dreaded country song playing in the tent…”

  I look at Carrie, fighting for him with every word she speaks when Noah pulls his hand from hers and tries to sit up. The room goes eerily silent.

  “No more.” He says, his voice is almost unrecognizable and I’m guessing it’s the damage from earlier.

  A collective, but silent sigh is felt through the room, all of us relieved that we are done playing trust me. That shit is brutal and I know it’s all about protecting the mind from the truth… I see the truth as the only thing that has a shot at saving him. It’s what will force him to move forward. Not on, he’ll never move on, but life does and that game played where she is alive, well, it ain’t the way. “Can I have a minute?” He asks and we all nod, no one is talking through our tears. Cassa and Tay both go to Carrie and stand at her side because this had to have wrecked her. Cassa had been crazy close with Candey after being friends, then roommates…but to Carrie, well Candey had helped along side Noah before they had even fallen in love, helped bring her out of that damn shell. This game had to have ripped her to shreds.

  I watch Cas then Tay lean down and kiss him, Cass on the cheek and Tayla on his head. Noah was never one to ignore these girls, he was the protector of them all, of all of us, and he looked numb, like he didn’t notice that they were there.

  I go to the door after Cass moves to leave when I hear that painful voice. “Shame, stay a minute yeah?”

  I halt and kiss Cassa quickly and then nod. “Sure man.” I play it cool because he doesn’t need me being a doter. He has enough doters. I take my seat and assume he will have Cal and Chad stay too…but as the room clears out other than Carrie…I’m confused, but also concerned.

  “Go home Carrie.” He says to her, and for a small s
econd I saw the flash of his soul in his eyes, the big brother in him reaching out to her knowing he is the only person who she will listen to, no matter what.

  “No. I was there earlier. Mike and Ron have Noelle-“

  He cut her off. “No go home. Take a bath, drink some wine, hold your baby and get some sleep. I’m here for a week at least, I’m not going anywhere. Go.”

  It is the first time that I have heard him talk to her without that tone of love in his voice; and it saddens me because of the fierce bond between them.

  She knows him better than anyone though and nods, hugging him then me, before looking back at the door. “I’ll be back in the morning.”

  He just nods and Carrie bows her head, defeated and leaves the room.

  Just us now…

  I sit there in a comfortable, but worried silence. My arms are folded over my chest and I make it clear I’ll kick it all night if I gotta, until he is ready to talk or whatever. I do as him, stare out the window knowing what it looks like down there.