Dating on the Dork Side

by Charity Tahmaseb

  I don’t know what Elle and Rhino were imagining as they gave each other the laser eyes, but no one spoke. No one would, either, unless I did. I said the first thing that popped into my brain.

  “Remember way back in the dark ages of last Friday,” I said, “after they called my name for homecoming candidate? And you said something ‘worked’?”

  Rhino jerked his head toward me. He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes. He threw a glance at Elle next, and his whole face brightened, but not in a good way. It was more of a don’t get mad, get even kind of look.

  “Well,” he said, and slouched his way over to the couch. “Have you ever heard of grassroots campaigning?”

  Elle and I both nodded.

  “I just went around to everyone I knew—the chess club, the math league, all the usual suspects. And I suggested that it might be nice to see someone like you in the homecoming court for a change.”

  “Someone like me,” I repeated. “Did you use my actual name?”

  “I did. I said, ‘someone like Camy’.”

  “That’s awesome.” Admiration filled Elle’s voice. “I’ve always wanted to try something like that at school,” she said. “You have to tell me the details of how you did it.”

  A scary twinkle appeared in Rhino’s eyes. “You don’t know enough people to pull it off,” he said. Ouch.

  But instead of acting offended, Elle just snorted. “Please. I know everyone at OHS.”

  “No, you don’t. You don’t know them.”

  “I’ve memorized the names and faces of every incoming freshman. Have you?”

  Rhino waved his hand like he was dismissing her and turned to me. “What I realized was, there are more of us than there are of them.” He nodded toward Elle. “But honestly? I never guessed it would be so easy to storm the Bastille.”

  Elle stepped forward. “What do you mean, us and them?”

  “I’m just stating the obvious. There’s your group of ... whatever.” He held up his hands like he was trying to shake off something sticky. “And then there’s everybody else.”

  “That’s not fair.” Elle folded her arms across her chest. “I treat everyone the same, and you know it.”

  “Yeah? Well, maybe that’s the problem,” Rhino said. “I mean, just because you lower your standards long enough to give us the royal wave, that doesn’t mean you think we really are the same as you. Nobody wants your pity.”

  Elle opened her mouth, but only a small squeak came out.

  Rhino sat back. He had the start of a smirk on his face.

  But that wasn’t fair. Elle really was nice to everyone. Well, everyone who didn’t qualify as an asshat, anyway. “Can you name all the freshmen?” I asked Rhino.

  “Do I need to?”

  “Know what I think?” I didn’t give him time to answer. “I think you’re a reverse snob.”

  He sputtered a few words, but nothing that made sense. For once in my life, I’d managed to make Rhino speechless.

  “Have you even given Elle a chance?” I went on, puffed up by my small victory. “Have you really gotten to know her? Because I have.”

  “And the convenient timing of this friendship doesn’t make you a little suspicious?” Rhino said. “I thought you’d learned your lesson about her kind of people already. Clarissa Delacroix? Eighth grade? Does that even tickle your memory?”

  I hadn’t seen that coming, and the blow landed hard as a slap.

  “And if you think the fabulous Elle is any different, then—”

  “You both know that I’m standing here. Right?” Elle said. Of course we did, but we were also locked into something that neither of us could stop.

  “Ladybug, can’t you see it? I don’t like Elle and her kind because of what they do, not who they are. I am not a reverse snob. I’m just a guy who’s in touch with reality.”

  “Prove it.” Elle pounced a step closer to Rhino. Her feet landed slightly apart and her hands locked into fists at her hips. She looked like she was about to lead a cheer. Either that or set phasers to stun. It was pretty intimidating.

  But if Rhino felt threatened, he didn’t show it. “Sure,” he said. “How?”

  I saw my chance. “You could go with one of ‘them’ to homecoming.”

  “Right,” he said. The edges of his lips turned up in a sneer. “Just for the sake of argument, which of the crème de la crème of Olympia High’s finer young ladies do you propose I ask?”

  “Me,” Elle said.

  He sputtered at that.

  “Yeah, I’m willing to ‘lower my standards.’ What about you? Are you too good to be seen with someone like me?”

  Rhino shut his eyes “You’re kidding, right?” When he opened them again, he turned to me. “You really think I’m a reverse snob?”

  “Uh, let’s see,” I said. “I remember you saying something about us and them? Her kind of people? Storming the Bastille. Sure sounds like it.”

  A muscle twitched in his jaw. He took in a breath and let it out slowly.

  “I guess I don’t have a choice.” He stomped over to a computer and started typing furiously.

  And somewhere in the Amazon, a butterfly the size of a truck flapped its wings.

  Chapter 11

  TUESDAY AT LUNCH, Mercedes cornered me at my locker. “I heard about Elle and Rhino,” she said. “Can you do that for me?”

  “Do what for you?”

  “Set me up with someone. I was supposed to go with Lukas, but Elle won’t let that happen. So, I was thinking ... maybe you could help me date on the dork side?”

  “On the what?”

  “You know, get me hooked up with one of those nice guys you know. All the boys in my classes are either jocks or jerks. And they’re all on the list.” She rolled her eyes. “So, will you?”

  I wasn’t sure what to say. On one hand, Mercedes Washington was the real deal, a true Hottie of Troy. She didn’t need my help to get a boy. But on the other hand … the girl standing next to me was bouncing on the balls of her feet like she could barely contain her enthusiasm. And, underneath all that energy, she was really very sweet. I couldn’t tell if she didn’t see the difference between us or if she was just pretending it didn’t exist. Someone like Mercedes deserved a boy who would treat her with the respect she deserved.

  “Do you like Star Wars?” I asked. It was an impulse question and a long shot.

  “Which ones? The first ones? Oh, yeah! Some of the newer ones?” She waved her hand. “Not so much. But Han Solo?” She fanned herself. “Talk about fine. Sure, he’s old enough to be my grandpa, but you know what I mean.” She fell back against the lockers, and the beads in her braids clicked against the metal.

  “Yeah.” I smiled. Mercedes Washington, closet Star Wars geek. Who knew?

  “So, you got someone for me?” she asked.

  “I think I might.” Okay, so it wasn’t a sure thing, but I had a pretty good feeling about it. “Meet me at the tutoring room after cheer practice.”

  Mercedes poked her head into the tutoring room after school. “So, where’s my guy?” she said. Her gaze darted around the classroom like I might have one stashed under a desk or something.

  “Downstairs, but—”

  “Let’s go get him.” She pivoted back toward the stairway.

  I hurried to turn off the lights and shut the door behind me. “About that,” I was saying, but Mercedes was already on the landing beneath me. “Hey! Slow down,” I called.

  Even though she stopped, it was like her body was still buzzing with energy. She pushed a couple of braids behind her ear and fidgeted with the zipper on her jacket while she waited. “Sorry. Sometimes I get a little ahead of myself,” she said when I caught up to her. “So, this boy, what did he say when you—”

  “Actually, I haven’t talked to him yet. The thing is, he’s kind of shy. Okay, that’s not true. He’s really shy, especially with girls. So, even if he likes you, he … what I’m saying is, you might have to be the one to ask him to the
dance.”

  “Sure. No problem,” she said. She started down the stairs again, then stopped and looked back at me. “Sorry,” she said. “Are you ready?”

  Ready as I’d ever be.

  We made it to the second floor and came to a stop in front of one of the science labs. Inside, long black tables filled the room. Pairs of students were sitting across from each other with their heads bent as if in prayer. No one glanced up, not even when someone hit the timer alongside their chessboard.

  “Over there,” I whispered, “by the teacher’s desk. Dalton Reese. He’s the president of the chess club.”

  Her eyes got huge. “Oh, I’m going to homecoming with the president!” She looked at Dalton, then back at me. “And he’s cute too. Oh, thanks, Camy.”

  “Don’t thank me yet,” I told her.

  By then, we’d attracted some attention. Tara Tanaka glanced up.

  That caused her opponent, Dalton, to do the same. He dropped his chess piece when he saw us. He picked it up, placed it on a new square, then his hand came down on the timer. Tara grinned and I got the feeling Dalton had just made a mistake.

  I waved at him to come over, but for a moment I thought he wouldn’t. He turned back to the chessboard and his face crumpled.

  “Ooh, that wasn’t a good move, was it?” Mercedes whispered.

  I shook my head. “It’s okay,” I said. “It’s just a game.”

  “Right. So is tennis.”

  Dalton pushed back his chair and headed our way. “Uh, hey, Camy,” he said when he reached us. “Are y-you here to join the team?”

  “Not exactly.” I could play chess but I didn’t love the game. Not like Dalton did, anyway.

  Mercedes bounced forward. “Actually, I am. Hi. I’m Mercedes Washington.”

  “I know,” Dalton said. Only it came out more: I! KNOW! He took his glasses off, then put them back on. A bead of sweat popped up on his forehead.

  “I want to,” Mercedes began. “Well, see, I play tennis. And everyone’s going to be gunning for me this spring, since I won state last year. So I thought I should—”

  “Work on strategy and mental toughness?” Dalton suggested.

  Mercedes’ face lit up. She nodded and I just stood there, a little amazed that she’d managed to get him to speak, and that he’d managed to produce six words that contained most of the parts of a sentence.

  “But I don’t know anything about chess,” Mercedes said.

  “You don’t have to,” he said. “We’re not that kind of club. Anyone can join.”

  “And will you teach me how to play?”

  Dalton blinked in surprise. So did I. Because, here’s the thing: It wasn’t so much what Mercedes said, but how she said it. If you could do a rewind, you wouldn’t see anything obvious. It’s not like she batted her eyelashes at him or anything. Still, she’d clearly just made Dalton an offer he couldn’t refuse.

  Maybe flirting was another one of those genetic things; either you had it or you didn’t. Whatever. Dalton blushed and led Mercedes to a table in a far corner of the room.

  He did that even after Tara Tanaka stood up, cleared her throat loudly, and pointed at their unfinished game. It wasn’t so much that Dalton ignored Tara on purpose. It was more like all of Mercedes’ energy had trapped him and pulled him helplessly along.

  Tara threw me a glare as if this was my fault. And all right, in a way, it was. I backed out of the room, hoping whatever it was I’d just done wasn’t a huge mistake.

  I didn’t see Mercedes or Dalton in the halls before school on Wednesday. I saw no sign of Rhino or Elle, either. The only presence I couldn’t escape was Clarissa. With her smile pasted all over the walls of the school, she was pretty hard to miss. But that afternoon, in the tutoring room, Lexy pulled me aside.

  “Camy, I have to go to the bathroom,” she said.

  “Yeah?” I said, because here’s another thing about having a guy as a best friend: You miss out on learning a lot of social cues that every other girl seems to know.

  I’d gone back to explaining negative integers to Byron when another pom squad girl whispered in my ear. “That means she needs to talk to you.”

  So I followed Lexy to the girls’ restroom. As soon as we got there she flung each of the stall doors open, checking to see if they were occupied. Then she turned to face me.

  “Can you hook me up like you did for Elle and Mercedes?”

  “Like I—”

  “Here’s the deal,” she said. “My mom doesn’t usually let me date, but since this is my senior year and it’s homecoming, she’s making an exception. Only with Elle’s stupid boy boycott, I’m stuck.”

  Lexy didn’t date? That explained the lack of comments about her on the wiki.

  “And I was thinking … maybe one of those guys from the chess club?” She looked at me with puppy-dog eyes. “That way, Mercedes and I could double date and that would keep my mom from freaking out so much about the whole thing.”

  “I guess,” I said, “but I’m not even sure Mercedes and Dalton are going to homecoming.”

  “Oh, yeah, they are. He asked her yesterday.”

  “He ... what?” I shook my head, trying to wrap my brain around the idea. “How did that happen? They just started talking after school.”

  Lexy laughed. “That girl works fast. All she had to do was convince him that no one else in the school would ask her.”

  I stared, totally speechless. Damn, Mercedes was good. But I wondered, had I just unleashed something on our school that no one was ready for?

  “So can you?” Lexy asked, “I really want to go to the dance.”

  I sighed. Who was I to crush dreams?

  Mentally, I reviewed the chess club roster until I got to Tim Lansing. He was cute and shy, and he also had an artistic streak. That might make a nice match with Lexy’s talent for fashion design.

  Chess club didn’t officially meet on Wednesday, but a bunch of them usually showed up anyway. Official or not, if another A-list hottie disrupted everyone’s game, I was certain Tara Tanaka would leap across the desks and strangle me. She’d already thrown me dirty looks all during earth science.

  “Meet me at the caf tomorrow morning,” I told Lexy. “I’ll introduce you to someone I know.”

  “Is he cute?”

  “Very.”

  She clapped her hands together. For a moment, I thought she might jump up and down. Instead, Lexy threw her arms around me.

  “Thank you,” she said. “Thank you so much!”

  When Lexy arrived in the cafeteria the next morning she was accompanied by several members of the pom squad and a few girls from the dance team. I panicked until Tim arrived with a posse of chess club members and mathletes in tow.

  Then I did the only sensible thing: I skipped the introductions and ran.

  All through the day I saw evidence of what I’d done. Mercedes bounced down the halls, her arm linked with Dalton’s. They looked like they were having an actual conversation. Tim and Lexy stood side by side in front of one of the school’s display cases. Rhino even graced Elle’s table in the cafeteria for a whole five minutes. Apparently he said something funny too, something that sent the entire cheerleading squad into peals of laughter.

  That night, when I logged in to the wiki, the proof was all over the place.

  jasona: wtf is going on? i’ve asked 18 girls to h-coming—and nothing. wud go to prairie stone, but cant. this sux.

  Unlike winter semi-formal and prom, the Olympia High homecoming dance was in-school-only. I guess that was supposed to encourage all of us to bond under the guise of school spirit or something.

  aident: She’s already gotten to everyone, so don’t bother trying.

  jasona: beenthere/donethat. how do you think I asked 18 girls? she’s ruining everything.

  aident: The whole dance team has dates and Clarissa won’t talk to me.

  jasona: even lexy’s got a date—and she NEVER goes to the dances. but some guy from the chess team asks
her and now she’s all “leave me alone” to ne1 else.

  mchottie: THE CHESS TEAM?

  jasona: 4 reel

  Lukasn: There’s got to be a way to stop her.

  randallb: She has a weak spot. Everybody on the football team knows that. Gotta play a little offense here. It’s not that hard.

  adm*n: If this turns into any kind of threat, I’m shutting down the thread. Got it?

  jasona: o0o, tough guy. Say what, bro. Why don’t *you* do sumthin about it?

  The conversation (if you could call it that) cut off there. I went looking for other threads, but all I found were the usual suspects making the usual comments on the usual pages. I paid extra attention to Elle’s page, since I guessed she was the “her” they wanted to stop, but I got nothing there either. The wiki only let us see so much. If the guys ever took things offline, we’d never know.

  Chapter 12

  ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON, I stood at my locker way past last bell. The empty halls made Clarissa Delacroix watching my every move from the posters above me even freakier. In less than a week, one of us would be crowned homecoming queen. I still hadn’t campaigned in any way. Sophie hadn’t done much that I could see. And Mercedes was so into Dalton that I wasn’t sure she’d thought about the contest at all.

  That left a runoff between Elle and Clarissa. The only question left was whether Clarissa could buy enough votes to beat Elle. Today, I’d added a custom-wrapped cookie and a package of licorice whips to my CD 4 HQ swag. It was all sitting on the top shelf of my locker.

  I was still staring at the pile of Clarissa loot when Sophie slumped against the locker next to mine. “I hear you’re the person to see if a girl needs a hookup,” she said.