Gone Forever

by Diane Fanning

  Rick attended Webster Groves High School, where he played water polo, worked on sound and light crews for theater productions and was a member of the staff of the school newspaper, the Echo. He graduated in 1975. Sue’s good friend Sandy, Class of ’77, remembered him as “a pretty happening, popular, hang-with-the-cheerleaders kind of guy.”

  Rick continued his education at Southwest Missouri State University in Springfield. He was challenged by difficulty with paying attention and maintaining concentration. He had to work hard to earn a “B” average. The only known blemish on his record was an accusation that he’d stolen property from a friend at school. Ultimately, that charge was dismissed.

  He graduated in 1980 with a bachelor’s degree in Business Administration and got a job at Shearson Lehman, a reputable stock brokerage company. Rick did well there. He drove a BMW and lived in a lovely old carriage house in a very nice part of town.

  In 1984, when a group of prominent civic-minded single men formed the St. Louis Squires and Ladies, Rick was quick to join. The organization was a foundation that sought out civic, cultural and charitable projects not helped by traditional funding sources. The group planned a variety of entertainment events from black-tie balls to scavenger hunts to raise these funds. In addition to their charitable work, the organization was an excellent venue for professional and personal networking.

  Warning signs of possible instability were well hidden—most of the time. But not to one woman Rick dated. She said that after a couple of dates, she was very uncomfortable with him. She informed him that she was no longer interested in pursuing a relationship.

  Rick, she claimed, would not stop calling her. The many calls were troubling, but she considered them nothing more than a nuisance for a while. Then, it all became serious. She felt threatened and frightened when she caught Rick lurking in the bushes outside of her home.

  In 1988, Rick met Susan Smith at a party. Although they’d lived in the same town and attended the same high school, this encounter was their first.

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  “I went to a party in St. Louis and ran into Rick McFarland from high school. Do you remember him?” Sue asked.

  Sandy hadn’t really known Rick, but she knew who he was, and he had even dated another friend of hers. Rick was a year older and considered a good catch as a high school boyfriend.

  Nonetheless, it surprised Sue’s large circle of friends when the two started dating. It stunned them how quickly it developed into a serious relationship. They wondered if he was right for her, and could not see what she saw in him.

  Rick was a lot more reserved than Sue. He was a nice, steady guy. But he wasn’t very quick-witted. He was always the slowest in any group to catch a joke—if he got it at all.

  Sue, on the other hand, was bright, strong-willed, passionate and tempestuous. In time, Sandy saw Rick as a counterbalance to Sue—able to tether the high soaring balloon of her emotions.

  Kirsten thought Sue was settling for less than she deserved. She believed her aunt wanted marriage and children enough that she was willing to overlook a lot.

  Another friend said. “Sue is a superwoman—very productive, very efficient, a very take-charge person, and Rick wasn’t like that at all. But we thought maybe he was the yin to her yang.”

  Beneath the personality differences, though, Rick and Sue did have a lot in common. Both were raised in Webster Groves and shared a core of Midwestern values. The two were social animals as well—loving parties and time spent with friends. Rick looked like the answer to Sue’s dream of being married with children.

  Over the July Fourth weekend, the couple traveled to Amarillo to spend time with Sue’s friend Dee Ann and her new husband, George Dowlen. The Dowlens thought Rick was nice, but his stuttering when he got excited accentuated his social awkwardness. Another of her Amarillo friends doubted that Sue was in love, but one look at the couple and it was obvious that both of them were very happy and excited about getting married.

  Sue always loved having bright colors all around her. Her special wedding gift request was red enamel pots and pans for her kitchen.

  After years of working at Shearson Lehman, Rick switched to another stock brokerage firm, Stifel Nicolaus in July 1989. The future looked bright.

  Days before the wedding, a distressed Sue called her sister Ann to tell her Rick had changed jobs.

  “Why does that upset you?” Ann asked.

  “He changed jobs three weeks ago and I just found out.”

  Rick’s mother, Mona, was disappointed about the impending marriage. Sue was not who they thought Rick would—or should—marry. Mona saw Sue as a good-time party girl and did not approve of her at all. Sue’s mother, Mary Elizabeth, had her reservations about the match, too. Mona and Mary Elizabeth met, but could not relate to one another. Their backgrounds, outlooks on life and lifestyle were as disparate as if one of them had come from the fjords of Norway and the other from sub-Saharan Africa.

  Despite the misgivings of family and friends, the couple married at Webster Groves Presbyterian Church on August 12, 1989. It was a weekend-long event with a rehearsal dinner and a bridal lunch. The large and elaborate ceremony had eight tuxedoed groomsmen, eight bridesmaids—including friends Dee Ann and Sandy—and four hundred guests.

  The ever practical Sue chose bridesmaid dresses that could be worn again. She selected a tailored two-piece pattern with puffy short sleeves, a daring neckline and a straight mid-calf skirt slit to the knee. Then she purchased a textured black fabric and hired a seamstress to sew up the provocative ensembles. Rick wore a tuxedo and Susan a simple crème silk gown. The reception was in an historic house near St. Louis. Hors d’oeuvres and cocktails were served. A small string quartet played in the stairwell. Bridesmaid Sandy said, “It was like a fairy tale.”

  Rick and Sue set up housekeeping in Olivette, Missouri. Rick took Sue by surprise again. She shared her shock and dismay with her sister when she discovered that her new husband brought a mountain of debt with him into the marriage. Before the ceremony, she hadn’t had a clue. It took years to pay it all off.

  In December, Sue was promoted to local and national billing management at Southwestern Bell’s Yellow Pages division. Meantime, Rick, after six short months of less than stellar performance, left Stifel Nicolaus and accepted a real estate investment position with Paragon Realty. That job, too, did not last long. In six months, he moved on to insurance sales at Aetna, where he lasted a year.

  While working those jobs, Rick bugged his sister-in-law and brother-in-law for access to their co-workers. No matter how many times the two told him it would not be appropriate for them to invite him to their workplaces to make a sales pitch, Rick continued to push. Ann was aghast the day he just dropped by because he was in the area. She hustled him out as quickly as possible.

  Early in 1991, it was Sandy’s turn to leave St. Louis and move to New Jersey. Sue and Rick threw an elaborate going-away party for her. Even though Sue was nine months pregnant and due any day, she went all out for the celebration—cooking and baking mountains of delectables as if obsessed with trying everything in her recipe file. Throughout the party, though, the physical stress on Sue was obvious. She was often spotted sitting down in the stairwell. When Rick walked into her vicinity, she’d ask him to rub her back.

  Sue and Sandy’s friendship continued to flourish despite the obstacle of physical separation. Now that Sue was back in St. Louis, the two women were able to get together whenever Sandy visited her family.

  On March 1, 1991, after intense back labor, Sue gave birth to her first child at St. Luke’s Hospital. Sue called him William1 because, she said, “I’ve liked everyone I ever met with that name.”

  She hoped that a grandchild would warm up her relationship with her mother-in-law, Mona. She was disappointed. If anything the gritty association grew more abrasive. Mona disapproved of Sue working now that she was a mother. Her litany of judgmental pronouncements of Sue’s abilities as a mother, a wife and a woman were never
-ending.

  Rick and Sue took a trip out to Amarillo to show off their new baby. Both displayed shameless delight in their new roles as parents. They were simply crazy about their son.

  That summer, the family of three vacationed on Cape Cod with Kirsten, Kirsten’s mom and Kirsten’s boyfriend. William was a contented baby willing to go everywhere with a smile—and with a mom like Sue, they were going all the time. He was even well-behaved in restaurants. Sue plopped the baby-carrier on the table and he gurgled happily as the adults dined.

  Soon after William’s birth, their happiness was rocked when the couple’s financial stability took a hit. Rick lost his job and was unemployed for fifteen months. As much as he wanted to succeed, he always undermined his own aspirations. With Sue’s assistance he finally got a job with Southwestern Bell Yellow Pages in telemarketing sales in September 1992.

  Rick developed a strange habit while working there. In this position, his work station was a cubicle. But whenever his boss was out, he’d gather up the items on his desk and move them to the conference room. He’d meet with clients there as if it were his office. At times, he’d even invite friends to visit him in his “office,” where he’d pretend he was in charge.

  In late fall of 1992, both Rick and Sue worked for Southwestern Bell when they left their new baby with relatives to travel to Pittsburgh for Sandy’s second wedding. In January 1993, they went to nearby St. Louis for Kirsten’s wedding. Kirsten went to a hairdresser in the morning to have her makeup and hair done. When she came home, she was in tears. Too much makeup. Too much hair. She thought she did not look like herself at all. In fact, she thought she looked like a drag queen. Sue came to the rescue. She dried her tears. Calmed her nerves. Fixed her face and restyled her hair. Thanks to Sue, Kirsten walked down the aisle with a smile.

  In Olivette, the McFarlands shared a driveway with their next-door neighbors, Margot and Doug Cromack. Rick and Sue both parked BMWs there. You couldn’t miss Sue’s car—its bright orange exterior drew as much attention as a streaker in the mall. Margot and Sue also shared overlapping pregnancies—both their first and second. With children the same age, Margot and Sue spent a lot of time together. Margot didn’t know how Sue found the time to be active in a cooking club and a book club, on top of her job and her responsibilities as a wife and mother, but there seemed to be no end to Sue’s energy. Margot thought Sue was the happiest, most optimistic person she had ever known.

  Together at home, the families shared cookouts, pumpkin carvings, birthday cakes and other family traditions. Sue painted Margot’s daughter’s room. Margot planted Sue’s rosebushes.

  They lived near the St. Louis Zoo and took their children there often. In the summer, the zoo was open until 7 and was the perfect activity after work to wear the kids out before putting them to bed.

  Another favorite excursion was Grant’s Farm, the 281-acre ancestral home of the Busch family—of Budweiser fame—just south of St. Louis. Now it was home to more than 1,000 animals in more than 100 species from six continents—and admission was free.

  Doug was in the middle of his medical residency and had little time to spend at home or with his young son. Rick filled in the gap—including the Cromack boy with William whenever Rick taught his son about guy things like how to use a screwdriver or other simple tools of household repair. When the two boys were toddlers, it was common to see the be-diapered duo pushing their bubble mowers behind Rick whenever he mowed the lawn.

  In July of 1993, Rick came home from work and told Sue he was fired unfairly. He claimed the timing was deliberate—he was just two days from his one-year anniversary, when he would be eligible to file a union grievance. Sue believed him, and was furious.

  She called her favorite attorney, her sister Ann. “We need a good employment attorney. Do you know one?”

  Ann cautioned her, “If they fired him knowing that you are an executive with the firm, there may be more to the story. Look into this further and know what the facts are before you do anything.”

  Further investigation revealed that two employees had asked to be moved to another department because they did not want to work with Rick. Two others said that if management did not get rid of Rick, they would quit.

  When the supervisor finally pulled the plug, Rick’s reaction was so intense, he frightened her. She asked to be escorted to and from her car for an extended period of time after his dismissal.

  After a couple of months of unemployment, Rick landed a job in telemarketing sales with Maritz. He then drifted over to Passport, where he sold dining cards. One day, he came home driving a brand-new Mercedes. When Sue asked, Rick told her that his boss gave it to him. Sue was disturbed—his explanation just did not sound right. Worried that he’d done something unscrupulous or criminal, she insisted he return the car. After six months with Passport, Rick moved on to Dining à la Card, followed, in a short time, by a position at Transmedia, where he continued in dining and financial services.

  On September 6, 1993, their second son, James, was born in the same hospital as his brother.

  Sue’s next pregnancy was not successful. Between three and four months, she lost the baby—the miscarriage a result of a genetic defect. It broke Sue’s heart to hear that the anomaly was more common in girls than boys. Sue wanted a girl so much—when she bought American Girl dolls for her nieces, she also bought one for herself.

  Boy number three, Timothy—Timmy—arrived on March 4, 1997. He wasn’t a girl, but she loved him just the same.

  Ann looked at her three nephews and realized it was payback time for her little sister. Ann always sought out educational toys for kids, but Sue’s philosophy was that toys were supposed to be fun. For years, Sue filled Ann’s home with the noisiest, messiest toys she could find.

  Now Ann got her revenge. Not only did she give the three boys loud and sloppy toys, she also took advantage of Sue’s little phobia about bugs. Ann made sure her nephews had a steady supply of plastic spiders, worms and other creepy, crawly critters.

  In May 1998, Sue moved up the corporate ladder again to the Budget, Forecast and Plan Preparation group at Southwestern Bell Yellow Pages. She stayed in that position for four years.

  The possibility of change swirled in Sue’s corporate world, jarring her sense of security with the company. An upcoming consolidation with Pac Bell threatened her position. It was possible that when the transaction was complete, she would either be unemployed or be forced to transfer to San Francisco to keep her job. She knew that city, with its high cost of living, was not ideal for a one-income family. Sue got busy looking for openings in alternative positions in the company.

  In the midst of this turmoil, Sue and Rick, without the boys, traveled to visit their former next-door neighbors, Doug and Margot Cromack, who had moved to San Antonio a year and a half earlier upon completion of Doug’s residency. Sue and Rick liked the city right away.

  And no wonder. It was early spring—the most perfect time of year for this part of Texas. The weather was warm, but not hot. The sun beat down with more intensity than they ever felt at the higher latitude of St. Louis, chasing the chill right out of their upcountry skin. The summertime—when temperatures hit 100 degrees, the nighttime air bore no trace of cool and the pre-dawn humidity felt like a blast from God’s dryer vent—was still a couple of months away.

  The Cromacks drove them all around town and out into the surrounding hill country where wildflowers bloomed in a profusion so dense it made butterflies weep with joy. One exploration of the romance of the Riverwalk sealed the deal—this was a place where Sue and Rick could envision a renewal of their spirits and their relationship.

  Since Southwestern Bell had moved their corporate headquarters from St. Louis to San Antonio a couple of years earlier, Sue felt confident that she would be able to get transferred to a position there. She also was delighted at the prospect of putting a little bit of distance between herself and her mother-in-law.

  Sue went to the company offices and looke
d at the job board. She applied for a position she found appealing and went in for an interview. Meanwhile Rick got a job offer with San Antonio’s Transportation Display, selling ad space on buses.

  Sue returned to Missouri to sell the house and prepare for a move. Rick moved into the room over the Cromacks’ garage. Sue just missed the high times of Fiesta—an annual ten-day party that’s pure San Antonio. The non-stop catalogue of events highlighted all the cultural influences that built the city—from a Mariachi Mass at the historic San Fernando Cathedral to the Fiesta Gartenfest with its beer and polka.

  The major events of Fiesta never changed. The first day always included the Fiesta Oyster Bake at St. Mary’s University. NIOSA, Night In Old San Antonio, filled La Villita—the original village that became San Antonio—with a four-night orgy of international food and multicultural music.

  The Coronation of the Queen of the Order of the Alamo added pomp to the festivities—young women in ornate beaded gowns with heavy trains trailing in their wake. Then, the alternative entertainment of the Cornynation turned the tables on the traditional formality by making fun of it all.

  The Battle of Flowers Parade wound through the streets of downtown. But the most anticipated event for many in the city was the Texas Cavaliers River Parade. The Texas Cavaliers were founded in 1926 to preserve and promote the ideals of the heroes of the Alamo and encourage good horsemanship. In modern times, they had transformed into an organization of 450 business, community and civic leaders whose foundation funded children’s charities in the city. The River Parade was a significant fund-raiser for the group.

  Professionally decorated barges floated down the river under a starry sky bedecked with thousands of twinkling lights and filled with people in colorful costumes.

  There were 17,000 reserved tickets for sale each year, but most of the 250,000 spectators viewed the parade from restaurants, hotels, bridges and open public areas along the river. Rick saw the parade with the Cromacks from the enviable perch of a law firm overlooking the Riverwalk at a party hosted by one of the Cromacks’ neighbors.