What's Done In the Dark

by ReShonda Tate Billingsley

  Felise didn’t say anything. She just let me rant.

  “Had you all ever talked about getting together? Googly-eyed each other, anything?” I demanded to know.

  “No. Nothing,” she said, her voice reeking of desperation. But not like she was desperate to cover up a lie. Like she was desperate for me to believe she was telling the truth. “We buried our feelings a long time ago. And from the day I fixed him up with you, I have never, ever crossed the line.”

  I narrowed my eyes at her.

  “I mean, except, you know . . . that one time.”

  I wanted to ask her some intimate details, but I had come so far and I didn’t need my memory of my husband tainted any more than it already was.

  “I asked him for a divorce that night. Is that why you did it?” I said.

  She vehemently shook her head. “No, absolutely not. Honestly, we both just fell to temptation, and after it was over, we swore it would never happen again.”

  I glared at her, then said, “I would like to believe that you’re not that low-down. I just can’t imagine that you have been my friend all these years—my best friend—and you were secretly harboring feelings for my husband.”

  She took a step toward me. “You’ve got to believe me.”

  I didn’t have to do any such thing, but I said, “Fine.”

  We stood in silence, former friends facing off. Then I said, “I came to let you know I forgive you.” I waited to feel like this great weight was being lifted from my shoulders. It didn’t happen.

  She smiled, greatly relieved. “Thank you, Paula. I just want us to get back to where we were.”

  I looked at her like she had lost her mind. “Girl, please. I’m forgiving you for me. Not because you deserve it. I just want to close this chapter of my life.”

  She sadly nodded in understanding. “What about Liz and Tahiry?” she asked.

  “They are innocent in all of this. I’m not going to interfere in their friendship.”

  Her shoulders slumped in relief. I don’t know what kind of monster she thought I was. Just because I complained about my kids a lot didn’t mean that I didn’t have their best interests at heart. And Tahiry and Liz loved each other. I wasn’t going to take that away from them.

  “I’m sorry.” She stepped toward me again.

  The look on my face stopped her, and she lowered her gaze.

  “Yes, you are,” I said. I turned and walked away.

  Inside my car, I finally let my river of tears escape. Yes, I was crying for a friendship lost, but forgiving—or trying to forgive—had cleansed my soul. Never in a million years did I think I’d be capable of forgiving such a betrayal, and while I still had a long road to complete healing, I was definitely on my way.

  I’d cried enough. I wiped my face, tossed my curls over my shoulder, started my car, and drove toward my future.

  59

  Felise

  THESE HAD BEEN THE ABSOLUTE longest three months of my life. I felt empty without Paula in my life, but I was grateful that she’d found it in her heart to forgive me. Or at least taken steps toward forgiveness. And I was really grateful that Paula remained loving and cordial to Liz. For them, nothing had changed.

  I truly was sorry for how I’d hurt Paula. I was especially sorry for my deception afterward, but my pity party was shut down. I was no longer going to wallow in the mess I’d made.

  I knew that our friendship would never be the same, but forgiveness was a powerful drug. Having Paula’s forgiveness set me free. Forgiving myself allowed me to pick up the pieces and move forward.

  “Hey, Felise, thanks so much for giving me the name of your friend. She had some great ideas for my parents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary.”

  I smiled at my coworker April. I’d heard through the grapevine that Paula’s event-planning business was doing really well, so when April mentioned that she was looking for someone, I’d immediately given her Paula’s name.

  “I’m so glad to hear that,” I said. “I’m sure the party will be wonderful.”

  April smiled as she darted off to answer a call button from one of the patient rooms.

  Her parents had made it to fifty years. That’s a goal I would never attain. As he had promised, Greg officially filed for divorce right after my birthday, and our divorce was finalized last week.

  I tried not to think about the past—and only focus on the future—as I made my way out to my car. I hummed along to Mary Mary on the radio as I made my way home. It was getting late, so I decided to pick up something to eat. I called and placed an order at Kim Son, which was one of my favorite Chinese restaurants. It had been one of the places where Greg and I loved to eat, so I almost didn’t go, but I was starving and not in the mood to cook.

  I had just given the hostess my name when I glanced toward the front door and saw Greg walk in—with a date!

  “Oh, wow. Hi, Felise,” he said.

  “Hi,” I replied. Outside of issues with Liz, we never talked any more.

  His date squeezed him tighter as if signaling that she wanted to be introduced.

  “Um, Gina, this is my ex-wife, Felise. Felise, this is my girlfriend, Gina.”

  I felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer and slammed it into my abdomen. But I managed a “Nice to meet you.”

  “Nice to finally meet you, too,” she said. “I see where Liz gets her beauty from.” She smiled. I didn’t.

  “Oh, you’ve met Liz?” I asked.

  “Met her?” she giggled. “I adore her. She kept me in stitches last week at the lake house.”

  The ink was barely dry on our divorce papers and he’d already moved on—and had this woman spending weekends with my daughter? And I didn’t know how to feel about the fact that my daughter hadn’t shared this bit of information with me.

  Greg could see that I was stewing about his news, so I was grateful when he said, “I’m still picking Liz up from Tahiry’s tomorrow, right?”

  I nodded, keeping a lid on what I wanted to say.

  Mercifully, the clerk appeared and handed me a plastic bag. “Ms. Mavins, your to-go order is ready.” He read the receipt. “Shrimp fried rice and spring roll for one, right?”

  I heard Gina chuckle, but I refused to look her way. I just said, “Right.” I fumbled for my credit card as the hostess walked up and said, “All right, Mr. Mavins, table for you and your lovely wife, right this way.”

  Greg looked uncomfortable, but Gina simply said, “Oh, I’m not his wife—yet,” as she took his hand and led him away without looking back at me.

  While seeing Greg with this woman had caught me off guard, I felt a sense of resolution sweep over me. I loved Greg, but I’d never truly been in love with Greg. Not like a wife should be in love with her husband. Maybe that’s why we never managed to make things work. Plus, as I thought back over the past fifteen years, I decided that Gina could have him. Maybe she liked a clean house.

  “That which does not break us makes us stronger,” I mumbled as I signed the credit card receipt.

  “Excuse me?” the clerk said.

  “Nothing. I was just talking to myself.”

  He smiled at me like I was another crazy American. I took my food and headed home to my empty house.

  I had to accept that what was done was done. I had to accept that I’d had an affair and I had caused a lot of suffering. I personally had to change what I thought of myself. Once I had done this, I knew I would choose a different course next time—if there ever was a next time.

  I eased into my car, setting the food on my passenger seat. Yes, moving on had been difficult, but I had to do it. With Liz becoming a young woman the road ahead was about to get really bumpy. I had to pull myself together and get my life on track. My child needed me. My children needed me.

  I reached in my purse and pulled out a photo. I’d been carrying that photo for the last four weeks. I’d shed many tears over that picture, but it had given me a new resolve. I didn’t know what the future held, but this p
icture gave me the strength to face it.

  I slowly fingered the sonogram. “I love you, sweetie. Just like I loved your daddy, may he rest in peace.” I kissed the picture, dropped it back in my purse, and drove back home as I softly rubbed my stomach.

  A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

  After you’ve written thirty-plus books, some would say that it makes no sense to pen an acknowledgments or Note from the Author. But for me, each book is made possible by the grace of God and a network of people who allow me to live my dream as a full-time author.

  My friend, the talented Eric Jerome Dickey, calls us Imagination Engineers. I think this is a wonderful title for what we do.

  The great thing about what I do is that, while fictional, my stories mirror the lives of so many people. I can’t tell you the number of readers who say they’ve learned to forgive, to love, to heal, to be open and honest; who renewed their relationship with God; who gave their marriage a second chance, etc., etc.—all because they were moved by one of my books.

  That’s some powerful stuff, and it makes everything I do worthwhile.

  But I wouldn’t be able to do what I do if not for some important people who make my writing career possible. First and foremost, thank you, God, for blessing me with a talent to write.

  Much thanks to the man who has been there from the very beginning, who nurtured and encouraged my dream when it was still a concept, Dr. Miron Billingsley. Thank you to my three lovely children, who bear with me when I’m writing and traveling.

  And to my absolutely incredible support system, there are not enough words to show my gratitude for helping my writing career flourish by making my personal life flow as smoothly as possible. My mother, Nancy Blacknell, I am what I am because of you. This has been the most trying time of our lives, but your resilience shines and you’ll be back to your old self in no time. Thank you to my sister Tanisha Tate, who in our most trying time has picked up the ball and carried it alone so I could keep doing my book thing. For that, I am eternally grateful.

  As always, many, many thanks to my agent, Sara Camilli; my editor, Brigitte Smith; publicist, Melissa Gramstad; Louise Burke; the wonderful people who design my covers (I’ve never met you, but you are the best!); the most awesomest copy editor, Mary Beth Constant (let’s see if she’ll let awesomest slide); and everyone else at Gallery Books. I’ve been so lucky to have found a publishing home I’ve loved from the beginning. Thanks for all your hard work! And of course, I can’t forget editor extraordinaire, John Paine, who helps take my books from good to great!

  Thank you also to my extended support system: Jaimi Canady, Raquelle Lewis, Kim Wright, and Clemelia Richardson. You know that core group of people you should always keep in your life, the ones who will be there whether you’re up or down, hot or not—you guys are my core. Thank you for always having my back.

  To Pat Tucker Wilson, my sister in spirit, who has been an unbelievable support and a write-or-die friend, thank you for always being there. You know how much your friendship means.

  To my writing twin and now business partner, Victoria Christopher Murray, thanks for the inspiration, the friendship, and the never-ending support. We are truly about to change the game! To my Brown Girls family (Jason, Lissa, Raine, JL, and Jessica), thanks for all you do.

  To Yolanda Gore, Sheretta Edwards, and Gina Johnson, thank you. That’s all I can say. A hundred times, thank you. Much love to my wonderful sister-writers from the Motherhood Diaries—Crystal, Kimyatta, Deborah, Jamesina, Edna, Marcena, Makasha, Roishina, Lichell, Norlita, Sadeqa, Felicia, Shelby, Keileigh, Gail, Tia, Gina, and C. Mikki.

  Lots of love to my literary colleagues who always offer words of advice, encouragement, and are just trying to run this race with me . . . Nina Foxx, Tiffany L. Warren, Naleighna Kai, J. L. Woodson, Dwayne Joseph, La Jill Hunt, Angel Hunter, Renee Flagler, JL King, and Rhonda McKnight.

  Once again, I have to say thanks to Reina and Regina King, Crystal Garrett, Roger Bobb, Shelby Stone, Queen Latifah, Charlie, Loretha, Tamara, and all the fabulous folks at BET. Thank you soooooo much for making my movie dreams come true! It’s been a long journey, but I’m so confident in the final product!

  I know it may seem odd to some folks that I want to thank my social media family, but these folks have been there for me—even though many of them I’ve never personally met. They have reached through cyberspace to encourage, motivate, empower, inspire, and celebrate me. They have prayed for me, encouraged me, enlightened me, and oftentimes put a huge smile on my face. Thank you so much to JE, Carla, Tashmir, Bettie, Yasmin, Jetola, Julie, Sheryl, Noelle, Sheretta, Crystal, Sammi, Cindy, Kimberlee, Alicia, Marsha, Jonathan, Judy, Olivia, Juanita, Angela, Ashara, Nicole, Gwen, Denise, Tanisha, Deborah, Romenia, Sonia, Kim, Beverly, Shannon, Antoinette, Gina, Carmen, Christina, Princess, Maurice, Lisa, Nedra, Donna, Nicki, Gee Gee, Dorothy, Jackie, Gloria, Nikki, Tracey, Christina, Paula, Tonia, Chevonne, Rochelle, Mia, Demetria, Sheila, Raquel, Loretta, Allyson, Stacy, Jakki, Chenoa, Gwen, Karen, Tameka, Cebrina, Margueritte, Tiffany, Tawni, Bernice, Errie, Miracle, Dawn, Charlene, Pam, Donnie, Seven, Dee, and Cecelia. (I know there are many more, but I need to wrap up at some point!)

  I’m not going to start naming book clubs because I always leave someone out. But major love to the book clubs who show me so much love, including those who have me back time and time again.

  As always, much love goes to my wonderful, illustrious sorors, especially the Houston Metropolitan Chapters (including my own, Mu Kappa Omega), our wonderful Regional Director Chelle Wilson, and my sister moms in the Missouri City/Sugar Land Chapter of Jack and Jill.

  And finally, thank you. Yeah, you holding this book. If it weren’t for your support, I wouldn’t be where I am today. If you’re a new reader, thanks for checking me out. I hope you’ll get hooked. If you’re a previous reader, thanks for coming back. If you enjoy this story, I just ask one more thing . . . pass the word, not the book!

  I know I said I wasn’t going to get caught up doing acknowledgments again, but when you have such wonderful people in your life, that’s a promise that’s just hard to keep.

  Until the next book . . . thanks for the love.

  ReShonda

  * * *

  READING GROUP GUIDE

  INTRODUCTION

  When is a mistake meant to be? When Felise introduces her old flame Steven to her childhood best friend, she doesn’t expect them to date, let alone get married and have kids. More than ten years later, their two families remain as close as ever, but Felise feels miserable and unappreciated in her marriage. When her obsessive-compulsive workaholic husband finally pushes her too far, she flees to a nearby hotel bar hoping to find some clarity—but instead finds Steven, her best friend’s husband.

  One too many drinks later, they discover their mutual attraction to each other never quite faded, and fueled by the discontent in their respective marriages, they share a night of forbidden passion. In a dark, devastating twist of fate, Felise wakes up to a dead Steven and a choice. Does she confess her sins to her friends and family and risk losing everything, or leave the love of her life dead in a hotel room and her dearest friend with a million questions?

  DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  1. In What’s Done in the Dark, we’re introduced to Felise and Paula, two best friends unhappy in their respective lives. In what ways are they similar and different? Who do you think has more reason to be unsatisfied?

  2. Felise says her husband, Greg, doesn’t “see” her. What does she mean by this? Why do think she’s unable to make him “see” her, even after she tries to plan a romantic evening?

  3. Greg only begins to pay attention to Felise and show affection when he’s afraid she wants to leave him. Do you think this would have lasted if the situation with Steven hadn’t interfered?

  4. After Felise and Steven’s fateful night in the hotel room, Felise decides to call her sister Fran. Why do you think, of all people, she chose to call Fran?

  5. Greg says to Felise, “Y
ou water the lawn you have.” Do you agree with this sentiment?

  6. Do you think Paula’s unhappiness was rooted in her perspective? What aspects of her life did she have control over, and which did she not?

  7. Why do you think Felise stopped seeing Steven in college? Why do you think she wasn’t honest with Paula about having feelings for him? If you had been in Paula’s position, would you have trusted Felise when she reassured her she didn’t have feelings for Steven?

  8. Fear drives all of the main characters in distinct ways in What’s Done in the Dark. How does fear function as a positive and negative motivation? Do you think fear ultimately drove Felise to settle for someone unfit for her?

  9. Is there ever any excuse for a spouse to cheat? In what scenarios would you consider it “acceptable”? What about in Felise’s and Steven’s situations?

  10. How would you characterize Greg’s reaction to Felise’s confession? What about his actions at her birthday dinner? Do you think his behavior was understandable given the circumstances? What would you have done in Paula’s position?

  11. What kind of role does religion and faith play in What’s Done in the Dark? How does it drive (or not drive) Felise and Paula? What are the major moral takeaways from the book?

  12. Felise’s sister Mavis firmly believes God forgives all of our mistakes. Do you think Felise believes this? What do you believe?

  13. What choices could Felise and Paula have made early on in their lives that may have led to happier marriages and families? What kind of things do you wish you could redo in your past?

  14. How do you feel about Felise’s secret that the author finally reveals on the last page? How do you think Paula will react to the news?