Lament for a Lost Lover

by Philippa Carr

  When we were alone in our room Edwin took me in his arms and danced round the room with me. Then he drew me to the bed and sat down on it beside me.

  “What do you think of my Puritan home and Puritan cousin?”

  “They are both a little unreal,” I said.

  “They are. Where are all the tapestries, the bed hangings, the paintings, the best of the furniture? That’s what I want to know. I can hardly believe it’s the same place.”

  “Your cousin will doubtless explain.”

  “And him … what of him? I confess, I was hard put to it not to burst out laughing. He plays his part uncommonly well, don’t you think?”

  “Are you sure he has not turned Puritan?”

  “Absolutely sure. Are you glad you came?”

  “Edwin, I was so unhappy when you went and now …”

  “You are here, in a Puritan land. You will sleep with me in a Puritan bed and we will make Puritan love …”

  “How will that be?”

  “You will see, my dearest.”

  There was a knock on our door. It was Harriet.

  “Come in,” cried Edwin.

  She came looking about her, laughing.

  “What an experience. Now, Arabella, would you rather be back in France?”

  “I should be most wretched. It is wonderful to be here. It’s home after all … and Edwin is here …”

  “And I?”

  “And you, Harriet.”

  “Yes, please don’t leave me out. I should hate that.”

  “We would not dream of it,” Edwin assured her.

  “I should be hurt if you regretted coming, Arabella. I should think I ought to have come … alone.”

  She looked at Edwin and they burst out laughing.

  “All this will be changed before long,” said Edwin, waving a hand. “I’ll wager in a year, perhaps less, all this drabness will be replaced by life, colour, gaiety … everything that our good King Charles will bring back to the land.”

  “Fine clothes,” murmured Harriet. “Dashing gallants and … the theatre …”

  “Come,” said Edwin, “we are to go to the library where my cousin is awaiting us.”

  “Does he expect us to go with you?” I asked.

  “I think the invitation was extended to us all. He will probably want to prime you on how you must behave. He will soon send you away if you are not wanted. He was always one to make his wishes clear. I could have died of laughing when I saw him. ‘God preserve you, friend.’ He is in complete control of the patter. I believe he is enjoying it.”

  “Should you take us to the library?” I said. “Shouldn’t we wait to be conducted there? Won’t it look odd if you know your way about the house?”

  “He gave me instructions … for the sake of any servants who might be listening. Come, let us go.”

  He led us along a corridor to a staircase, not the one we had ascended. Our footsteps rang out on the wood because of the lack of rugs. I could see that the bare walls and bare floors were a shock to Edwin. I should have loved to see the house as it had been in the days before the King lost his throne.

  We came to a door and Edwin opened it cautiously.

  “Come in, friend,” said Carleton.

  We entered. He was standing with his back to a fireplace. He looked larger than ever, yet different.

  Edwin took a quick look round.

  “All religious works, friend,” said Carleton. “You will find no sinful volumes here … nothing but godliness.”

  “What a comfort to rest in such a house,” replied Edwin fervently.

  “I want to tell you of the customs of the house so that you can conform to them during your stay here. I know it will be but brief, but it would distress members of the household if you did not fall in with our ways. We start the day with prayers … early morning prayers in the hall at six of the clock. Then we breakfast frugally, and there are prayers after. We all have our morning tasks and some will be found for you while you stay here, for idleness is an invitation to the Devil. There is service in the old chapel at noon, after which we dine. We do not linger at the table. We then work during the afternoon, sup at six of the clock and then there is another service in the chapel. Only the Bible and approved books on religion are read in the house.”

  “A godly house indeed,” murmured Edwin.

  “Pray shut the door, friend,” replied Carleton.

  Edwin did so, and when we were shut in a change came over Carleton’s face.

  “Who are the women?” he said in a different voice.

  “Arabella is my wife, Harriet is her friend.”

  “You are a fool,” snapped Carleton.

  He went to the door, opened it and looked out. “One never knows when spies are about. I don’t think we are plagued by them, but I take every precaution.” He locked the door, then he went to the bookshelves and pressed himself against them; slowly the bookshelf moved inward and showed itself to be a door.

  Carleton turned and looked at us. “To be used by any one of you in an emergency, but only in an emergency, and before the door is opened you must make certain you are not observed.” He lighted a candelabrum, picked it up and signed to us to follow him into the cavity, which we did.

  We were inside what could have been called a room. It was in complete darkness, but as he shone the light around it I saw that it was full of goods. There were rolled tapestries, framed pictures stood up against the wall, chests, chairs, tables and other furniture.

  “You didn’t know about this concealed hiding place, did you, Edwin?” he said. “I almost told you once. Well, the fewer people who know of such places the better.”

  He looked with suspicion at me and at Harriet.

  “What madness possessed you to bring the women?” he went on.

  “He didn’t bring us,” I protested. “We came … after him.”

  He looked at me with mild distaste.

  “You see,” began Edwin, “we have been so recently married.”

  Carleton looked at me in a manner which I found most distasteful and burst out laughing.

  “No one can hear outside,” he said. “I tested it once with your father. We can come here to talk and be safe. But we must make sure that the library door is locked before we open the bookshelves. So … you are here and there is work to be done.”

  “I think that Arabella and Harriet make my story more plausible,” said Edwin.

  Carleton shrugged his shoulders. “That might be,” he admitted. “They know, of course, the purpose of your mission?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, then, they will know how much depends on their caution and discretion.”

  “We understand well,” said Harriet. She was looking at him earnestly, and knowing her well now, I realized that she was trying to claim his attention. I knew, too, that he was a man who would have had many experiences with women and would not be the easy victim of any. He might be aware that Harriet was trying to win his admiration, but if he did admire her he was not going to show it.

  He was looking at me. I suppose as Edwin’s wife I interested him.

  Then he said: “You’re General Tolworthy’s daughter, I believe. Oh, don’t look so surprised. I am kept informed of what is going on. I trust you will behave with the good sense he would expect of you while you are here.”

  “What is the position?” asked Edwin.

  “Good. That is, hopeful. There is much we shall have to discuss.” He looked at us and I knew he meant: When we are rid of the women. “There is a good support hereabouts. But a certain amount of probing to do. We have to be certain who are our friends.” He was looking from Harriet to me with some amusement. “It may well be that you ladies can be useful. You can pick up a good deal from gossip. The great thing will be not to betray yourselves. Not too many airs and graces, please. Save those for the days when the King is safely back.”

  Harriet said: “You may trust me. I am an actress and know how to play a part. I will in
struct Arabella.”

  “I think Arabella’s best guide will be her regard for her husband,” he retorted. “Know this! All might seem peaceful on the surface, but there is a torrent of unrest just beneath it. What we have been trying to do is find out how deep it goes. The ladies will have tasks to do in the kitchen and in the gardens. Everyone works. There is no idleness here. Listen to the servants. Be very careful in your own conversation. Don’t forget your home is in Chester. I hope they are well versed in their parts, Edwin.”

  “They soon will be. I can assure you, Carleton, you need have no qualms on their account.”

  “Good. I brought you all here to show you how precariously we live. You must realize that if it were discovered that I had stored away some of our treasures which I had salvaged from their destructive hands, they would know me at once for the King’s man. There would be no mercy. I should be strung up by the neck, I doubt not, and the fact that it would be done most piously with prayers said for my erring soul would give me little comfort. Our Puritan rulers are afraid. Perhaps they can hear the rumble of Royalist thunder in the distance. Fear breeds viciousness. So we must be wary. I have business to talk with Edwin. I shall leave him here to examine some of the treasures I have managed to salvage. Now I shall conduct you ladies to your rooms. There you may wait until one of the servants comes to you. She will take you to the kitchens where you will be expected to make yourselves useful. Is that understood?”

  “Perfectly, “I said.

  He looked at Harriet. “Of course,” she added softly.

  We stepped into the library. The panel slid to, he unlocked the door and conducted us to our rooms.

  “Remember,” whispered Carleton and put his finger to his lips.

  When he had gone, Harriet threw herself onto the double bed in the room which had been allotted to Edwin and me and, looking at me, started to laugh.

  “What did you think of the worthy cousin?” she asked.

  “Edwin had mentioned him to me so I was prepared.”

  “What a man,” said Harriet softly.

  “He certainly is somewhat forceful.”

  “I liked the double act,” murmured Harriet smiling. “My God, what a Puritan he was. You could imagine him delighted in inflicting punishment on those who offended against the laws of God, which would be his own, of course. In his eyes I am sure he is God. And then, hey, presto … the doors slide and we see another. It was fantastic the way in which he changed. Did you notice it? The way he looked at us was different. You didn’t notice that, of course. He was assessing us as … women. Whereas when he was a Puritan he was trying to probe how sinful we were.”

  “You seem obsessed by him.”

  “Aren’t you?”

  “What do you mean, Harriet?”

  “Nothing. This is fun. Poor Arabella, but for me you would be sitting sadly at your spinning wheel waiting for the return of your husband.”

  “I don’t spin.”

  “Just a figure of speech. I don’t like that talk about working in the kitchens. I didn’t come here to be a kitchen maid.”

  “What did you come here to be?”

  “I only came because I knew you were pining to be with your husband.”

  “Sometimes, Harriet,” I said, “I think you do not tell the truth.”

  “Dear Arabella, you are learning at last.”

  What a strange world we had dropped into. I found the situation enthralling. I was with my husband, adoring and adored; Harriet was close by; and we were all engaged in this thrilling adventure. For thrilling it was. Although in this household it was hard to believe that we were courting danger, this was, in fact, the case.

  I disliked the cousin, as I knew I should. I found him overbearing, arrogant and excessively conceited, which was his true nature. As the Puritan he positively nauseated me. Moreover, he seemed to regard me with an inner, supercilious amusement. He referred to me when speaking to Edwin as “your good wife,” and there was a hint of mockery in his voice and expression. To Harriet he maintained a cool, rather aloof attitude which I knew angered her. He was unusual certainly, for he did not offer her that ready admiration to which she was accustomed.

  “I am not surprised,” she said rather waspishly, “that his wife goes off in search of other gallants. Who wouldn’t, married to him?”

  She pretended to despise him, but for once she did not deceive me.

  Tom had gone off, ostensibly to the fictitious Chester residence, but in fact to a place not far off from where he would be summoned when the business was completed.

  Harriet and I did our tasks in the kitchens. We were not expected to wash floors or do the really dirty work, for Harriet had made it clear that we were the mistresses of our Chester household, and although like all good Puritans we did not believe in idleness, we were in the habit of doing more genteel work.

  The head of the kitchen was Ellen, the wife of Jasper who worked on the Eversleigh land. They had a daughter, now six years old, who bore the name of Chastity. Like all good little Puritans, Chastity was set to do her stint in the kitchen under her mother’s eye. There were Jane and Mary, two maids. More would have been considered an extravagance. I had to admire the way in which Carleton had adjusted to the times, while I realized that his ability to do so was an indication of his devious nature. How different from Edwin who was always so open and honest!

  Edwin had his tasks. They were out-of-doors, and often he would ride out with Carleton about the estate. I knew, of course, that this was part of the sounding-out process and that Edwin would be explaining to those trusted Royalist adherents, who like Carleton and the rest of us were awaiting the day of the return of the Monarchy, how many troops could be mustered and brought into the country should this be necessary. The great hope was that it would not be, and that it would be possible for the King to be invited back to his kingdom.

  Being fond of children and having had young brothers and a sister of my own with whom I had spent a great deal of time, I understood them, and Chastity and I were soon friends. I found some slate and drew on this for her with a piece of charcoal, much to her pleasure. But her mother was not sure that Chastity should enjoy anything, and so I said I would draw letters on it so that she could learn to read.

  Ellen was puzzled. Was it good for Chastity to learn to read? If she had been meant to learn, wouldn’t God have put her into that society where she would have done so? She would have to consult Jasper.

  Jasper, in her eyes, was the omniscient one. Jasper had fought in Cromwell’s army; he had been one of those who had always been against Royalty. He had been a serious man, a true Puritan and had not been afraid to admit it even in the days when it might have brought him into trouble with those who held opposing views and were in a position to enforce them. It was different at these times.

  “We are the masters now,” Jasper had proudly told Ellen, and she was fond of repeating it in the kitchen.

  It was a difficult problem for Jasper to solve, because Ellen had obviously pointed out that there was not really enough work for Harriet and me to do in the kitchens, and we were not very good at it in any case, and it did prevent my being idle. After consulting with his Maker (“He were on his knees two hours last night instead of his usual one,” Ellen told us), it was decided that Chastity and I might continue.

  “Tell me a story,” Chastity used to say, and I would think of something, but this was frowned on as lies, which could bring no good to anyone.

  During those days I became a sort of nursemaid-governess to Chastity, which I quite enjoyed. Harriet would wander out, as she would say, to do some tasks out-of-doors.

  Sometimes I wondered where Harriet went to, for she would disappear for some hours. Often she would return with a basket of plants or berries of some sort and tell us that she had a wonderful recipe for a cordial which she would make and which would bring great benefit to the household. The only point was the plants had to be left until they were ready for use, which would take some l
ittle time. She needed more plants, and she would invent names which had Ellen and her maids agog, for they had never heard of them. It did not occur to them that nobody else had either.

  There was something unreal about those days. Every morning when I woke up I would, for a few seconds, wonder where I was, and it would be a few more seconds before I could bring myself to believe that I was really in England, in Edwin’s home, playing a part. Sometimes Edwin was not with me when I awoke. Sometimes he went out at night. It was then I realized the danger of his mission. He would whisper to me: “Be very quiet. No one must know that I slip out at night. There are people it would be too dangerous to see by day.”

  Happy days! Strange days! Unreal days! I wished that Cousin Carleton was not there. I often found his eyes on me, as though he were faintly amused and at the same time a little sorry for me. I think he had decided that I was rather stupid which did not endear him to me.

  There was an occasion when I was alone with him.

  Edwin was out, so was Harriet, and I had gone to the library to see if I could find one of them, for the library was our meeting place. To my consternation I found Carleton there.

  I flushed a little and murmured: “I am sorry. I thought I might find Edwin.”

  “Come in and close the door.”

  “I don’t want to disturb you.”

  “If you were, do you think I should ask you?”

  “No, I suppose not.”

  “I see you have made a true assessment of my character … in that respect.”

  “Did you want to speak to me?”

  “Yes. You are teaching Chastity her letters, I hear.”

  “Do you object to that?”

  “Indeed, no. It is an excellent project. I abhor ignorance and applaud the effort to eliminate it. Do you keep your ears open in the kitchen?”

  “Yes. But I have discovered little. Ellen is a staunch supporter of her husband and he is an ardent follower of the Cromwells.”

  “Jasper is a fanatic. I am always wary of fanatics. A man who follows a cause because it is expedient to do so can be amenable. You only have to show him something which will be more advantageous and he could well become your man instead of the enemy’s. But fanatics? God preserve me from them.”