Crazy Stupid Love (Blame it on New York)

by Cassie Rocca

  She returned, wearing a t-shirt and a pair of leggings, her hair in a ponytail. She was holding a red bag with a pretty bow, Eric instantly recognized it as the Valentine’s Day gift she had bought from Giftland that very afternoon.

  “Before you say anything… this is for you. I got it today when I came to say ‘hello’ to you in the store. It’s just a little something that Zoe helped me pick out.”

  Eric took the bag, feeling cowardly. He was tempted not to open it, but one look at Stephanie’s bright eyes dissuaded him. It was as if she already knew. He pulled the teddy bear out of the bag and smiled sadly.

  “I’m really sorry, Steffy, believe me,” he muttered.

  “Did I do something wrong? Was I too clingy, or did I try and move too fast?”

  “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. The problem is me.”

  She shook her head, a bitter smile on her lips. “Yeah. That’s what they all say.”

  Eric put the bear on the floor and took a step forward, taking hold of her hands.

  “In my case it’s true, things always go the same way. I start out with the best intentions, convinced that this time I can carry on with a relationship and instead I find I have to resign myself to the facts.” At the sight of her confused expression, Eric took a deep breath. “See, I… I have a serious problem. In spite of all the beautiful girls I meet, and who incredibly seem to want to take an interest in me, I just can’t seem to fall in love with any of them.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because my heart is already taken.”

  He was able to sense the exact moment Stephanie understood. He’d had a lot of practice, because he’d given this speech many times. But it was also true that women seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to dangerous rivals, and Stephanie was no exception. She, like his exes, immediately understood the truth, long before he had even confessed.

  Steffy untangled her hands from his. “I should have realized earlier,” she snapped bitterly. Then she looked at him, her green eyes filled with rage. “So what have I been for you? Just someone to pass the time with? Someone you dated while you were waiting?”

  “No, nothing like that. You’re a beautiful woman and I really wanted to spend time with you. My situation is hopeless, but sometimes I try to do something about it. I was hoping that you… that we…”

  “Does she know?” Stephanie asked, disappointment etched on every inch of her face.

  Eric shook his head. “No. She’s never realized. I’ve always been very careful not to let her guess my true feelings.”

  “Well, I think she does know and that she’s taking advantage of the situation,” she huffed, running a hand over her face. “She’s the kind of woman who wants to have everyone at her beck and call and she just strings men like you along. The saddest thing is that you let her… I thought you were smarter than that.”

  Eric stiffened, split between his wounded pride, his doubts and that strong instinct of his to defend Zoe. But there was no point him trying to explain the situation to the girl he was dumping.

  Stephanie furtively wiped away a tear and tried to compose herself. “It doesn’t matter. Anyway, if you don’t mind, I have to get ready for Nicole’s bridal shower.”

  “Forgive me if you can. I really didn’t mean to hurt you,” Eric said, looking genuinely contrite. “Zoe will probably never know about any of this, and even if she did it wouldn’t change anything. I could have stayed with you forever, enjoying your sweetness and your happiness, but I don’t like leading people on. I’ve been doing it to myself for years, and it’s not a nice feeling. I hope you can tell that I’m speaking from the heart.”

  “Well maybe you should have come out with it a bit sooner,” said Stephanie. She stared at him in silence, presumably waiting for him to go, and Eric had no choice but to turn around and leave.

  Once on the stairs, he took a deep breath, feeling both relieved and sad at the same time. Steffy Parker was a sweet girl and by accepting the situation without getting too upset with him she had behaved like a grown-up. She had certainly earned all his respect, if not his love. Surely she would find someone better who would really appreciate her.

  But as he started walking away down the street, a window opened…

  “And give this to your friend, asshole!”

  At the sound of Stephanie’s angry voice he turned around and at that precise moment an object hit him directly on his chest making him yell in shock, before ending up on the ground among the feet of the curious passers-by who gave him amused or dirty looks.

  Ok, perhaps she hadn’t taken so well after all… He picked up the dancing bear from the ground and left quickly, feeling as embarrassed as hell. Only when he was a long way away from Little Italy did he allow himself to think about what he was going to do.

  Now he had no more excuses. There was nothing preventing him from resolving this issue with Zoe. As he had said to Stephanie, maybe confessing his feelings wouldn’t change anything, but he was no longer able to endure this situation without trying to do something to sort it out.

  He felt his brain racing through each of Zoe’s hypothetical reactions, from the most romantic to the worst, and forced himself to stop letting his imagination get the better of him.

  He must act, and act now. Thinking too much about it would only make him lose the little courage he had.

  Chapter 9

  “Hey guys!” cried Zoe with a puzzled smile as she threw open her front door to let Clover and Liberty into her apartment. “What are you two doing here?”

  “You seemed a bit down today,” said Liberty, holding out a bottle of expensive French wine, “so we just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  Clover handed her a paper covered tray from under which a delicious sweet aroma emerged.

  “We were thinking about having a girls’ night in! What do you say? We can chat, eat unhealthy crap…”

  “You can eat unhealthy crap…” muttered Liberty, pulling off her stylish coat.

  “God, you’re so boring!” joked Clover, giving her a dirty look. “What is it you’re afraid of? You’re as thin as a rake!”

  “I know, and that’s precisely because I refuse to eat unhealthy crap.”

  “Nothing’s going to happen if you let yourself have a food orgy for one night.”

  “I’d just rather not to take the risk, thank you very much.”

  “Does that mean you’re going to spend all evening sitting watching us pig out?”

  “So I have to eat even if I don’t want to?” Liberty snapped angrily.

  Zoe held up her hands to calm things down. “Please, don’t argue. I’m so depressed that I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to eat whatever you’ve brought with you all by myself… and I could down that whole bottle of wine too, so – problem solved.”

  “Incidentally, Lib, wine is as fattening as a dessert, did you know that?” muttered Clover, bending over her friend.

  Liberty quickly handed the bottle to Zoe. “It’s for her.”

  “Well, after knowing you for three years, I’ve finally found something that breaks through that unruffled surface of yours,” said Clover, walking into the kitchen with a satisfied expression on her face. “That’s good to know.”

  “Why would seeing me so irritated make you happy?” sighed Liberty as she followed her.

  “Because you usually border on perfection, which is more than a little disturbing. So obviously I am pleased to discover that you’re human after all!” laughed Clover. “I’m a naïve ingénue and Zoe is a perpetually horny bellyacher – all that’s missing is a hysterical control freak to make the three of us officially and humanly insane!”

  Zoe followed them into the kitchen, already feeling better now that she had company. “Hey, I’m not crazy about way you just described me, red…”

  “You mean you’re saying that you’re not perpetually horny?” asked Clover, raising her eyebrows.

  “Absolutely not,” laughed Zoe, “I’m just saying that
I’m not a bellyacher!”

  Liberty let out a small giggle then turned her deep green eyes to face her friend. “If that’s not the case then tell us why you’ve been mooching around with such a long face recently.”

  Zoe sighed while she got on with laying the table.

  “Maybe I’m just getting old. I’m almost thirty and if I’m honest, I’m not satisfied with my life.”

  “Being dissatisfied has nothing to do with age. I’m thirty and I’m perfectly satisfied with my life.”

  “Yeah, but you share your life with someone.”

  “I don’t share anything with anyone,” Liberty said, sitting down at the table. “Personal satisfaction should never be dependent on another person.”

  Clover smiled sweetly at Zoe. “You have a job you love, good friends, you’re beautiful, intelligent and you know how to enjoy life – you can’t be dissatisfied! Your problem is something else – you haven’t got a man and it’s turning into an obsession that’s making you lose sight of everything you’ve always loved doing.”

  Zoe sighed as she bit into one of the frosted cupcakes Clover had arranged on a plate.

  “You’re right. I’m tired of being alone.”

  “And has this sudden desperation got anything to do with the return of your ex?” asked Liberty, pouring herself a small glass of wine.

  “No… well, maybe.”

  Clover sat down, a concerned expression on her face. “Please don’t tell me you still have feelings for that guy!”

  “Of course not, that would be stupid. But seeing him reminded me again of what it was like to be infatuated with someone, to be part of a couple – to be with someone who makes your heart beat wildly. I was only twenty-three years old when I fell for him, too young to understand that he wasn’t the right kind of guy for me. But the emotions that I felt were real. And I haven’t felt that kind of emotional intensity – that desire to be with someone every day, even without doing anything – since.” Zoe raised her grey eyes and looked at her friends. “He was my first love. You remember how you feel when you’re really in love for the first time?”

  “Well really, I don’t think I can say that Simon Wesley was really my ‘first love’,” said Clover, with a grimace. “It was more like an obsession that lasted six months. He certainly made me sigh, and I used to spend hours in front of the mirror making myself pretty for him, daydreaming about romantic declarations that were actually never made and glaring at anyone who approached him. But I certainly wasn’t actually in love. Cade is my first true love. What I feel for him is something deep, something unlike anything I’ve known before.”

  Zoe looked at Liberty. “And what about you? Do you remember your first love?”

  “Personally, I think the word ‘love’ is over-used,” said Liberty, staring at the wine glass she was cradling in her hands.

  “Hmm, I think there might be a lecture on the way,” joked Zoe, pouring herself a generous amount of wine. “Maybe I should let you speak, because all this over the top happiness of Clover’s is really getting to me… But, hell – to be honest, tonight I need to believe that actually there is such a thing as a happy ending.”

  “And there is, but I just don’t think that every single romance has to be all magic, beating hearts and starry eyes. Love means compromises and sacrifices too,” said Liberty, shrugging her shoulders. “Prince Charming doesn’t exist and fairy tales are for children.”

  “I don’t agree,” protested Clover, “I firmly believe that everyone has a soulmate. I mean, look at me and Cade. Who would have imagined that a man like him could fall in love with someone like me? I mean, I’m like some kind of clumsy elf with my head in the clouds and he is surrounded by beautiful women every day. In theory, he shouldn’t have even noticed me, but… Things like that don’t come along every day, but maybe we were just destined to meet. Our whole relationship is a fairy tale.”

  “Ok, but you two haven’t been together all that long…”

  “What does that mean? That in a few months he might get bored and dump me?” snapped Clover.

  “You might be the one to get bored of him.”

  Zoe leaned towards Clover. “If you get rid of him, can I give him a go?” she joked.

  Clover glared at her, then began wolfing down a brownie. “Ok, now I’m the one who’s depressed.”

  Liberty reached out to touch her friend’s hand, a hint of a smile on her generous lips. “Honey, I didn’t mean to scare you. You and Cade are a wonderful couple, absolutely perfect for each other. You are the exception to the rule, the reason why people still hope that they’ll be able to live a fairy tale.”

  “And why don’t you believe in them, then? Why shouldn’t everyone get to meet their soul mate? I can’t believe that I’m the only lucky girl on the face of the earth!”

  “You know, Lib, the way you’re talking, you sound like someone who’s been hurt,” said Zoe softly, looking over at her.

  Clover sat up, becoming more attentive. “Oh my God! Is it Justin? He hasn’t been unfaithful to you, has he? I always suspected that there was something strange about him… He never convinced me at all!”

  “Hey, don’t go jumping in at the deep end like you usually do!” said Liberty, rolling her eyes. “Justin’s a good guy. He hasn’t been unfaithful and he gives me everything I need. He’s perfect for me.”

  “If he’s so perfect, why do you have such a bleak idea of love, then? Was there a man in the past who broke your heart?”

  Looking uncomfortable, Liberty shifted in her chair. She didn’t look up from her glass, but shook her head. “Don’t get carried away with your imagination. I just love differently to the way you do. I don’t believe in fairy tales because I’m not a little girl any more. I don’t want to have butterflies in my stomach, or to feel empty or depressed if he’s not there, never mind walking around with a stupid grin plastered on my face, writing nonsense in a diary and daydreaming. I want to be with someone who appreciates me, who understands my needs and who looks beyond my physical appearance, someone with their feet on the ground, someone mature who can be with me as long as we both feel the need. A friend I can share my achievements and my problems with.”

  “A friend?” Zoe stared at her glass. “OK, but there is a subtle difference between a friend and a partner for life, right? There has to be something more… Otherwise, I might as well just go off and marry Eric!”

  “Hmm, this is getting interesting,” murmured Clover, settling herself into her chair.

  Zoe gave her a funny look. “Don’t start.”

  “You’re the one who started it, not me!” said Clover with a wink, resting her chin on her hand and smiling. “Carry on, I’m all ears!”

  “All I meant was that if you take into consideration what Liberty has just said, the perfect man for me ought to be Eric. He’s sweet, caring, funny… He’s always been there for me, he understands me in a flash, if I need him he’s always there for me. He’s the only man who’s been able to look beneath the surface without running away afterwards, he puts up with my insecurities, my caprices. When he pretended to be my boyfriend on New Year’s Day, he behaved exactly like the person I would like to be with.”

  Zoe saw Clover smile and sighed.

  “But he’s never been attracted to me, nor I to him. That’s what I mean – if there’s no sex, that’s not a loving relationship… right? That’s what makes a friend different from a boyfriend.”

  “Sex is fine at first, but friendship and complicity are still there even when the passion fades,” Liberty said.

  “I agree with Lib… But not altogether with you, Zoe.”

  “Why not?”

  “You’re telling me that you’re really not physically attracted to Eric?”

  Clover was observing her carefully and it made her feel uncomfortable.

  “No!” She lied. She felt her face burning up as she remembered Eric’s naked body and that passionate kiss in that damn dream. She looked away from Clover’s skep
tical face and waved her hand, dismissing the subject. “He’s a nice guy, but… well, this is Eric we’re talking about! If we were ‘destined’ to be together the way you say, it would already have happened…” An image of herself and Eric entwined around one another in bed leapt into her mind and she shook her head to dispel it. “I mean we would be together!”

  “Maybe you were afraid of ruining a friendship,” suggested Liberty. Clover nodded in agreement.

  Zoe got up from her chair, feeling more and more uncomfortable. “Oh, come on, it’s pointless talking about this stuff. I feel lonely, ok, but that doesn’t mean you two need to push me into the arms of the first available man that comes to mind! Have you ever had this conversation with him?!”

  For a moment she was afraid of hearing their answer.

  Liberty shook her head, but Clover smiled mischievously.

  “I’m quite willing to, at any time.”

  “You do that and I’ll kill you!” threatened Zoe. “I already feel depressed and confused enough as it is, I don’t want to risk creating embarrassing situations with my best friend. He’s shy and it might scare him off if he knew that I thought he was attractive!”

  “So you do admit that you like him from a physical point of view, then… Hmmm, very interesting. His personality is perfect for you, temperamentally that is, you’ve worshipped him for ten years and you’re attracted to him. But you don’t think it would work. I don’t understand why not.” Clover shook her head, sighing.

  You know, it actually might work, thought Zoe, but she paused before saying it out loud. She didn’t even know herself where the hell that thought had come from.

  She reflected for a moment in silence, wondering if it was really possible for there to be romance between her and Eric, then she remembered why it wasn’t feasible.

  “There must be a reason why nothing has ever happened in these ten years, despite all the time we’ve spent together,” she sighed, trying to look bored and indifferent. “And the most important reason of them all has long blonde hair and big green eyes,” she said, looking over at Clover. “Stephanie Parker has been his impossible first love since he was back in college, and now they’re back together.”