“Don’t be an ass. Get up.”
“I can’t get dressed if you don’t get out.”
“Such a prude.”
“Get out!”
“Fine, I’ll just go have breakfast with Ethan.” She smirked as she opened the door. I screamed and threw my pillow at her, but she was too quick and I hit the door instead.
I wasn’t sure if she was right or not, about Ethan not being quick enough. I mean he showed up when Malakai came yesterday morning. Malakai. His name reminded me of the reason Malena was here. Damien. And he’d be here by the end of the week to find out my decision. I felt like I was contemplating a marriage proposal or something. This shouldn’t be that difficult of a decision. With the heat I’d felt between us, I wasn’t sure if I was indecisive because I’d be dealing with the devil or because of what would happen to Ethan and me when he arrived.
I’d told Ethan of Damien’s plan the night before. Needless to say, he was angry. He thought Damien couldn’t be trusted and I should keep my distance from any agreement or pact with him. Unfortunately, the more I thought about it, the more I turned it over in my head, a pact with the devil was probably the only thing that would destroy Sebastian and save Lucas. I just hoped it wouldn’t damage anything else.
I trailed my fingers over my lips and could still feel Ethan. In the light of day, however, his kiss seemed more like a trespassing stranger than a welcome gift. I dispelled the thought and jumped out of bed. Throwing on a pair of cargo pants and sweatshirt, I stopped for a moment at the window to look out at the changing leaves. The colors were breathtaking. I grabbed my iPod and headed downstairs.
I stopped just outside the kitchen when I heard Ethan, Malena and Mara filling in the others on the newest plan.
“But she has Ethan to protect her, and the rest of us. We don’t need you here.” Cal’s tone was forceful and I shrank back against the wall, not wanting to be seen.
“Calvin, if we thought you had any chance of securing Sebastian on your own, I wouldn’t be here. Damien has better things to do than waste his time with a bunch of Faithful vigilantes.”
“We aren’t vigilantes and you know it. You were once part of our little group, if I remember correctly.” Mara’s voice was soft but forceful. I was going to have to do a lot of catching up. I’d had no idea Malena was once a Faithful.
“Well, I can tell you, Mara, life is much better on the other side.”
“And how do we know you won’t try to take Samantha with you when you go back?”
“Please. I’d love nothing more than to bring her along, show her a real party. I’m sure she and I are meant to be besties but, unfortunately, Damien maintains that it’s her choice.” The amount of sarcasm one person could inject into a few sentences would have been awe-inspiring had I not already hated her.
“And I choose to stand with the Faithful, Malena. You said something about twenty minutes?” I leaned against the doorframe, my stare boring a hole through her.
“I will come with you.” Ethan stepped forward.
“No, it’s okay. I think I can handle whatever she dishes out.”
Her laugh rang through the room and filled my ears. “Then I’ll just have to be extra rough with you, Samantha. Let’s go.”
She strode past me, her shoulder bumping into mine.
I’ll be okay.
If she hurts you Samantha, I’ll kill her.
She won’t. See you soon.
Outside, Malena whirled around, her face inches from mine. “Let’s get something straight. You’re not going to handle me. Understand? I am here to teach you things. That’s it. And when it’s determined my job is done, I’ll be gone. Poof. Like we never met. Like it or not, we have to do this together. And it’s gonna make your life a whole helluva lot harder is you fight me on everything.”
God, I was sick of her shit. “First of all, if you weren’t so damned antagonistic, maybe we’d get along. And I didn’t ask for your help, remember? You could leave right now and I wouldn’t give a shit. No one’s making you stay. If being here is so distasteful, then by all means, leave.”
A shadow passed through her eyes before she looked away, towards the woods. “I can’t.”
“What do you mean you can’t? Everything’s a choice, remember?”
“Not this. My being here. It’s not my choice.”
“I don’t understand.”
Shaking it off, her bitchy demeanor returned with a haughty smile. “You’re not meant to. Let’s get this over with.” She stalked towards the woods. Shrugging my shoulders, I popped in my ear buds and willed myself to follow her.
She brought me to the clearing, pulled my music out of my ears and ordered me to drop my sword.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do I have to drop my sword? I thought we were training.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re really a pain in the ass, you know that? Just listen to me.”
“And you’re a bitch.” I placed my sword, still sheathed, on the ground next to me.
Ignoring me, she continued. “Now I want you to sit down, close your eyes and concentrate.”
I opened my mouth to ask her what I was supposed to concentrate on, but the look on her face made me rethink talking at all. Instead of arguing, I sat cross-legged, ran my hands over the soft blades of grass and waited for her instructions.
Sitting in front of me, she placed her own sword on the ground.
“Alright, Samantha. We’re going to try something. This is essentially what Damien wants. We are going to attempt to pool our energy.” She grasped my hands in hers and told me to close my eyes. “I want you to concentrate on pulling all the darkness inside you to the front of your mind.”
“And then what?” My hands settled in hers, comfortably. I could already feel the electricity around me begin to charge. The air began to circle around us.
“And then we’ll see. Let’s just close our eyes and concentrate. If we do it right, at least one of Sebastian’s minions will come.”
“So we’re calling them to us?”
“Yes.”
“Why would we do that?”
Instead of answering the question, she rolled her eyes. “I’m going to walk you through it then we’re going to be quiet. You ready?”
I nodded, still unsure of what was going to happen.
“Samantha.” I could barely hear her. “I need you to pull all the anger, all the rage, all the despair, forward. We are going to use it.”
I scrunched up my eyes, pursed my lips and hunkered down, waiting for an onslaught of negativity to blanket me. Instead I felt nothing. Opening one eye, I looked at her.
“Close your eyes.”
Since hers were closed, I wasn’t sure how she knew, but the way she was gripping my hands made me close them. Slowly, a fight began brewing inside me, light warring with dark, and I could feel the fingers of Malena’s thoughts try to pull the light away from me. My pendant began to burn my skin as a burst of hope enveloped us both. Malena pulled back and when I opened my eyes, she was rubbing her singed hands.
“I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do this. There is too much light inside me.”
I could tell she was annoyed but she surprised me by responding positively. “It’s okay. It takes practice. You need to remove the light from inside you, hide it if you have to. This is all about embracing the dark. You can do it; I’ve seen you. You wouldn’t have been able to defeat Sebastian if you couldn’t. This is all about control.”
“I don’t know if I can.” I thought back to all the times I’d lost control and had let shadows dictate my actions. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do that. It scared the shit out of me every time it happened.
“You can. It was hard for me too, though not as hard as it seems to be for you.”
“Why did you choose the Exiled?”
My question caught her off guard. “That’s a story for another time, Samantha. Right now we need to concentrate. We’ve expose
d ourselves enough to call to the Exiled. They will be coming. Come on.”
This time she gripped my hands tighter. “Now. Concentrate.”
Minutes passed and she gripped my hands tighter as if she could sense the struggle inside me. Flames of darkness rose and waves of light extinguished them just as quickly. I began to shake violently, the wind howled and all my pain began to flash through me.
You can do this Samantha.
Dad?
Let go, honey. It’s the only way.
I can’t. It’s too hard.
You have to do this. They’re coming.
As if on cue, a low hum surrounded us and I felt shadows descend. Pain ripped through me and with a sudden burst of bright, white light, all was calm.
I had forced myself out of my body again. I watched the blackest parts of me sit seething. Anger rolled off me in waves. Hair wild and eyes blacker than I’ve ever seen them, my wings expanded stiff and unyielding.
Malena was across the clearing, crouched with a wicked smile on her lips.
“That’s the way it’s done.”
I saw myself as I looked to her, eyes no longer surveying my surroundings. The hum grew and reverberated vehemently. Feet away, I looked on as I wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand and began to laugh.
The air continued to vibrate with the low hum of the incoming Exiled. “Game on.” Malena looked on and stood, knowing I’d succeeded in doing what she asked. My outside-self gasped as I realized I’d just watched myself become pure shadow.
Chapter 8
I was merely an observer. I looked on as my body stood, arms raised. There was no longer any part of the real me inside that shell. Any light that’d lived in me followed me outside. All that remained was a total eclipse of my soul. It was strangely satisfying that I could separate the two parts of myself.
Malena walked tentatively toward me, hands up in deference. As thunder boomed and lightning lit up the sky, the Exiled minions arrived.
I screamed at my dark self to pick up my sword. Instead I instinctively outstretched my arm towards one of the winged creatures and tightened my fist. It stopped, mid-air and fell to the earth writhing in pain and clutching its chest. What the hell? I did this over and over until the sky was no longer filled with them. As each fell to the ground, Malena ferociously kicked them onto their stomachs and ripped off their wings with bare hands. She was like a hyena, attacking injured prey.
With each kill, the bond between us grew stronger. The low hum grew quieter the closer to the edge I walked. I noticed that both of us stood in the middle of all that death entirely unscathed. We looked like wild-eyed animals, breath heavy and muscles tense. I watched as Malena strode to her sword and sheathed it behind her back. As soon as she touched her sword, I noticed her body relax and her eyes gleam green once more.
“Samantha. Pick up your sword.”
Instead of doing as she instructed, I stood in the middle of the clearing stock still save for the evil grin forming across my face.
“Control, Samantha. Pick up your sword.”
I circled around her slowly and noticed the surrounding trees begin to bow in submission. I heard Sebastian’s evil laugh everywhere. It was inside me.
“God damn it, Samantha! Pick up you sword!” Malena was yelling at me. I could feel her fear grow with every step I made.
“Pick it up!” I screamed at myself. I knew what would happen once I touched the sword. I ran at myself only to be blocked by a wall of rage.
Samanthaaa…Kill her. She’s a traitor.
Sebastian’s voice cut through me, laughing, encouraging me to kill her.
I know she heard him because she looked around wildly for the origin of the voice. She shook as I raised my hand to her and began to close my fist. Screaming in pain, her feet dangled above the ground.
“Samantha!”
Ethan.
I looked at him, confused, and my hand opened. He ran and dove for my sword, hurling it at me. I watched in slow motion as the darkest parts of me caught it, inches from my heart. A burst of energy exploded around us and I was pulled back together. No longer observing, I crumpled to the ground, wings folded away.
“Sam! Sam! Are you okay?” Ethan dove on top of me, shaking me awake. I opened my eyes only to find his filled with pain and tears. I could do nothing but nod slowly.
“What the fuck, Malena? What the hell were you trying to do?”
“Training, Ethan. She needs to be able to control both sides of her.”
“She can’t! Don’t you see that? She can’t control it, not without me.”
“You can’t be there all the time,” Malena snapped.
“That’s my job, Malena. Don’t try to pull this shit ever again or I’ll get rid of you myself.”
“Fuck you, Ethan. This was your idea, wasn’t it?”
His idea?
“Fuck me? You have some nerve. Go back to the house. I’ll take care of Sam.”
Malena stood and stared at me like I was some untouchable thing in a freak show. “She’s dangerous, Ethan. She needs to learn to keep herself together. This separating shit won’t do anyone any good.”
“You think?” I’d never seen him so angry. Not even when he found out about Lucas. Then again, I don’t think he had any real time to be angry about it. He was still in denial. “She can’t… God damn it, Malena. Just go!” He forced her back a few feet and glared at her.
Her wings spread and she took to the air leaving us alone.
He lifted me into a seated position, wrapping his strong arms around me. I’d never felt so at home and so repulsed at the same time. I struggled to find balance between my two warring selves. With every passing moment within his embrace and every whispered word, the storm calmed until I was back from the brink.
“I did it.”
“You did what, Sam?”
“I divided the light and the dark inside me.”
“You’ve done that before.”
“This time I did it on purpose.” I was so tired.
“You did.” He placed his lips across my forehead.
“But I couldn’t make myself whole again. Not without you.”
“I’ll always be here.” He softly brushed the hair from my eyes.
“I don’t think I can do this without you.”
“And I can’t do this without you.”
“If I can fill myself with darkness, do you think I can do the same with light?”
“I’m not sure. It will take lots of practice. I think, though, if you can, you won’t be as out of control.”
Samanthaaa…Just give in. Let it consume you.
I froze. “Sebastian knows what I did.”
“You can hear him?”
“Yes. He’s been absent for so long, but he’s here.” I pointed to my head and Ethan pulled me to my feet and handed me my sword.
“Then let’s get back.”
He tugged my hand and we raced back to the house, the whole time Sebastian taunted me from his hiding place.
Chapter 9
I was exhausted and felt like I was going to pass out. Ethan picked me up and carried me into the house and up the stairs to my bedroom. The irony of my comfort in a bed of feathers wasn’t lost on me. I lay still, the down comforter pulled up to my chin and Ethan took his place in the chair next to my bed. Christina Perri’s “Arms” filled the silent space as I drifted away.
***
I walked aimlessly through a field of warring angels, both Exiled and Faithful, humming to myself. I recognized the lyrics, felt the heaviness in my arms and began to sing along.
The sky was a comforting yet ominous, gray and violet, pink and black. The clouds moved quickly, alternately puffed up and deflated, like a beating heart.
Barefoot, I felt grass beneath my feet and a cool breeze toy with the skirt of my white dress. I was aware of how beautiful and calm I felt in spite of the violence and death that surrounded me.
I stopped short when I came face
to face with Damien. He was smiling, eyes glittering. His white shirt fell casually against his chest and his hands were stuffed into the pockets of his khaki pants. His feet were bare.
“Hello Samantha.”
“What are you doing here?”
“You invited me.”
“I did?” Puzzled, I couldn’t remember. I watched, distracted, as an Exiled stripped a Faithful of his wings and forced a sword into his chest.
“This is your dream. It’s because you want me here that I am.”
Confused, I looked around and took in the fighting. Two Faithful teamed up against a screaming Exiled, swords flying until he was silenced. I turned back to him.
“Did I do this?”
“You did. Well, sort of.”
I didn’t understand. “Why would I do this?”
“You tell me.”
I searched my head for an answer, finding myself empty. My hair flew as I saw Ethan race past me, ignoring me.
“He can’t see you, Samantha.”
“Why not?” I frowned, still staring at Ethan as he fought alongside the other Faithful.
“You don’t want him to. This dream isn’t about him. It’s about you and the questions you have, the answers you want. He doesn’t have the answers.”
“And you do?”
“Some. Not all. I thought I did.”
I felt something crawl up my leg. A snake began to coil itself around me, slowly inching up. I bent down, removed it from my ankle and brought it to my face for closer inspection.
I closed my eyes and when I opened them, a large, red apple sat in the palm of my hand. I took a bite, wiping away the juice that dripped down my chin. A small rumble of thunder sounded off in the distance.
“Why did Malena tell me to put down my sword earlier?”
“Your sword is your tether to hope, to light. You wouldn’t have been able to channel the darkness had you been touching it.”
“But aren’t I supposed to use it to defeat Sebastian? To keep despair at bay?”
“Yes. But, I think the question is - are you supposed to keep the darkness at bay or the light?”
“That’s why Malena wanted me to pick it back up, why Ethan threw it at me.”
Darkness Betrayed (Torn) Page 5