Someone Always Loved You

by Brooke Williams

  After they ate, Cory insisted on driving Jordan around the city. She had lived in the area only one year less than him, but she seldom made it to the city and appreciated his tour. The space center, the zoo, the dome, and his law school raced past her as she concentrated more on the sound of Cory’s voice than the scenery. She still couldn’t believe that he was sitting just a few feet from her. A couple of miles beyond the law school, Cory pulled up to an apartment complex. “And this,” he said, noticing that he had done all of the talking since they left the restaurant, “is where I live. Wanna see?” he asked, jumping out of the car before she could answer.

  He rounded the vehicle to open her door, but as was her custom, she was out before he got halfway to her side of the car. “I don’t know, Cory,” she said. “It’s getting late. I should probably…”

  “Late!” he exclaimed. “It’s only eight! Don’t tell me you’ve got a new bedtime in your old age,” he chided.

  That was enough to push her feet forward, following him through the rounded archway that led into an open air building. She breathed in the air. It somehow seemed fresher here than where she lived. Impossible, she knew, but something about being with Cory made everything seem better. She ran her hand along the peach stucco walls as Cory led her up two flights of stairs and down a bright hall lined with apartment doors on one side and a view of the pool on the other.

  Reaching the end of the hallway, Cory jiggled his keys in the lock. “Guess I never really did get good at opening things,” he joked, sending Jordan into a fit of laughter. She had finally come out of her quiet spell and let herself go. She was laughing so hard that by the time Cory got his door open, she thought she would collapse. The tears streaming down her face and her uncontrollable giggles caused Cory to begin laughing as well. They kicked off their shoes and sank into the couch just inside the door, holding their sides.

  “You…you never could get that lock on your locker,” Jordan choked, nearing hysteria as she rolled to one side.

  “That’s what I wanted you think!” Cory croaked, slapping his knee.

  Jordan began to gain control over her fit as she rolled back into a sitting position. As her laughter faded, she turned to Cory, the smile still plastered on his face. Catching her eye, his smile slowly faded as she wiped the tears of laughter from her face.

  The electricity between their eyes was immediate and magnetic. They moved together in unison, forgetting that they had met only as “old friends.” Their lips met softly, spinning the surge of energy between them faster. Cory drew his fingers through her silky hair, combing it repeatedly as the kiss heated, and he began to lay her back on the couch. Reality hit Jordan with full force as memories of their past hit her. “No, Cory, I can’t,” she pleaded, pushing him away as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. This time they were not from laughter.

  Seeing that she was upset, but not willing to let her go, Cory leaned back against the couch, pulled her against his chest, and placed her head on his shoulder. He held her tightly as she sobbed, wondering what had happened to damage her so greatly. A simple kiss had thrown her into such extreme sadness. He continued to stroke her hair as he whispered comforting words.

  Jordan cried until all of her tears had dried up. Realizing how ridiculous she must sound and how awful she must look, she pulled away from Cory a little to bury her face in her hands.

  Prying her hands from her eyes, Cory felt his own rush of emotion for her, “It’s okay, Jordan,” he soothed. “Whatever it is, it’s okay. I’m the same Cory I was back in high school, the guy you could talk to for hours. I am the one you told every dream and every fear. Talk to me, Jordan. Talk to me now.”

  Upon hearing the sincerity and concern in his voice, she wrenched herself away from him and bolted out the door. As she ran down the hall and flew down the steps, Jordan stopped only when the look in his eyes reappeared in her mind. Those eyes were caring and open and willing to accept her story, no matter what it may hold. Stopping abruptly, Jordan realized she could no longer run from the truth. She couldn’t avoid their past any longer. She slowly turned and returned the way she had come, realizing she was without her shoes. She found Cory frozen on his couch in shock.

  Her blood-shot eyes met his cool, concerned stare. What the hell, she thought. She’d already lost everything, she couldn’t possibly do anything worse than she already had. She needed to tell him the whole story before she changed her mind. Besides, she rationalized, after all this time, he deserved the truth.

  An hour later, Cory’s soft eyes had turned stony as he tried to absorb the story she finally laid before him. She had candidly told him about how she got sick at school which led her to discover the pregnancy. Jordan tried to explain that she was trying to protect his future and she knew she couldn’t raise a child on her own. Even as she spoke the words, Cory could read in her expression that she didn’t appreciate her reasoning any longer. Then she described her move to the orphanage and her work there. The long story ended with the birth of their child and her departure from Wisconsin.

  “I…I have a son?” Cory asked in disbelief.

  Jordan nodded. “I named him after you,” she said, wondering what Cory was thinking as he stared ahead with a blank expression.

  Cory didn’t even know what he was thinking as he tried to believe the incredible story he had just heard. The anger began to well up within him as he realized she had done all of this behind his back, without even the courtesy to tell him that he had a child. He’d have damn well liked to be a part of a decision that big! How dare she take it upon herself to determine the fate of a life that was half his?

  With fire in his gut, he turned to her, prepared to spew accusations and hatred, but her eyes extinguished that fire. He could see through her bright blue eyes to her soul. The depth of their ocean color poured out over his anger, extinguishing the resentment before he could express his frustration. She had only done what she thought was best. As misguided as she may have been, she had gone through the ordeal by herself, hoping to protect his future.

  Cory couldn’t bring himself to accuse her of any malice. Instead, he placed a hand on her jaw and drew her to him so that her tear-stained cheek was against his. “We’ll get him back someday,” Cory promised. “He’ll always be ours, and no or length of time can change that.”

  Jordan shuddered at the kind words. She was so sure he would throw her out and never want to see her again. What had she done so many years ago, pushing this man away? She didn’t deserve him now, and she knew it, but she let him hold her cheek against his rough face and stroke her hair. She finally fell asleep in his lap, with Cory and their son in her dreams and hope as well as peace in her heart. Cory stayed awake, stroking her silky black hair. “I still want you to be mine, Darling,” he whispered. “I’ve always been yours.”

  CHAPTER 16

  As Jay listened intently, Cory decided to skip the details of their first child. If Jordan could hear him speaking as she lay motionless before them, he didn’t want to dredge up hurtful memories. There was pain involved with both of their children, but with so many unknowns surrounding their son, Cory didn’t want to bother her with any of the thoughts that he knew plagued her. She had moved on from losing their second child, but he didn’t know if she would ever give up hope where their first was concerned.

  “Jordan and I married right after I graduated from law school,” Cory began as Jay sat attentively across from him, his eyes roaming between Cory and his wife. “I had just finished assisting with my first court case and that one little taste was enough to get me hooked. I interned at a firm during school, and one of the partners was impressed with the research I did for him and he gave me a glowing recommendation. The firm even invited me to stay.”

  * * * *

  When Jordan woke up with her head in Cory’s lap, at first she was surprised. Then the night before came back to her, and she jerked upright. Cory rubbed his eyes wearily and placed a hand on her shoulder.

  “Cory,”
Jordan said softly just as Cory called her name. They both smiled, and he gestured that she should go first. Jordan didn’t want to waste any more time. She had been the cause of their separation over the years, and she no longer wanted them to be anywhere but together. “I want to be yours,” she stated.

  Cory allowed the silence to fill the room before he answered, “You read them.”

  Jordan nodded slightly, “I did. Two days ago, for the first time.”

  “You saved them?” he asked.

  Pursing her lips, Jordan nodded again, “I couldn’t get rid of anything from you. Even though I could barely touch them, having those letters was like keeping a part of you in my life.”

  “I’ve always been yours,” Cory whispered as he pulled her toward him and gently placed his lips on one cheek and then the other. As he tilted his head back to read her expression, she moved closer and planted her mouth firmly on his. The kiss was familiar, and yet brand new.

  When they parted, they had a heart-to-heart conversation and vowed to put the past behind them. They realized their lives were nothing without the other, and they made strides on a daily basis to put their relationship back on track. It didn’t take much for their old love to blossom into a new, even stronger affection.

  A few months after the trial with which Cory was assisting ended, Jordan found a batch of Post-it notes on her desk. The first one read, “Since you no longer have a locker…this will have to do.” Jordan almost knew what was coming before she read the rest, but she humored herself and read through each note. Most of them were small proclamations of love. Some included specific qualities that Cory loved about Jordan. All of them were touching, and Jordan found herself reading them slowly to savor each sentiment. Cory thought he was going to suffocate from anxiety in the hall as he watched her through the window. He had to hold himself back from leaping into the room and tearing the carefully written notes from her hands so he could force her to read the last sheet. When she finally completed each small page, she flipped to the back cover and read, “Marry me? Yours always, -C”

  Realization crept into Jordan’s face. Cory recognized the rosy hue on her cheeks and burst through the office door, dropping to one knee and extending a small black box in front of him wordlessly. Jordan rushed to his side, tackling him in her excitement. They ended up on the floor, giggling as Jordan searched for the black box. She wanted that ring on her finger immediately. When she located the velvet box, she paused, placing one hand over her mouth. The diamond was small, heart-shaped, and everything she ever wanted. Cory slid it onto her left ring finger, and the couple eased from the floor back onto their knees where they entered into a fierce embrace. Nancy was about to burst into the room to see what was causing the ruckus when she spotted a telltale glint on Jordan’s hand. Quietly easing the door closed, Nancy smiled at the sight of young love.

  Jordan and Cory didn’t waste much time and planned the wedding immediately. Neither cared about minor details or extravagant plans. They just wanted to be married. They had waited long enough to be together, and they didn’t want to wait a second longer than necessary. Rather than plan a huge church wedding, the couple invited a local pastor to the Heritage Homes and wed in front of their parents and the shelter’s residents. Jordan wore a white sundress with daisies sewn across the hem, and Cory swelled with pride upon seeing his bride. In their nervousness, they repeated vows after the pastor but added a line at the end. “I’ll always be yours,” they said as their smiles spread from their lips into their eyes. Each mother dabbed at her eyes, as the fathers tried to hold back emotion. But in the end there wasn’t a dry eye in the Heritage Homes building.

  Just after Cory’s third year in law school had ended, he started a new leg in his life, that of being a husband. The next step, of course, was to find a job. The newlyweds lived on Jordan’s meager salary as Cory studied for the bar exam day and night. The couple agreed that while Jordan loved her job at Heritage Homes, they would rather start their life together back in the Midwest. Cory took the bar exam in Illinois that summer and promptly began searching for a job after receiving the passing results. When he received an offer to become the newest associate at a small firm with big possibilities, Cory broke the news to Jordan over a candlelight dinner. They had been married only a few months, but they felt as if they had been together for an eternity. Cory knew what Jordan’s reaction would be before she had a chance to react.

  She was thrilled and, as always, willing to give up anything for his sake. Cory begged her to think carefully before she jumped into leaving her work so readily. But Jordan brushed his reprimands aside, assuring him that there were people in need all over the country. Her work certainly didn’t have to end. By that time she was a full fledged social worker, helping children and families when their needs were the greatest. Cory couldn’t have been more proud of her efforts. He was delighted she was willing to move, but he hesitated because he just didn’t want her to make any further sacrifices. “But Cory,” she complained, “this isn’t a sacrifice. Sure, I love my job, but things are like a well oiled machine at the Heritage Homes now. They can run with or without my help. There is some place in Illinois that needs me more.”

  Cory shook his head. She was stubborn, and he loved her for that. They spent the next few weeks taking turns on the phone, searching for housing and packing their current apartment. Cory tried to keep Jordan out of the search as much as he could; he wanted to surprise her with something really special. When he ran across the ranch house on an acreage within a suburb close to the city, he knew he had found their new home. It was a little beyond their agreed price range, but Cory knew from his talks with the law firm that he would be making plenty of money soon enough.

  When all of the details were settled, he told Jordan to stop the search because he had found the perfect place. But he would divulge no more of his surprise. The last few days of packing consisted of her questions and his evasive answers. He knew she would love it and wanted to see the look on her face as their new home came into view for the first time. No description or picture could do it justice.

  When they finally arrived after thousands of miles dragging their packed Uhaul behind her old car, Cory was glad he kept the secret. Her reaction was well worth the wait. As soon as he slowed the car, she was out the door, running like an Olympic sprinter for the tidy ranch house. Jordan briefly ran through each room before bolting out the front door and directly into Cory, who was just then getting out of the car. She nearly knocked him over as she exclaimed the perfections and quirks of the house—their home.

  They couldn’t wait to start their new life in their new town and new house. Everything had its place in the ranch within a week as Jordan unpacked furiously, and Cory began his job. After the boxes were gone and each item was situated just as she liked, Jordan didn’t waste any more time. She spent her days searching for the perfect job. With her qualifications, background, and personality, it didn’t take long to land a position at a shelter in the city. In the evenings, she would rattle on about her plans for the shelter, and Cory would describe the quirks of each person in his office.

  They settled into a comfortable routine, and a year passed before they realized they were no longer newlyweds. Newlywed was just a term for how long they had been married. The passage of time didn’t mean they had to act like an old married couple. Anyone who met them would assume they were just married because their love was obvious and fresh.

  Children were something they both thought of, but neither spoke about. They had worked through their past and talked about their son at length after Jordan first told Cory the entire story. Once they resolved their issues, they put the subject behind them, and neither brought it up again. Cory had always wanted to be a young father so he could enjoy his children for the longest amount of time possible. He knew Jordan didn’t broach the subject for fear of agitating old wounds in him. As often as Cory longed for his boy, he knew his son was long lost. All they could do now was move on and create a
nother child.

  As the weeks passed and Cory’s longing for children grew, Jordan noticed him being quieter each evening. Finally growing tired of his pensive silence, she demanded to know what was on his mind.

  “I’ve been to a lot of dinner parties lately, Darling,” he started, finally giving in, “and each partner and associate and client’s home is filled with toys and noise.”

  Jordan tilted her head. She knew what was coming.

  “I know we can never replace our son,” Cory continued, “but maybe the hole in our hearts would be filled somewhat if we had a child to love.” He blinked, tentatively glancing at his wife to gauge her reaction.

  Jordan dropped her chin to her chest. “I can’t, Cory,” she cried. “I want nothing more than to have a child with you, but we already have a child. I can’t just forget about him and move on, no matter how hard I try.” Jordan hadn’t realized these emotions were within her for all these years. The deeper she buried them, the more she believed they were actually gone for good. But when Cory brought it up, she ached all over again for the boy she had left behind--their son.

  Cory pulled her onto his lap as he fell back onto the couch. For once, he was speechless. He was finally the smooth lawyer he had always wanted to be, never tongue-tied or short of words, but he had no idea how to react to her plight. He just held her and let her feel his love through his touch, hoping it would be enough.

  Jordan felt awful the next few days for breaking down in front of Cory. There was a new tension in the air that she wanted to fix so badly, but she had no idea what to do. With one suggestion from her husband, she changed from a happy, joyful woman to a jumpy, depressed girl. Jordan knew she had to do something to pull herself out of her funk, but all of her energy was spent thinking of Jay: how he’d felt in her arms; how he’d looked right at her; how soft his hair was. Jay was the only thing she could concentrate on fully. The tender thoughts of their first and only meeting always gave way to the terrifying thoughts. What had happened to their little boy? Had he been adopted? Did he have a good family? Was he happy? The questions gnawed on Jordan’s conscious until she could no longer stand the agony she endured.