A hand touched my face and I jerked.
“It’s okay, sweetie,” Alley whispered, wiping the cum off my face and away from my nose. Apparently they weren’t entirely ready for me to pass out, since all of the men waited behind her while she finished what she was doing.
I jerked with another wave of coughing, and forced myself to swallow it all back down.
Alley stepped away and that was nearly enough to push me over the edge.
What had I agreed to?
Why was I letting this happen?
I knew when I agreed to stay with Kirk, to help him that I’d be used and degraded, but I still wasn’t sure how much of it I could take without breaking.
I sent my mind to another place. I didn’t have to be there. Nothing that I could do would change anything they did to me. They enjoyed pushing my body’s automatic responses.
But I still had to fight, to keep my teeth from clamping down, to keep my chest from inhaling too much of their vile liquid. That’s all I concentrated on, letting the rest of reality fade to the edges.
My only reprieve came when the next two men came quickly, probably from enjoying the show, and I finally felt hands releasing the cuffs on my ankles, and the strap across my chest.
My eyes wouldn’t focus on anything.
A form pulled me up and tucked me to his chest. I took a breath of his scent and crashed into unconsciousness.
I woke up in another coughing fit as Kirk swung open the door to his apartment.
“Bathroom please,” I rasped.
He sat me on my feet near the toilet and as the last cough subsided, I heaved, and coughed up more cum.
“I should have found a way to get you out of here.”
“I said I wanted to stay. Now I just want to bring them down more than ever.”
“Silver—”
I shook my head, putting my fingers to his lips. I knew what he wanted to say. He didn’t want me to end up fucked up for the rest of my life. He wanted to remind me that revenge was a slippery slope.
“If I don’t help, they’ll keep doing this. Maybe it’s small in the big scheme of things. There will be other traffickers. Other people who hurt women. But, I can at least help make sure some of them get what they deserve.”
Kirk huffed then kissed my forehead. “You’re a stronger girl than I gave you credit for.”
“I am pretty damn amazing, aren’t I?” I winked, putting on a show even though my voice was raspy and barely audible. Neither the sight or sound could have been remotely attractive, but it helped lighten the tension.
“I’m not sure I should feed your ego after that.”
“After tonight? Yes. Then, you should drag me into the shower and make me forget.”
“You need to drink some water first.” He kissed my forehead. “Will you be okay for a minute while I grab a glass?”
“Yeah, fill it with vodka.”
“You think your throat burns now?” He tousled my hair as he passed. “You haven’t even had dinner.”
I shrugged. Quicker path to wasted, which is exactly where I wanted to be.
Kirk climbed into the shower with me. He stood behind me, rubbing lathery soap over my skin. I could barely keep my eyes open, let alone enjoy his feathery touches over my skin, but I wanted my escape, that momentary release and rush of pleasure to help me escape the nightmare. Even if it was only temporary.
“Please, make me forget.” I rubbed my hands over his pecs then up and hooked them behind his neck.
“You’re exhausted,” he kissed my neck. I rested against his chest as he massaged the shampoo through my hair, then I leaned back, letting the water fall over my face and rinse the soap down the drain.
I shrugged, dropping my head on his shoulder. He was already taking most of my weight.
He helped me out of the tub then wrapped a towel around my body. I quickly dried myself off, eager to get off my feet and collapse in bed. I opened the medicine cabinet and took a mouthful of mouthwash. I considered swallowing it, just to sanitize the rest of my throat.
I swished it around and spit it out, and a horrible thought occurred to me.
“Those men…. They’re clean, right?”
“Yeah, Ross is careful.”
“But tonight he seemed pretty vengeful.”
“He gets that way especially…,” he trailed off for a moment, leaning sideways against the wall near the counter, “We haven’t had new girls in a while, so I think he was particularly enjoying himself.”
He gently ran his fingers over my shoulder and pulled me a step closer. “One more week,” he promised.
I followed him out to the living room and watched him walk into the kitchenette to fix us each something to eat—and hopefully drink. I noticed the pill bottle sitting on his desk, and tiptoed around the couch to pick it up.
Vicodin. The reliever of my pain and deliverer of oblivion.
“No, Silver.”
“I hurt.” I pleaded.
“Then, I’ll give you some Aspirin.”
“I’ve been taking this stuff all week.”
“For pain, not an escape.”
I stared down at the bottle, hearing Kirk put the food and drinks on the table. Tears broke free in streams down my face.
He grabbed my waist, holding me against his chest until the worst of the sobs passed.
“I shouldn’t have let you stay.”
“You couldn’t have gotten me out. No thinking about the impossible, remember?”
He kissed my cheek, then my neck. “You are pretty fucking awesome.”
I giggled, feeling the knot in my stomach unwind.
“I mean it. Now, let’s eat so I can help erase it all.”
He took the drugs out of my hand and tossed the bottle back on his desk, then tugged me to the couch.
I took a long swig of the drink he’d mixed, it burned all the way down but no more than my emotions.
After we finished eating, Kirk made us each a second drink. By the time we went to bed, I was stumbling and buzzed.
“I can now add taking advantage of a drunk girl to my long list of sins.”
“I’m not that drunk, and I asked for this before I started drinking.”
He pushed me down onto the bed, kissing from my belly button up my sternum to my neck, but by the time he got to my lips, I could barely keep my eyes open.
“How about we do this in the morning when you can enjoy it?”
I forced a smile, and nodded.
He pulled the blankets around us and drew me into his side.
“I forgive you,” I breathed.
Remnants of Me
I woke in the middle of the night coughing so hard, I was sure part of my lung was going to break off. Kirk rubbed my back, as I braced myself on hand and knees through the assault.
I leaned over the side of the bed and spit into the trashcan—phlegm mixed with liquids I never wanted to think about again.
“Is it possible to drown on cum?” I croaked.
“I don’t think you’re currently in danger of that.”
“Ross did it on purpose, knowing I’d have to inhale as soon as he got off,” I grumbled as I gasped for air, feeling almost as bad as the time I was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia in sixth grade. Kirk sat up next to me, supporting me with one arm and caressing my back with the other.
“I think I’m dying.” As I calmed, it became easier to at least draw in a slow, shallow breath.
“You’re not dying. Your lungs are just irritated, producing extra mucus.” He kissed between my shoulder blades and lifted me to face him. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t start,” I mumbled burying my face into his neck so I didn’t have to see his pained expression. “I said I’d stay; I knew it could get bad.”
“Why are you so determined?”
“Because….” I didn’t want to talk about my reasons. “I’m already in. Gabe….” It was hard enough saying his name. “He brought me into this. He dragged me do
wn as low as I could get. I want something to come out of this that’s bigger than my freedom.”
Kirk grimaced, pulling back to run his thumb across my chin. “You feel obligated because you shot an asshole that kidnaped and raped you?”
“He would have done it again. There are others who will.” I wrapped my hand around his forearm, my fingertips resting just above the snake tattoo that had infiltrated my dreams and fantasies in so many ways. I hoped that after this was over, I could shed the pain of this life away. “I want this Kirk. I deserve it, and I sure as hell didn’t go through everything tonight for you to change your mind.”
“I don’t want to have to watch anything like that again.” He pulled me into his lap. His hot palms spread against my back, keeping me tight against him. “You reminded me of who I really am and what I came here to stop. But you make it very hard to maintain my façade.”
Before I could respond, his lips covered mine. He nipped at my lip, but given what I’d just been coughing up, I kept my mouth closed.
I pulled away a fraction, and he grimaced.
“You really don’t mind kissing me right now? I’m coughing up other men’s cum for Chrissake.”
He nipped at my collarbone. “Never say that again.”
I chuckled and it sent me into another fit of coughing. I hated crawling out of his lap to spit in the trash can again, but my chest finally felt like it was beginning to clear. I emptied my glass of water and sat back against Kirk.
“Anything I can do to make you more comfortable?”
“Can you make it easier to breathe?”
“Lean forward, and put your arms under your head to spread out your shoulder blades.” He maneuvered me until I was exactly how he wanted me, then he pulled the blanket over my back and began pounding over my lungs.
I closed my eyes, transfixed by the steady rhythm as it broke up the congestion in my chest. I coughed several more times, and spit into the trash can again, before finally being able to take a deep breath.
“You’re good,” I said, rolling onto my back.
“Of course I am.” He lay down at my side, rubbing his hand in delicate motions across my stomach. Even in the dark, I couldn’t escape his drooping eyes and wrinkled forehead.
“Stop looking at me like you just killed my favorite pet.” I laced my fingers through his and drew his arm around me. “We are where we are, and I believe a few days ago, it was you trying to convince me of that.”
“That was when I thought I could keep you from getting hurt.” His voice was low, and I could almost feel the sting of pain that hid behind his words.
“So, what exactly was your long-term plan? Claim me and keep me hidden from everyone else until the person you’ve been waiting for shows up?”
“Pretty much. He’ll be here next week, and I suspect that’s why Ross pushed the initiation.”
“I get the feeling that tonight was supposed to be a punishment for you, too.”
“Perceptive,” he dawdled.
“I’m getting this whole criminal thought process down.”
Kirk grunted a laugh then rolled onto his back, pulling me with him so that my head rested on his shoulder.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“I haven’t done anything worthy—”
“Quiet.”
“You keep this up and no one is going to buy your act.”
“Why? I’m petrified around the rest of them—enough to keep my head on. I managed to lie through my teeth while high on pain meds, I think I can keep it together.” I laid my head on his shoulder. He pulled me closer, his arms wrapped around me.
I took a deep breath, but I still couldn’t manage to escape the burning in my soul that clogged my thoughts. I wanted to laugh it off, pretend it was something I could lock away, and forget it had never happened.
“I can feel you thinking,” Kirk whispered.
“I’ll add mind reading to your list of capabilities.”
He hooked his hand behind my knee and pulled me on top of him. His hot chest pressed against mine, and I stared down into his blue-grey eyes.
I wanted to melt into those eyes and hide there until it was all over.
“Do you still want that distraction?”
“Do you still want to give it to me?” My lips twitched. “I feel like I’m the one taking advantage of you now.”
“Even if you were, I’m not complaining.” He rolled me to my back and pressed his hand to me.
I had to give it to him. No one had ever made me appreciate how good sex could feel before him.
I was supposed to hate it.
I was supposed to hate him.
“What on earth are you thinking about now?”
“I’m not telling you.”
He paused, I watched him swallow. I wanted him to move. It was distraction time, and for some reason he was just waiting for something.
“What do you want?” I asked.
“Tell me something about you.”
I pushed my lips together and shook my head. He knew all he needed to know—more than he needed to know. “My name is Silver, I woke up here, you know my story.”
He closed his eyes. And kissed my sternum. Moving slowly down my body.
“What do you want to know?” I breathed as the arousal twisted with guilt in my gut.
“Nothing.”
I slid my fingers through his hair and pulled him against me.
“When I was a kid, my sister and I used dowel rods to ‘sword fight’ and she nearly broke my hand.”
He smiled and kissed my wrist. Every touch of his lips sent a flash of fire through me, touching more than my skin.
“You don’t owe me anything,” he said. As if he understood my deepest concerns.
“Whether I do or not….” I trailed off and regretted opening my mouth in the first place. Not only could I not put my feelings into words, Kirk paused again as he waited for me to finish what I’d begun.
There was some little part of me that wanted something real with him. Something not based on facades and lies.
A dangerous desire.
Kirk sealed his lips against mine, drawing me out and into his world. The place where it didn’t matter that our past was based on misinformation and lies, or that our future was doomed—one way or another.
He moved down my body, latching his mouth onto my breast. Teasing and sucking until I moaned in response. Then he kissed even lower down my stomach, over my bellybutton. His thumb brushed against the back of my knee, as he kissed and gently nipped the inside of my thigh.
His hot mouth settled over my clit—drawing it out with a suckle before pressing his tongue against it. His stubble scratched at my sensitive folds—especially in the places where I had yet to heal completely, but pleasure from his tongue and mouth far outweighed the discomfort, and soon the prickling pain was joined by the pleasure.
He hooked my thighs over his shoulders, his hands gripping the sides of my hips as he buried his face in my flesh.
I moaned, writhing against him as he pushed me closer to orgasm with just his tongue and mouth.
It was almost the simplicity of it that made it even more amazing. His attentiveness to every spot of my body that remained sore and bruised from the attack.
I hadn’t been sure that I could take his cock inside of me, even though I wanted it, but he seemed to have come up with a solution without me having even expressed my doubts.
His hand stretched up, rubbing my breast gently. Tweaking the nipple between two fingers.
I bucked and then arched my back. His tongue flickered inside of me, licking up my juices as my insides twisted.
I reached above me, clutching at the headboard as the orgasm built.
Everything down to his hot breath on my skin took my control away.
My hips rocked and he sucked harder, lips and tongue playing with and exploring every fold.
My toes curled.
My back arched.
And I moaned as my m
uscles broke free and claimed the orgasmic release.
I bucked, but Kirk kept licking and sucking, drawing out every jerk, quiver, and twitch until I had been drained.
My body simultaneously felt weightless and as heavy as cement—weighted down until it sunk into the bed.
I smelled myself on his lips as they pressed against my own. I tasted it as my tongue flicked out to draw him in.
“And to think I was once a skeptic when people said sex could be that good.”
“At least I don’t have to ask if you enjoyed it.”
“Hell yes.”
I had no business holding on to him. Holding onto the pleasure—even the pain.
I took a deep breath and curled against his side as he returned to his place beside me. If the two of us had crossed paths anywhere else, I doubted we would have ever given each other a second look. We were both victims of the circumstances.
We could survive together, and feed off of each other’s strength. But I wondered how much more was possible for us.
If I’d ever see him again when—if—we escaped this torment.
Would we even want to see each other again? Would we want to relive the pain, the things we’d seen and experienced?
Kirk traced my skin in light circles until I shivered.
“You’re not supposed to be thinking now.”
I sighed. “You make me come apart in ways I don’t think I’ll ever understand.”
“And yet you’re still trying? You baffle me sometimes.”
I sat up and glared down at him. My chest still felt stiff, and I had a feeling it wouldn’t feel better in the morning. Probably much worse, so anything we were about to get out of our system had to be now.
“I’m sorry I can’t just shut my brain off at will.”
To my surprise, he smiled, rose up, and kissed me. “You baffle me because… here you are. Everything that’s happened and against all odds, you’re far from broken.”
“That’s what you were afraid would happen to me in the beginning. Even Ross said it.”
I leaned into his hand as he touched the side of my face, and moved his hand down my neck to squeeze my shoulder.
“I thought that if I could protect you from them, you might be okay. I didn’t know when or if I could get you out of here without bringing down the wrath of the entire operation. You fought me every step of the way until I had to punish you for running.”
Irrevocable: A Sins of Ashville Abduction Dark Romance (Irrevocable Duet Book 1) Page 23