Heartbreak Warfare

by Jessica Marin

  “I can’t believe we’re here,” I say as I look around the hospital room.

  “Are you scared?” Layla asks. I look at her in silence before answering.

  “Not yet,” I smirk, not wanting to get all worked up over the unknowns. “Let’s not even think about it. Robert, tell me ALL about the party!”

  Robert goes into detail about the party, how much money they actually raised and how my mother did try to set him up with someone. “He was bald and wrinkly, but had lots of money she told me!” He laughs and shakes his head. “Honestly though, she looked sad. She didn’t have that normal devilish Pamela Pruitt twinkle in her eye. I think she really misses you.”

  I swallow the lump in my throat and shrug. Despite all of her craziness, I can’t deny that I do miss my mother. According to my father, she feels I should be the one apologizing for my behavior that night. I inherited my mother’s stubbornness as I don’t plan on apologizing anytime soon as I believe she is the one who owes me an apology. I have come to terms that this is her loss and she has the power to make it right.

  An hour passes and the doctor comes back in to check on me. “Doesn’t look like much progress has been made. Let’s go ahead and start the Pitocin.” The nurse nods at the doctor and leaves the room. “It is going to be a long day with this being your first baby. Try to get some sleep while we wait.” She looks over at Layla and Robert. “Why don’t you two go get something to eat or some coffee while Ms. Pruitt tries to rest?”

  “Robert, go home. You are exhausted. Layla will call you if anything changes.” Robert looks from me to Layla with worry in his eyes.

  “Are you sure?” He asks and I nod my head. “Okay, but Layla, you BETTER call me or we are no longer friends!”

  “Stop being so dramatic, you know I will! I’m going to pull out this chair bed and go to sleep.” She nods toward the chair that pulls out into a twin bed.

  Robert gives us each a hug goodbye and leaves. The nurses help pull out Layla’s bed and provide her with a blanket and sheets.

  “How are you feeling?” The nurse asks as she checks the contraction monitor print out.

  “Epidurals are amazing!” I say, my eyes ready to close from exhaustion. She just laughs and tells me to rest. I look over at Layla to see she is already fast asleep. I close my eyes and drift off.

  But I quickly learn that “sleeping” in a hospital is a bit of a joke. They wake me up to check my progress every hour. After the third time, I am green with envy that Layla is sleeping through all of this.

  “You are progressing nicely,” the doctor says. “I am predicting maybe another two to three hours and we can start turning off the Pitocin, lowering your epidural and begin the pushing process.” She leaves the room and I close my eyes to try to go back to sleep.

  Not twenty minutes later, I hear the door open again and I can’t contain my exasperated sigh of annoyance for my sleep being interrupted. I open my eyes to find my parents staring back at me. My father is next to my bed, smiling, while my mother is at the foot of the bed, holding a vase of beautiful flowers, her gaze hesitant as she waits for my reaction at their arrival.

  “Hi sweetheart, how are you feeling?” My dad pushes my hair off my forehead and gazes at me lovingly. Robert must have called them, which I’m grateful he did.

  “I’m just tired. They put me on Pitocin and think that within the next two to three hours we should be good to go.” I look over at my mother and nod to her. “Hello, Mother.”

  I watch her wipe away a tear and clear her throat. “Oh Jenna, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t thinking clearly that night and should have been more sympathetic. This situation just wasn’t what I wanted for you.” She sighs and shakes her head. “No matter, I shouldn’t have placed blame and I apologize.” She comes around to my other side, puts the vase of flowers down and grips my hand.

  “My baby is having a baby and that is such a beautiful thing. If you think about it, this is a miracle since you had so much difficulty before. Robert called us and told us you were here and I just couldn’t bear the thought of missing the birth of my first grandchild. Do you mind that we’re here?”

  “No, Mother, I’m very happy you are here.” I squeeze her hand and she throws herself at me, hugging me as hard as she can. She pulls back and looks at me with more tears in her eyes and places her hand on my belly. “I sure can’t wait to see this little one.” She looks behind her and gasps in surprise, not seeing Layla when she first walked in. “How is Layla even sleeping through all of this?”

  “I’m not, I am just basking in the glow of the reconciliation.” She opens her eyes and we all laugh at her dreamy face.

  My parents sit down and tell me about the party and what a wonderful job Robert did. I beam with pride at hearing these words because my mother is a harsh critic, so if she is happy then it must have been wonderful. “He really did a wonderful job, Jenna. He deserves a raise.”

  I nod my head, thinking about all that he’s taken on these past months. “He sure does.”

  The doctor chooses that moment to come back in. After I introduce her to my parents, she checks my progress.

  “Wow, well, it looks like we are going to be ready quicker than I thought. You are 100% dilated. We are going to remove the Pitocin and lower your epidural so you can start feeling your legs again.”

  “Will I feel those awful contractions again?” Dread seeping into my voice at the memory of how painful they are.

  “You’ll feel a lot of tightening, but nothing like the pain you have without an epidural. We’ll give you another hour for the medicine to start wearing off. You get to choose two people to be in here with you. Are those two people present?” She asks as she looks around at everyone, who are staring at me.

  “I would like my mother and best friend here.” I turn questioning eyes to my mother who has her hands to her mouth and nods her head yes.

  “I better call Robert. Mr. Pruitt, do you want to come with me to get some coffee for you and Mrs. Pruitt?” Layla asks my father. He nods his head and leaves with her. My mother smiles down at me and moves back so the nurses can start prepping for the birth of my baby.

  Two hours later, tiny screams fill the air as I deliver a healthy baby girl. Everyone is hugging and crying as the nurse takes her away to record her vitals and clean her up. I move my head back and try to see around the nurses who are taking care of me and the baby. Layla is taking pictures of the baby and I am anxious to hold her.

  “She’s beautiful like her mommy!” My mother says as she watches the baby get washed up. Her screaming continues until the nurse swaddles her in a blanket and brings her to me.

  As she places her in my arms, everyone in the room fades as I stare at my daughter. I’m in complete awe at her perfect tiny nose, her perfect tiny lips, and her perfect tiny chin. I don’t realize that I’m crying until a tear splashes on her face, causing her beautiful face to squish up, ready to scream at the intrusion. I quietly shush her and she opens her eyes at me. It feels like I am looking into her soul and at that moment, I am beyond thankful that she is mine.

  “So, this is what true love feels like.” I smile down at her and kiss her forehead, ready to start my new life with her.

  21

  Four Years Later

  I hear my bedroom door slowly open, the pitter-patter of feet against the carpet. The bed shifts slightly and I feel a hand brush the hair away from my ear.

  "Mommy," she whispers into my ear. “Time for you to wake up."

  I moan softly, pretending to be asleep as I’m curious to hear what she’s going to say. I’ve actually been awake for an hour, staring up at my ceiling, trying to map out the busy day ahead of me.

  "Wake up, lazy bones!" Her tiny voice gets louder and she pushes her hands against my chest. I throw my arm over my eyes and bite my lip to prevent the smile that wants to form on my face.

  "Mommy!" She says as sternly as she can. "You need to wake up and make breakfast! I need to go to school to see my boyfri
end."

  "What?" I throw my arm off my face and pound the bed, the movement startling her. She starts to laugh and I proceed to tickle her, wishing I could bottle that sweet sound up forever.

  "Boyfriend? What boyfriend? You are not allowed to have a boyfriend!" I continue to tickle her, her feet almost kicking my face as she falls back against my legs in a fit of laughter. I scoop her up and hug her to me. This only lasts briefly before she is pushing herself out of my arms.

  "Uncle Robert met him and says he approves! I don’t know what that word means but he was smiling so that must mean it’s good. So do I get to keep him?" She asks, her eyes getting wide.

  "I need to meet him first before I decide on that. And we don't 'keep' people, silly!" She doesn’t pay attention to me as she runs in her room to get ready.

  I help her get dressed and then start making breakfast in the kitchen. Breakfast is my favorite meal with Avery. I love watching the expressions that cross her face as she watches television while eating. The cliché saying of how time moves faster when you have children is pure truth. It seems like yesterday I was in that delivery room. How has it been four years? I stare at my baby, who is looking more like a little girl every single day. And every day the same thought crosses my mind as I stare at her:

  She looks exactly like HIM.

  Dark hair, pale skin and those famous blue eyes. She has my bone structure, so people tend to say she looks like me. But if they knew who her dad was, they would be singing a different tune. I am not surprised at all by the irony of it and it certainly does not alter the fact that I am irrevocably in love with her. I don’t think about Cal Harrington anymore, but I can’t ignore his image when it is staring back at me from a magazine cover in the grocery aisle line. His career has risen and he has become one of the elite actors in Hollywood. I’m sure he doesn’t think twice about the child he has in this world and every time I do see an image of him, hatred rears its ugly head. I wish I could let go of my hatred towards him, but I can’t seem to. I look over at Avery as she announces she is done with breakfast and can’t even fathom not wanting to be part of her life.

  I bring my thoughts back to reality and get us both ready to walk her to school. I was fortunate to find a highly rated child care facility within walking distance from our apartment and we love it even if I do want to throw up every time I write the outrageously expensive monthly tuition check. Professionally, my company has been doing the best it ever has been. The monthly news segments have been a hit and we’ve gained some new high profile clients from those segments. But with more publicity comes more demand and with Avery now in my life, I had to think of ways to work smarter as I refuse to be an absentee mother. We stopped accepting new corporate parties for the months of November and December and put all of our attention on our current client’s parties. I converted my dining room into a small office area for Robert and our new part-time assistant. I have scaled back my travels and only accept speaking engagements for conferences that will pay me the most money. When my workday ends at 5 p.m., my full attention is on Avery until she goes to bed and then I stay up and work on blog posts for our children theme parties. I have made friends with some of the other parents at Avery’s school and often use Avery and her playmates as my models for the photos we put up on the blog of our themed parties. Some of those blog posts have even been featured in national entertainment magazines, which have increased sales for our online shop that sells the decor to these parties.

  My professional life even crossed over into my personal life when I met the man I am currently dating. The captain’s wife for the local professional hockey team saw one of our news segments and called to hire us for her son’s birthday party. It was there that I met Jax Morrow. I wasn’t looking or even interested in dating anyone, but I couldn’t resist his charm or persuasion to go out with him. It isn’t just because of his good looks, but the way he looks at me and how it makes me feel. Being around Jax made me start to desire men again, a feeling I hadn’t felt since Cal. Jax is divorced with a daughter of his own and is in his last years of playing hockey for the Blackhawk’s minor league team. In the beginning, our relationship was casual because he plays majority of the time in Rockford, which is two hours away, and spends his summers with his daughter in Canada. Our relationship consisted mostly of phone calls and seeing each other on the weekends when I’m available to go to his games or if he has an off weekend to come to Chicago. This has been working out perfectly for me, but as we’ve been spending more time together, I sense that Jax wants more and I don’t know if I am ready to give him that yet. Avery is my world and I won’t let any man take my attention from her. As long as I have her, nothing else matters.

  As I look down at my daughter while we walk to school, I realize how truly blessed I am in every aspect of my life and I pray it stays that way.

  After dropping her off and going for a run, I went home and got dressed for my busy day at work. Robert and I just left a meeting with a current client whose holiday party we are starting to plan for. With an hour to spare before we have to pick up Avery from childcare, we decide to get a cup of coffee at our favorite local coffee shop. We place our order and find a seat while they make our drinks.

  “That meeting went really well. I just absolutely love winter wonderland parties!” Robert sighs, as I nod in agreement. They are my favorite parties to do as well. The theme is so easy and can be so elegant and majestic. “Too bad that CFO is married,” Robert murmurs, referring to the CFO of the company we just had the meeting with. The CFO attends every meeting, making sure his Human Resource Director does not go over budget.

  “Speaking about love lives, what’s going on with yours?” I ask, as he has not mentioned anyone old or new recently.

  “Oh, you know, just meeting people who only want to have fun! " He says as he shrugs his shoulders. “Unlike Layla, I get their names and sometimes have repeat customers. But business has been slow recently,” he says with a laugh.

  I smile but am distracted by his reference of Layla. Layla seems to have only gotten worse with men. She went back to online dating, which only lasted a hot second. She claims she doesn’t have time to go out on dates and it’s just easier to meet men out and do whatever she is in the mood for that night with them. I am all for women being sexually liberated, but Layla is doing it for the wrong reasons. Especially when she purposely doesn’t want to know the names of her partners. She uses this as her motive to shield her heart. I completely understand her reasoning, but I can’t help but be very worried about it.

  I feel my phone vibrate as the waitress brings our drinks. I lift my phone out of my pocket to see Jax is calling me. It is very unusual for me to hear from him during this time of the day, so I decide to answer the phone to see if he is okay.

  “Hello?” I answer as Robert looks at me to see who it is.

  “Hello, gorgeous!” Jax says, “What are you doing?”

  “I’m having coffee with Robert, what are you doing?” I mouth who it is to Robert. “I can barely hear you with all the background noise. Where are you?” I cup my hand over the phone so he can hear me better.

  “I’m having lunch with some of the guys, but I wanted to let you know that I got called up for tonight’s game. One of the guys got hurt at practice today and since a lot of guys are out sick, they had to call me and a defenseman up as replacement.” My stomach tightens a little bit as I anticipate what he’s going to say next. “Can you make the game tonight if I leave you a ticket at will call?” My intuition being right on par.

  “Well, with such short notice, I don’t know if I will be able to get a babysitter that quickly. Besides, it’s a school night and the game ends too late for Avery to attend,” I quickly say before he can suggest she comes with me. Despite her only being in childcare, I try not to schedule anything during a school night. That time is for her and I.

  “I can watch Avery!” Robert says loud enough for Jax to hear him, a twinkle in his eye as he looks at me.

>   “Robert just so kindly offered to watch her, so I guess I’ll be there.” I give Robert a look indicating that I am not to happy that he made the offer without me thinking about it.

  “Tell Robert thank you and I can’t wait to see you, baby!” His voice gets low and sensual.

  “Me too. Have a safe drive.” I say goodbye and hang up. I look at Robert, who is continuing to look at me strangely. “While I truly appreciate you offering to watch Avery for me, it would have been nice to think about if I wanted to go tonight. I have so much work to do and you know how I feel about being away from her on school night.”

  “Oh, Jenna, I SOOO see your game.” He looks at me with a sly smile playing on his lips.

  I narrow my eyes at him. “What are you talking about? I don’t play games.” I blow on the hot coffee, curious as to why he would say that.

  “That man is so in love with you and you are going to crush his heart into a million pieces.” He leans back and crosses his arm, shaking his head at me.

  “You’re crazy! Why do you think he’s in love with me? I give him zero reasons to be. I put my career and my daughter before him and have made that very clear from day one. I don’t show PDA and don’t do anything nice for him. I barely ever make the drive out to Rockford. Who would be in love with that?” I skeptically look at him while taking a sip of my coffee.

  “Because he sees what all of us see. A hard working, independent and financially secure beautiful woman. You are exactly what men are looking for. Especially with that magically tight pussy of yours.”

  I spit out my coffee all over our table at his statement and continue to choke on the remnants that remain in my throat. Laughing, Robert stands up and pounds on my back to help me. I brush him off and he leaves to retrieve some napkins. I glance up and notice our surrounding tablemates looking at me with disgust. “Sorry, hot coffee,” I mutter out in complete embarrassment. Robert returns with napkins and a glass of water. I grab the water, take a big swallow and help clean up my coffee spit. Once we are done, the waitress comes over and removes the used napkins and replaces them with fresh ones. I sit in silence, staring at Robert and wonder where his mind goes sometimes.