Someone Always Loved You

by Brooke Williams

Jay sauntered into Madison’s room, dragging his feet as if the slower he went the more likely the event would reverse itself, eventually having not occurred at all. He tiptoed across the room and ruffled her hair. She was sound asleep, and her face was damp. Unsticking clumps of hair from her forehead, he pressed them back to her head. He could never lose her or the child she carried. It would positively kill him.

  Jay remembered the day Madison told him about their child. He had just started his emergency medical training, and their life together was back on track. She hadn’t been on birth control while he was away in rehab, and neither of them thought much of the subject when he returned. They both wanted children someday, so whenever it happened, it would happen.

  Jay had dragged himself in from his training classes, his brain fried from all of the information he had crammed in that day. He only had an hour and a half before he had to peel himself from the couch and head to his telemarketing job. Madison met him at the door with a fresh face. She smelled like soap and looked squeaky clean from head to toe. No paint or art residue was sticking to her today. Jay gave her a half-hearted hug and set his eyes on the couch, longing for it to envelope his tired mind and body. This new schedule was taking a lot out of him, but he knew it would be worth it.

  “Oh no you don’t,” Madison exclaimed, seeing where his eyes were lingering. “We’re going to dinner.”

  Jay groaned, but Madison would hear none of his grumbles. She took his hand and led him out the door and down the street to a small diner. They didn’t have a lot of money and rarely ate out, but tonight Madison had a special dinner planned. She wasn’t going to let Jay spoil it no matter how tired he thought he was.

  Madison ordered for them, whispering conspiratorially to the waiter. Jay was too tired to care. He liked about every kind of food and appreciated not having to study the menu and make his mind work. Madison chatted aimlessly, moving from topics surrounding various kids in her class to the new bakery going in down the street as well as the lady in an apartment neighboring theirs.

  When their meals arrived, Madison gave a curious glance to the waiter, and Jay finally took note that something was definitely going on.

  “Tonight we have for you,” the waiter said in an exaggerated voice with his nose in the air, “baby back ribs, a side of baby potatoes, and some baby carrots,” he listed, emphasizing the word “baby” every time he used it. The waiter winked at Madison and abruptly turned, clicked his heals, and departed their table.

  Staring down at the mini-items, Jay looked at Madison, confused, and asked, “What’s up with all the baby stuff?”

  She grinned, almost surprised that he hadn’t already caught on. “There’s a lot more where that came from,” she hinted, with a glimmer in her eyes and the smile on her lips growing larger by the second.

  “Huh?” Jay murmured, studying the foods before him. He finally picked up his fork to test the baby carrots when he looked up at Madison and everything clicked. The look in her eyes, the smile on her face, the inordinate amount of baby items on the table.

  “No way!” he exclaimed. Madison nodded, her short hair shaking over her ears. “We’re gonna have a baby!” Jay shouted, disturbing the diners around him as he scooted from his side of the table and grabbed Madison’s hand, forcing her to stand. He twirled her around, as he remembered doing when they first met. Patrons smiled and watched, and she gave the waiter a thumbs up behind Jay’s back before he set her down. “Oh no,” he pondered, “I haven’t hurt you, have I? I probably better not squeeze you too hard anymore.”

  “I’m fine, Jay,” she said, glad he had reacted so exuberantly despite being bone tired. They ate their baby carrots and baby potatoes and baby back ribs, and Jay forgot all about being tired as he told all of his fellow telemarketers that night that he was going to be a father.

  Jay smiled at the memory as he ran his hands across Madison’s swelling middle and placed his lips next to her belly button. “Hey there, little guy,” he whispered, just like he had the day she was mad when he had blown off her ultrasound appointment, “it’s your dad. Don’t worry about a thing. Mommy had a little fall, but she’s doing great. You’re going to be just fine. In fact,” he continued, “these next few weeks you and she will get to spend lots of quality time together. She’ll be resting a lot, and I want to make sure you swim around in there plenty, so she knows you’re having a good time.”

  Jay felt a gentle swat to the back of his head making him jerk upright. “Hey,” Madison said sleepily, “don’t be telling him that. He’ll keep me up all hours of the night.”

  Jay smiled and took her hand, pressing his lips against each finger individually as he told her what Dr. Rodriguez had said. “It was so stupid,” Madison said. “I wanted to try this new fruit smoothie recipe I got from a teacher at the school, and the blender was on the top shelf. The step stool didn’t quite get me there, so I was reaching with every inch I had when it toppled. I was so scared, Jay. When I saw all the blood, I thought I’d lost him,” she sobbed quietly.

  “Shhh,” Jay soothed. “You’re the best mom this kid or any kid could ever hope to have. Accidents happen, and everything’s fine. You just rest.”

  She nodded. “Yeah, accidents happen. Tell that to your father, would you?” she asked, speaking to her tummy.

  As she drifted off again, Jay’s thoughts returned to Jordan. He knew what Madison was implying. He had to get over the incident he caused under the emergency room overhang. But this was different. Madison was going to be okay. Jordan may not be.

  CHAPTER 18

  Dr. Rodriguez slipped quietly from Jordan’s room after consulting her chart and monitoring her vitals. He hadn’t wanted to awaken Cory who had just barely been released from hospital care himself. He had smiled upon entering the room, seeing Cory asleep uncomfortably, his head in the crook of his arm which he had splayed over Jordan’s midsection. Dr. Rodriguez wished there was more he could do. Her brain waves were still strong; her heartbeat was normal. Her pulse rose and fell in tiny increments but everything about her exuded health, except for the fact that she refused to come out of the coma. He hoped Jordan knew how loved she was. All of the nurses cared for her as if she was family. She was so beautiful and fragile that it was hard to think of her any other way. Of course, there was Cory who only left her side briefly when Nurse Ester insisted that he put meat on his bones by hitting the cafeteria.

  Dr. Rodriguez glanced at his watch. He had finished his rounds and was officially off duty. He badly needed rest, but he decided to swing by Madison’s room before leaving. Peeking through the cracked door, he caught a glimpse of Jay curled up in the narrow bed with his wife. One arm was planted firmly atop her stomach, the other above her head. He will feel aches and pains from that position when he wakes up, thought the doctor. Rodriguez paused a little too long to admire the couple. Something about the slightly younger man had always drawn him. They were less than a decade apart in age, and when Jay started his training, the doctor always felt he should look after the new student. He checked on the class members frequently to measure their progress, always sure to get a report on each student, specifically Jay. Dr. Rodriguez had taken an interest in students, residents, and patients before, but the tug on his heart that drew him to Jay was stronger than normal. Sensing his presence, Jay turned his head to the door and rose to greet Dr. Rodriguez.

  “Good morning,” Jay whispered, rubbing his neck and stepping into the hall to talk more normally without disturbing Madison.

  “Sorry to wake you,” Dr. Rodriguez intimated.

  “Oh, you didn’t wake me,” Jay assured, “I’ve been up for awhile. I just didn’t want to move and wake Madison.”

  “Doesn’t look like she noticed,” the doctor said, tilting his head toward the door.

  “No, I guess not,” Jay replied, trying to rake his fingers through his knotted curls and stretching with a groan.

  “I was just going to grab a cup of coffee before I head home for some sleep. Want to
join me?” the doctor asked.

  “Sure,” Jay agreed, slightly surprised by the offer. The doctor had always been very friendly, but they had never spoken on a personal level.

  Dr. Rodriguez was also wondering why he had extended the invitation, and he continued to wonder why he felt so close to Jay when he barely knew him.

  As they sat down with their steaming cups, Jay munched on some cereal straight from a tiny box, and they eased into small talk. Once the topic of weather had been covered, they transitioned to Jay’s soon-to-be son. They tossed around possible names.

  “How about Horace?” Dr. Rodriguez asked.

  Jay stared at the man for a few moments, trying to decide whether or not he was serious. The doctor could no longer hold a straight face when Jay’s horror at the name registered on his face.

  “No way!” Jay exclaimed. “He’s going to be a baby, not a seventy-year-old man!”

  “Zebediah? Barron? Jethrow? Elmer?” The doctor was on a roll, rattling one horrible name after another. Jay’s vocal cords had nearly forgotten how to laugh. When the strangled noise erupted from his throat, he almost didn’t know what it was. Getting the reaction he was hoping for, Dr. Rodriguez put on a serious face and said, “You could always call him Evan.”

  “Evan,” Jay replied thoughtfully. “Now that’s not bad!” Jay enjoyed seeing the doctor’s personality and appreciated the opportunity to let his mind wander to the positive aspects in his life. After calling him “Doctor” for the tenth time since they sat down, Rodriguez said sheepishly, “Please, call me Evan.”

  * * * *

  Evan’s first memories came from his seventh year in life. At least that is how old he assumed he was. No one really knew Evan’s exact age. They had only guessed by his height and weight. He had been abandoned on the orphanage stoop one cold winter night when he was approximately two years old. His father had abandoned their family and his mother had never wanted a child. Much less a child she could no longer feed. She turned away from the orphanage with no regrets after she told the young boy to stay on the steps and wait for her. She never returned.

  Evan didn’t remember standing at the door until his fingers went numb and then screaming until his lungs hurt, piercing the ears of everyone inside. Evan also didn’t remember his nearly frost-bitten bare feet tingling as they warmed once he was taken inside. He didn’t know much of anything until he was nearly seven years old when the pretty lady had come to the orphanage. He didn’t remember her name or even what she looked like, but he heard her voice in his head and saw her smile on lonely nights. Most importantly, Evan remembered her kindness. “Someone will always love you,” she had told him. He held on to that single sentence tightly and reminded himself of its meaning often.

  No one had actually assigned a birth date to Evan, but after she realized he didn’t know when he was born, the pretty lady decided he would celebrate on Valentine’s Day. “That way,” she had said, “every year there’s always candy and decorations and cards to help you remember.”

  He thought fondly about the way that she would ruffle his unruly wavy brown hair, trying but never succeeding in getting it to stay in one place. She had held his hand and wiped his face, and he finally felt like he belonged.

  He had been in and out of several foster homes, always being sent back to the orphanage for being too quiet or too loud or too something. Evan had high hopes for his first foster family. He stayed at the orphanage for only a year before they opened their home to him. He was excited to have other children to run with and play hide-and-go-seek. The only downside to his new home was the oldest visitor, a fourteen-year-old boy named Marvin. Marvin had been through the system numerous times, and he was a bitter boy beyond help. He took it upon himself to inform young Evan of every bad thing that would ever happen to a boy of Evan’s two years. Evan didn’t understand Marvin’s stories, but he didn’t like the tone of his voice and ran in fear when he saw Marvin approach.

  For once Marvin had become settled and comfortable in the home. He liked being the oldest and felt a great sense of power over the other children. When he saw their foster mom dote over Evan…how cute he was…the new clothes he needed…how smart he seemed, Marvin didn’t waste any time. Since Marvin had lived in the house for almost four months, he was aware of the family’s secret stash. The foster mother kept a large wad of bills in her sock drawer in case of a rainy day, and Marvin had secretly skimmed a few dollars in the past. This time Marvin had another goal in mind. He had to get rid of Evan. Early in the morning before the kids were awake but after their foster mom had begun her daily rituals in the kitchen, Marvin tiptoed into her room and stashed the entire wad under his shirt.

  It took the foster mom three days to notice the missing cash. She decided to dip into her stash to take the children downtown for ice cream, and after completely upending the drawer, she knew she had to take her search elsewhere. As much as she hated to accuse anyone, her first suspect was Marvin. The child had been through so much that she knew he would fly off the handle if she accused him directly. So she lined the children up by their beds and made them go through each of their few belongings in front of her watchful eyes. When Marvin’s area came up clean, she was both shocked and relieved. The money turned up where she least expected it, beneath a couple of shirts under Evan’s bed. Evan had been caught red handed. The evidence of the cash coupled with the guilty expression on his face left her no choice. The next morning, Evan found himself back in the orphanage, still questioning how the green papers had gotten between his shirts.

  After a year’s dry spell in the foster home movement, Evan was placed with a young couple who wanted to give back to society. This time he decided he would avoid trouble completely by speaking only when spoken to and using as few words as possible. Evan was the only child in the house, and the couple expected him to tear up and down the hall and bring noise and joy into their life. Instead, the boy was sullen and quiet. The couple only kept Evan for a few days before they were sure there was something imminently wrong with the boy, and he returned again to the orphanage.

  Evan’s last foster home was the most heart-wrenching. He was around 5 years old, and the couple was in their forties. He lived with them for two years. This couple had tried to have children of their own, but they had finally given up when they turned thirty. Once they reached forty, they wanted to fill the void in their life with a child. The only problem was that Evan wasn’t their child. He was never treated as their own, and though they never expressed their sadness over the fact, Evan could feel that he was not what they ultimately wanted. Evan was a stand-in for the child they wished they could have, and he would never be as good as their own child. The couple was good to Evan. They fed and clothed him and made sure he began to learn numbers and letters, but love was missing from their blank eyes.

  When they received a call that a new mother had chosen them to adopt her baby, Evan was completely forgotten. A new baby was as close to a child of their own as the couple would ever have, and Evan spent his evenings listening to their excited plans, wishing one of them would read him a story.

  When the new baby arrived, Evan was yesterday’s news. He saw the love in their eyes when they looked at the baby that he so desperately wanted them to have for him. After a few months, the couple used financial strain as an excuse and turned Evan back over to the orphanage.

  For the first time in his life, Evan felt wanted and loved by the lady with the growing belly. Despite how big she got, she would always crouch down to be at his level and look him right in the eye. She adored him, and he felt it every time he saw her.

  After many months, the lady’s big belly shrank, and Evan decided he would watch out for the new baby. The woman had done so much for him, it was the least he could do for her. He wished she would take him and the baby with her, but he knew he could never be that lucky. When she came to say good-bye, she told him he was the little brother she’d never had and thanked him for spending time with her. She said that he w
as a great kid, and any family would be lucky to have him. Then she told him that some day all of his dreams would come true and never to forget that she was always out there somewhere, loving him from across the miles. “There will always be someone out there who loves you, Evan,” she had said. “Always.”

  Evan had cried himself to sleep that night and many nights after that. As time passed, he realized that he was better off now than before she had come because there was now someone in the world who officially cared about him. He didn’t know, however, if he would ever see her again. But his days were filled with watching over the new baby boy in the nursery. Only nurses were allowed in the brightly lit room, but Evan was vigilant that he spend every waking moment outside, jumping in front of the window to make sure her child was okay.

  One short month after the woman’s disappearance, a nurse took Evan to the nursery, allowing him inside for the first time. “You sit right here,” she had said, lifting him into a rocking chair. “I’ll be right back.” When she returned moments later, she held a familiar blue bundle, and Evan knew this was the baby boy he had been watching over for the past few weeks. “Evan, meet Jay,” the nurse said as she placed the bundle gently into Evan’s arms. Evan peered down at the wrinkly face for the first time, examining the little boy’s pink cheeks and dark curly hair. He found himself speechless at the sight of something so small.

  “Hey there,” Evan said, “I’m the one who makes sure you stay out of trouble.” The baby cooed and twisted his hand out from the abundance of blankets. Evan stroked the baby’s hand with his index finger, amazed at how soft the little man was. Evan looked up at the nurse sharply when the baby clamped his tiny fingers around Evan’s finger. “I don’t think he’s going to let go!” Evan cried with glee.

  “Evan, dear,” the nurse said, bending before him. “That little boy has found a new family.”

  Evan shook his head, his eyes growing wide with fear. “But-but-” he stuttered. “How will I look after him?” The nurse patted him on the back gently and rocked the chair back and forth to sooth the two children it held.