He blinked and dipped his head, evidently appreciating the compliment.
Once we finished eating, I helped clear the table, and we retreated again to the living room.
“Want another beer?”
“Nah, I’m good.”
He sat down next to me on the couch, his leg jiggling across his knee, his eyes avoiding my gaze. Most likely he wasn’t used to having guests, and I didn’t want him to feel any obligation to entertain me. Or to be intimate with me. Maybe I’d overstayed my welcome.
“Listen, Jude. I could be on my way—”
“It’s not that,” he said in a rush. “It’s just…” His gaze darted to my lips and then down to my lap.
“Just say it. No more secrets. We’ve said plenty tonight already.”
“I don’t…” He huffed out a breath. “I don’t want you to bugger off when you find out how inexperienced I am.”
My eyebrows slammed together. “What do you mean? I thought you said you’ve been with men before.”
“I…I have.”
“And that guy you fell for?”
“We mostly used our mouths and hands,” he said, color rising in his cheeks. “But he and I… We never…fucked.”
“Are you a virgin, Jude?”
“There were a couple of random guys after Mateo. I was on the road, staying in different locations and mostly alone, and scared.” He shook his head roughly, as if to banish those memories. “I let one of them fuck me, and…it wasn’t good, but I still wanted it. It made me feel something other than numb and frightened. It seems so long ago, I don’t even know if…”
“Hey, listen, that’s cool,” I said, trying to shake that image from my head. The idea of anyone else’s hands on Jude made me see red. “I’m not trying to do anything other than spend time with you.”
“Thing is,” he said, biting his lip as desire radiated from his eyes, “I can’t help imagining what it would feel like with you.”
24
I couldn’t help the soft groan that escaped my throat.
“But I don’t have any condoms or lube,” he said, shaking his head.
Fuck, I hadn’t even considered that. Besides, did I really believe I’d ever get this far with Jude?
I lifted his chin with my thumb. “I’m cool just talking or being close to you, whatever you’re comfortable with.”
He stood up suddenly, and his hand darted out for me to grab. He led me down the hall, and as soon as I spotted his bed, my heart climbed its way to my throat.
“I still want…” He backed me against the door, his hip pinning mine in place. I liked this Jude—a hint of the version from the quarry and from the Board Room. “I want you to touch me all over. To show me what it could be like to have something…”
“Jude—”
“Don’t.” He placed his finger over my lips. “I know what I want. And I want you. I don’t know if I’ve ever wanted somebody more.”
“Not even that guy?”
“Not even close,” he rumbled. “I was a kid, and he was the first guy I ever actually felt something for. And under different circumstances, this situation between us… I think I could maybe…”
I couldn’t bear to hear him say anything else. It was too damned much. “Jude, we haven’t even…”
“You’re the only real thing in my life,” he whispered.
My heart stuttered in my chest. His brutal honesty humbled me.
He lowered his head, his mouth closing in on mine. All I could do was stare at how red and plump his lips were. The same lips I’d dreamed about too many times to count.
“Cory…”
He planted his hands on either side of my head. He matched me size for size, so when he slid his leg between mine, I was totally lost to him. To his eyes and touch and scent. My senses were on overload, and I couldn’t handle much more. My pulse was roaring in my ears, heat was licking across my skin, so I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths.
I felt him move even nearer, his warm breath sliding across my lips. I remained motionless because goddamn, if he didn’t slant his mouth across mine anytime soon, I might actually pass the fuck out from pure want and need.
I could’ve easily slid my fingers around his neck, yanked his mouth forward, and kissed him, but I wasn’t going to be a prick. He had his reasons for not wanting that intimacy, good ones, I now knew, so I prayed he’d grant me that privilege soon.
I could feel the heat of his body as it buzzed over the tiny hairs on my arms, creating a shockwave. I didn’t know exactly what he’d done with other guys, but Christ, in that moment, I wanted to wipe the slate clean and have his only memories be of me.
I shuddered as his lips delicately fluttered across mine like a feather. My trembling fingers inched out and clenched his hip. His mouth brushed against mine, and I became hyperaware of the soft, smooth feel of his lips.
“Cory.” He recited my name like a delicate English ballad. God save the freaking Queen.
“Open your eyes,” he murmured across my lips. “I need to see you when our lips meet.”
I blinked my lids open, like I was drifting out of a dream, that’s how much his words had seduced me.
He tilted his forehead against mine. “You are the sexiest man I’ve ever wanted to kiss.”
“Fuck, Jude.”
He licked across my bottom lip, and I hummed, angling my hips against his. My tongue darted out to taste his, and he moaned so sensually, I almost came in my pants. Eyes pinned to each other, the tips of our tongues licked and skimmed, sampled and savored, until I gripped the back of Jude’s neck and his hot mouth sank down on mine.
He offered me several small kisses, and then I grasped his waist and spun him around, hemming his shoulders against the wall. The stubble on his chin was rough against my fingers as I tipped his face to mine. I angled my head and seized his mouth in a passionate kiss. As my tongue penetrated past his lips, I was rewarded with a throaty, desperate groan. Everything about this man was sensual. From his eyes and lips to his hands and ass.
My fingers fisted his shirt as I pressed my body firmly against his. I could feel his dick slide against my groin as I straddled his leg and nipped at his lip. Jude opened wider for me, and I slipped my tongue deeply inside his mouth. He clutched my face, his tongue battling for dominance, exploring my teeth and gums and the roof of my mouth. By the time we came up for air, I didn’t know how many minutes had already passed. He drew his mouth away, his eyelids drooping, making him look as dazed as I felt.
“Fucking hell, Cory,” he said, his voice thick. “You know how to kiss.”
I didn’t respond because we’d wasted too much time talking as it was. I dragged my lips against his as I trapped him against the wall, my mouth plundering and devouring. We were all teeth, mouths, and tongues as we left bruising kisses across lips, necks, ears, and then fused our mouths back together again.
I couldn’t get enough, and as I pulled back for air, his gaze seared and held. Then his lips gentled over mine, sweeping me up in the most intense kiss. His tongue set a slow, deep rhythm, and he became like water moving across the sand. Never enough and then all too much. But I always wanted more. I needed him to be over me and then under me. Soaking into my skin and drenching my bones.
After several minutes more of soul-zapping kisses, I felt wrung dry.
“That mouth of yours,” I said, dragging my lips away to catch my breath. “I could kiss it all night.”
“Maybe you should,” he said against my ear.
My fingers circled his nape, my tongue invaded his mouth, and he moaned from deep in his throat.
Growling, I flipped him around and moved us toward the bed. I nudged him back with my hands on his shoulders, then knelt on the mattress. His mouth returned to mine as my fingers raked over his chest, beneath his shirt, lifting it, trying to wrench it over his torso. When I finally did, he threw it to the floor, and my hands were all over him, exploring his flat stomach and smooth chest.
His hands grasped
my shoulders, his lips grazing my throat as my fingers descended with purpose to his back. I broke the kiss and gazed at him for silent permission. With a nod, he gave it to me, and I moved behind him, my fingers never leaving his skin. His head hung low, and he was breathing heavily.
I began kissing him everywhere I could reach—the small of his back, along his spine, across his shoulders, to the remaining scars that had yet to be concealed. My throat clogged with emotion over what he must’ve endured, and now that he’d given me most of the puzzle pieces, it was even more gut-wrenching to fathom.
“We need to finish this tattoo.”
He remained perfectly motionless, outside of his heaving chest, as he allowed me to pay reverence. I knew instantly that I’d been given a gift, and I wanted to cherish this night, this moment with him.
My lips moved to the back of his neck, offering him a tender kiss. “You’re beautiful,” I whispered in his ear.
He stilled yet again, then turned his gaze to mine. In one ingenious move, he had me fixed to the mattress, and his mouth came down hard, stealing the air from my lungs. His kisses were long and deep, and I was like an uncontained wildfire crackling and awakening for him. I brought his hand to my mouth, kissing each finger worshipfully as he watched me in wonder.
His hand slipped to the bottom of my shirt and then beneath as he bit his lip and hummed. His hands were warm on my skin, and it felt as if he was touching me for the first time.
He lifted off my shirt and marveled at my skin. “This one means something, doesn’t it?” He placed his fingers on the black crane tattoo over my heart.
“Yeah.” I panted as he pressed his lips there. “It’s for the people I’ve lost in my life. In Japanese folklore, a crane is the carrier of souls to the afterlife.”
“That’s so lovely.”
He traced the outline of my shoulders, and then his thumbs circled my pecs. When his tongue darted out to swipe across my nipple, it felt like electricity rippling through me.
“Oh fuck.” My head rolled back. “Please.”
I didn’t even know what I was asking him. I just knew I was desperate for him to touch me, taste me—and I needed more. So much more.
His body arched over me, and his erection ground against mine, the denim between us an encumbrance. His tongue licked over my bottom lip while his fingers moved over my thighs.
I moaned into his mouth and mumbled, “Jude.”
My fingers grazed his stomach, and my hand slid down to palm his erection as he shuddered out a breath.
“I want to see you,” he said, a growl erupting from the back of his throat. “All of you.”
I immediately tugged down my jeans and underwear, dropping them to the floor. His gaze explored the entire landscape of my skin as I quivered and hungered to touch him.
“You do the same,” I said as I fisted my cock, trying to stave off my arousal.
He took down his jeans and knelt over me, allowing me to appreciate every inch of his lean build as he took a deep, drawn-out breath.
“Fuck.” I tugged him down to lie next to me, and my fingers lazily grazed his thigh.
Jude had experienced many things—had lived a dangerous life—but he’d barely shared intimacy with anybody. I wanted so much to give that to him. To experience that with him.
A shiver ran through him as I rubbed my erection against his, my fingers grasping his ass.
“Do you trust me?” I asked, and I knew the answer would be huge for him. I realized now exactly why he hadn’t been able to depend on many people.
“Yes,” he said almost instantaneously, and that made my chest loosen.
“Let me make you feel good.”
I kissed his lips thoroughly, and then my mouth feathered down his stomach as it quivered in my wake. My hand closed around his dick, and he groaned, his fingers gripping my hair. I licked along the length of his shaft, pulled down the foreskin, then swirled my tongue around the head, cherishing my first taste of him, which might also be my last.
“I never thought I’d get this chance,” I rasped as I buried my nose in his pubes and savored his earthy smell.
“Me neither,” he moaned as I suckled his tip right before engulfing his length, pumping him in and out of my mouth, tasting all of him, root to crown. He shifted his knees, tightly grasping my head while I dragged and twined my tongue, savoring him.
My fingers glided down to his balls, and I palmed them gently while he mumbled unintelligibly. I didn’t want him to come yet, so I licked his head one last time and drew back.
“Turn over for me?” I asked softly, and he did so without hesitation. He had the sweetest ass, and I couldn’t help kneading his firm skin. “I need to touch you.”
My lips feathered between his shoulder blades and down his spine. My fingers slid to his firm globes, and I squeezed. “I want to kiss you. Right here.” I parted his cheeks and admired his tight, pink hole. “Has anyone ever…”
“N-no.” His legs began quivering. “Oh fuck.”
I would be his first, and damn, that was huge in its own way. “I think you’ll like it.”
He fisted the pillow, hanging on by a thread as my finger slid down his crease.
“Your ass is incredible.” My hand rounded his hip to grasp his cock. “Get on your knees.”
He lifted up, then bent his back, thrusting himself toward me. Jesus fuck, he was hot.
He parted his thighs as I kissed each cheek before spreading them wide. When I brushed my thumb over his hole, he flinched. He was so close, and I wanted more than anything to blow his fucking mind. I made sure my tongue was wet when I took my first taste. His knees nearly gave out.
“Fucking hell, Cory.”
“Do you like that?” I took another swipe with my tongue.
“Yes,” he whimpered. “Do it again. Please.”
No way did I plan on stopping now. I gently licked at his hole, circling and prodding, softening the tender skin, before adding the tip of my finger. I could tell it felt uncomfortable because he squirmed. “I know we don’t have any lube, but it’ll feel good.”
Once his muscles relaxed, I was able to slip my finger all the way inside. After a few more prods, his hips began moving in time with my thrusts.
“I want you so much,” I growled, giving his cheek a gentle bite.
“Cory.” He panted openly as a string of come leaked from his cock and clung to the bedding.
I removed my finger, and before he could protest the loss, I spread his cheeks wider and buried my face in his ass. I licked and circled the puckered skin as he moaned shamelessly. Using the tip of my tongue, I slowly pressed inside. He was so tight, and just thinking about having my cock buried inside him like this made my dick agonizingly hard.
Jude’s head lolled side to side as I continued my gentle onslaught, and he was babbling my name.
“Jesus, what’re you doing to me? I need to come so fucking bad.”
I replaced my tongue with a finger. I pushed deep inside and curved the tip. His groan was so sexy, so guttural, that I palmed my own cock as I rubbed my finger against his prostate.
“Fuck,” he shouted, quivering violently as he shot ribbons of come all over his sheets.
He sank down on the bed, completely boneless, and I rubbed his back while I continued pumping my cock.
“Nothing’s ever felt like that before,” he gasped. “Nothing.”
When his gaze slid to my hand fisting my own dick, his eyes widened. “Did that turn you on?”
I groaned. “That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
A lazy smile stretched across his lips as he turned over onto his back. “Your turn. I want to watch you come.”
His sexy, groggy voice was all it took. I pumped a few more times, then stiffened, my seed landing on his stomach. He tugged me down on top of him, and I buried my head in his neck. And then we lay there, panting into each other’s mouths, grasping at each other’s faces, kissing fervently.
Aft
er my heart rate calmed, I found a washcloth in his bathroom to clean us off.
“Stay with me for a little bit,” he whispered, and I lay back down.
His head settled against my chest, the room grew quiet, and his breaths slowed. I could tell he was on the verge of sleep, and I figured I’d remain a bit longer before having to leave. The idea of getting up and walking out that door was killing me. I wanted to stay wrapped up in him all night.
“It’s Jack, by the way,” he mumbled into my shoulder, and I stilled. “My real name is Jack.”
He shut his eyes, and I watched him for what seemed like hours, stroking his back, marveling at this beautiful man who trusted me enough to fall soundly asleep in my arms. And soon, my drowsiness consumed me as well.
25
I woke a couple of hours later. Somehow we’d switched positions, and now his arms were wound tightly around me, my head was on his chest, and I felt warm and secure.
I didn’t want to move, but I knew we hadn’t meant to fall asleep. I was beginning to understand Jude, so I knew he’d wake in a panic and be concerned for my safety. And given what he’d shared with me, I didn’t blame him. Still, I didn’t move a muscle because the idea of leaving him now after a mind-blowing night seemed impossible. A thick fog of melancholy set up camp on my chest, and I knew I needed to face the inevitable: I couldn’t have a relationship with Jude. At least not one that was steady or indiscreet. I told myself I’d be fine with one night, but feeling his lips and seeing his eyes and hearing his voice when he came…goddamn. I was already in deep with him, and I needed to extract myself and go home.
I attempted to squirm my way out of his arms, but he tightened his hold.
“Are you trying to leave me?” he whispered into my hair.
“We fell asleep and it’s late.”
“You’re right,” he murmured. “But it feels too good. Your bike is in my garage, and I’ve armed the security system.”
“You have a security system on a rental?” Then, realizing the precariousness of his situation, I added, “Never mind, don’t answer that.”
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