Seen by Candlelight

by Anne Mather

  “Do you intend living at the apartment, afterwards?” she asked, wanting to know and yet dreading the answer.

  “To begin with, perhaps,” he replied, dropping a sliver of ash into the silver ashtray. “I expect I shall buy a house, somewhere in the country. Ruth knows England quite well and likes the Weald.”

  “Oh yes? How nice for you both.” Karen sounded bored by it all.

  Paul shrugged. “I’m sure it will be. And then of course, we will spend some time each year in America. Ruth’s family live in Dallas.”

  Karen finished her coffee. “And you’re having a honeymoon, too, I suppose?”

  Paul smiled. “You’re very curious about us, aren’t you?”

  “Why not?” She managed a tight smile. “What else is there to talk about?”

  “We may go touring,” he remarked slowly. “We haven’t decided yet. Ruth adores being the perfect tourist.”

  “Touring?” exclaimed Karen, raising her dark eyebrows. “That’s rather a strenuous way to spend your honeymoon.” She smiled suddenly, remembering. “Do you recall the months we spent in that villa near Nassau, with that gorgeous beach all to ourselves?”

  Paul frowned and stubbed out his cigarette. “Yes, I remember.” he replied, his voice cold. Karen looked surprised and yet felt reasonably pleased. He had been so complacent, so confident, but the mention of their honeymoon still had the power to disturb him. Those halcyon days and nights were never to be forgotten, whatever Ruth might have to offer, and even Paul had to acknowledge this to himself.

  Studying him when he was not aware of her doing so, she found repugnance in the very idea of his marrying another woman. After all, their marriage had seemed so right at first and seeing him now brought it home to her that divorce inevitably changes everything completely. She felt she wanted to reach across to him and have him look at her as he had used to look at her with love in his eyes. She wanted to tell him she still loved him and would go back to him today if he would have her.

  But that awful thing called civilized conduct prevented her from doing such a thing and instead they exchanged platitudes and ignored the primitive emotions working beneath the surface.

  They finished their coffee and Paul said:

  “I’m afraid I must go now. I have a great deal to do this afternoon and I have a business engagement at three.”

  Karen rose to her feet. “That’s quite all right, Paul. I’ve said what I came to say.”

  Paul shrugged almost imperceptibly and then stood back to allow her to precede him from the room. Once outside, he pulled on his overcoat and said:

  “My car is parked nearby. Can I drop you anywhere?”

  Karen hesitated for a moment. She had no desire to prolong the agony, but she did intend going to see Lewis this afternoon, and now was as good a time as any.

  “You could take me to Martin’s,” she said, looking up at him with a cool green gaze. “I want to see Lewis.” She said the latter part purposely and was amused when his face darkened slightly. It lasted only a moment and then it was gone, and he was nodding and assisting her down the shallow steps to the pavement.

  The car was not far away and they walked towards it in silence. Karen had never seen this car before. It was a low-slung, continental car in cream with scarlet upholstery, and when Karen was put inside she found it superbly comfortable. The springing of the seats was luxuriously soft and it was like gliding on a bed of feathers.

  “A new car,” she murmured softly. “Very elegant.”

  Paul shrugged and slid behind the wheel, his thigh brushing hers for a moment, causing Karen to shiver slightly.

  “I’m glad you like it. It suits me. It’s good for acceleration purposes which is what I need for some of the roads I have to cover.”

  “It makes my old rattletrap seem very old and outmoded. But I like the old bus and it serves its purpose. I don’t use it such a lot.” Karen grimaced.

  Paul glanced swiftly at her. “But you could afford a new one, couldn’t you?” It was a statement rather than a question.

  Karen half smiled. “Of course,” she admitted easily. “But I don’t want one just at the moment. Oh, don’t worry, honey, I’m not a pauper yet, not by any means. Sorry to disappoint you.”

  Paul flushed. “Why say something like that?” he muttered, “I don’t want to see you without means. Good heavens, I would be quite willing to help you if ever you needed money, surely you know that?”

  Karen’s eyes widened. “Do I? Why should you imagine I would come to you for anything?”

  Paul looked amused. “Well, haven’t you done just that thing?”

  Karen flushed. “Very clever,” she said, annoyed with herself for being so rash. “Come on, let’s go.”

  Paul shrugged and drove out into the stream of traffic.

  Martin Textile Designs stood in a by-road off Great Portland Street. It was a tall, imposing building, although the basement and first floor were merely warehouses for another company. Lewis Martin’s domain occupied the upper floors with Lewis’s office being at the top. Karen had a small office of her own there, but she seldom used it, preferring to work at home.

  Paul drew the large automobile to a halt at the entrance and said:

  “I guess this is it,” in a lazy voice.

  “Yes. Thank you for the lift,” said Karen politely, and made to get out.

  “I’ll ring you as soon as I have any information,” said Paul, nodding.

  Karen inclined her head and slid out on to the pavement.

  “Thank you for lunch,” she said, rather sardonically. “I’m sorry I had to drag you away from your business.”

  “It was a pleasure,” replied Paul, just as mockingly. “Be good,” and he put the car into gear and moved swiftly away before Karen could make some cutting retort.

  Fuming, Karen walked into the building and entering the lift pressed the button for the fourth floor. As the lift went on its way she lit a cigarette and drew deeply on it. He was so assured, so confident and oh! so detached. She felt quite angry and she longed to be able to do something to shatter his complacency. How calmly he had discussed Ruth and his forthcoming marriage. How amused he had been at her obvious curiosity. Would he tell Ruth about it? Maybe laugh with her about Karen’s forced need of his help? She felt as though something shrivelled up inside her. To think of them together, discussing her, was disgusting and depressing. How aloof he seemed from the rigours of a disastrous love affair. How composed about his life with Ruth. With Karen he had had sometimes to bend his will to hers. With Ruth he would hold the upper hand and being the feminine creature she apparently was, she would enjoy letting him be the master. They would have no fierce arguments or even differences of opinion. She would be completely attuned to his every desire and act likewise. But surely, thought Karen desperately, that would become boring in time to a man like Paul. Variety was the spice of life and he needed someone to oppose him at times. At least so she had thought. Of course, if he got bored, he could always find himself another woman, and probably Ruth would not object too strongly if he kept it quiet. Karen stamped on the butt of her cigarette and ground it into the flooring with her heel. The lift reached the fourth floor. She had arrived.

  She entered the outer office of Lewis’s domain and asked his secretary if he was free.

  “Yes, Miss Stacey,” she replied, smiling. “Go right in. He is expecting you.”

  Karen lightly tapped on Lewis’s door and then entered his office. It was not a large office but the wide windows gave the room plenty of light, giving an impression of space. Lewis himself was seated at his desk, studying some papers, and he looked up as she entered, a smile spreading over his face. He was a man of medium height, slimly built, with greying blond hair. He spent his leisure hours reading and writing articles for trade papers and consequently his eyes behind their horn-rimmed spectacles looked rather tired. But he was obviously pleased to see her, and she closed the door and advanced into the room, sinking down into a
low armchair opposite him.

  Perceptively, he said: “You look rather disturbed. What’s been going on?”

  Karen flung herself back in the chair, helping herself to another cigarette. As she lit the cigarette and looked at Lewis, she thought reflectively that the contrast between Paul and Lewis was very considerable. Not only in looks but in manner.

  “Let me relax for a moment and then I’ll tell you,” she said, managing a rather grim smile.

  After drawing on her cigarette for about five minutes, during which time Lewis studied his papers and considerately ignored her, she said:

  “I’ve just had lunch with my esteemed ex-husband.”

  A strange expression flitted across Lewis’s face for a moment and then he said:

  “You must be joking.”

  “No, I’m not,” she replied smoothly. “Dear Paul himself.”

  Lewis compressed his rather thin lips.

  “And what was this in aid of?” He shrugged his slim shoulders.

  “I … I asked him to see me, have lunch with me,” answered Karen, half amused at Lewis’s concern. He could see no reason, until she told him, for the meeting and he was getting quite annoyed.

  His eyebrows ascended. “You asked him to meet you. But why? Good lord, Karen, you aren’t trying to get him back, are you?”

  Karen looked away from his gaze. She wondered what he would think if he could have read her thoughts a few moments ago. He would be bound to be furious. After all, he had thought he was acting in her best interests when he helped her to avoid seeing Paul.

  Avoiding this question, she said: “Mother asked me to see him. Simon, his brother Simon that is, is going out with Sandra, and Sandra refuses to give him up. I had to appeal to Paul to prevent it going any further.”

  “Sandra!” exclaimed Lewis. “But Simon Frazer is married. Is she completely mad? Good heavens, he’s nothing but a scoundrel.”

  “Precisely … but you know how unmanageable Sandra is. She’s gradually becoming completely uncontrollable. Besides. Mother still dotes on her and indulges her in everything. Even now, I expect she’s worried to death in case Sandra finds out she’s been meddling.”

  Lewis rose restlessly to his feet. “But to ask you to see Frazer on her behalf. She ought to have more sense. Doesn’t she care who gets hurt in all this? She might have realized that he would take a delight in humiliating you.”

  Karen stretched her slim legs out in front of her. “Paul didn’t exactly humiliate me, darling. In fact, he was quite human about the whole thing. But on the other hand, I can imagine what he was thinking. He probably thought I’d seen his engagement in the paper and decided to make a bit of bother for him. I don’t really think he thought I was trying to get him back. I think if anything, he thought I was just being nosy.”

  “Are you seeing him again?” asked Lewis, frowning.

  “I doubt it,” replied Karen abruptly. “I expect he will ring me if he has any news about Simon and Sandra.”

  “Well, I sincerely hope so,” said Lewis, sighing with something like relief. “After all, we don’t want him causing you any more bother, do we?”

  “I should say that’s entirely unlikely,” remarked Karen wryly. “He seems completely absorbed with Ruth and their forthcoming marriage.”

  Lewis nodded. “I believe she’s quite a lovely girl,” he said, and then clasped his hands together. “Oh, my dear, I hope you don’t think I’m trying to upset you.”

  “Not at all,” replied Karen, rather dryly, wishing Lewis had not found it necessary to discuss Ruth at all.

  “You know I’d like to take care of you,” went on Lewis painfully. “I want to be able to have the right to do that. “Won’t you allow me …’

  “Lewis, please. Not now. I’ve told you so often, I don’t love you and I couldn’t marry someone I didn’t love. The very idea appals me. I like and respect you, but as yet I don’t feel I can love anybody.” But Paul, taunted her conscience, but she thrust the thought back into anonymity.

  Lewis became businesslike, and Karen appreciated it. He was always so understanding. If he had behaved in any other way she would have had to find herself another employer, and as they worked so well together she didn’t want to have to do that.

  “By the way,” he said at the end of their discussion, “I have two invitations for the charity ball at the Magnifique on Friday. Would you like to go? It should be quite a glittering affair. Take you out of yourself.”

  Karen hesitated. She usually refused these invitations point-blank, but today, after Lewis’s understanding manner, she felt she ought to give them both a break. After all, maybe he was right. A ball would take her out of herself and perhaps push her feelings for Paul back into perspective.

  “Well,” she began slowly, “I think perhaps it might be a good idea, Lewis. Thank you.”

  Lewis looked absolutely flabbergasted, and she smiled at his shocked face.

  “Didn’t you really want me to come?” she asked, teasing him.

  “Good lord, yes. It’s just that I didn’t hold out much hope and now that you’ve accepted I’m stunned!”

  Karen smiled. “Oh, well I feel I should come out of my shell for a change. I’ve been too reticent of late.” She shivered involuntarily. In a matter of hours her life seemed to have changed. She had been content to drift along in her own backwater, letting life pass her by. Suddenly she had found her own company uncongenial and the thought of dressing up and going out, no matter with whom, gave her something to think about.

  “A good idea,” approved Lewis, smiling. “I’m glad you feel you want to meet people again. That’s a good sign.”

  Karen nodded. “Yes, isn’t it? Perhaps seeing Paul has done me good. After all, that’s over and done with now, isn’t it?” she said, forcing a lightness she did not feel.

  Lewis looked very pleased. Suddenly his rather dull day had improved beyond all expectation.

  CHAPTER TWO

  AFTER Paul Frazer had dropped Karen at the offices of Lewis Martin’s company he drove swiftly back to his own office building. In truth there was a lot of work waiting for him, but now his urge to get on and get it done had turned sour on him. He couldn’t understand it. It was maddening. His thoughts were in a turmoil. Seeing Karen had been something he had never expected to have to go through. Although she had killed the love he had felt for her, she still had the power to disturb him emotionally, and it infuriated him. After all, he had met many more beautiful women in his lifetime, what was it about Karen that so enthralled him?

  In truth he had forgotten just how attractive she really was, and to be confronted with her so unexpectedly had had no little effect on him. He went up to his office in a rare bad humour and was surprised when he found Ruth waiting in his office for him. Ruth had never come to the office before, and now that she had he felt annoyed for some reason. He refused to connect this feeling with his earlier meeting with his ex-wife.

  Ruth was a small curvaceous brunette with short hair cropped in a curly mop. She always looked bandbox-fresh and favoured very feminine styles, with flared skirts that accentuated her petiteness. She was twenty-eight, but appeared younger, and until today Paul had found this refreshing.

  But after Karen’s deliberate reference to their honeymoon in Nassau, all the details of their previous relationship had been recollected with piercing clarity. She had recalled memories which he had believed were completely forgotten, and yet one word from her had revived everything. She had made him aware of her as a woman, a tantalizing woman. She had always had a devastating effect on him from the very first moment she had entered his office with the design manager to be complimented on her original carpet design.

  At first, her apparent beauty and charm had appealed to him, but as he got to know her better he had fallen in love with her for the intelligent woman that she was; young, vital, desirable and able to converse with him on any subject he cared to bring up. He had always had his pick of attractive women. He was well
aware that his money added to his own eligibility, and when Karen refused to enter into an affair with him he found it quite a novel experience. Usually, girls had been all too willing to sleep with him, and it piqued him to find that Karen could refuse. It annoyed him, too, to find that his interest in other women had waned and he knew that only Karen could satisfy him now. As the weeks passed he came to need her more than anyone else in the world and he knew she reciprocated his feelings but only marriage would satisfy her. But strangely, he found he did not mind, and those first few months of their marriage fulfilled all his wildest dreams.

  But when she defied him and went behind his back to get a job with Lewis Martin he had been infuriated, and later when the final break came he was sick to his stomach. He would never have believed she could hurt him so and when Martin averred that she did not wish to see him ever again, he had given up hope.

  At first he had lost a lot of weight, for he had eaten little and drank a lot. He suffered from acute insomnia for months, and life had lost all interest. In consequence his work suffered and eventually his mother had persuaded him to take a prolonged holiday, for as he was he was of no use to the company.

  When he had first been informed of her affair with Lewis Martin, he had hardly believed it. He could not acknowledge to himself that Karen would actually sleep with another man, particularly a man like Martin who was so much older than herself. Thoughts of them together had nauseated him and angered him. He was still so much in love with Karen, and if she had shown any inclinations towards coming back to him he would have accepted her on any terms.

  But when he learned that Lewis Martin had actually spent a night at the apartment, he was forced to admit that all previous stories about them had been true, and their marriage was over, irrevocably. He drank a good deal at this time, drugging his tortured senses, until the pull of his work brought him back to normality.

  The divorce, of course, finalized everything. It was the ultimate ending. The writing on the wall had eventually triumphed. Paul had been convinced that no woman would ever invade his emotions again. He became very cynical about life and women, and lived without much thought for the morrow.