Fiancé in Name Only

by Maureen Child

  “Or early in the morning, yeah.” He zipped the bag closed, straightened up and faced her. His features were unreadable, his eyes shadowed. “Look, I know I said I was leaving tomorrow, but there’s no reason to wait and I thought it would be easier this way.”

  Nothing about this was easy, but Kelly smiled. She would get through this. “Did you get everything?”

  He glanced around the room, “Yeah. I did. Kelly...”

  God, she didn’t want him to say he was sorry. Didn’t want to see sympathy in his eyes or hear it in his voice. She cut him off with the one sure way she knew to make him stop talking. “Before you go, I’ve got something you need to see.”

  His eyes narrowed on her suspiciously. “What is it?”

  Kelly took a breath, pulled the test stick from her pocket and handed it to him. Still confused, he stared at her for another second or two, then his gaze dropped to the stick. “Is this—” He looked into her eyes. “You’re pregnant?”

  “I am. Thought I was getting sick, but no.”

  “We used protection.”

  “Apparently latex just isn’t what it used to be.” It was hard to smile, but she did it. Hard to keep her spirits up, but she was determined. Kelly took a step toward him. “Micah, I just thought you had a right to know about the baby. I—”

  “How long have you known?”

  “Since this morning.”

  “And you waited until I’m all packed and ready to go before you drop it on me?”

  “Well,” she said, her temper beginning to rise, “I didn’t know you were leaving tonight, did I? Sprung that one on me.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Oh, come on, Micah.” Her vow to remain rational was slowly unraveling. But then, she told herself, temper wasn’t pitiful. “You know exactly what I mean. You wanted to catch me off guard so I wouldn’t have time to plead with you not to go.”

  He stiffened. “That’s not—”

  “Relax. I’m not asking you to stay, Micah. Go ahead. Leave. I know you have to, or at least that you think you have to, which pretty much amounts to the same thing anyway. So go. I’m fine.”

  “You’re pregnant,” he reminded her.

  Kelly laid both hands on her belly and for the first time that night gave him a real smile. “And will be, whether you’re here or not. I’m happy about the baby. This is a gift, Micah. The best one you could have given me.”

  “A gift.” He shook his head and paced the room, occasionally glancing down at the stick he still held. “Happy. My God, you and this place...”

  “What’re you talking about?” Now it was her turn to be confused, but she didn’t like the cornered anger snapping in his eyes.

  He shoved one hand through his hair. “You don’t even see it, do you?” Muttering now, he said, “I told myself earlier that I didn’t belong here and I know why. But you just don’t get it.”

  “I don’t appreciate being talked down to,” Kelly snapped. “So if you’ve got something to say, just say it.”

  “You’re pregnant and you’re happy about it, even though I’m walking out and leaving you alone to deal with it.”

  “That’s a bad thing? Micah—”

  “You live in a land of kids and dogs.” He choked out a short laugh and shook his head as if even he couldn’t believe all of this. “You paint pictures on windows, carve pumpkins.” He threw up his hands. “You have nosy neighbors, deer in your garden and ghosts hanging from your tree, and none of that has anything to do with the real world. With the world I live in.”

  He was simmering. She could see frustration and anger rippling off him in waves and Kelly responded to it. If he was leaving, let them at least have truth between them when he did.

  “Which world is that, Micah?” When he didn’t speak, she prompted, “Go ahead. You’re clearly on a roll. Tell me all about how little I know about reality.”

  He laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. Tossing the test stick onto the bed, he stalked to her side. “You want reality?” He looked down into her eyes and said, “I grew up in foster homes. My mother walked out when I was six and I never saw her again. I didn’t have a damn friend until I met Sam in the navy, because I never stayed anywhere long enough to make one.” His gaze bored into hers. “My world is hard and cruel. I don’t have the slightest clue how to live in a land where everything is rosy all the damn time.”

  He was breathing fast, his eyes flashing, but he had nothing on Kelly. She could feel her temper building inside her like a cresting wave, and like a surfer at the beach, she jumped on board and rode it.

  “Rosy?” Insult stained her tone as she poked him in the chest with her index finger. “You think my world is some cozy little space? That my life is perfect? My parents died when I was little and I came here to live when I was twelve. Then my grandfather died. My husband died. And my best friend’s husband is in danger every day he’s deployed.”

  He swiped one hand across his face. “God, Kelly...”

  “Not finished,” she said, tipping her head back to glare at him. “Life happens, Micah. Even in rosy little towns. People die. Three-year-olds get lost in the woods. And men who don’t know any better walk away.”

  His jaw was tight and turmoil churned in his eyes. “Damn it, Kelly, I wasn’t thinking.”

  She heard the contrition in his voice, but she couldn’t let go of her anger. If she did, the pain would slide in and that might just finish her off. Thank God she hadn’t told him she loved him—that would have been the capper to this whole mess.

  “You’re the one who doesn’t get it, Micah,” she said. “Bad things happen. You just have to keep going.”

  “Or you stop,” he countered. “And back away.” Micah shook his head. “I don’t know how to do this, Kelly. You. This town. A baby, for God’s sake. Trust me when I say I’m not the guy you think I am.”

  “No, Micah,” she said, feeling sorrow swallow the anger. “You’re not the guy you think you are.”

  He snorted and shook his head. “Still surprising me.” He walked to the bed, picked up his bags and stood there, staring at her. “Anything you need, call me. You or the baby. You’ve got my cell number.”

  “I do,” she said, lifting her chin and meeting his gaze steadily. “But I won’t need anything, Micah. I don’t want anything from you.” All she wanted was him. But she realized now she couldn’t have him. Her heart was breaking and that empty place in her heart was spreading, opening like a black hole, devouring everything in its path.

  She felt hollowed out, and looking at him now only made that worse. He was close enough to touch and so far away she couldn’t reach him.

  “Goodbye, Kelly,” he said, and, carrying his bags, he walked past her.

  She heard him on the stairs. Heard the front door open and then close, and he was gone.

  Dropping to the end of the bed, Kelly looked around the empty room and listened to the silence.

  Ten

  By the following afternoon, Kelly had most of the Halloween decorations down and stacked to be put away. This chore used to depress her, since the anticipation and fun of the holiday was over for another year. But today she already felt as low as she could go.

  “I still can’t believe he left, knowing you’re pregnant.”

  Kelly sighed. She’d told her best friend the whole story and somehow felt better the more outraged Terry became. But it had been an hour and she was still furious. “Terry, he was always going to leave, remember?”

  “Yeah, but pregnant changes things.”

  “No, it doesn’t.”

  “Plus,” Terry added, “I can’t believe you’re pregnant before me. Jimmy’s got his work cut out for him when he gets home.”

  Kelly laughed a
s Terry had meant her to. What did people without best friends do when the world exploded? Her mind wandered as she rolled up the orange twinkle lights from the porch and carefully stored them in a bag marked for Halloween.

  She’d done a lot of thinking the night before—since God knows she hadn’t gotten any sleep—and had come to the conclusion that she’d done the right thing. Kelly didn’t want Micah to stay because of the baby. She wanted him to stay for her.

  “If he had stayed because I’m pregnant,” she told Terry, “sooner or later, he’d resent us both and then he’d leave.” Shaking her head firmly, she said, “This way is better. Not great, but better.”

  “Okay, I get that, and I hate it when you’re mature and I’m not,” Terry said. “But I’d still feel better if Jimmy were here and I could tell him to go beat Micah up.”

  Kelly laughed, hugged her best friend and said, “It’s the thought that counts.”

  Her cell phone rang and she cringed at the caller ID. Looking at Terry, she said, “It’s Gran.”

  “Oh, boy.” Shaking her head, Terry said, “Let’s go inside. You can sit down and I’ll make some tea.”

  As the phone continued to ring, Kelly mused, “It’s a shame I can’t have wine because, boy, after this conversation, I’m going to need some.”

  Kelly wasn’t looking forward to breaking this news to her grandmother, but she might as well get it over with. She followed Terry into the house and answered the phone. “Hi, Gran.”

  “Sweetie, I found the prettiest wedding dress—it would be perfect on you. I’m going to send you the picture, okay, and I don’t want to interfere, but—”

  Kelly sat down at the table and winced at Terry, already moving around the kitchen. Bracing herself, she interrupted her grandmother’s flow. “Gran, wait. I’ve got something to tell you.”

  “What is it, dear? Oh, hold on. Linda’s here, I’m putting you on speaker.”

  Great. Kelly sighed and winced again. “Well, the good news is, I’m pregnant!”

  Terry frowned at her and mouthed, Chicken, as she wandered the kitchen making tea. Kelly set the phone on the table, hit speaker and her grandmother’s and Aunt Linda’s voices spilled into the room.

  “Oh, a baby!”

  “That’s so wonderful,” Linda cooed. “You know my Debbie keeps telling me she’s going to one of those sperm banks, but she hasn’t done it yet. You should talk to her, Kelly.”

  Terry laughed and once again, Kelly felt bad for her cousin Debbie. First an engagement and now a baby. She was putting a lot of pressure on Debbie and Tara.

  “Oh, Micah must be so excited,” Gran said.

  “Yeah,” Terry threw in. “He’s thrilled.”

  Kelly scowled at her. Not helping.

  “That’s the thing, Gran,” Kelly said quickly. “The bad news is that Micah and I broke up.”

  “What?” Twin shrieks carried all the way from Florida, and Kelly had the distinct feeling she might have heard the two women without the phone.

  Terry set out some cookies and brewed tea while Kelly went through the whole thing for the second time that day. A half hour later, Gran and Aunt Linda were both fuming.

  “I’ll get Big Eddie to go out there and give that boy a punch in the nose.”

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Linda,” Gran said. “Big Eddie’s seventy-five years old.”

  “He’s tough, though,” Linda insisted. “Spry, too and I have reason to know.”

  “Spry or not, you can’t ask the man to fly somewhere just to punch someone, no matter how badly he deserves it,” Gran snapped.

  Terry set cups of tea on the table, then gave two thumbs-ups in approval.

  “No one needs to beat anybody up,” Kelly said, sipping her fresh cup of tea. “I had no idea my family was so violent. Terry already offered to have Jimmy do the honors.”

  “Terry’s a good girl, I always said so.”

  “Thanks, Gran,” Terry called out.

  “What are you going to do about all of this, Kelly?” Gran asked.

  “I’m gonna have a baby,” she said, then added quickly, “and I’m going to be fine, Gran. I don’t want you rushing home to take care of me.”

  “She’s got me right here,” Terry said.

  “This just doesn’t seem right, though,” Gran mumbled. “You shouldn’t be alone.”

  Kelly ate a cookie and thought about another one.

  “Get a clue, Bella,” Linda told her. “The girl doesn’t want you there hovering. She’s got things to do, to think about, isn’t that right, Kelly?”

  If she’d been closer, Kelly would have kissed her aunt. “Thanks, Aunt Linda. Honest, Gran, I’m fine. Micah’s doing what he has to do and so am I.”

  “I don’t like it,” her grandmother said, then sighed. “But you’re a grown woman, Kelly, and I’ll respect your decisions.”

  Terry’s eyes went wide in surprise and Kelly stared at the phone, stunned. “Really?”

  “You’ll figure it out, honey,” Gran said.

  “You will,” Linda added. “And if you need us for anything, you call and say so. A great-grandchild’s something to celebrate, like I keep telling Debbie.”

  “This one’s mine,” Gran pointed out.

  “Oh, you can share,” Linda said. “I’ll share when Debbie finally comes through.”

  Terry was laughing and Kelly almost cried. She’d been hit by a couple of huge emotional jolts in the last twenty-four hours, but the bottom line was that she had her family. She wasn’t alone. She just didn’t have Micah.

  And that was going to hurt for a long time.

  * * *

  For a solid week, Micah holed up in his penthouse suite. He couldn’t work. Couldn’t sleep. Had no interest in eating. He lived on coffee and sandwiches from room service he forced down. A deep, simmering fury was his only companion and even at that, he knew it was useless. Hell, he was the one who left. Why was he so damn mad?

  The second week gone was no better, though anger shifted to worry and that made him furious, too. He hadn’t wanted any of this. Hadn’t asked to care. Didn’t want to wonder if Kelly was all right. If the baby was okay. And it was November and that meant snow for her, and he started thinking about her broken-down truck and her riding around in it, and that drove him even crazier.

  Micah wasn’t used to this. Once he moved on from a place, he wiped it from his mind as if it didn’t even exist anymore. He was always about the next place. He didn’t do the past. He moved around on his own and liked it. He didn’t miss people, so why the hell did he wake up every morning reaching for Kelly in that big empty bed?

  * * *

  “You Kelly Flynn?”

  The burly man in a blue work shirt and khaki slacks held a clipboard and looked at her through a pair of black-framed glasses.

  “Yes, I am. Who’re you?”

  “I’m Joe Hackett. I’m here to deliver your truck?”

  “My what?” Kelly stepped onto the porch of the cottage and looked out at the driveway. Parked behind her old faithful truck was a brand-new one. November sunlight made the chrome sparkle against the deep glossy red paint. It was bigger than her old one, with a shorter bed but a longer cab with a back seat bench. It was shiny. And new. And beautiful. Kelly loved it. But it couldn’t be hers. “There must be some mistake.”

  “No mistake, lady,” Joe said. “Sign here and she’s all yours. Paid for free and clear including tax and license.”r />
  She looked from the truck to the clipboard and saw her name and address on the delivery sheet. So not a mistake. Which could mean only one thing. Micah had sent it.

  He’d been gone two weeks. The longest two weeks of her life. And, suddenly, here he was. Okay, not him, but his presence, definitely. Tears filled her eyes and she had to blink frantically to clear her vision. What was she supposed to think about this? He leaves but buys her a new truck? Why would he do it?

  “Lady? Um, just sign here so we can get going?” He was giving her the nervous look most men wore around crying women.

  “Right. Okay.” She scrawled her name on the bottom line and took the keys Joe handed over. As he and another guy left in a compact car, Kelly walked to her new truck. She ran her hand across the gleaming paint, then opened the driver’s-side door and got in. The interior sparkled just as brightly as the outside. Leather seats. Seat warmers. Backup camera. Four-wheel drive. She laughed sadly. The truck had so many extras it could probably drive itself.

  “Micah, why?” She sat back and stared through the windshield at the Victorian. Her fingers traced across the surface of the emerald she still wore, and she wondered where he was now and if he missed her as much as she missed him.

  * * *

  Micah hated the hotel. He felt like a rat in a box.

  The penthouse suite was huge, and still he felt claustrophobic. He couldn’t just step outside and feel a cold fall breeze. No, he’d have to take an elevator down thirty floors and cross a lobby just to get to the damn parking lot.

  He didn’t keep the doors to the terrace open because they let in the muffled roar of the city far below. He’d gotten so used to the quiet at Kelly’s place that the noise seemed intrusive rather than comforting.

  Three weeks now since he’d left Kelly, and the anger, the worry, the outrage had all boiled down into a knot of guilt, which made him mad all over again.

  What the hell did he have to feel guilty about? She’d known going in that he wasn’t going to stay. And if she’d wanted him to stay why didn’t she say so?