I heard his soft chuckle and wished I could listen to it indefinitely.
“Not sure I’ll ever get the smell of you off me,” I mumbled and snuggled further into his warmth. “Not sure I want to.”
“I knew one night with you would never feel like enough.” He reached down and kissed my cheek. “If I could have one wish right now…”
“What would it be?” It was dark in the room, so I couldn’t make out his expression, but I could hear the tremble in his voice. The need.
“To be able to live out in the open…and try this, whatever this is, with you.”
My breath hitched, and I turned to him, kissed his shoulder, his neck. “Me too.”
As the light of dawn trickled through the window, I said, “I need to let out my dogs and feed them.”
His arms stiffened, and then he sighed. “They’ll be happy to see you.”
“Jude?” I asked, knowing in the back of my brain what his real name was but tucking it in the safe pocket of my soul. I’d keep it there forever.
“You’re gearing up to ask me something,” he said. “Spit it out.”
“The way you are with Chopper, it’s like…”
“After we moved to the States, we got a dog.” There was a smile in his voice. “She resembled Chopper in her coloring and was a really good girl. Mum named her Queenie.”
“What happened to her?”
“Mum said she was run over by a car.” I felt him brace himself at the memory. “But I knew better.”
I raised my head. “What do you mean?”
“Elias—my stepfather—had requested I run an errand for him that week, and I refused.” He shuddered. “I learned quickly after that never to deny him.”
“Fuck,” I said, as a bit more of his history fell into place.
“Mum and I wanted to leave, to get away from that life,” he said after another drawn-out moment. “But we were trapped and scared. She was just his possession, and he wasn’t planning to let her go.”
I couldn’t swallow past the boulder firmly lodged in my throat.
“After I left, I knew he’d try and find me, but I also realized with utter certainty that I’d never do his bidding again.”
“I’m so sorry…”
“Do you understand, Cory?” he said suddenly, his voice raised, his stiff muscles unyielding. He grabbed my cheeks as he ground down on his jaw. “I need you to understand.”
“I…y-yes.” I was at a loss for words as my mind fumbled through exactly what he was trying to tell me.
“No matter what happens, he will never hurt me again. Not like that,” he muttered. “I’ll kill him first. Or die trying.”
“Jude, no,” I choked out, and then I captured his mouth in a reckless and desolate kiss. Because the only thing that was worse than not being able to be with him would be to know he was no longer on this earth.
When I pulled away, he held on to my face, our foreheads leaning together.
“Cory, I wish with all my might that you could be mine.”
“I already am,” I whispered.
His lips crashed down on mine as he pressed me solidly to the bed. His mouth was hot as a furnace, and his kisses bruised. He nibbled his way down my body, where he proceeded to take me in his mouth and all the way back to his throat. I whimpered and thrashed while he licked and sucked me into submission, giving me another mind-bending orgasm.
After he swallowed every last drop, I lay practically lifeless, unable to move my limbs. He rested his head on my chest, settling back into the warmth of the sheets.
“I’m yours too, Cory Easton,” he whispered before we drifted off again.
A couple of hours later, I rose from the bed, needing to get to my dogs.
“I wanted to talk to you about Chopper,” he mumbled.
“What about him?” I pulled on my jeans.
“I’d like to…I don’t know…” He opened one eye. “I haven’t had anything of my own in a long while.”
“What are you trying to say?” I asked, sliding my shirt over my head.
“I want… How about if Chopper stays with me for a bit?” he replied in a tentative voice. “That’ll free you up to adopt Patch.”
“I’m not grasping this,” I said, my pulse unsteady. “How can you— Does this mean you plan on sticking around?”
It was a constant question in the back of my mind. He’d been on the run for so long; what would make him stay in this town?
“Alex keeps telling me it’s time. To get settled. This is the safest place for me right now.”
I was speechless, my mind bending in a million directions. What did that mean for him and me?
“It feels good to do something nice,” he said. “And besides, having Chopper is like having a piece of you with me. Always.”
I reached for his hand and interlaced our fingers.
“But, Cory, that doesn’t mean—”
“I know,” I cut him off. I didn’t want to hear him say we couldn’t be together.
“We’ll have to pretend until I know you’re safe, and I don’t know when or even if that’ll happen,” he said, his voice dripping with sadness and fear. “You deserve a lot more.”
“Safety is relative, Jude. I could get hit by a bus crossing the street or crash my motorcycle. You can’t keep me in a box.”
“Please don’t,” he said in a tortured voice. “I’ve already lost everybody else.”
So have I.
I stretched across the bed and pulled him into my arms. “Shhhh…it’ll be okay.”
“It’s the only thing I can control,” he said. “The only way I know to keep you protected.”
“I get it,” I replied, sliding my lips across his.
His hands gripped me tight as his tongue delved past my lips, kissing me deeply, as if it was the last time he’d have the chance.
I offered him one last peck on the lips and stood up.
“When will I see you again?” he asked, sitting up in bed.
“Let me finish your tattoo this week. And then let me talk to Emmy about the dogs.”
“Sounds like a plan,” he said with a tilt to his lips, as if testing the foreign words in his mouth.
I left in a fog. Because it was early morning, I wheeled my bike to the street before firing it up, as Jude watched cautiously from the window.
On the way home, I passed by Smoke and another recruit from the Disciples, who were obviously on some kind of patrol. Did the guy ever sleep? But I’d admit it gave me a sense of calm and security to always have them in sight.
After I showered and changed, I headed to the shelter. I was tempted to keep the same T-shirt on from last night simply because it smelled earthy, like Jude.
Once Emmy and I were finished cleaning cages, I broke the news about Patch, and she threw her arms around me. “Are you sure?”
“I think it’ll work out,” I said into her shoulder. At least I hoped it did. But what would happen if Jude left town?
I couldn’t even consider that possibility.
“I’ll have to thank Jude too.”
“We both know that dog will thrive with him.”
“Give yourself some credit, Cory,” she said, popping me in the shoulder. “You’ve been good to him.”
“I fed him and walked him. I’m good for something, I guess.”
We strolled to the large front desk, where Travis stood talking to some staff.
“Want to walk me through the adoption steps?”
“Of course,” she said, tearing her eyes from her boss. “I need to see if you’re a fit owner.”
I rolled my eyes and smiled. “Let’s go see Patch first and tell him the news.”
I hoped to hell I knew what I was getting into with Jude. It was like walking straight into a hurricane, knowing my head and heart would be tossed around like some rag doll. But the lure of the wind was just too strong.
26
Everything felt different since that night with Jude. Not only did I
understand his perspective better, but it also reminded me that the world could be an ugly place. That the everyday people who passed by you on the street might have a harrowing story of their own. That some of those same people might want to hurt you. And that bad guys could be hiding in plain sight.
Jude had suffered enough loss to trump us all, and he wasn’t trying to forget—he was trying to survive. That had an immediate sobering effect on me.
Tonight I was sitting at the bar in the Hog’s Den. It was a busier night than usual, but Vaughn was still telling his stories animatedly to anybody who would listen. The two regulars next to me were in a heated debate about the universal helmet law. Had Damon worn a helmet that night and consumed less beers, it might’ve saved his life. But I wasn’t about to share my opinion.
I just sucked on my beer, barely registering anything around me and only focusing on precisely what the hell it was that I wanted to do. The back room remained dark tonight, and I was hoping for some action so I could actually work up the nerve to do something to protect the man I was quickly falling for, against my better judgment.
I knew Jude wasn’t next door at the shop, because we’d begun texting each other. We were careful to keep our conversations strictly platonic, just in case. Texting gave me a lifeline to him, and I looked forward to his messages more than anything else in my day.
After a couple more patrons made their exit, Vaughn edged closer to my end of the bar. “Something on your mind, kid?”
He was probably a few years older than me, tops. But I felt like a teenager whenever he called me that. “Why do you ask?”
“Because you’re quiet, and you ain’t never quiet,” he said, pouring me a fresh beer.
I shrugged. “Don’t know if that’s true anymore.”
“Yeah?” His elbows sank down on the edge of the bar as he studied me. “This kind of life can change you.”
My eyes snapped to his. Guess he knew I was in deep.
“Malachi going to be around tonight?” I croaked out, trying to sound braver than I felt.
“Mal’s out at the compound.” He looked at his watch. “Should be on his way back, though.”
“The compound?” I’d heard that word before, mostly in reference to parties being thrown by the Disciples, but I didn’t know all the ins and outs of club business.
“The main base,” he said. “You got something you need to say to him?”
“Yeah.”
He leaned down to look me in the eye. “Sure about that?”
“Yes.” I gritted my teeth. “Got to.”
He stared at me hard. “Jude tell you his business?”
I nodded. “I guessed most of it.”
He raked his hands through his hair. “You regret getting involved?”
“Not a chance,” I said, slapping my hand down on the bar. On that one point I was clear. I had no regrets about Jude York coming into my life.
There was the sound of a motorcycle revving its engine outside as if announcing its presence.
“Speak of the devil,” Vaughn said, and then moved to the far end of the bar to take a new drink order.
I heard noise coming from the back room and nearly jumped out of my skin. When Smoke emerged behind Jonas, the vice president of the Disciples, Vaughn’s eyes followed him around the bar. I quickly peeked over my shoulder and saw how Smoke’s gaze appeared to soften.
“Maybe you should take the leap,” I said when Vaughn stopped in front of me to retrieve a bottle of tequila from beneath the bar. I knew I was crossing the line and that my ass might get kicked for voicing it.
“Ain’t never gonna happen,” Vaughn’s voice rumbled, his eyes never meeting mine. “Not with one of their own.”
“Sorry to hear that,” I said. Because it was true. It was killer to long so damned hard for somebody.
“Life’s a bitch and then you die,” he said and moved away to retrieve a shot glass and lime for the customer.
His face went through a series of emotions as he filled the drink order at the end of the bar. After he was done pouring from the tap, he tipped his chin at Smoke, who approached the bar.
“The prez come back with you?”
“Yeah,” Smoke said, and I saw how his eyes lingered one moment too long on Vaughn’s face.
“Our boy Cory here would like five minutes of his time,” he said, and my shoulders stiffened. I was really doing this. Inserting myself deeper.
Smoke’s eyes shot up, and then his lips tilted in amusement. He didn’t look at me or address me. Only Vaughn. “Boy’s got it bad?”
I watched as their eyes fastened on each other. “For sure,” Vaughn said, swallowing visibly.
Smoke nodded and then headed toward the back room. Vaughn narrowed his eyes at me in warning, and I kept my mouth shut. I heard Smoke open the office door, and my heart began pounding in my chest. After another minute, Smoke emerged and sidled up to the bar.
“Mal will see him now,” he said to Vaughn. “He’s busy, so only a couple of minutes.”
Smoke walked away, and my eyes met Vaughn’s. “Better get going.”
Taking steps felt like moving through cement. After this meeting, I would no longer be a clueless tattoo artist living in this town and minding my own business.
I opened the door and stepped inside. I’d never been back here, so I didn’t know what to expect. Maybe some armed guards instead of a couple of dudes with leather vests sitting at a table, playing a game of cards. Or maybe some seedy or gaudy fixtures. But all I saw was a normal office painted a light gray with a large wooden desk and a huge side table. The Disciples of the Road crest hung on the wall behind the desk, with its skulls and fire and brimstone, making it clear exactly to whom this space belonged.
Malachi was a good-looking guy with some gray showing around the temples and a physique and presence that were intimidating as hell.
“Have a seat, Cory.” Malachi was looking down at his phone as if this meeting was just a blip on his radar. Like he was talking to a pizza-delivery guy or something.
He finally looked up and nodded to Jonas, silently telling his vice president to usher the other members out of the room.
When they left he said, “More comfortable now?”
I nodded and clasped my hands in order to hide the trembling.
“What’s this about, my man?”
“About Jude,” I said. “He… I…” And suddenly what I’d planned on saying just wouldn’t come out.
“I know you’re together,” he said with a slight twist to his lips. “Is it just fucking around, or is it something else?”
“It’s not just fucking around.” I gritted my teeth. “I…care about Jude.”
He nodded and stared at me. “So you’re here because you’re looking out for him?”
“Yeah, something like that. It’s just…what he’s told me about his life…I don’t want him to be a pawn in some game Elias is playing against you guys. He’s been used enough.”
“No way around that, really. Elias isn’t stupid; he knows Jude can pin plenty on him. But we’ve got ammunition too. Proof that he stole a warehouse full of goods from the Scorpions’ club on the West Coast.”
I wasn’t going to ask straight out what kind of goods they stole. These were pretty intricate stories of secrets and betrayal, and I needed to preserve my own safety at this point.
“I don’t think Elias knows Jude is with us,” Mal continued. “But if or when he finds out, he’s going to be pissed, and he might come looking for what he feels is rightfully his.”
His? He’d reduced Jude to a piece of property. Some kind of possessive, animalistic instinct flared in my gut, and I had the urge to growl and pound my fucking chest.
“We’ll keep him protected; it’s what we promised. And you as well, now that you’re involved.” He sat back in his seat. “But we don’t owe you nothing; let’s make that clear.”
I shut my eyes as the grim reality sank in. I tucked my lips, attempting to keep my fro
wning to a minimum. My fists clenched the chair so hard, my knuckles turned white. I wasn’t sure how Jude got through his everyday life without cracking under the pressure, but he’d had way more practice than I did. He was used to this kind of life—not that he’d asked for it—and his reasons for closing himself off this entire time had never been clearer.
“Never thought I’d have this sort of situation going on under my nose, but I get that love comes in all forms,” Mal said. “I’d be heartless if I didn’t. I understand feelings. I had an old lady once.” I shivered as a dark look passed through his eyes. “But business is business.”
I got it; there was no way I could convince him to have more heart. This was a professional exchange and nothing more. My stomach pitched. I nodded and stood up before I blew chunks all over his floor.
“Despite what you think, I like the boy. You’re a good kid too. Keep your nose clean and continue providing a good service at the ink shop. We’ll do what we can to keep him safe,” he said, his fingers steepled in front of him. “Best to remain all business in public, you feel me? There’s no reason to make yourselves a target, so no slipups between you and the kid. You make it look like you got a casual friendship, that’s fine.”
My eyes shot to his as shock registered, my limbs growing numb. Even though it was what Jude and I already knew we had to do, hearing it voiced out loud had somehow made it worse. What the fuck ever.
I didn’t say anything more, just walked dully toward the door until his deep voice stopped me.
“This is what you signed up for, Cory.”
27
“How did your massage go this morning?” Jessie asked from behind the front desk. She had walked me over to her mom’s holistic shop last week. I’d scheduled an appointment, and not only had it helped my back, it released some tension as well.
“Awesome,” I said, and Jessie winked. “My back feels pretty good right now.”
Apparently I was holding on to all my anxiety, taut as a rope, in my shoulders and lower back. Though the initial injury came from the accident, the therapist explained how tension could still manifest physically.
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