One Of The Guys

by Johnson, Ashley

  Brenda and I showed up to the meeting a few minutes after Dad had already been there. I was nervous to hear what he’d written and of course, I wished Cole had been here for me but I had Brenda. We sat beside each other hand in hand nerves making themselves present as he stood up and identified himself before reading his letter.

  “My dearest love Brenda and my daughter Samantha,

  I always thought I was the luckiest man to have you two in my life. Brenda, I can’t ever express how thankful I was to have met you when I did. Thank you for taking care of Samantha like she was your own. There is no excuse for how I’ve behaved in these past few months, I deeply regret ever having touched you in any harmful way. After Christy, I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to love again. She was what I believed to be the one true love of my life until I met you. I have to be honest, I never stopped loving her. You picked up the pieces of my heart that I didn’t know I still had and I’m so sorry. For the longest time, I hated God for ripping her away from me. I grieved her death for the two years until I met you. Until recently, I realized I don’t think I grieved like I should have. I found myself missing her so much. I took you for granted Brenda and now I only pray that God can forgive me. The day you left I knew I had messed up bad and I vowed to make it right. Being angry wasn’t going to bring Christy back and it did nothing but hurt you. Unintentionally I turned my anger towards Samantha and I don’t think I’ve ever forgiven myself for that. I drank myself into such a stupor I treated her in the worst was possible. It hurt to look at Samantha and see so much of Christy in her. I never meant to be angry and I never meant to hurt you my sweet baby girl. I wish you could have met her and been able to know her how I did. She would have loved you so much, all throughout her pregnancy all she talked about was being able to watch you grow up into a young woman. I can never express how sorry I am for what I’ve done but I can only hope in time the both of you can forgive me. I’m not sure how to define the turning point that brought me here. Maybe it was just realizing my actions or when I had my daughter arrested for something that should have never been started. I will deeply regret that for the rest of my life. I want my marriage back and I want my daughter back. In time, and with continued support from everyone in this room, I believe I can have it again. I kept this short and sweet to keep from babbling, I just want you two to know how much I love you.”

  By the time he was done reading, there was a steady stream of tears running down his cheeks. Brenda had been sobbing uncontrollably squeezing the life out of my hand the entire time. I’ve been waiting all these months to hear these words come out of his mouth and to finally hear them, wow there are no words. My face resembled his, a steady stream, and when he got up to meet us, we hugged and cried some more. As he talked about Mom and how he never fully recovered from her death, that killed me a little more inside. It still didn’t justify anything but in a sense we were able to see a part of him we had been so curious about. The part that turned him into our worst nightmare.

  Dad treated us to Dairy Queen after the meeting. We all got blizzards and sat around talking like the family we used to be. In time, it would be awesome if they could work out their differences. I forgot how nice it was to see them together. They clicked together so well. No doubt there were still some harbored feelings towards him and although it was nice to carry on conversation, it would take a while before he fully had my trust again.

  “Hey Dad, I have a fight tonight if you want to check it out.” I took a deep breath as I told him.

  “I’d like to see you. Tell me when and where I’ll be there.” I rattled off the directions to where the fights were and he told me he’d see me there. I excused myself giving them time to talk alone so I could go to the gym and get ready for tonight.

  Every time I show up at the gym, I look around for his truck. I know he won’t be here while I am but I’m always scared he will be just to have the chance to talk to me. There has been so many times in the past two months I’ve wanted to call him but I was a coward. He actually texted twice and I cried. Brenda heard and came in the room to make sure I was alright and I shoved the phone towards her face so she could read his message.

  Cole: Sam, baby, I’m so sorry for everything I did to make you feel this way. Please talk to me.

  Cole: I miss you so much. I love you and I’ll never give up on you…ever.

  Walking into Lou’s I couldn’t help but wear a smile on my face. Things were finally beginning to look up in my life. Now maybe things with Cole would start to look up, if I could bring myself to quit being so stubborn and talk to him.

  Rocky stood on the mat facing Trey trying to show him some way to block a hit when I skipped over in a rather bubbly mood. “Hey guys!”

  “Well, aren’t you so happy? Talk to Cole?” Trey wore a stupid grin on his face and I just scowled.

  “No.” I turned to face Rocky, “My dad is coming to my fight tonight, isn’t that awesome?!”

  “Things are going good Sam? I’m glad to hear that. Go get ready, meet us out here.”

  I ran off to change hearing my phone beep. I pulled it out to find a text from Cole. It read:

  Cole: I can’t go much longer without you Sam, please.

  Tears welled up in my eyes as I contemplated texting him back. Instead, I threw the phone on top of my keys and ran back to the mats where Trey and Rocky stood. “Hey where’s Wendy?”

  “She’s with Cole, said she wanted to spend some time with him.” Oh, in other words, neither of them probably wants to see me.

  Wendy hasn’t treated me any differently since my falling out with Cole. In fact, we’ve talked just about the same. I couldn’t help but keep buying her stuff for the baby even though she had more than enough. She didn’t have much longer and she would be a mom, it was a bit surreal.

  “Who am I fighting tonight?”

  “No clue yet. Lay on the mat, Trey’s going to try to pin you, show me how you would get out of it.”

  Trey raised his eyebrows seductively as I positioned myself below him. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes with every stupid remark he made. I burst out laughing when he tried to mock me and almost lost his balance. It took me three tries to get out from how he had me pinned but I got it. The rest of the time we sat around bullshitting until Wendy walked in. With Cole right behind her. I know he’s been to the fights, I’m not stupid. I haven’t personally laid eyes on him but I can feel him though. To look at him and pretend I feel nothing is the biggest lie. Every piece of my insides is burning to feel his touch, to taste his kiss, but I continue to talk to Trey. Part of me hopes Cole will come up to me and initiate a conversation but within five minutes he’s gone and I cry inside hating myself for letting him go.

  “Hey Trey, how’s your mom?” I ask timidly not wanting to stir anything up. Ever since he first told me, I occasionally ask about her but I don’t push it. I feel even more like a coward because I’m using this to camouflage the hurt inside me.

  His eyes got a little distant but he forced a small smile. “She’s doing the same. All I can do is tell her how much I love her everyday.”

  I hugged him close telling him everything would be ok. Inside, I was telling myself everything would be ok for both of us.

  ***********

  Rocky prepped me like he always does, giving the same pointers he always does and I listen just like I do every time. I look out into the sea of faces until I spot Dad and Brenda. I’m surprised she came; I know how she feels about violence. I briefly wave to them and then turn my attention to Blaize as he begins his rundown.

  “Hey guys, what the hell is up?” The crowd goes wild like usual. “Line up time, let’s see what we have in store tonight. Travis Pierce and Trey Jones as the main event but first we have a little girl action for you.” Oh barf, he never says anything this gay but of course the one night my dad comes he decides to. “We have your favorite and mine, Sam Montgomery and Beth Granger!” The crowd continues to cheer, my name coming out a few times and I even hear
d Trey’s. He gives me a thumbs up as I finish getting ready before stepping into the ring.

  If I’ve learned anything from fighting it’s to tune out the crowd but I’ll be damned if I don’t look out and meet Cole’s soft blue eyes. He offers a smile but I don’t have time to reciprocate because Beth tries to catch me off guard. I block her punch and retaliate with one of my own. She stumbles back but she has no intentions of giving up this soon. Rocky is yelling something from the side and I can barely hear him. I begin to shuffle around pondering my next move. I attempt to leg sweep her but she moves and I almost plant my face against the hard mat. I pull myself up quickly throwing a punch that lands right upside her jaw. I hear a voice from Rocky’s direction and I look over to see my dad there cheering me on. A sense of pride comes over me and I feel empowered as I throw another punch. Beth blocks this one and I get a slight advantage when her ponytail begins to fall. A strand of her blonde hair falls in her face and I take the chance to get in that punch and not soon after I pull her down pinning her for my victory. I could have cried I was so happy. And to see my dad’s face as he watched me, he was proud. He didn’t have to say it, I knew it.

  “Baby girl, you were awesome. I’m so proud of you.” He appeared pulling me in for a hug despite the sweat dripping. That’s love.

  “Thank you Dad. Hey this is Rocky. He’s taught me everything I know.” The two briefly shake hands and my eyes start roaming looking for Cole. I know he was here, I saw him. Trey stepped into the ring and I stood beside Rocky and my dad as we watched him beat the same guy I did. I kinda had to laugh about that. I almost told my dad I’ve fought Travis, but I wasn’t sure how he would feel about it. Better to save that for a whole other day and conversation. Dad and Brenda hugged me telling me goodbye before they headed out. A few months ago I don’t know if I could have ever seen this coming. It was the rainbow at the end of the storm, but the rainbow wasn’t complete yet. Not until I quit being a coward and decided to talk to Cole.

  Trey came bouncing up to me pulling me in for a huge hug. “Drinks tonight, my treat. Cole doesn’t come out anymore; it’s up to you to continue the legacy.” Oh damn, the last time I went out, everything went up in flames.

  “I don’t want to drink tonight but I’ll go.” He shot me a look and I knew by the end of the night I would have one drink and most likely he’d do the Dougie. Oh Joe’s wasn’t anywhere near ready for this tonight.

  I went home first and changed into the sequin tank top I bought at Express that first time I saw Marsh and Adryian together. My blue jean skirt and a dab of lip gloss later and I was ready to head out. Trey stood by the bar holding a shot in his hand. Dammit. He proposed a toast to us being “badass bitches” and we clinked our glasses together before shooting the liquid. An hour later, he’s working his skills on the women but he doesn’t leave my side. Maybe he’s making up for that night he left me and I stupidly called Marsh.

  A few people have come up to us congratulating us on our victories tonight. Almost all of them offered to buy us a drink but I respectfully declined mine. I meant every word I said when I said I wouldn’t be drinking tonight. Alcohol wouldn’t be playing any factors in any of my decisions tonight. All it did was make me a fool, a fool in the eyes of myself and most likely everyone who knew me. A clear mind is what I need, even though it seems to haunt me bringing up memories I don’t care to think about. Memories of Cole. Memories of our short lived love, would we ever have that again? Any guy that even thought about looking at me the wrong way got the look from Trey and they backed off almost immediately. That was pretty damn amusing.

  I’ll be damned if he didn’t suddenly jump up and grab my arm dragging me towards the dance floor because he wanted to Dougie. “Let’s go show them how the hell it’s done.” I stifled back a laugh because I wasn’t sure he knew how it was done. Most of the time we were laughing our asses off trying to not look stupid. He had beads of sweat dripping from his hair when the song ended. Immediately after, ‘I love Rock n Roll’ by Joan Jett came on and we looked like a bunch of rejects jumping around singing and occasionally shaking our asses. I grabbed a chair from a table next to the dance floor and climbed up on it dancing my ass off. Trey danced behind me for a minute before trying to climb on the chair with me. We almost fell, both of us dying laughing as he grabbed another chair and placed it next to mine. The crowd was worked up, singing along with us. It was a blast. That was fun, a little too fun because people were clapping for us when the song ended. My face flushed a little hoping I didn’t look too incredibly stupid. The tone changed when “Come Over” by Kenny Chesney came on. I caught Trey’s attention before he turned to dance with some girl to let him know I would be at the bar. I pinky promised and everything. Before I could walk off, I felt some arms wrap around my waist pulling me back. They tried to turn me around but I hesitated, I just wanted to go stand by the bar like I told Trey I would. Slow dancing with a stranger was not on the agenda for the night. The person leaned down by my ear and just feeling their breath along my neck sent chills down my spine. Don’t panic Sam. The thought to pull away and run off crosses my mind for a split second until the voice speaks and my whole world stops.

  “I love you Sam.” My heart dropped in my chest and every breath I had was sucked away. It’s Cole behind me and I’m fighting off tears that I refuse to shed inside a bar full of people.

  Hesitantly I turn around to face him, I’ve thought about this moment every day for the last two months. I’ve missed him more than he’ll ever know. I suddenly have the urge to interrupt Trey’s dance and hug him because I know this was set up, it had to be. Cole’s eyes gaze into mine while he’s waiting for me to say something. There’s so much to say I’m not sure where to even start. I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him closer. My head rests against his chest, the soft fabric of his polo adds to the comfort and I feel complete. “I love you too.” I say into his chest. He raises my chin up bringing our lips to a stand still. Before I crush my lips to his, I choke out, “I’m so sorry Cole. Please forgive me.”

  His lips linger on mine for a moment before he just simply sways to the music with me. How did I survive without him for two months? I didn’t. That’s the truth. I just got by. Truth is I was miserable every single day. All we ever want in life is to be accepted and loved, but when we throw that away it’s a struggle to get it back and I missed that so much. If this is my chance to get that back, I swear with every fiber in my being I’ll never let him go again. I glance down to notice his bright blue polo shirt is now soaked from tears I didn’t realize I was shedding. His thumb wipes away the remaining tears from my eyes as the song ends. Trey steps behind me making a ‘Sam’ sandwich. I’m trying to groan but all I seem to be doing is laughing like a hyena.

  “It’s about damn time, you two were killing me! If ya’ll want to leave and go have some hanky panky time, that’s fine with me. Plenty of ladies here to keep me company.” Oh damn, it’s going to take one hell of a woman to settle this man down. God have mercy on her soul, whoever she may be.

  Cole just rolled his eyes but when I leaned up to his ear and whispered, “Want to get out of here?” The crowded bar just wouldn’t do anymore; it felt like I’ve waited a lifetime for this. I’ve wondered these past two months what it would feel like when I finally let myself see him again and well it just feels out of this world.

  The minute we stepped out into the night air, his lips were on mine. I moaned as he worked his tongue against mine deepening our kiss. He pressed me against the side of his truck, my legs raising up to wrap around his waist. I felt one of my shoes fall off my foot and hit the gravel parking lot with a light thud. Screw it. I moan as his hand slides under my skirt. I know he can feel just how much I want him. His groan is ragged as he slides his finger around the outside of my panties before sliding a finger or two inside practically making me come undone. The butterflies are unreal. My hands wrap around his neck, occasionally moving up to tousle his hair. Neither of us can breathe normal once
we stop. Oh. My. Freaking. Gosh. That was so hot.

  Once he sets me back down on my feet, it takes a second to adjust to standing. I grab my shoe and put it back on before stepping in the truck. Cole pulls me in for one more kiss before leaving the parking lot of Joe’s. The drive isn’t awkward; it feels like I’ve been here all along. He reaches for my hand but instead I scoot across the seat until I’m right next to him. He brings his arm up laying it around my shoulder as I lean into him feeling safer than I ever have before.

  Chapter 39

  Cole

  Trey came to me a few days ago before he mentioned Sam was fighting tonight trying to convince me that I needed to go out with him. I haven’t been out since she needed her space. I didn’t want anyone else, not even a quick fuck in the back of the bar. There was nothing that would do except piss me off even more and make me miss her more than I already did. I went to her fight like I’ve been doing. Her dad was there, that told me they must be making progress. He looked so proud of her. In that moment, I missed my dad. He was taken away too soon, yes I had many wonderful memories with him but I’m selfish enough to admit I wanted more. I left right after her match. Making eye contact with her was a little too much for me, this was the first time she’s noticed me here. I wasn’t in my shadow and I wish I had been.