Dating on the Dork Side

by Charity Tahmaseb

  I’d witnessed three previous homecoming coronations. And while the view was different from my seat on the platform, some things never changed. Aiden seemed determined to carry on the lame emcee tradition of keeping us all in suspense. In fact, he was milking it for all it was worth as he ambled back and forth, back and forth, pausing behind each girl’s chair, holding the crown over each of our heads.

  Enough time passed that I spotted Dad in the audience, near the gym doors, two cameras and a video recorder around his neck. He rotated through each, filming and snapping photos. Once, he peered over the top of the camera and shot me a giant grin.

  In the bleachers, Rhino had bypassed the chess club and was sitting with Sophie’s crew. They looked restless without her there to anchor them. And although he’d perfected the art of not caring, today, I could tell Rhino did. He cared. If he bit a cuticle this time, it wasn’t out of boredom. His gaze never left the stage. At one point, he lifted his hand in a wave. My smile in response froze halfway. I leaned forward to peer down the row at Elle, her face glowing, her lips pursed just slightly.

  My throat tightened. I blinked a couple of times. That wave? He hadn’t meant it for me. Moments before, I’d been jumpy and anxious, but now a wave of sadness struck me. How long did we have to sit here? How long did it take to crown Elle homecoming queen, anyway?

  Longer than you might think.

  “Why don’t you get on with it?” Elle growled at Aiden through her smile.

  “Why don’t you bite me?” he replied.

  All the charm of a Neanderthal? Check.

  At last, he did the long, slow stand behind each chair. This was it. The stage seemed to vibrate with our collective nerves. The crowd went silent. He stood behind Mercedes, then moved on. Behind Clarissa. He stopped behind Elle. When a cruel smirk lit his face, I was glad she couldn’t see him.

  He skipped Sophie’s chair and stopped behind mine.

  “You might like to know,” he said, his voice low and amused, “that the vote was closer than it has ever been in the history of the OHS homecoming queen contest. It came down to less than 400 points between the top three finishers, but a last-minute surge put one of these beautiful young ladies over the top.”

  He placed the crown on Sophie’s head.

  For a second, the world stood still. No one moved. No one clapped. I’m not even sure any of us breathed. Then Aiden’s voice boomed throughout the gym. “Let me introduce this year’s Trojan Warrior homecoming queen … Sophie Vega!”

  Sophie’s hands went to the tiara on her head, her expression blank with shock. “No way,” she said. “No. Way. This is a joke, right?”

  “No, it’s not a joke,” I told her.

  “Okay.” She took in a deep breath and looked toward the ceiling of the gym. “Then is this the time where they dump the bucket of pig blood on me?”

  I shook my head, but I snuck a glance at the ceiling, too, just in case. It wasn’t a joke. And it wasn’t a prank. That could only mean one thing.

  “Sophie. You’re homecoming queen.” I sprang up and teetered on my heels. I kicked them off and threw myself at Sophie. I think I had my arms around her shoulders before the shoes hit the floor. “You won!” I said, and gave her a shake to emphasize the point.

  “I’m the effing homecoming queen?” she said.

  “You’re the effing homecoming queen!”

  It was then that I noticed the applause. The sound of it thundered through the gym, so loud that it threatened to knock us over. A second later, Mercedes nearly did, barging into both of us to form a group hug.

  “Omigod, omigod, omigod. You know I voted for you,” Mercedes said. “Omigod, omigod, omigod.”

  “No way,” Sophie said. I suspected that might be her response to everything for the rest of the day.

  “I did too,” I added.

  “Shit,” she said. “I voted for you.”

  “Thanks,” I said, a sudden spate of tears stinging my eyes.

  Elle joined the group hug then, the perfectly poised student council president. She was beaming. You’d never know from her expression that she wasn’t wearing the crown.

  “Hey,” Sophie said. Her voice cracked on the word.

  “Hey, what?” Elle said, all breezy and light. “You won! You rock! Seriously, it’s just what this school needed.”

  But something flickered in Elle’s eyes. I wondered what happened when someone got knocked from the inevitable path that destiny had planned for them.

  Clarissa was standing at the edge of our group. Without a thought to what I was doing, I stepped back, unlocked my arm from Elle’s, and opened a space for her.

  You know those beauty pageants on TV, at the end, when all the girls are crying? And you’re certain it’s got to be fake? Well, when Clarissa stepped into the hug, we started bawling, all of us. We were one big, mascara-lined, girly mess of tears. Maybe we all cried for different reasons, but I’m here to tell you: The tears were real.

  I glanced up then, my cheeks damp, my vision blurry, and realized everyone in the gym was standing, students, parents, teachers. Dad looked so proud, so happy, and clapped so hard, another thick sob formed in my throat.

  And then I saw Rhino, because even he was standing. He didn’t clap. Instead, he stood with his arms crossed, his eyes trained on our little group. When our gazes met, he brought two fingers to his brow and saluted.

  And that little salute? That was for me.

  In that moment, I believed. I believed in everything: Tinker Bell and Santa Claus and dreams coming true. You could change the world. This was proof.

  All it took was a little genius help.

  Chapter 17

  OF ALL THE PLACES ALONG the parade route to stop, the convertible I was assigned to halted right in front of Rhino’s house. I was sitting on the trunk, my blissfully shoeless feet resting on the backseat. I’d arranged the fake fur stole behind me so I didn’t actually have to touch it. I might need to wear it later, but that afternoon the sun was drenching the street and the temperature felt closer to August than October.

  I tipped my head back and closed my eyes, letting the heat soak through me. Members of the marching band clomped by. The rattle of a snare drum and the reedy sound of a clarinet filled my ears. I didn’t open my eyes until I heard something scrape along the concrete. That scrape was Rhino. And his couch. He’d hauled his coffee table out of the garage too and had arranged the furniture, nice and cozy, in the middle of his driveway.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t show up to send you off?” He raised his can of Coke in a toast.

  “The kind of friend who wasn’t completely crazy?”

  “Dude!” Jason called to Rhino from the car behind me. He gave him a double thumbs up. Possible Ab translation: I highly approve of the new furniture arrangement.

  When I turned back to Rhino, he had a laptop open on the coffee table. He held it up, saying, “Smile.”

  “What?” I said before I heard the camera click. “My mouth was open!” I told him.

  “Bonus! Your eyes were closed too. It’s a keeper.”

  I sighed. “Are you going to torment me until the parade starts?”

  “Actually, I thought I’d walk alongside and torment you the whole time.”

  I spotted the pom squad then. They were bouncing around nearby like a group of hyper puppies. “Hey, Lexy!” I shouted. “Rhino says you guys can practice your routine in his yard. There’s plenty of room there!”

  “Oh, Camy,” Lexy squealed. “That would be awesome!” She clapped her hands and the entire Olympia High pom squad descended on Rhino’s driveway. Girls flittered everywhere: in Rhino’s garage, on his couch, and one girl even investigated the ladder to his loft. Rhino was standing in the center of all this, hair on end as if he’d dragged his fingers through it in frustration.

  “I hate you,” he mouthed.

  “Karma.”

  “Ha.”

&n
bsp; “Something funny?” I hadn’t noticed Gavin when he slipped into his spot next to me, and I jumped when he spoke.

  I nodded toward the cluster of girls. “Rhino’s just getting a little of what he deserves,” I said.

  “Why do you think I sent them over here?” Gavin said with a smile.

  I laughed so hard then that I thought I might cry and mess up my mascara. Again.

  Gavin glanced toward Rhino and some of the humor left his face. He pressed his lips together for a second. “I thought he was being mean.”

  “Who? Rhino?” I shrugged. “Nah, he was just being himself.”

  “Exactly.”

  The high school’s drum major blew a long whistle, the official start of the homecoming parade. Someone from the local car dealership slipped into the driver’s seat and the car rumbled to life beneath us. I let my hands rest at my sides, against the warm leather of the seat backs. When we reached the first stop sign, Gavin’s hand covered mine. Halfway through the intersection, he laced my fingers with his. He didn’t let go until the end of the parade.

  When the sun started to drop, so did the temperature. By game time, the five of us girls were sitting on a bench at the fifty-yard line, huddled in our faux furs. Elle sent complicated signals to the cheerleaders while Clarissa instructed the dance team’s co-captain on what to do at halftime.

  “I don’t get it,” Sophie said near the end of the second quarter. “Why are we losing?”

  “Because we suck,” Mercedes replied. “The guys haven’t played decently since…” Her gaze darted toward Elle. “You know, since the boy boycott or whatever it is.”

  “It doesn’t help that we’re playing last year’s state champs,” I added.

  The game wasn’t awful, but if the Trojans didn’t start scoring soon … Well, twenty to zero would be a lousy end to homecoming. Only Gavin was playing with his trademark intensity. With each forward pass, each run down the field, I felt his frustration grow until it was almost like I could taste it on the air. I longed to pull on a pair of cleats and a helmet and join the guys on the field.

  Most of the girls behind us in the bleachers left at halftime to get ready for the dance. A few of the parents and a lot of the guys disappeared too. Near the end of the fourth quarter, with the score unchanged, everyone but the most die-hard fans started streaming from the stands. Ms. Pendergast suggested we all go inside too. But even though my legs were freezing and my fingers had turned as blue as my dress, I didn’t want to leave the boys out there on the field.

  “The game isn’t over yet,” I said.

  That’s when Gavin did it. The center almost fumbled the snap. The wide receivers were blocked. But I saw the way he took in the whole field, the way he had a sense for where everyone was. His feet shuffled. Then, at full speed, Gavin “Mad Dog” Madison ran the ball straight up the field.

  Randall knocked someone out of his way, and Gavin broke through the defensive line. He dodged one player, then spun away from another. I didn’t realize I was standing until he zoomed past us. My “fur” stole slipped from my shoulders and I leaned forward, as if that would help him run faster. Gavin avoided one final tackle and charged into the end zone. He yanked off his helmet and stared up into the stands, right at me, his tractor beam gaze set on high. I couldn’t have looked away even if I’d wanted to.

  My heart seemed to stop; my mouth went dry. I forgot to cheer.

  Once the screaming had died down, Sophie nodded at the field. “I hope you know that was all for you.”

  I shook my head in disbelief.

  “And I can’t wait to see what happens at the dance.”

  I wish I could say that was the start of an amazing comeback. It wasn’t. We still lost the game. As soon as the last horn sounded, Ms. P herded us all into one of the girls’ restrooms. Once we’d warmed up a little, we repaired our makeup and hair. Then we were led to the back entrance of the gym.

  Precisely at eight, the boys entered from one side and the girls from the other, both Lukas and Gavin in clean football jerseys over dress shirts and ties. When we met up on the stage, the first thing he said was, “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For losing the game.”

  “That wasn’t your fault.”

  “I’m not so sure about that. The thing is—”

  But by then we had reached our appointed place at the edge of the dance floor next to Aiden (who scowled) and Elle (who gave me a warning look). Once Jason and Sophie had made it down the ramp, the music started.

  The song was something slow and sugary. Gavin turned to me and asked, “Do you want to dance?”

  Here it was. That princess moment I’d been waiting for since eighth grade. I nodded. He smiled and put a hand on my waist … then Lukas tapped him on the shoulder.

  “Coach Cutter is looking for you,” he said.

  Gavin groaned but turned to follow Lukas. “I’ll be back for that dance,” he called.

  By nine thirty, I knew Gavin wasn’t going to show. Actually, I knew at nine. To be totally honest, I knew it by eight forty-five. He didn’t poke his head back through the gym doors once. I sat at the table reserved for the homecoming court watching Mercedes dance with Dalton all night long. Fast songs, slow songs; they even did the Chicken Dance. They were quite possibly the cutest couple ever.

  Sophie sparkled under the twinkling lights. Halfway through the dance, Kevin started sparkling too. I guess he’d gotten a little too close to her glitter. Either that or he was just so happy to be with her that he was beginning to spontaneously combust. Clarissa flitted around the dance floor while Aiden tracked her every move.

  When Elle danced with Rhino, it was like something out of a classic movie. All the other couples slowed, then moved away to clear the space. The humiliation of Rhino’s dance lessons was finally paying off as he twirled Elle.

  Maybe it wasn’t my turn to be a princess that night, but at least my best friend got a chance to be Prince Charming. Karma, I thought for the second time that day. Rhino deserved this.

  At one point, Kevin plopped into the chair next to mine.

  “Hey, want to dance?” he said.

  I looked at him, then toward Sophie, who was standing near the DJ. “She told you to come over here and ask me, didn’t she?”

  “She ... I mean, no.” He shook his head.

  “Tell her thanks, but I’m fine. Okay?”

  “You sure?”

  “Go,” I said. “Dance with her.”

  I waited until after he’d stood up and walked back to Sophie before I let my smile fade. There I was, back where I’d always been, watching everyone from the sidelines. At least before, I’d had Rhino to keep me company. And sure, he came to sit by me a couple of times that night. He’d even snuck a Cherry Coke into the dance for me. But now he was sitting a few seats away, with Elle on the table in front of him, her feet in his lap. She bent forward to whisper something to him, and I watched as he leaned in to meet her, then brushed his lips against her cheek. The intimacy of it made me look away.

  Just as I thought about leaving, Jason Abernathy tugged on a lock of my hair. “Wanna dance?” he said.

  That was it. No, “Hello, how are you? You look nice.” Just: Wanna dance?

  “You make it hard for a girl to say no,” I replied.

  “Yeah.” He gave me that slightly crooked grin. “That’s what they all say.”

  I rolled my eyes, but my feet did something I hadn’t expected. They followed Jason onto the dance floor. We caught the last few beats of a hip-hop song, then the music slid into low gear.

  “Look, you don’t have to—” I started to say.

  He took my hand and pulled me close. “You can pretend I’m Mad Dog if you want.”

  “Why would I do that?”

  “Who knows?” Jason shrugged. “Chicks dig him for some reason.”

  “Uh, chicks dig you too, Jason,” I said.

  “You think?”

  I laughed. But really? I could
n’t tell if he was serious or not. So we danced. And dancing with The Ab wasn’t all that bad. I’d just started to relax and think of him as a possibly decent guy when a manicured hand shot between us.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” Clarissa yanked us apart.

  I was speechless. Jason looked confused, just like he had after the SATs last year. I ran back to the table and tried to look like something tremendously embarrassing hadn’t just happened to me.

  A couple of songs later, the lights came on and the dance was over. I shielded my eyes and searched the gym for Gavin one last time, but the room looked as empty as I felt.

  If Ms. Pendergast had heard about the girls-only after party, she’d probably chalked it up to Elle being Elle. And she would have been right. But it wasn’t school spirit that had motivated our student council president to invite so many people to her house that night. It was strategy, pure and simple. Elle didn’t want anyone getting romantic ideas and hooking up after the dance. Not while Operation Lysistrata was still in effect.

  The place was packed with all the Hotties of Troy, of course, but she’d also encouraged every other girl who’d been at the dance to come along, including Prudence, Babette, and even Tara Tanaka.

  I roved the crowd, worried that Clarissa (or one of her clones) would start something. But it wasn’t happening. Clarissa had vanished—to where, no one knew.

  I had long suspected that removing Clarissa Delacroix from the equation = Instant Improvement. But maybe it wasn’t just her absence that was setting things on a different path. Maybe, just maybe, it was the wiki. In some ways, it might have been one of the best things to happen to Olympia High. The evidence of it was everywhere I turned. In one corner, Mercedes and Tara were talking chess. In another, two pom squad girls were giving Babette a makeover. I even caught a group of cheerleaders discussing performance technique with Prudence.

  It was weird. And wonderful. And I wanted to congratulate Elle. But I couldn’t find her, either.

  My quest led me through the rec room, to the kitchen, then upstairs to her bedroom. There I ditched the beautiful shoes in favor of my magnificently comfortable Chucks, then dug through my bag, pulled out my knee support, and wrapped it around my leg.