Kelly Jo

by Linda Opdyke

  Kelly Jo lifted her chin and gave him a haughty, “You’re not the least bit funny.”

  Jack smiled, even though he was keenly aware that it wasn’t right that he took delight in her situation. Right now he didn’t care. He wanted his pants.

  At the sound of scurrying, they both looked just in time to see a raccoon grab Jack’s sopping wet shirt from further down the shoreline and scamper off into the woods with it.

  “Great,” he muttered.

  Kelly Jo started to laugh.

  Jack looked at her like she had finally jumped from the edge.

  “Now you have no choice,” she told him. “You have to go to one of the houses here and get me something to wear.”

  He stared at her. “I certainly do not!”

  “I can’t stay in the water forever,” she reminded him. “You have pants to wear…they must be here somewhere…but I needed your shirt. I have nothing to cover myself.”

  Jack’s increased enjoyment at her plight should have shamed him. It didn’t even come close. “Why don’t you just walk the same way you were posed in that painting?” He shrugged, then grinned. “Works for me.”

  To his surprise, Kelly Jo blushed, then offered a haughty, “Let’s just look for your jeans, shall we?”

  Half an hour later they hadn’t found them. They’d dragged their feet along the creek’s bottom to no avail. No jeans.

  They were both very, very cold and Jack was a little concerned at the wrinkly turn to Kelly Jo’s skin, the slight purple tinge to the lips that quivered from her chill.

  Finally, Kelly Jo sighed. “You have to go, Jack. You have no choice.”

  Jack stared at her. “Go where?” He extended his arms to expose his bare skin. “I’m almost as naked as you. Going…anywhere…isn’t a good idea.”

  Tears filled Kelly Jo’s eyes. “It’s getting dark, Jack. I don’t want to stay in this water any longer than I have to stay in it. I’m cold. Very cold. I’m asking you,” she said quietly, “to please help me. Just this one last time.” She blinked to stop her tears from falling. “Please?”

  Jack groaned and his hands smacked the water. How did he get himself into scrapes like this? He turned toward Kelly Jo. No, he hadn’t gotten himself into anything. She had done this. But right now she looked so vulnerable, so frightened, he found it hard to offer anything but a soft word of assurance. He didn’t like it, but he knew what he had to do.

  “You’ll have to tell me everything you know about the houses, including which is the one most likely to have what we need.”

  Two minutes later, Jack pulled off his sopping socks and was making his way through the woods and back to the road in the rapidly descending dusk.

  In his boxers.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Jack made good progress through the woods, but stopped every few yards. To pull the wedge of wet boxers from his butt and to gently tug wet boxer material away from where it tightly, clammily, conformed itself to delicate front areas.

  He couldn’t remember ever being so uncomfortable, so unfixable chilly in areas not used to such treatment. From his short curlies to his other parts, which threatened, if exposed to further maltreatment, to go from normal size and shape to very short and hibernating. Those parts wanted, no, needed, to hide from this unwarranted and very rude assault, no doubt about it.

  As Jack walked, always cognizant of where he placed his bare feet on the leaf-and-debris strewn path, he tried not to think of Kelly Jo, of what, despite his haste, would be a lengthy stay for her in that cold water. He squinted toward the sky. Sundown had already begun so he had, at most, a little over half an hour to find something for each of them to wear and then get back to the creek.

  He guffawed. He had a half hour only if there was no dog involved. Jack knew he shouldn’t grin at the memory of Kelly Jo’s drenching by the dog. He didn’t care. His grin spread ear-to-ear as the memory filled and warmed his brain.

  “Ouch!” he cried and grabbed his left foot. He’d been so busy reliving his enjoyment of Kelly Jo’s losing end of the canine encounter he hadn’t watched where he was going and stepped on a burr.

  He stopped, muttering under his breath as he jerked the burr from his foot and threw it with much more force than necessary. It hadn’t drawn blood, but it sure hurt like the dickens. He placed his fingers on the bottom of his foot and had just started to rub it when the hair on the back of his neck stood up in warning.

  Too late.

  Jack lowered his foot to the ground just as a boy of about thirteen, almost as tall as his own six feet and holding a rifle pointed toward the ground, stepped from behind one of the trees ahead of him.

  Jack blew out a breath and smiled at the unsmiling boy, but knew even a young teen would find it strange that he was wandering the woods in wet boxers.

  “Hi there,” Jack called.

  Silence.

  Jack attempted an easy laugh, but it sounded forced even to him. “I went swimming and a raccoon ran off with my clothes. I need to get to one of the nearby houses to…” he cleared his throat…“borrow…something to wear.”

  The boy didn’t change expression. “I saw you.”

  Jack blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

  “I saw you. You and that girl.”

  “You saw what?” Jack questioned slowly. “Saw us swimming?” How could he possibly respond if the boy said he saw Jack throw the painting out into the creek and then rescue its female content?

  “I found our front door open when I came home and I’m betting it’s ‘cause Scooter chased you out of the house. I tracked you to the creek.”

  Jack studied him. “You’re home alone?”

  The boy tightened his grip on the rifle and Jack hastily added, “I didn’t mean anything by that, just that I’m sure you don’t live by yourself.”

  “My mom and dad went into town, to Covey’s Creek.”

  Jack sighed. “That’s where I’m supposed to be.”

  “You and her?”

  Jack stared at him. “Her?”

  “That naked girl over there behind the tree.”

  It took only a second for Jack to fully understand the implication of the young boy’s words. It wasn’t that he saw one nearly naked man and one very naked young woman. It was that he saw them. Both of them.

  He and Kelly Jo had each returned to human form.

  That couldn’t be good news.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “What?” Jack jerked his head in the direction the boy pointed but saw nothing. Then Kelly Jo slowly stuck her head out from behind the tree, a forced, bright smile pasted squarely on her face.

  “What are you doing?” he demanded. “How long have you been back there?”

  “Not long,” she said evasively.

  “Kelly Jo…” Jack warned.

  “Oh, okay,” she exploded, still hugging the tree. “I didn’t want to stay there alone. Daylight is beginning to fade and it’s a little spooky,” she said, then glared at him. “And shame on you for leaving me at the creek all alone.”

  “You’re insane,” he informed her flatly. “First you browbeat me into walking around soaked, in my boxers, to find clothes, and now you’re ticked because I left you sitting in the water.” He threw his hands in the air and shouted, “There’s no way to get it right, is there?”

  Kelly Jo opened her mouth to protest, but Jack, in surprise, turned toward the giggling young boy.

  “You sound just like my dad,” the youth told him. He looked at Kelly Jo. “And you sound like my mom.”

  Kelly Jo sniffed. “I’m hardly old enough to be your mother.”

  Jack watched Kelly Jo. She might be hiding behind a tree, but she was plenty cold, even if she had controlled her teeth chattering.

  He turned toward the boy and held out his hand. “My name is Jack and this is Kelly Jo,” he said warmly, hoping to get the young man’s trust.

  “I’m Wylie,” the boy answered.

  “Like the coyote?” Kelly Jo asked.


  Jack turned to stare at her. “What is wrong with you?”

  Wylie shrugged. “That’s okay. I get that a lot.” He glanced at Kelly Jo. “Mostly from girls.”

  Jack’s attention returned to Wylie and in what he hoped was a sign of camaraderie, rolled his eyes as though to say, “Girls!”

  Wylie grinned.

  Jack tried to be inconspicuous when he again tugged his boxers from his butt, but he heard Kelly Jo snicker and saw Wylie’s grin widen.

  Jack frowned. “Our clothes…well, it’s a long story,” he told Wylie. “Especially the part about Kelly Jo’s,” he added, his hazel eyes casting laughter into Kelly Jo’s unamused blue ones. “But the point is, they’re gone and we’re on what I think is a luckless quest to replace them. Any chance you could help?”

  The boy studied him with a stony look. “You mean will I help you break back into my parent’s home?”

  “No!” Jack said quickly. “Nothing like that,” he assured him. “Is there, maybe some clothes in your house that won’t be missed, at least for a little while?” He raised one hand. “I promise I’ll find a way to either get everything back to you or to replace whatever you can lend to us.”

  Wylie looked thoughtful. “I don’t know if they’ll fit you.” He looked thoughtful again. “But I do have an idea.”

  “Make sure it includes underwear,” Kelly Jo called from behind the tree, and this time her voice shook from her chill.

  Jack grinned, enjoying Kelly Jo’s plight but still wishing she’d had the cold, clammy underwear stuck-to-and-invading every nook and cranny experience that he’d had. She deserved no less.

  “Well,” Wylie said when Jack again looked at him. “My parents had an argument last night and my mom put her costume in a box and took it to the attic, said she’d never put it on again because of what my dad said. I can get that for you.”

  Indignant, Kelly Jo said curtly, “I am not wearing a Halloween costume!”

  “Why not?” Jack asked gleefully. “Truthfully, I look forward to seeing you in it.”

  Wylie sighed. “That’s what my dad said and that’s why my mom put it away.”

  Puzzled, Jack said, “What?”

  “It’s not a Halloween costume,” Wylie explained. “It was for the talent contest in Covey’s Creek tonight.”

  “I…don’t get it,” Jack said.

  Wylie sighed. “My mom wanted to enter the talent contest and my dad was all for it. My mom doesn’t sing real well, but she’s…well…my dad really liked the way she looked in her costume and wanted her to do it anyway. He said she was guaranteed the two hundred dollars prize if she did.”

  Jack stared at him. “Your mom can’t sing and your dad told her she’d win anyway?”

  “Yeah,” Wylie answered. “Because she looked so great in the costume. That’s when she got mad.”

  Kelly Jo threw her hair partially back over her shoulders, but was careful to expose nothing. “Well, that wasn’t very nice of your dad,” she huffed.

  Wylie tried not to giggle, but did anyway. “My dad’s right. My mom sings…well…it’s not good. But she sure looked real good in the outfit that goes with that song from that new movie.” He looked at Kelly Jo and his face reddened when he blurted, “I bet you would, too.”

  Curiosity got the best of Jack. “What movie, what song are you talking about?”

  When Wylie answered, Kelly Jo perked up. “Wylie, if you get me that costume, I’ll enter the contest tonight. Jack and I will give you half of the prize money in return for you helping us. Deal?”

  Jack spun around. “Kelly Jo, I don’t think…”

  “Oh, shush,” she informed him. “I have an idea and I’m not about to let you be the spoilsport that wrecks it.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kelly Jo “shushing” Jack didn’t halt him, but realization slamming into him did. New movie? Wylie had called it a new movie. That meant the year was 1978.

  Jack trembled, fighting emotion. Until this moment he’d pretty much pushed the seriousness of his predicament to the back of his mind, kept there by Kelly Jo’s constant need for assistance or by Robert popping in and out. Staying alert to not giving away Kelly Jo’s whereabouts had gone hand-in-hand with forgetting his very real situation.

  Wylie had just zoomed that situation to the front, where it screeched to a halt with a flashing neon “hello!”.

  Kelly Jo’s voice finally cut through Jack’s reverie and he realized she’d called him several times.

  “Jack,” she said again from behind the tree, and when his gaze rose to meet hers she asked, “Are you all right?”

  He nodded his head, not trusting his voice for several seconds, then cleared his throat and stated, “I’m fine.”

  “Well, I’m cold,” she shot at him, then smiled at Wiley. “How about it? Will you get it for me?”

  Wiley seemed to have sudden second thoughts about his offer. “Gee…”

  Kelly Jo stamped her foot. “Jack, talk to him, please. Tell him that we’re harmless, that we’re friendly…that we’re good people.”

  Jack turned to Wiley with a somber look. “She’s right, Wiley. I’m all of those things and you can absolutely trust me.”

  Kelly Jo squealed indignantly. “Tell him you’re joking, Jack,” she ordered.

  Jack shook his head to Wiley, hazel eyes laughing into delighted brown ones. “It’s no joke,” he stated. “I am all of those things.”

  “Jack!”

  Jack kept his gaze on Wiley. “I can’t vouch for the naked lady behind the tree. You’ll have to either trust her or not trust her based on your own gut instinct.”

  “Jack!”

  Jack was more than relieved to see that Wiley not only recognized the banter as a game, but that he thoroughly enjoyed taking part.

  Wiley and Jack gave Kelly Jo’s face evaluative looks.

  She shot Jack a black look, then quickly turned a sweet, innocent smile to Wiley, but couldn’t help throwing Jack another angry look before again affixing the sweet aren’t I adorable? smile.

  “What if I can’t get it?” Wiley asked. “What if my mom changed her mind?”

  “She won’t,” Kelly Jo said with finality. “Trust me, if your dad told her she could win a talent contest based only on her looks…believe me…she won’t change her mind.”

  “They went to town so my dad could make it up to her over a nice dinner. What if he talks her into doing the show?”

  “He won’t,” Kelly Jo replied.

  Jack frowned. “Why didn’t you go with them?”

  Wiley covered his laugh with his hand. “Dad dropped my sister at my aunt’s for the night because he thought he had a better chance of cooling my mom off if he got to sweet talk her alone. There’s food for me in the fridge.” He looked at Jack. “I don’t know if I can find clothes for you or not, but I’ll look.”

  Jack sighed and nodded. What would he do if Wiley came back with nothing for him to put on? Or didn’t come back at all? Or worse, came back with the police?

  “Hurry back,” Kelly Jo said as Wiley lifted his rifle and started to trot off. “Don’t forget underwear. And shoes.”

  “Be careful with that rifle,” Jack cautioned.

  Wiley’s smile was sheepish. “It isn’t loaded,” he admitted, then hurried toward the road through the ever deepening shadows.

  “I hope he brings underwear,” Kelly Jo remarked.

  “Will you stop complaining?” Jack snapped. “I’ve had to peel these boxers away from very delicate areas over and over and you don’t hear me whining, do you?”

  Kelly Jo leaned forward, her hand around the side of the tree. “Oh, yes, indeed I did hear you whining,” she let him know. “Six times you grabbed a long, skinny branch to shove down the back of your boxers and scratch whatever was biting your behind, and you stopped eleven times to pull your boxers out of your…”

  Flabbergasted, Jack yelled, “You watched? You counted?”

  “Well, I had
to keep an eye on you so that I didn’t get too far behind,” she said defensively. “I had to make sure you were going in the right direction.”

  Jack thought back over his trek from Covey’s Creek. And seethed when he remembered. “So, then that rumbling I heard behind me wasn’t just small animals or leaves rustling. It was…”

  “Me,” she interrupted. “Me, trying not to laugh out loud. Especially when you made that noise…that ahhhh of relief when you scratched where some bug bit you.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Jack drew and exhaled a heavy breath of warning. “I should leave you here.”

  “But you won’t,” she informed him haughtily. “You need me.”

  “Wrong,” he stated. “You need me. And what if I wasn’t such a decent guy…”

  Kelly Jo sniffed. “You mean what if you were dressed decently, don’t you, because that’s certainly more apropos.”

  She ducked behind the tree just as Robert’s, “What are you doing?” sliced the air.

  Jack turned, fully prepared to give up Kelly Jo to whatever awaited her from the towering Angel of Punishment in front of him.

  Robert repeated his question, adding, “I told you to wash out your clothes if you needed to…and, boy, did you need to…but I didn’t think I had to tell you to put them back on. You don’t plan to enter Covey’s Creek like that, do you?”

  Jack started to answer him, but Robert cut him off with a stern, “I can tell by your aura that you’re human again, and I’ll assume Kelly Jo is, also. So if you thought you could march into town semi-nude and that no one would notice let me make it very clear that you’re wrong.”

  “Of course I wouldn’t do that,” Jack exploded. He sent a sour glance toward the tree, a glance that Robert didn’t miss. “I wouldn’t…”

  “Kelly Jo,” Robert roared. “Come out here. Now.”

  Jack wanted to smirk, to do a Snoopy happy dance and chant, “Go Robert! Go Robert!” Instead, he sighed. “She’s gone already.”