The Pandemic Diaries [Books 1-3]

by Callahan, K. W.

  From my best guess, I’d say I’m probably about five weeks along if I’ve calculated correctly. I’m a wild mix of emotions right now. There is excitement regarding the prospects of a baby. There is fear from the potential complications that can come with a pregnancy (especially in a world where reliable medical services are virtually non-existent). And these feelings are mixed with a combination of happiness and pride that I’ll have a baby with Chase (I can tell that Chase is proud as hell – we haven’t told anyone, but he’s strutting around like he’s cock of the walk). But there is also guilt and sadness regarding Chris and Violet not being here. There is confusion as to whether the decision (although I can’t say it was a CONSCIOUS decision) to bring a new life into this harsh new world of ours was a good one. Considering the adversity currently facing us, I’d say that it probably wasn’t. And there’s curiosity as to whether it will be a boy or a girl (I’m kind of hoping for another little girl – although no one will ever replace Violet).

  I’m trying to play it cool. I don’t want to jinx myself, and I DEFINITELY don’t want to get overly excited. It made me nervous as heck when I was pregnant with Dylan and Violet, always worrying about how they were doing, what I was or wasn’t eating, and whether there might be developmental issues or complications during the birthing process. And that was when we had access to great doctors and awesome medical facilities back in Chicago. Now we’re in the middle of nowhere, with no such amenities, in a town where there isn’t even a doctor. So yeah, you could say I’m a bit concerned. But there isn’t much I can do about it other than do my best to stay healthy. Easier said than done in a world where my work entails a great deal of physical activity in the sweltering sun each day and in an environment where access to a healthy diet – or even food and fresh water – isn’t guaranteed. Still, I can’t temper my excitement. Even during these hellish spells where I’m barfing my brains out in the morning, I suffer through it with my head up (figuratively, definitely NOT literally) knowing that there is a new life brewing inside me.

  I just wish I was on month eight instead of month two…that would be nice.

  Thursday, July 24 th

  5:57 p.m.

  All quiet on the western front as Chris used to say.

  There’s not much to report. I guess that’s a good thing. We’ve just been rolling along in the status quo. We got a little rain last night, but not enough…as usual. We still have a couple weeks to go before most of our crops are ready. A few veggies are starting to ripen, and we’ve already picked our first few pea pods; but otherwise, the food situation is still looking bleak. The store shelves are almost bare, and we’re pretty much living hand to mouth. The store only opens in the afternoons, once the scavenging teams return. There is usually a line of residents waiting outside in hopes that a stockpile has been discovered somewhere. There usually isn’t. It’s typically just a few canned items, some boxes of stale cereal, and maybe some pasta and rice that come trickling in. Sometimes our scavengers will stumble across a couple fruit trees. Then they come back with a few bushels of usually apples or peaches. It’s nice to have fresh fruit, but you can’t really make a meal out of that.

  Sadly, almost all of our livestock is gone now, butchered for their meat because we couldn’t afford to feed them. The other day, one of the scavenging teams shot a deer. It was a scrawny thing, and the meat it provided didn’t go far considering we’re trying to feed a town of over 50 people.

  I’m afraid that even when the crops start ripening with regularity, it will be far from enough to supply the entire town with three square meals a day. This is starting to look really bad. Chase hasn’t even had any luck fishing at his pond (which is on the verge of drying up anyway).

  I still haven’t told anyone about being pregnant. I don’t really want to mention that I’m bringing another mouth to feed into an environment where, if things don’t change soon, we’ll all be starving.

  But screw ‘em! Other than Gerald, his wife Carolyn, Lamar, and a few others (and of course Chase and Dylan), it doesn’t matter to me what these people think or say about me as long as they just leave me alone and let me and my family live our lives.

  But I have a feeling that people will find out about my delicate condition soon enough. It turns out that Chase let it slip to Erika when he was shopping at the store the other day. She cornered him, pressing him about getting back together. And when he was trying to explain that he was in love with me, he told her that we’re happy together and that our happiness should be blatantly obvious considering we have a child on the way. I know he didn’t mean any harm; it just slipped out, but from what he told me, Erika’s reaction wasn’t one of congratulatory well wishes. I can only image what her response was.

  Friday, July 25 th

  7:03 p.m.

  I guess I was a bit premature with the “all quiet on the western front” comment yesterday. I should have known better. Any time I think things are finally going our way, they start falling apart again.

  So I was at work today and finally feeling well enough to be productive. But my good day wasn’t to last. Right before lunch, Erika showed up. I knew as soon as I saw here storm up to the garden fence that there were going to be issues, and boy were there. It was a scene for the ages. After she finished calling me every name under the hot Georgia sun, she began with the threats. She was going absolutely berserk, and of course, all my co-workers had gathered around to watch the scene. They were treated to a real show that ended with Erika spitting in my facing and telling me that she’d kick my ass if I weren’t pregnant. Then she said that I’d better watch myself after I “dropped this little shit” (her exact words…nice way to refer to an unborn child) because she’ll be looking for me.

  Lovely person is all I can say.

  Ugh! I need a drink…AND I CAN’T HAVE ONE!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!

  In other news, the town has gotten so desperate for water that they sent the scavenging teams to several distant ponds and streams a good half hour’s drive from town. But collecting water from these sources didn’t turn out to be as simple as we’d hoped. It appears that others have already laid claimed to them, and when our people showed up, they opened fire on us. We retreated but returned later to scout the area better. There is apparently a good-sized settlement around the lake. I guess I shouldn’t refer to it as a lake – it’s more of a large pond. The settlement appears to be a good deal larger than Glasgow. We sent a small delegation in to see if we could negotiate a deal, but they were informed in no uncertain terms that there would be no such agreement. We have very little negotiating leverage, and water – at least in this part of the country – appears to be the new gold. No one is willing to give it up without a fight. So it looks like we’re back to square one.

  What a mess this whole place is becoming.

  Guess the best I can do to take my mind off things is play a few hands of three-handed solitaire with Dylan and Chase. It’s not the best, but it’s better than nothing.

  Wednesday, July 30 th

  8:12 p.m.

  With news of my pregnancy now out and circulating, the farm team has relegated me to water collector. Dylan often comes with me. He says he is my “security detail”. Such a sweetie! Like he’s really going to intimidate someone if push comes to shove. I think it’s mostly because he gets bored at the garden. But it keeps him out of trouble and he’s a big help carrying water containers to the truck, so I’m good with it.

  While it was thoughtful of the farm crew to give me this new job, I can’t say it’s been the best move for me personally. It now regularly places me in contact with my other favorite person in town (besides Erika), Barker. It seems like he’s constantly hanging out at the water house even though there’s no real reason for him to be there. He says he’s there to relieve Bob (the REAL water house employee), but that’s bull crap. It’s like the place is his private clubhouse. It’s weird, and it makes me uncomfortable. He just hangs around while I’m filling up water containers. He often tries t
o start up a conversation with me or make small talk while I’m there, but it’s just so strained. I don’t know why he bothers. I wish he’d just let the silence run its course, but it’s almost like he feels obligated to talk about SOMETHING…which is usually just talking about nothing since nothing ever seems to happen in this town…unless I’M involved in some way. I like when Dylan comes with me because it gives me someone else to talk to. Dylan’s a nice buffer, but he finds waiting for the water containers to fill boring and often just sits out front (where it’s usually cooler than inside the house) playing games. He’s gotten pretty creative at coming up with a variety of little travel games that he keeps in the truck’s glove compartment along with a deck of cards.

  Today, Barker was asking if I’d thought about names for the baby. He laughed and said that Barker is a good strong name.

  Oh…yeah, I’m going to name my child after HIM. And if it’s a girl? Is that a good strong name for her, too?

  What a loser!

  Friday, August 1 st

  3:37 p.m.

  If I didn’t think it could get any hotter, I was wrong. Work ended early today due to the heat. Now we’re home in our stifling little apartment.

  Like back in Spencer, I put a thermometer outside one of our windows. It’s within a hair of hitting 100 degrees right now. Honestly, I don’t think it really matters if I put the thermometer inside our apartment or outside, it’s probably the same temperature in either spot.

  This is horrible. There’s no escaping the heat and there’s hardly any breeze. I don’t know if this is normal for Georgia at this time of year, but if it is, it makes me wonder just how people managed to live here before the flu. I guess air conditioning was their savior, but how did they do it before that invention?

  I’d take us all over to Chase’s pond, but he said that the water level has fallen so drastically there that we’d mostly just be wallowing around in the mud…which actually sounds kind of nice right about now. I’d take ANYTHING at this point. This is getting RIDICULOUS! Actually, it’s BEEN ridiculous, now it’s downright UNBEARABLE!

  Monday, August 4 th

  4:15 p.m.

  Well, the shit has really hit the fan. Church was cancelled on Sunday due to the heat. Even the most devoted among us didn’t want to go sit in a stifling church for two hours.

  But that’s not the big news. The BIG news is that the brown stuff in our water supply is starting to come back, and it’s worse than ever. PLUS, for the first time since we arrived, the shelves at the general store are completely emptied of food products.

  We picked what we could from our garden, and we dare not kill our last remaining livestock since we need them for breeding. This town is really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Stuff in the garden continues to ripen, but it’s becoming apparent that we didn’t plant sufficient crops for a community this size. Our planting calculations in the spring were based on producing enough to supplement our scavenging operations. They weren’t meant to be our ONLY source of food.

  We have a meeting scheduled for this evening to discuss our options.

  It’s days like these where I wish I was a man and could go without a shirt.

  9:12 p.m.

  Our meeting tonight didn’t come to much. Our options are fairly limited at this point. We decided to expand our scavenging search radius even farther from town. In my opinion, this only endangers us more. It could lead to increased confrontations (similar to the ones we had when searching for new water sources) with other communities who are probably finding themselves in similar circumstances right about now.

  One of the scavenging team members (Dave, I think his name is) mentioned that the town where they got the summer clothing from a while back might have some good stuff. The problem is – it’s inhabited. The place consists of just a handful of homes and businesses. The first time our scavengers visited the place, they thought it was abandoned. Turns out, they scouted the place again last week and found that this little community – Olsten it’s called – is inhabited. But they said it looked like only a small group of people live there, and they were mainly holed up in the town’s old store. They have a small garden out back. Dave said that it also looks like these are the same people siphoning water from Chase’s fishing hole, further decreasing our own water supply. He said they had modified a pickup truck, turning it into a rolling water hauler.

  Dave suggested that he and his team go back to Olsten, stake the place out, take some stuff from the garden, and see what the response is. He doesn’t think they have the numbers to retaliate, but it could be a good strategy to feel them out. If nothing comes of it, we can vote to decide whether to go back at night in a week or two and set fire to Olsten’s structures – burning the people there out of town. Then we’ll have the pond (what’s left of it at least) completely to ourselves.

  His motion barely passed: 31 for, 24 against. Most of the “against” votes were people from Spencer, but the way we’ve weighted the Glasgow votes proved too much for us to overcome. I’m of the opinion (as are many others) that we should try to link up with these people. They might have supplies that we could barter for. Who knows? If there aren’t that many of them, why not give it a chance? Gerald is of that mindset too. But after the Atlanta incident, a lot of these people are frightened. They’d rather shoot first and ask questions later.

  “Burning” people out of their homes, is not really something I want to be a part of, but at this point, it doesn’t look like I have much of a choice. The vote has passed, and it looks as though the people have spoken.

  Worse yet, even though Chase voted against the plan, he’s going on the garden raiding party that is planned for Sunday night.

  I know it’s not like he’s going to Atlanta or some other big city, and I know he has put himself in danger before by regularly accompanying the scavenging teams, but that was then, and this is now. Our relationship has changed, and with it, my level of concern when he’s away. Before, he was just a cute guy with potential…now he’s the father of my unborn baby.

  Sunday, August 10 th

  12:12 p.m.

  The scouting party (there’s ten of them in total) going to Olsten just departed. They aren’t due back until tomorrow morning.

  I’m so worried about Chase. I know this isn’t supposed to be a dangerous trip or anything, but I can’t take the loss of another loved one in my life this soon after Chris and Violet. It might break me.

  At least Dylan is here with me. I have to say, I don’t think I’ve ever felt such pride as when I look at him. He’s been so strong through all this, especially when I consider his age. I can tell that things trouble him at times. The other day, I caught him sitting by the window looking at something. It appeared as though he’d been crying. When I asked him what he was doing, he tried to hide the object from me. When I finally caught a glimpse of what he was holding, it turned out to be Violet’s graph-paper notepad that we used to play games and draw pictures on. Once I realized what he had, I dropped the subject; but later in the day, I found the notepad where he’d put it back in a box with some of Violet’s things. After inspecting it, I realized that Dylan has been drawing pictures of his own in it…pictures of our family as it once was – him, me, Chris, and Violet. I guess it’s his way of coping with all this. Sometimes I wish I could help him more with processing everything we’ve gone through. But it’s hard to know whether it’s better to talk about it, and chance reopening old wounds, or just let it go and try to move on as best we can, focusing on the present and the future rather than digging up and rehashing the past. Rather than pushing him, I simply let him know every now and then that I’m here if he ever wants to talk and that he’s always free to tell me anything. He nods, and says he understands, but he rarely tells or asks me anything. Again, I don’t want to push him. I figure that if or when the time is right, and he knows that I’m open and willing to talk to him, he’ll come to me. Until then, I’m just doing my best to give him all the love I can.
/>   It’s like, how do you raise a child who no longer gets to have a normal childhood? It’s something I’ve yet to figure out, but I’ll do my damnedest.

  When it comes to the weather, it’s still a sauna here. Outside, it’s slightly cooler, albeit not much. I’m taking Dylan with me to do a little extra work. Maybe it will help take our minds off Chase and the others endangering themselves by undertaking this scouting mission.

  The garden soil is looking cracked and parched, and it’s in a never-ending need for liquid relief. Therefore, Dylan and I thought we’d take a ride out to the water house, fill up our tanks, and give the crops a drink. They’re so close to being ready to harvest that we can’t chance losing them now. A day or two without water in this heat could have them wilting and withering away.

  4:58 p.m.

  What has happened? What in God’s name has just happened?

  It was supposed to be a way to get our minds off things…just kill a little time…not kill a PERSON!

  So here’s what just happened, not that I really want to rehash it, but I need to put some clarity to my thoughts while they’re still fresh.

  Dylan has been taken from me. Having a detailed account of today’s events will hopefully help to free him. I still can’t believe they took him in the first place, but they did, and now it’s up to me to get him back.