Darkness Betrayed (Torn)

by Christine Hughes

  “Fine.”

  “You’re not fine.” He settled into a second chair on the other side of the table and began to slowly rock back and forth.

  “Then why’d you ask?”

  “Jesus, Sam. I’m just trying to help.”

  I continued to stare straight ahead, attempting to count each falling flake to keep my mind from running away with me.

  “You don’t have to talk. I’ll just sit here with you for a while, if that’s all right.”

  “Fine.”

  Silence stretched, though it wasn’t entirely uncomfortable. I could feel Ethan trying to probe my mind for stray thoughts, anything that would help him alleviate my pain. I was grateful for his attempts, but that’s all they were – attempts. He wasn’t going to break into my head. Not with the structure I’d built around it.

  I pulled the blanket tighter around me, wishing for a break from everything. Randomly, my thoughts moved to my father and the fact that I had yet to properly mourn his passing. I straightened up causing Ethan to jump.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “My father.”

  “What about your father?”

  “It just hit me. He was buried.”

  “Yes.” His face gave away that he knew where my thought process was headed.

  “Where? Florida? South America?”

  “No. Here. Close by.” He stared off, his mind somewhere I couldn’t find.

  “Here?” All this time and he was right here.

  “Jesse buried him.”

  “Take me there.”

  His voice was soft. “Do you really want to do this now? We can go tomorrow, when you’re feeling better. When it’s light.” Even as he spoke the words, I could tell he was agreeing to take me now.

  “I need to do this now.” I stood, dropping the blanket. An involuntary shiver ran through me though I only half knew it was from the cold bitterness of the night air.

  “Okay. It’s cold out here. Get ready and I’ll meet you in the back yard in five.”

  I dashed past him into the house, threw on my coat and boots. I shoved my hands into thick gloves and wrapped my scarf around my neck. I stopped a moment, my fingers grazing the soft material. Damien had wrapped it around me just this morning.

  Where was he?

  I screwed my face up with indifference. I had something more important to worry about.

  I arrived seconds before Ethan. “You ready?”

  “You’re sure about this?”

  “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “It’s a bit of a hike.”

  “Fly there.” I cursed myself as soon as I said it. Ethan hadn’t gotten his wings yet.

  Annoyance fluttered over his face. “Can’t. Let’s go.”

  “I can.”

  “No. Let’s do it this way.” It was a moment before I realized he’d entered the woods.

  We took an unfamiliar path. It was so dark I had to watch the ground to make sure I didn’t trip on a branch or root. Ethan’s silence told me he was still annoyed at my earlier statement. Whatever. Nothing I could do about it, anyway.

  In spite of my gloves, my fingertips began to protest the cold and my nose had long since lost all feeling. We’d been walking for what felt like hours. “How much farther?”

  When he looked at me, his eyebrows rose. “Do you want to go or not?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Then stop whining. God, Sam.”

  “Wait a minute.” I grabbed the back of his coat and turned him around to face me. “What’s your problem?”

  “My problem? I don’t have a problem.”

  “What’s with the snarky retort? The attitude? You’re the one who offered to bring me here.”

  “I don’t have time for this. It’s not much farther.”

  He tried to turn and walk away, but I wasn’t about to let him off that easy. “No. Don’t walk away. You have something to say. Say it.”

  He spoke through gritted teeth. “I have so many things to say to you right now, but I’m afraid I might say something I won’t be able to take back. So leave it.” Sadness hid behind his fury as he wrenched his arm from my grip. We stood for a moment with a smoldering something between us.

  Instead of fighting him, I was honest. “I miss you.”

  “Don’t.” His face screwed up with whatever feeling washed over him and backed away, holding his arm out to separate us further.

  “Just talk to me.” Whatever it was had to come out. Right there. Right then. I wasn’t moving on until he let it out.

  “You…gah!” He threw his backpack to the ground and crouched with his hands in his hair. He was pulling and I was afraid tufts might come loose in is fists.

  “What?” I knelt slowly beside him and put my hand on his shoulder. He jerked away so quickly I fell on my ass.

  “Damn it. How can you not see it? It’s right there in front of your face! And you toss me aside without a second thought.” His nostrils flared under his labored breath. “Jesus, Samantha. I love you so much and you pushed me away the second he arrived.” He snapped his fingers in my face. “I thought…I thought…” Whatever he was going to say was lost when he covered his face with his hands.

  Tears streamed down my face at his short outburst. Everything I did caused him pain. Pain because he couldn’t help me, because he couldn’t be with me and because I released him. Even when I thought I was doing good, doing right, everything always blew up in my face.

  “But we can’t be together.” I tilted his chin towards me. “You know that. Why keep pretending when all it does is hurt us both?”

  He stood pointing at me with a broken heart. “I told you I was going to find a way. I told you I would. All you had to do was be patient. But I never, never in a million lifetimes, would have thought I was so expendable.” Everything about him hardened and I flinched under his cold stare.

  “You aren’t expendable!” How can I make him see?

  He looked away quickly. “Let’s go. Like I said, it isn’t much further.” He picked up his backpack and tucked his arms in. Turning his back on me, he walked away and I was left with a hole in my heart.

  Chapter 18

  The rest of the hike was uncomfortably silent. I didn’t know how I could make Ethan see my point of view and even if I could come up with a good, solid argument there was no way he was going to listen. Not then. He’d closed himself off. Every emotion he felt was sealed away, locked up within him. It wasn’t until we came up a five large stone structures in the middle of the woods did he finally resume speaking to me. Even then, he used clipped words and simple sentences, as if venturing to utter a syllable more than necessary would break him. The strain was obvious.

  It was another mile or so until we hit a small clearing filled with stone structures. Some had doors, some had wrought iron gates. Intermingled between them were smaller headstones and monuments.

  Despite the cold air and impending winter, the grounds were lush with flowers of every kind. A rainbow of light and color assaulted my senses, but I couldn’t force myself to look away. Vines, heavy with leaves, covered each entrance like an archway. Moonlight whispered through the treetops, basking the area in an ethereal glow. The beams of light sparkled in the night with hope

  “We’re here.”

  “A cemetery?”

  “Where did you think he’d be buried?”

  “I didn’t really think of it. It’s so, ordinary.”

  “Well, he’s in there.”

  “What? In there?” I jutted my chin toward the buildings.

  “Yeah.”

  “Which one?”

  “That one.” He pointed to the largest of the structures. Set in the middle, it was surrounded by the others. The door beckoned, calling on me to enter like a long lost family member, welcoming me home.

  Rooted to the spot, I dropped my bag and wrapped my arms around my body. Goose bumps formed under my layers of clothing. My heart slowed until each beat echoed in my ears. My breat
h fogged in front of me, suspended in time. Silent tears slipped down my face and I made no move to wipe them away. Biting the inside of my cheek, the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth.

  “Dad.”

  Ethan put a tentative arm around my shoulder. In spite of his anger, he still found a way to comfort me. I leaned my head on his shoulder and continued to take in all that lay before me. I’d never properly grieved my father’s death. Months of postponed grief barreled forward until it threatened to floor me.

  “Let’s sit for a minute.” Ethan steered me toward a small stone bench.

  I couldn’t take my eyes off the tombs. My father was in there. Unable to formulate words to express my grief, I broke down completely. Bent over, clutching my stomach, I cried. My sobs echoed through the space and floated back to me in waves. Ethan continued to rub my back and stroke my hair, whispering words that didn’t quite form coherently in my ears. I shook so violently that he had to wrap me in his arms to stop me falling to the ground. Against my will, he fought to keep me grounded even as forces beyond my control tried to drag me from where we sat.

  Let go, Ethan.

  Ethan stiffened as my father’s words blanketed the both of us.

  Let go.

  Slowly, he began to loosen his grip and I began to float upwards, by arms hanging limp beside me. I was bathed in light, surrounded by hope. My jacket fell to the ground although I was barely aware of taking it off. With a crack, my wings opened up, lifting me higher into the air. Beams of light poured into me erasing all darkness. I was filled with hope and love before I was set back on the ground.

  Ethan stood back, shock fixed on his handsome face.

  “Your eyes are blue again.” He breathed the words with relief, as if I’d absolutely changed.

  I didn’t say anything. Instead I lifted my hands in front of my face and turned them over. The porcelain hue my skin had taken on was replaced by the sun-kissed glow of a year ago. I felt like the girl I used to be, other than the heaviness that rested upon my shoulder blades.

  I pulled my wings in front of me and was surprised to see they were pure white as opposed to the swirl of light and dark they had been. I plucked a small feather from the tip, held it under the light of the moon and made a wish. When I softly blew it from my palm, I watched it dance in front of me before it disappeared in a sparkle of light.

  I stepped carefully between two monuments until I was at the door of my father’s final resting place. There was no doorknob, no way for me to open and enter. As tears fell, I wiped them from my cheeks and noticed they were clear. No longer the black inky stains of despair, they were fresh and pure. Looking over my shoulder at Ethan, he smiled with wide blue eyes. My heart warmed as I placed my palm on the door and it opened.

  ***

  When I stepped over the threshold, the door behind me creaked shut. When my eyes adjusted, I noticed a stone casket, on a pedestal, in the middle of the otherwise empty tomb. For moments that stretched into what seemed like forever, I stood just beyond the entrance. Hands fisted at my sides, I fought to keep control of the despair that threatened to break me. It didn’t come, held back by an invisible wall of hope, constantly rattling the cages of its prison. It wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling, but nagging nonetheless.

  I tentatively stepped forward, reaching out one hand to caress the intricate images carved in the top of the stone. It was cool to the touch, but welcoming. I walked around the casket noticing there was no lid. Squatting down, I examined the underside of the structure. The entire thing seemed to be carved from a large, singular piece of rock.

  Unsure of what to do or where to begin, I leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor, wrapping my arms and wings around my knees to keep from shivering. I couldn’t quite pinpoint what I was feeling in that moment. Anxious? Happy? Sad? I couldn’t quite tell. All I knew was that each breath was harder to capture, as if I was expecting something, but wasn’t sure what might come.

  “Where are you, Dad?” I spoke aloud only to hear my voice echoed back. Crystallized tears fell and hardened on my face and I closed my eyes to protect myself from expectations. When I opened them, my father stood in front of me, looking every bit as solid as the last time I saw him alive.

  “Are you real?”

  Eyes soft, he spoke. “For now. I’m as real as you need me to be.”

  He held out a hand and I placed mine within it. Pulling me from the floor, he wrapped me in the hug I was denied when Sebastian killed him. For a long while, we stood in the middle of the crypt, holding each other and crying. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head.

  “Dad, I’ve missed you so much.”

  He spoke softly into my hair. His grip tightened. “I know, sweetie. I’m so sorry this all happened the way it did. There was so much I wanted to show you, teach you, and I never got the chance.”

  “Why is this happening? I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m being pulled in so many directions and if I don’t decide on a path soon, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.”

  “I know. I know. This is just one of those times when ‘follow your heart’ is sound advice.”

  I pulled away to look him in the eye. When I did, I wasn’t sure what he saw in them so I looked away, ashamed. “I’m not sure my heart is what I need to follow.”

  He tipped my chin up and looked at me softly. “Ah. Damien.”

  “Damien. Ethan. Lucas. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to trust.”

  “I can’t tell you that. I can’t tell you what to do. This is something you must figure out for yourself. I wish I could, sweetheart. You have no idea how much I wish for that.”

  “Why can’t you?”

  He nodded towards a bench that wasn’t there before and we sat as we held onto each other’s hands, silently vowing to never let go.

  “Life on this side is complicated. I can guide you, but I can’t tell you what to do. There is a higher power at work here.”

  “You mean God.” I looked down at the floor, hoping my father didn’t know how I felt about Him.

  “Yes.”

  Anger began to rattle the cage again and I stood. “Well that higher power can shove it. How can He be so good if He took you from me? How can He be so good if all I ever feel is pain and loss? How can He be so damned wonderful if He expects me to choose between human lives? Can you explain that to me? Can you explain why the hell I should give two shits about a faceless entity that tortures me on a regular basis?”

  My wings began casting shadows as the feathers began to darken. My father gazed at me through sad eyes before looking away. Disappointment filled the air.

  “What? What am I doing that’s wrong?”

  “You are thinking too much of yourself and how you feel as opposed to focusing on others.”

  Seriously? “Maybe because all of this is happening to me? Maybe I think about myself because I don’t see anyone else’s father dying. Maybe I think about myself because I don’t see anyone else having to make sacrifices and decisions that will decide the fate of everyone else. Tell me, please, who else am I supposed to think of?” Darkness seeped through the bars of its prison and snaked its way through my blood, threatening to take over my heart.

  “You aren’t seeing any of this with open eyes, Samantha.” My father’s voice shook as he stood to face me. “You aren’t seeing the bigger picture. What about the sacrifices Jesse and Scott and Malena made? What about the fact that Ethan has had to deal with the betrayal of his brother? It hurts him as much as, if not more than, it hurts you.”

  The air around me fogged with each breath I took and ice crawled through the tomb. “Lucas is back.”

  “I know.”

  “Do I trust him?”

  “That isn’t for me to say.”

  I growled in frustration, my hands threatening to pull my hair out by the roots. “What can you say? Why can’t you help me? Why am I even bothering with all this? They’re right, you know. It is easier to follow the
Exiled. At least then I wouldn’t be so mixed up. I wouldn’t have to do things that made me feel bad.”

  “That’s where you are wrong!” He grabbed my shoulders and shook me slightly. “Don’t you see? You’ll be reveling in greed, lust and pride if you follow Sebastian. You’ll never be welcomed into the Kingdom if your allegiance is to him.”

  “Maybe that would be better.” I dropped my gaze to the floor. “Ethan doesn’t trust me; the others don’t trust me. All I seem to do is hurt him. The only ones that seem to give me any benefit of the doubt are Sebastian and Damien. At least they think of me as something, even if it is a threat.” Ice continued to crack against the walls, encasing everything it touched.

  “Sebastian isn’t to be trusted. Neither is Damien, for that matter.”

  “You don’t know him. He’s different. He isn’t like Sebastian.”

  “Not on the outside, no. He’s still evil. He still has an agenda. He always has. You have to see that.”

  “All I see, Dad, is that everyone I love leaves me. No one trusts me. Even Ethan doesn’t trust me.” My tears fell staining the floor black. My wings darkened.

  “How can I make you see? Ethan would give up his life, his soul, for you.”

  “I just don’t see it. All I feel is alone. Except when I’m with Damien.”

  He grabbed my face, holding it between both hands. “You cannot give up just because the road is difficult. You cannot walk away because the choices are difficult. Everything you are, everything you do is a step toward the greater good. If Sebastian has his way, all hope will cease to exist. He will drop this earth into a pit of unhappiness and despair. Darkness. That is his only goal. Because of his singular focus, you have the advantage. You fight for both sides. There is a place for despair just as there is a place for hope. Don’t lose sight of that Samantha. If you do, we’re all lost.”

  I pulled free from his grasp. “Why me?”

  “It has to be you. No one has been strong enough to stand up to the Exiled.”

  “I’m not strong.”

  “You are, but if you don’t believe it, if you continue to self-doubt, you may as well hand yourself and the others over now.”