Nowhere To Hide

by RaeAnne Thayne

  “What’s the matter?”

  “I forgot about this.” Embarrassed, she covered the spot to the lower left of her navel where the insulin pump fed into her. If she’d been thinking earlier, she would have tried to unobtrusively pull out the catheter before they got to this point so that he wouldn’t be confronted with such a stark reminder of her condition.

  “I’m sorry. It can be kind of a mood breaker.”

  “Lisa, it would take a whole lot more than that to break the mood for me.”

  He pulled her back to him and kissed her again. She could still feel the heat of his arousal jutting against her insistently.

  “I can remove the pump. It will just take a minute.”

  “Whatever you’re most comfortable with. I don’t care.”

  He didn’t, she realized, and tumbled into love with him all over again. Oh, how she would hate walking away from this man. With a strange mix of sorrow and sweet joy tumbling around inside her, she scooted to the edge of the bed and turned off the pump then pulled the catheter from the infusion site and set them both on the bedside table.

  “Is it safe to turn it off?” Gage asked.

  “I can do without it safely for an hour or so at a time. I should be fine. I’m afraid we don’t have any more time than that since your mother and the girls will be back by then.”

  “It really doesn’t bother me.”

  She smiled and traced the curve of his jaw with tenderness. “I know. I can’t tell you what that means to me.”

  Since she was already standing, she used the chance to shimmy the rest of the way out of her sundress and bra. His eyes darkened like the stormclouds still flinging raindrops against the window.

  Clad only in lacy panties that matched the bra, she returned to the bed and reached to help him out of his sweats.

  “You think your insulin pump is a mood breaker, try having two miserable casts on your legs,” he said ruefully.

  “We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?”

  He gazed at her with one of those unreadable expressions on his face. “I’m beginning to think so.”

  No. They weren’t a pair at all. The only thing they would have together was just this one incredible night. A tiny slice of time for her to show him how much she loved him.

  Her breath seemed to catch in her throat, but she pushed away the sorrow and regret. Later she could focus on her broken heart. For now she wanted to savor every moment of this.

  Not wanting to waste any time, she kissed him with all the passion inside her. For a long time they explored each other, learning pleasure spots and secret hollows. As they touched and tasted, tension coiled within her, needy and demanding.

  She wanted him inside her, wanted his strength and his heat. With a boldness born from the desperate urgency of knowing their time together was running out, she reached for him, cradling his hardness in her fingers.

  He groaned an oath and shifted his hips. “I think I’ve got condoms in the drawer,” he murmured.

  In seconds she found one and covered him, teasing and touching as she went. By the time she finished, he was breathing hard.

  “I’m not so sure I like being at your mercy here.”

  Her laugh was rough and aroused. There was something incredibly erotic about being the one making all the moves. “Too bad. You’re completely under my control. Face it, you’re helpless against me, Agent McKinnon. I can do whatever I want with you, and there’s not a single thing you can do about it.”

  With her hands clasped in his, she straddled him then sheathed him inside her. A gasp of sheer pleasure escaped her lips, and she moved her hips again.

  “And all this time I thought you were so sweet and innocent. Truth is, you’re a wicked woman, Lisa Connors,” he murmured, his features taut and his stormy gaze filled with laughter and desire. “Just don’t forget this is a temporary situation. In a few weeks I’ll be back to normal with full use of both legs. We’ll see how you like payback.”

  “I’ll just have to take full advantage of you while I have the chance, then.”

  It was tricky, but after a moment she developed a rhythm of sorts. With each movement, he seemed to stretch deeper inside her. Soon both of them were trembling, their breathing harsh. The tension spiraled unbearably and she gave him a hard kiss, her mouth urgent on his. She was hungry for release. Burning for it.

  Finally his fingers reached between their bodies. Just as she lowered herself onto him again, he touched the aching center of her desire, and the world exploded in a burst of bright, vivid colors. With a ragged moan, he joined in her pleasure.

  Her body spent, she collapsed against him, careful to keep her weight off his legs. He pulled her to his side and held her, his hands gentle as he pushed damp strands of hair from her face. “You can take advantage of me like that anytime you want.”

  She smiled weakly even as she felt tears burn against her eyes. No, she couldn’t. She wouldn’t be around. “Same goes, Agent McKinnon.”

  Even though she knew Lynn and the girls would be back soon, they stayed in a tight, bittersweet embrace for a long time, just touching and caressing each other softly while she worked to choke back the heartache she hoped he couldn’t see.

  She should never have let things go so far, she realized grimly. Yes, she would have this one precious, incredible memory to take with her when she left him.

  But she knew now with desolating clarity that one memory would never be enough.

  Chapter 15

  The sun was still hours away from cresting the mountains to the east of Park City when Allie loaded the last suitcase into the trunk of her Honda.

  Though it was a tight squeeze, she had somehow managed to pry, cram and stuff their belongings into every available space of the car, leaving just enough room for the girls in their booster seats.

  She closed the trunk and stepped away from the car. She supposed she should carry the girls out so they could leave. With luck, Gaby and Anna would stay asleep on the road for a few hours, until they were well on their way.

  She wasn’t sure she was up to coping with Gaby’s inevitable barrage of questions for a while.

  Though she knew she had no excuse for lingering out here, really, she stood in the driveway, gazing at the dark silhouette of the mountains around her. An owl hooted softly in a tree down the street. His call was answered from somewhere nearby, and in the distance she could hear the sharp bark of a dog then silence once more.

  Oh, she didn’t want to run away. She and the girls had been safe here, had made good friends like Ruth Jensen, Estelle Montgomery, Jessica Farmer. At the thought of never seeing any of them again, a lump rose in her throat, and hot tears burned behind her eyelids.

  How she hated this life—this constant looking over her shoulder, the subtle tension always simmering beneath her skin. The knowledge that she would likely never again have the chance to sink down roots like the bright blossoms Ruth planted.

  Right now, with the town asleep and peaceful and the cool mountain air fresh and clean in her lungs, she couldn’t bear the thought of leaving this place. The future loomed ahead of her, dark and scary and unknown, and she wanted to run back inside her snug little cottage, jump into her warm bed and yank the covers over her head so she didn’t have to face it all.

  She had to admit, the main reason she couldn’t bear to leave this comfortable little nest was just a dozen yards away, most likely asleep in the bed where they had shared such tenderness.

  She shifted her gaze to Gage’s darkened house. The tears threatened to break free but she quickly blinked them back.

  She didn’t want to remember him with heartbreak. When she thought of Gage from here on, she wanted it to be with joy and laughter, to remember those heavenly moments they had spent entwined together the evening before. Not with regret and loss.

  How cruel life could be. For the last two years, she thought she would remain locked forever in her grief over Jaime. She never would have dreamed a gruff, wounded soldier like
Gage McKinnon could help her realize she could one day find love again in a most unexpected place—or that she would find that love with the one man she couldn’t have.

  What would Gage think when he discovered she and her girls had cleared out without a word? Would he be angry or hurt or both?

  Maybe neither. Though she knew he was attracted to her and she sensed he might have deeper feelings than just the physical heat they generated together, he was so hard to read. Most of the time she couldn’t tell what was happening inside his head or in his heart.

  She had a crazy wish that she could see him one more time, just to see him again and to tell him goodbye. It was impossible, though. She had left things too long already, had allowed herself to be lulled into a false sense of peace and security. She should have packed up her girls and fled weeks ago, before Gage McKinnon and his gray eyes and his strong shoulders could creep into her heart and threaten her future.

  That afternoon he would be returning to work at the FBI, to a world of mug shots and forensics and all-points bulletins.

  She could be one of those bulletins. Maybe no one was looking for her and the girls—maybe Irena and Joaquin had never reported her missing—but she couldn’t take that chance. Too much was at stake.

  Headlights suddenly sliced through the predawn darkness and she watched as a delivery truck lumbered down the quiet road. The milkman, she realized, charmed all over again by the contrast of Park City—cosmopolitan resort destination one moment, sleepy small town the next.

  Allie rubbed at the one dratted tear that escaped before she could stop it. Enough. She couldn’t stand here all day mourning what she would be leaving behind. It would accomplish nothing.

  Even though she might long to see Gage again, she knew she couldn’t. She needed to be on the road without having to face him or his mother or anyone else. It would be far easier to make a clean break without having to come up with some convenient lie to explain why she and the girls were skulking away in the middle of the night.

  With one last, regretful look toward the cottage next to hers, she went inside to gather her sleeping daughters.

  “Are you sure you’re comfortable, dear? I can bring out more pillows before we leave.”

  With a mental groan, Gage settled deeper into the passenger seat of his mother’s sporty little Toyota SUV. “I’m fine.”

  Lynn frowned at him, her soft features twisted into a suspicious look. “Are you sure? You’re just so tall and I’m afraid I don’t have much leg room in this thing. Your brother is always complaining about it.”

  “I’m fine. Really,” he repeated, working hard to keep the bite out of his voice. He had swallowed so much of his irritation these past few weeks it was a wonder he didn’t have a raging case of bleeding ulcers.

  Lynn wasn’t to blame. She was only trying to help, he knew that—that’s why he worked so hard not to take his frustrations out on her. He just wasn’t any good at being mollycoddled, and he still hated the circumstances that had made it necessary.

  His mother studied him for a moment longer as if trying to gauge the truth of his words. Finally she gave a little sigh and shifted into reverse. “If you’re sure.”

  “I am. The doctor’s office is only ten minutes away.”

  Before she drove away, Lynn nodded in the direction of the house next door. “It looks like Lisa went somewhere early this morning,” she said. “Her car is gone, anyway.”

  He didn’t want to look, but as Lynn drove off, he couldn’t help himself from gazing in the rearview mirror at her empty driveway, with no sign of her little Honda.

  Maybe she had gone into work early, though he hoped not. She needed sleep more than she needed a little overtime.

  He thought of how deeply she had fallen asleep in his arms after the heat and wonder they had shared. He would have given anything he owned if she could have been able to stay right there with him all night and slept in his arms, soft and warm and at peace. He had loved holding her, listening to her breathe, watching the worry that always seemed to shadow her eyes disappear for a while.

  All too soon, though, he had been forced to wake her so they could be dressed before Lynn returned with the girls and discovered how very well her sneaky plan had worked.

  How badly would Lisa rip into him if he called Ruth Jensen and told her she needed the day off so she could recharge her batteries? He pictured her reaction and couldn’t help wincing a little. She would skin him alive if he dared.

  Though she had a soft vulnerability inside her, it was covered by a hard, crackly layer of fierce independence. He found it ironic that for all the care she took to nurture everyone around her, she didn’t take well to finding herself on the receiving end of some of that concern.

  His own need to take care of her, to do a little nurturing of his own, was as terrifying as the tenderness that settled in his chest whenever he thought about her. He didn’t have the first idea what the hell he was going to do about it.

  “I like her,” Lynn said quietly.

  He blinked at his mother, unnerved by the way she sometimes seemed to see right through his skull into the workings of his brain. “Who?”

  “You know. Lisa. I sense great courage in her. A strength of character you don’t find in many people today. And those daughters of hers! They’re just the sweetest things. They make me want to just grab them both close and hug them tight. I haven’t had so much fun at the movies in years.”

  Just for one sublime instant, he allowed himself to remember what he and Lisa had been doing while his mother watched animated characters on the screen with Lisa’s kids. Heat rushed through him and he couldn’t contain his smile.

  “Being with Gaby and Anna last night sure made me wish for a couple of granddaughters of my own,” Lynn said slyly.

  “Oh?” He pretended to ignore her extremely broad hint. “Is Wyatt seeing someone?”

  Lynn gave a snort of laughter that she still somehow managed to make sound ladylike. “That one dates more women than I have lipstick colors. I’ve just about given up on him ever settling down.”

  “Don’t look at me for grandchildren,” he said gruffly.

  “And why not?”

  He was about to say he would stink at being a father, but the words seemed to sputter to a dead stop in his throat. Suddenly the idea of helping to raise a couple of beautiful little girls didn’t seem so very terrible. A quick mental collage formed in his mind of a series of firsts—first day of school, first piano recital, first driving lesson.

  Each image featured a smiling dark-haired girl and her mother. And him, looking on with pride and love.

  Whoa. Slow down. One incredible evening together did not automatically translate to happily-ever-after.

  So why did a future with Lisa seem to fit so well?

  If he was stunned by the depth of his tenderness before, this turn of thought was absolutely staggering. A future with her? As in wedding rings and a house in suburbia and joint checking accounts? Impossible!

  He drew in a shaky breath, grateful he wasn’t driving or he probably would have run right off the road. No. As appealing as that pretty little picture might be, he didn’t belong there.

  “I’ve always thought I wasn’t cut out to be a family man.”

  “Oh, that’s nonsense. Wyatt says the same thing.”

  “Does he?” he asked, surprised that he and his brother might have even that much in common.

  “There’s no reason you both wouldn’t make wonderful fathers. Just look at the example you had in Sam.”

  He stared at her, so astonished by her mention of his father—her ex-husband—that for a moment he couldn’t think what to say.

  In the entire ten days she had stayed at his house, she had never once mentioned Sam McKinnon. He assumed the enmity between the two of them ran so deeply that his father was too awkward a subject, though now that he thought about it, their divorce had always seemed painfully civil.

  “Why do you look so surprised? Sam has a
lways been a terrific father.”

  He thought of overnight campouts and heart-to-heart talks at their favorite fishing hole and baseball games where his dad never missed a chance to sit in the stands and cheer him on.

  Fast on the heels of those childhood memories was his father the last time he had seen him, quietly asking questions about Gage’s work at the FBI as they worked in Sam’s cabinet shop with the smell of fresh-cut pine in the air and sawdust motes flashing golden in the sunlight that streamed in through dusty windows.

  “Yeah, he is a good father,” he said gruffly.

  “That’s why I agreed you should live with him after the divorce, Gage,” Lynn said after a moment. “I hope you can understand that. Wyatt was still a child who needed his mother. But you were on the verge of becoming a man. Your father and I both thought it would be best for you to stay with him in Las Vegas until you went off to college.”

  He supposed he could see the reasoning to it now. At the time, though, it had sure felt like an abandonment.

  He remembered the grief and loss he had struggled with after Lynn took Wyatt back to Utah. In his heart, he had known the reason she didn’t take him, too—because she had counted on him and he had failed her and she couldn’t bear to be reminded of it.

  “Even boys on the verge of becoming men sometimes need their mothers,” he murmured.

  To his dismay, tears filled her eyes and her hands tightened on the steering wheel. “Oh, Gage.”

  He instantly regretted his words and wanted to beg her not to cry. He couldn’t bear the sight of his mother’s tears. “It doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago.”

  “It does matter. Things were such a mess after…after Charlotte disappeared. I was a mess.”

  “It was a crazy time.”

  “I regret so many things about those first weeks and months as we all tried to find our way without her—to live with the horrible, devastating loss of her.”

  She blew out a ragged breath. “But what I regret the most was that I really lost two children that day. One was taken from me by force, and that was a terrible, traumatic thing for any mother to endure. But the other one—my strong, wonderful oldest child—I gave up completely on my own.”