Someone Always Loved You

by Brooke Williams

  After that date, they were inseparable. Their easy friendship continued, but something had changed between them. It was a connection that could not be put into words.

  Jordan continued to open Cory’s locker each day for him, but their contact did not end there. They strolled the halls hand in hand, kissed in a corner after lunch, and spent every spare minute outside of school with each other.

  The only problem they ran into was the fact that Cory was a senior and Jordan only a junior; their time together was limited, but Cory never saw it as an issue. Everything in the world had brightened since he received the note from Jordan. The two simple letters “O.K.” had changed his outlook on everything from the color of the sky to the taste of the cafeteria food. He was head over heels in love. Cory knew going to college would be tough. He didn’t want to leave Jordan’s side for ten minutes, much less four years. However, he understood that they were young, and they had time on their side. What difference did a little time apart make in the span of a future lifetime together?

  Cory and Jordan had a mature relationship. Of course, they showed the normal aspects of young love, but they also felt something much deeper. They felt complete and whole with each other. Not many high school students feel such satisfaction in a relationship and often move on to the next guy or girl within a few months.

  Cory couldn’t wait to take Jordan to his prom. He knew it was hokey, but he wanted everything to be perfect so they could hold on to those memories over the next few years. He chuckled each time he remembered the story Jordan told him about her very first date. The description she gave of her date always had him rolling with laughter. She had not intended to make fun of her date. She simply described him as he was and she never did see anything weird about the picture she painted.

  * * * *

  “Remember my senior prom?” Cory asked Jordan, a thread of him still expecting an answer as she lay before him without a glimmer of movement. “You were so beautiful that night. Your red dress against that black hair of yours. Every guy in the room was jealous of me. I practically had to fight my friends off with a stick just to keep you to myself all night,” he smiled, remembering his friends’ eyes nearly popping out of their sockets when they saw Jordan. She never really cared much about her appearance. She didn’t bother with make-up and did no more to her hair than quickly combing it each morning. That night, however, she had gone all out. Even Cory was amazed at the movie star before him, and he couldn’t have been prouder to have her at his side. Even if she had turned up looking like she did everyday, she would have been the most gorgeous girl in the room. She was his, and he wanted everyone to know it.

  * * * *

  Jordan felt the internal shiver that inevitably appeared when the light was absent, but she didn’t care how cold she got. She was too preoccupied concentrating on Cory’s voice as he presented memory after memory. She would have resisted the bright glow as it began to appear yet again beneath her lids, but it brought pictures from her past to the forefront, and she wanted to drown in the images of the younger Cory. With her acquiescence, the light flooded through her body, instantly warming her bones and directing her attention to the past.

  The prom had ended too quickly. All of the seniors and their dates had stars in their eyes from the evening as they filed from the Conference Center Hall. A night they would always remember was now behind them.

  Jordan put her preoccupations to the side that night and enjoyed every moment she had with Cory. She knew she would have to do this all summer long. He knew her concerns, but he didn’t seem bothered by them. His nonchalance drove her to forget her reservations about their upcoming separation and revel in the moment. They had a great summer going to the drive-in at night each time a new movie was showing and spending days at the lake, frolicking in the cool water. But as all summers do, the season quickly ended.

  Jordan tried to control the shaking within her as she helped Cory pack his car until she thought it would burst. He didn’t have a major in mind, but he had always dreamed of becoming a lawyer. To get into law school, he knew he had to get a top notch education. When he received an acceptance letter from Boston College, he knew that with hard work, he would have a shot at being accepted into law school. The only draw back was the distance from Jordan. Straight through, it would be a fifteen hour drive at the very least. Cory tried to keep the future in mind, knowing that this separation was only temporary.

  Placing his hands on either side of Jordan’s shoulders, he rubbed her arms as if it were cold outside. The summer heat had not given way to fall yet, but she appeared to be shivering with misery. Cory crooked his arm around her neck and drew her to him. The truth was, he didn’t know how this time apart would affect them. All he knew was how he felt.

  When Cory was finally able to tear himself away from Jordan, he gave her a long, slow parting kiss and hopped into his car before he could change his mind. He tried not to look at the rearview mirror as he drove away, but he finally braved a glance. His clothes and other supplies were blocking his view. Probably for the best, he thought.

  Had Cory been able to see Jordan, he would have seen a broken girl. She sobbed uncontrollably and felt as if he had just driven over her heart. Her head knew he meant what he said when he proclaimed his love, but her heart still hurt with anticipation of the loneliness ahead.

  Jordan and Cory spent the next year tethered to their phones. Their bills were absurd, and Jordan got a part-time job at the local mall to pay her parents for the astronomical amount of time she spent on the phone.

  It was a long, hard year. Jordan even tried to break it off with Cory once when their conversation was interrupted by a female voice at his dorm room door. She wasn’t jealous, but she didn’t want Cory to miss out on college life because of her. Cory, of course, would hear none of that and did not allow her to even finish her thought once he realized where she was going with it. He wanted no one else and reassured her endlessly of that fact.

  As the year finally came to a close, Cory had endless opportunities in Boston. His new friends were renting an apartment and asked him be their roommate. His favorite professor offered him a job in a law office. Granted, it was just filing papers and making coffee, but it was a great chance to see the inside workings of a real firm. Though part of him wanted to accept the Boston offers, it was only a very small part. The majority of him wanted nothing more than to get back in his car and speed fifteen hours away from the university back to Jordan. He’d only been able to travel home once during the year, over Christmas break. And then he had so many family obligations and friends to visit he hadn’t gotten the quality time with Jordan that he truly desired.

  The minute his last final was complete, Cory jumped in his already loaded car and headed west. He barely stopped driving the whole fifteen hours, only relenting when his car began to sputter in need of gas. When he finally arrived, he drove directly to Jordan’s house. Their reunion was tearful and romantic as they both looked forward to another summer like the last. Cory took a job with a local construction company that tanned his skin to the color Jordan remembered when they first met.

  Cory and Jordan worked several days a week at their part-time jobs--Jordan at a local retail store, and Cory on site at various houses and construction projects. They were both saving for the next year at college. Their phone bills would not disappear.

  Jordan had applied to schools all over the country, including Boston College. She was accepted at most of them, but only one school grabbed her soul. It was a small, beautiful campus in the middle of Iowa, many hours from home and in the wrong direction to Cory’s proximity. Both of her parents had gone to the east coast for school, but Jordan was driven to the Midwest. All she’d ever wanted in life was to help others, and this college specialized in community service, providing dozens of opportunities for students to directly affect surrounding areas.

  Jordan had accepted the school’s offers of multiple scholarships with half a heart, the other half being in Boston
with Cory. But he had almost vehemently insisted that she attend school in Iowa. He knew it was what she wanted by the tone in her voice. Though she would have done anything to be closer to him, she knew he would never let her forgo one of her dreams to be near him. Cory was an optimist, and he kept telling her she could have it all. She could go to the college she always wanted to attend, and she could have him; she would just have to wait a little longer for the latter.

  Cory and Jordan vowed to put the next year out of their minds and enjoy the summer months ahead. Their days were filled with work, but their nights and weekends were free, and they made the most of every second. They found new places to watch the orange sky as the sun set each evening. They tried every burger joint in a thirty mile radius, and they were never short on stories and jokes from their year apart.

  The night before they parted for the school year, Cory had a great idea for a romantic date. His vision was to give them a memory that would last them the entire year. When Cory picked Jordan up for the evening, she began begging him right away to tell her more about their destination. He had only said to bring a jacket.

  An hour later, they arrived at the small lake in a tiny rural town nearby. Friends of Cory’s family farmed the land, and Cory had cleared the whole evening with them. Turning onto the gravel road that led to the lake, Cory couldn’t wait to get to the dock. He had spent the afternoon creating the perfect setting. A red checkered table cloth and twin candles covered the card table he had dragged to the edge of the dock. He only hoped nothing had blown away in the few hours since he had been there.

  Pulling up to the dock, he could tell everything was as he left it. Jordan put one hand to her mouth, surprised by the elaborate set up and the trouble he must have gone to for the evening. Jumping out of the car, Cory ran to her side to open the door. She had never let him open doors for her. She was always out and ready before he could even try. But tonight, maybe because of the shock, Jordan was a little slower.

  Cory retrieved a small picnic basket from beneath the table. They dined on cheese and crackers after he lit the candles and poured them each a glass of sparkling cider. The dinner was beautiful and the conversation ideal. They talked about their beginning together, and they excitedly planned their future. Neither wanted to bring up the subject of tomorrow and the fact that they would again be apart for months at a time. Instead, they dreamed about the years to come: where they would like to live; what their jobs would be; what color to paint their house.

  As darkness began to take over, Cory led Jordan to a small boat tied to a wooden post on the side of the dock. There was a perfect spot on the lake where the sun could be seen setting through the trees, where the branches parted to accentuate the colors of the sky. After their summer of seeking for new places to watch the sun leave the sky for the day, Cory knew this one would top their list.

  He helped Jordan into the boat and began paddling, handing her the spare oars only after she insisted for a full minute.

  * * * *

  “Saying good-bye to you again was the hardest thing I ever had to do,” Cory sighed. As he recounted the magical night to Jordan, her ears opened, her mind cleared, and the warm light receded to the back of her conscious. She heard every word and re-lived the evening as Cory told the story in detail. He skipped over the end; they had not spoken about it frequently during their life together and he didn’t want to disturb her peace now, just in case she could understand him. As Cory ended his recitation of that night’s events and traced his finger over her eyebrow and then onto her lids, her mind stayed in the past and picked up the events where he had stopped.

  * * * *

  The sunset had been gorgeous, involving colors Jordan had never seen in the sky previously. Purple took over for orange which turned into pink, and the trees swayed in the slight breeze. The sound of the water surrounding them heightened the moment. They watched the sky in silent awe until the stars appeared brightly.

  Lying down next to each other in the small boat to connect the stars and watch for satellites, their light summer conversation turned serious. They finally faced the inevitability of time and what the following day would bring. Their discussion turned to how they would deal with the next year…and the year after that.

  Frustrated that they came to no easy conclusion, Cory reverted to his old frame of mind and began proclaiming his love for Jordan. He started in a silly manner to draw her out of the contemplative state caused by the conversation. But as he joked, their eyes locked in the pure emotion of the moment.

  They kissed under the stars as if it were their first kiss. Sweet baby kisses led to a tentative longer indulgence that left both of them dizzy. Before they knew what they were doing, they forgot their earnest promise to hold off on going all the way. The fever of the moment under the stars made them forget their future and their past. It was all about the present. It was over in minutes, but the damage was done.

  Flopping onto his back, Cory tucked his shirt back into his pants as Jordan tried to keep the boat from rocking. They couldn’t believe what had just happened, and neither knew what to say. So they laid there in an awkward silence, not touching, not talking, both wishing they could take back the few moments that had changed their evening so drastically.

  The car ride home was long and peculiar. Usually so full of stories, Jordan stared out the window as the fields and cows turned back into buildings and parking lots. With a lump in her throat, she left Cory in his car after a chaste kiss on the cheek and a hasty good-bye. Maybe she would have acted differently had she known it would be years before she saw him again. Maybe he would have drawn her into his arms and refused to let her go if he had known how her life was about to change.

  As Jordan and Cory left for their prospective colleges the next day, each knew their relationship would never be the same. Cory was determined to make it work, but Jordan felt only shame and guilt. She immersed herself in her studies and in helping the surrounding Iowa communities. It was hard to ignore the messages piled on her dorm room desk, scrawled sloppily in her roommate’s slanted writing. “Cory called.” “Call Cory.” The notes were similar to those he used to leave in her locker; they were all different, but all the same. They did talk on occasion when she worked up the nerve to dial his number or when he happened to catch her in her room, but their conversations were always very polite and distant.

  The semester was half over when Jordan became violently ill. She turned into a fixture on the floor of the bathroom down the hall from her room, never crawling far from the toilet. The waves of nausea came and went, but even when they waned, the memory of them sent her rushing to the bathroom again.

  After a week of missed classes, her roommate finally forced Jordan to visit the school nurse. Jordan reluctantly agreed and allowed her friend to walk her up the street to the administration building. As much as she had resisted help, she leaned on her roommate the whole way, grateful for the support.

  The nurse took one look at Jordan and settled her onto a paper-covered plastic bench. She asked Jordan to describe her symptoms as she shook a thermometer and placed it under her tongue. Jordan managed to tell the nurse about her nausea and inability to keep any food down, moving her tongue around the thermometer.

  “Let me just get a few details from you,” the nurse said soothingly. She shot a barrage of questions at Jordan who answered promptly. “Name? Student ID#? Doctor’s name back home? Any shortness of breath? Cramps? Noticeable fever?” Feeling nauseated again, Jordan half-listened until her attention was brought full circle by the next question. “And when was your last period?”

  Her last period? She had no idea. She’d been so caught up in her move away from home and her first semester in college that she hadn’t taken notice of her health or the monthly event that always plagued her. “I-I’m not sure,” she stuttered.

  The nurse peered over her black half moon glasses as Jordan paled further. She couldn’t come up with an exact date, but she was starting to realize it had been som
etime in August. It was mid-November now, and Jordan understood the implication in the nurse’s penetrating stare. She was pregnant.

  * * * *

  Jordan felt Cory’s presence disappear from the room as she fought once again to open her eyes. He told her about his release from the hospital, and she desperately wanted to celebrate with him. She wanted to throw her arms around him and let him carry her out of this room for good. She listened as his shoes squeaked across the room, stopping to open the door. As the heavy metal thudded behind him, she knew she wouldn’t be alone long. Doctors and nurses were constantly scurrying about her, and Cory had promised he would be by her side from now on. With that comforting thought, she let her memories overwhelm her again, taking over her consciousness as the warm light ebbed behind her closed lids and pushed her back into a fuzzy peace.

  * * * *

  By all calculations, Jordan figured she was about three months pregnant. Being a thorough student, she began reading everything she could on the subject to distract herself from the burgeoning responsibility of a decision. She holed up in the library, always searching for a secluded corner to drag as many books as she dare. She never checked anything out and never read in front of anyone she knew. After devouring every piece of information, Jordan felt that she could proclaim herself a professional on the subject. Jordan knew everything from the development process before birth to parenting a teen; she knew it all. She knew enough to realize that she wasn’t ready. She couldn’t do this.