Lament for a Lost Lover

by Philippa Carr

  A few days before that fixed for the ball, we had a great surprise. Leigh came to Venice.

  Christabel and I were not at the palazzo when he arrived. We were shopping and when we returned Harriet was waiting for us impatiently.

  “Leigh is here,” she cried. “I sent him off to look for you. He has gone to the Rialto.”

  “We were in St. Mark’s Square.”

  “I know. That’s why I sent him to the Rialto. I wanted to see you first. This may be tricky. Leigh must not know why we are here.”

  I saw the point, but it would be difficult not to tell Leigh. He and I had always been completely frank with each other.

  “You will have to be careful, Priscilla. He won’t suspect anything though. It wouldn’t occur to him … provided none of us betrays anything.” She was looking steadily at Christabel. “I do not want anyone to know of this … except us and Gregory. The fewer who know the better. Leigh would be absolutely trustworthy but he is hotheaded and I know how upset he would be. He is devoted to you, Priscilla. Well, I just know in my bones that it must be kept from him. So … be careful.”

  We promised we would, but I was very uneasy.

  Leigh was very soon with us. He had scoured Venice, he said, looking for us. He picked me up in his arms and looked searchingly at me.

  “You look … blooming.”

  Harriet smiled on us benignly.

  During lunch Leigh told us that he could only be in Venice one week. He had wasted some time of his leave by going to Eversleigh, where he had heard that we had left for Venice; and more time was spent getting to us as more would be going back. Edwin was envious of him. Poor Edwin, he had been unable to get away.

  “You will be able to attend the masked ball,” said Harriet. “I am sure the Duchessa will be most put out if you do not accompany us. She especially welcomes dashing young men.”

  Leigh thought it would be amusing. He told us that that villain Titus Oates was beginning to show a certain reticence in his discoveries, and there was a feeling that the tables might really be turning against him. He had been a fool to slander the Duke of York, who was far more powerful than the poor little Queen who relied on her husband’s natural benevolence to save her from disaster.

  It was when I was alone with Leigh that I had to be most careful.

  But it was wonderful to be with him again. He had always given me a sense of security and I had turned to him for that affection which I had lacked from my father. In the past I had taken my difficulties to Leigh and he had so much enjoyed coming up with the solution. And now this great secret must be kept from him.

  We were on the veranda watching the boats pass by on the canal when he said to me: “You mustn’t grieve over Jocelyn Frinton. I know about the ring.”

  I could not answer. Those simple words had brought it all back to me with startling clarity.

  He patted my hand as he used to when I was a little girl.

  “He shouldn’t have given you that ring. It’s over now. I’m glad you’re with Harriet. She’ll be best for you now.”

  “She has done so much for me. I don’t think I shall ever be able to repay her.”

  “My dear Priscilla, the last thing friends want from each other is payment. Harriet wants you to get over this thing … and you’ll do it.”

  “Yes, Leigh.”

  “Of course,” he went on, “it was all rather a romantic adventure, wasn’t it, and you are so young.”

  “I don’t feel young anymore,” I said tersely.

  “But you are. And I’m glad you came to Venice with Harriet. By the way, has she told you her news?”

  “News?” I said uncertainly.

  “She’s going to have a baby.”

  “Oh,” I said faintly.

  “She’s delighted. Can’t wait, she says. I must say I was surprised. I never thought of her as the maternal type. Fancy Harriet! Everyone will be amazed. She’ll be telling you all about it. By the way, I went to see Benjie at his new school. He says he hopes you will all be in Venice for his holidays when he wants to come out here.”

  I felt apprehensive. It was even harder than I had believed it would be.

  “You look worried,” he went on. “Harriet will be all right. She’s a natural survivor.”

  “And I’m glad you’ll be here for the ball,” I said.

  “Gaiety in Venice, eh? As for you, I’m not sure you should go. You’re not really old enough for balls.”

  It was the old theme with him. He regarded me as the perpetual child. I wondered what he would say if he knew the truth, and although I hated having to be secretive with him, I was glad in a way that he did not know.

  It was the night of the ball. How romantic it was sailing down the canal to the Palazzo Faliero in our flowing gowns and our masks. The great hall of the palazzo was lighted with flaring torches. Its marble walls—mauves, greens and gold—gave it the appearance of a fairy palace. The water below the palazzo was crowded with boats and the sound of music was in the air.

  It seemed as though everyone in Venice was going to the masked ball.

  There was no formal reception by the Duchessa because everyone was supposed to be unrecognizable behind their masks, which added to the excitement. At the hour of midnight all would assemble and unmask.

  Gregory said that he thought there would be several uninvited guests.

  Leigh’s comment was: “You must keep with me, Priscilla. I really think you are too young for such affairs.”

  “Nonsense,” retorted Harriet. “One is never too young for such affairs. Priscilla passed out of babyhood some time ago.”

  “Leigh will be calling me his little sister when I am fifty,” I said.

  His voice was close to my ear. “I intend to call you something else then.”

  We alighted and mingled with the guests.

  There was an intoxication about the soft lighting and the music. From the veranda on the palazzo the torches shone out on the water and I felt I had come a long way from Eversleigh.

  Leigh was close to my side. We danced together … not very well. Neither of us was exactly skilled and there were too many people to make it easy for the most practised performers.

  Leigh said: “I don’t know why people come to these affairs, except of course to meet strangers.”

  “Perhaps that is what you should be doing,” I suggested.

  “I’m going to look after you.”

  “Really, there’s no need to make such a task of it.”

  “My dear child, do you think I would leave you alone … here!”

  “I could look after myself.”

  “There are some shady characters around, I do assure you. Adventurers, robbers, seducers … And I don’t think you can look after yourself. You’ve shown …”

  I said quickly: “You mean Jocelyn.”

  “Well,” he said gently, “you are so young.”

  I wanted to shout at him: Stop harping on my youth. I am not young anymore. I shall soon be a mother. That would startle him.

  I felt impatient with him. I don’t know what it was about Leigh but I was always happy in his company. I wanted him so much to think highly of me. I had laughed and felt really happy when I was dancing with him; and I was gratified—while at the same time impatient—that he should insist on taking care of me. But I was irritated by his constant references to my youth, and I wanted to jerk him out of his belief that I was still a child.

  In a room leading from the hall, tables had been set up and loaded with delicious meats, wines and fruit to which the guests were invited to help themselves when they felt in need of refreshment. Leigh and I took ours out to the veranda and found chairs there. We sat watching the lights on the water and the gondolas going back and forth, and at the same time listening to the clamour which came from the hall.

  “It’s a little more peaceful here,” said Leigh. “I am sorry I shall have to leave you the day after tomorrow.”

  “How is Edwin? Is he happy?”
<
br />   “Do you mean that affair with Christabel?”

  “Poor Christabel!”

  “It would have been quite unsuitable.”

  “Why should it have been?”

  “She is not the one for Edwin.”

  “You mean not rich enough? Not of the right background?”

  “I meant nothing of the sort. She is a strange girl. She broods so much. I don’t understand her. Edwin needs someone lively. He is rather quiet. He needs someone who is entirely different from himself.”

  “Did he really love Christabel?”

  “He liked her very well. I think he was sorry for her. Edwin would always be moved by pity.”

  “You think it was pity then?”

  “It could have been.”

  “He didn’t help her much, did he? It’s no use feeling pity for someone for a while and making it worse than it was before.”

  “He was persuaded that it was not right to continue with it and I think he realized that.”

  “She was very unhappy, you know.”

  “She will recover. It’s better for her to be unhappy for a few months than for the rest of her life.”

  “I wish he had not taken so much notice of her in the first place.”

  “We all wish we had not done certain things at some time in our lives, my dear Priscilla.”

  “Even you?” I asked.

  “Even I.”

  After a while we went back to the ballroom, Leigh keeping close to me all the time. I did not know what came over me then. Perhaps it was the sight of a couple embracing in a sequestered corner of the ballroom. It seemed to me that many people had come here to meet romance, to enjoy an adventure, to revel in the anonymity which their masks gave them. I had come here because Harriet had suggested it, and Leigh had come to take care of me. He could not get out of his mind the belief that I was a child. I felt a sudden urge to show him I was quite capable of taking care of myself.

  There was such a press of people in the ballroom that I managed to escape from him. I had to choose my moment, of course, but it came and I took it.

  I pushed my way through the crowds and went back to the veranda. There was no one there and I found it pleasant to inhale the fresh air. I stood for a moment thinking of the strangeness of everything that had happened, and suddenly I was aware of a touch on my arm. I turned, expecting to see Leigh. I was looking into a masked face. I gave a little exclamation of surprise and the man who was standing there lifted his mask briefly and then let it drop. He had shown me enough. He was the man I had seen in the shop in St. Mark’s and who had watched my window from the canal.

  “At last we meet,” he said.

  There was no doubt of his nationality. He was as English as I was.

  “Who are you?” I asked.

  He put his hand to his lips. “At the moment let me remain your mysterious admirer,” he said.

  “For what reason?” I asked.

  “Oh, just because it makes our meeting so much more interesting. Romance thrives on mystery.”

  “I don’t understand you,” I said coldly, preparing to walk back into the ballroom.

  “Not so fast, elusive lady,” he murmured. “I wish to speak to you.”

  “I wish to return to the ballroom.”

  “First listen to me.”

  “I would prefer to return to the ballroom.”

  “Sometimes even charming ladies have to do what others prefer.”

  I was beginning to be alarmed. This man had inspired me with apprehension from the moment I had seen him. Now I realized that my misgivings had not been without some foundation.

  He held my arm in a grip which was firm and which belied his ingratiating manner. I attempted to wrest myself free but his grip tightened and I knew I was in danger.

  “You will take your hands from me,” I commanded.

  He brought his face close to mine. He smelt of a delicate perfume—musk or sandalwood. There were several rings on his fingers and jewels in his cravat. “Is that an order?” he asked.

  “It is,” I replied.

  “How charming!” he murmured. “But it is time for me to give the orders.”

  “You speak in riddles, sir. And I have no wish to learn the answers.”

  “You have a sharp tongue, dear lady. I like my ladies to have spirit. First I demand beauty; then they must love me dearly; but I am not averse to a little acidity on the tongue. It makes a diversion.”

  “You are talking nonsense.”

  He had bent me backwards and put his lips, hard, against mine.

  I fought him off. “How dare you?” I stammered indignantly.

  I fought him off. “How dare you?” I stammered indignantly.

  “You must be mad.”

  “Mad for you. You are so young and youth is so appealing. I do so much enjoy the company of young ladies.”

  I turned but he held me firmly. He had great strength and agility. He had doubtless had a great deal of experience in this kind of adventure. I was unable to withstand his attack, and in a short time he had dragged me from the veranda and down the steps to the very edge of the canal.

  I called out: “Leigh! Leigh! Come quickly …”

  A gondola was bobbing about below me. I was lifted up suddenly and caught by a man who was waiting in the boat.

  It had all happened so quickly that I could not believe that I was actually being abducted. I screamed, but my screams were futile and were drowned in the noise of the music which came from the palazzo. One or two gondolas went past, but no one seemed interested in the struggling girl who was clearly being taken away against her will.

  My captor leaped down into the gondola beside me.

  “Ready, Bastiani,” he cried and we started to move.

  I cried out but his hand was over my mouth.

  “Too late, little bird,” he said. “You are trapped now. Oh, so haughty you were. Not one smile for me! Well, now I am going to make you smile. I have ways, you know. I like a little reluctance at first … but only at first.”

  My intended fate was obvious. I felt sick with fear, and anger against myself. What a fool I had been! Leigh was right. I was a child … unable to look after myself. I had meant to teach Leigh a lesson. And what a bitter one I was learning myself.

  I would fight, though. I would never give way to this man. He had to get me out of this gondola and carry me to his horrible, sinister place. He would not do that easily. I should fight him with all my strength.

  We had left the wide canal. It was darker now. We shot under a bridge and I heard the gondolier say something.

  “Go on. Go on,” commanded my captor.

  We went on.

  I called out but a hand was immediately placed over my mouth.

  The gondola stopped.

  My captor had leaped out and was waiting to receive me. I refused to get out. Just then a gondola shot past us. I did not see it stop because I was by then struggling in the arms of the gondolier who was trying to hand me up to my captor who was prepared to drag me up to him. I was very frightened, for I knew that I could not hold out indefinitely.

  Suddenly I saw a dark figure spring upon the man. He spun round and I heard him give a cry of pain and anger. I could see the two figures struggling and then there was a cry as one of them fell into the canal.

  The gondolier had released me. He was attempting to move away when a voice cried: “Wait.” I felt joy sweep over me, for it was Leigh’s voice.

  The gondolier seemed to be struck with terror. The man who had tried to abduct me was clawing at the gondola; but Leigh was reaching for me and I sprang up into his arms.

  He did not say anything. In a few seconds we were getting into the gondola in which Leigh had followed me, and were swiftly moving away down the canal.

  I looked back fearfully and saw that my would-be abductor was being pulled into the gondola by his accomplice.

  “Oh, Leigh!” I cried.

  He put his arm about me and directed the gondolie
r to take us to the Palazzo Carpori.

  We did not speak until we were in the palazzo.

  Then he said: “Thank God I saw you.”

  “You saw me dragged away?”

  “Yes. I came to look for you. Thank God I was in time.”

  “I was so frightened, Leigh.”

  “I’m not surprised. I told Harriet that you should not have gone to the ball. You’re too young for affairs like that. These people … well, you don’t understand. They are capable of all kinds of villainy.”

  “Who was that man?”

  “I know his reputation. I regret to tell you he is one of our own countrymen. He has been involved in scandals at home. He’s a friend of the Earl of Rochester—and you know what that means. Abductions of young ladies is one of their favourite games. I’d like to break his neck. I would have given him something to remember tonight but I was thinking of getting you back.”

  “Oh, Leigh, you are a comfort to me.” I put my arms about his neck. “If you hadn’t been there …”

  “But I was there. You’ve nothing to fear while I’m around. How did you come to miss me?”

  “It was my fault.”

  “Idiot!” He spoke tenderly. “I’m going to talk to Harriet. There are to be no more masked balls for you. I don’t want you attending such dens of iniquity when I am not there to protect you.”

  He kissed me tenderly and I longed to tell him of my love for Jocelyn and why I was here, but it was not only my secret now. It was Harriet’s as well and she had distinctly said that Leigh was not to be told.

  I was upset and nervous. I must be very careful.

  Leigh told me that the man’s name was Beaumont Granville and that he was a gambler, a profligate and rake. “He has got through a fortune and is now on the Continent in disgrace. He abducted an heiress … only fourteen years old. He hoped to marry her. He needed her fortune. By good luck, her father caught him in time. He had to get out of the country quickly.”

  “Oh, Leigh, how lucky I’ve been that you were there.”

  “It makes me mad with fury to contemplate the plans he had for you.”