How to Save the Universe in Ten Easy Steps

by Allison Rushby

  She turns to me once more, her mouth twisted slightly. ‘A boss? No. It’s just me. Well, it was meant to be me and Hale, but …’

  ‘But what?’

  ‘He left, like I told you.’ She doesn’t look away, but her face hardens.

  I think about this. ‘And that’s why Dad got Jack just out of the blue that day?’

  ‘Yes.’

  I look around me. ‘Where is Jack, anyway? He hasn’t come out to say hello.’ Which is strange. Jack always greets me as soon as I get home.

  Molly freezes. ‘I thought he was with you?’ she says quickly. ‘He went out to find you.’

  ‘I didn’t see him.’

  She starts to look slightly panicked. ‘What did you see?’

  ‘There’s not much to see, is there?’ I start, but then I remember something. ‘Wait. There was this weird slug.’ Now I think about it, that slug was kind of odd, because Molly isn’t into creating bugs and wildlife. I was introduced to a whole lot of them when she threw all that information at me about Earth. And while I’m thankful we don’t have some of them around here (snakes and spiders – yikes), would it really have been so bad to throw a fly or two into the mix? ‘Yeah, there was this one small, black slug. I haven’t seen one of them before around here.’

  ‘A slug? What do you mean? Define “slug”.’ Her attention focuses right in on me. It’s suddenly so intense that I can almost feel it surrounding me.

  ‘A slug,’ I tell her. ‘You know, black, about this long,’ I hold up two fingers about 15 centimetres apart. ‘It was on the road. I almost ran it over with my bike.’

  ‘You almost touched it?’ Molly pales. And, somehow, I’m guessing this isn’t just a ‘Molly hates bugs’ thing, but a bigger, Ecen-like, end-of-the-universe thing.

  ‘Um, yeah?’

  ‘But you didn’t touch it in any way, did you? You didn’t run over it on your bike, either?’

  ‘No. I’m not an animal killer, thanks very much. I saw it and swerved.’ I frown as I realise that Molly is really freaking out. Looking up, looking down, closing her eyes, opening her eyes.

  ‘Right. Okay. Good. And just one? You’re sure of that? Near the town sign.’

  ‘Yes,’ I nod slowly.

  Molly is incredibly still. ‘And you never saw Jack?’

  ‘Um, no,’ I say, slowly.

  ‘Cooper?’ Mum calls out from the back deck, distracting us. We both swivel to see her standing outside, one hand shading her eyes from the two setting suns. ‘There’s someone here to see you.’

  Mum looks absolutely chuffed as she sends this ‘someone’ down the back steps. A new boy at school! And he’s come to visit on his first day. She’s always desperate for someone who might make friends with Molly. Molly flashes me a look when I think this and I shrug as Hale crosses the yard towards us. ‘It’s true, isn’t it?’

  ‘I’ll make some sushi rolls!’ Mum calls out and scurries away into the kitchen. There’s a pause and then she sticks her head out again. ‘Is Ethan coming? If so, I’ll make more.’

  Ethan’s eating skills are legendary. ‘No,’ I tell her, and she hurries away again.

  Before Hale has even reached us, Molly speaks up. ‘Did you do this? Are you working for them?’

  ‘I don’t work for anybody,’ Hale tells her, calm as ever.

  I cough slightly. ‘Um, hello? Want to fill me in here?’

  They both ignore me.

  ‘Just tell me they don’t have Jack.’

  ‘Who?’

  Molly shakes her head. ‘Like you don’t know who. Cooper saw a Rewlut. Now, how did that get in here? With your help, no doubt.’

  Hale bites his lip. ‘Ah,’ he finally says. ‘Unfortunate. I did wonder if I was being tracked.’

  Molly snorts. ‘I can’t believe you’re working for them. You’re even worse than I thought. We were supposed to be different. To have different … views on things. Perspectives. But all you can see is your own point of view. Now, where is he?’

  Hale laughs at this. ‘If that’s the way you want to see it, dear sister. As for Jack, why, we’ve merged, of course. Now that I’m here, I thought it was a far better option for him. Couldn’t you tell?’

  ‘No!’ Molly says, in disbelief. ‘I couldn’t! You know I couldn’t! You’re ruining everything. Everything! I can’t concentrate. I can’t control everything. I can’t hear everything. And you can’t … you can’t just merge with Jack.’

  Hale raises his eyebrows slightly. ‘You think he enjoyed eating from a bowl on the floor all these years? Sleeping on a mat on the floor? Living the inane existence of a lower life form? Lower even than a human? I sincerely doubt it.’

  I’m trying to follow all this and failing miserably. ‘Hang on, you mean my dog’s inside you?’

  ‘Well, not literally,’ Hale tells me. ‘But if you’d like to think of it that way, yes.’

  ‘Right, okay then,’ I reply. The truth is, I’d believe anything these days. If somebody walked up to me and told me I’d soon grow an extra two arms I’d seriously ask Mum to get sewing so I’d have clothes when it finally happened. ‘Anyway, back to this “situation” you speak of.’

  ‘Ah, yes, that. Good thinking there, Cooper.’ He takes a step towards me, which makes Molly flinch. ‘You see, it’s all to do with that “slug” as you call it. The one that Molly missed …’ he grins at her now, as if he’s teasing her. ‘We call them Rewluts.’

  ‘I missed it because of you! Because of your interference!’ Molly huffs.

  ‘You see, very soon, there’ll be more than one of those creatures with us. The place will, in fact, be covered with them.’

  CHAPTER 18

  Molly stomps off not long after this, saying she’s going to speak to Mr Gregory about an esteridion disruptor.

  Whatever that is.

  ‘Don’t go anywhere until I come back.’ She points at me as she goes. ‘And you,’ she points at Hale, ‘just … don’t.’

  After she’s out of earshot (I have no idea about mindshot), Hale turns to me.

  ‘Oh dear,’ he says, without all that much emotion. ‘I think she might be what you would call angry with me.’

  ‘You think?’ I reply.

  ‘Should we?’ He changes the subject, gesturing around the yard, which turns amazingly green and grassy as his arm sweeps over it, suggesting a stroll. ‘I would have provided this. But we argued. Molly and I had – and still have – differing opinions on how best to approach your situation.’

  Hale starts off and I take a quick step or two to catch up with him. We walk in silence for a while and I mull over his words from before. ‘Um, when you say “covered”, you really mean that, don’t you? About the slugs?’

  Hale nods. ‘Yes. Completely covered. Which is why Molly has made this extra protective dome. A dome within a bubble. Ridiculous, really.’

  I don’t know what to say to this, so we walk in silence for a while, a million questions forming and half forming in my head, all of which I expect Hale can hear, though he’s polite enough not to say anything because I haven’t actually spoken. After we do a lap, however, there’s one question I just can’t seem to shake. ‘I just don’t get it,’ I blurt out.

  ‘What’s that?’ Hale glances over at me, surely knowing all the time what it is I just don’t get.

  ‘Why someone would want to end the universe,’ I say.

  ‘Oh, well, that’s an easy one. To uphold their reputation,’ Hale answers me, as he continues walking along.

  ‘Their reputation?’ I frown. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Hmmm … how can I explain it?’ Hale looks thoughtful for a moment. ‘You’re familiar with football?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I answer. Of course I am.

  ‘Well, these particular individuals have a similar sort of … game, I guess you’d call it. Though it’s more based on intelligence than sport. Still, it’s similar in many ways. Just before you were born, they lost a very important match. As it is, the game lasts ar
ound a decade, as you know it.’

  ‘What?! The one game goes for ten whole years?’

  ‘Yes. It’s rather … intense.’

  ‘After ten years, I’m taking it they weren’t happy when they lost.’

  ‘No.’ Hale nods. ‘When it happened there were accusations of cheating. It was all rather messy. In the end a rematch was agreed to. Mainly because there were threats. Threats about disposing of some business interests around these parts.

  ‘Business interests? You mean the universe! So why doesn’t the other side come and save us, then? If they own stuff around here?’

  ‘To be honest, they’re quietly happy the opposition picked such a small target, but decided to keep their options open and reluctantly agreed to redo the match. Terlaedians have terrible tempers, however, and long memories as well. If their bounty hunters catch you, they’ll undoubtedly want revenge whatever happens with the rematch. And if they lose once more? Goodbye universe.’

  I frown, thinking hard. ‘But it still doesn’t make sense. Like, I’d get it if you were just talking about Morillius. I mean, Earth. But how can the other party be willing to let the universe go? And do nothing? They’ll die too, won’t they? Along with the rest of us?’

  Hale doesn’t answer so readily this time. ‘Ah, well …’

  That’s when it occurs to me. ‘Unless …’ I say, slowly, as my obviously feeble brain begins to connect the dots. ‘Unless there’s more than one universe.’

  ‘Well …’ Hale starts again.

  Oh, man. That changes everything. Like, really, everything. ‘So, is there?’

  Hale looks pretty shifty now. ‘I’ll have to put it in Earth terms or I might risk overheating your brain.’ And then he starts coming out with all this … stuff. Terms that I have in my head now that Molly has put them there, but that I can’t understand – string theory, supersymmetry, the Higgs boson particle, unnaturalness, parallel universes, the multiverse. ‘Of course, most of what they know is wrong,’ he adds, after a while. ‘But at least they’re trying.’

  ‘Right,’ I nod, eyes wide. It’s all I can do.

  Hale pauses for a moment. ‘Let’s put it another way. Think of this as just one of your many realities. In this reality, your job is to save the universe. How does your nursery rhyme put it? “Life is but a dream.” Think of this as a dream. Here, let me show you. In this reality, we’re standing here and talking, right?’

  ‘Um, yes …’ I say, slowly.

  ‘But in this reality,’ Hale continues, ‘we’re standing here and talking and eating a cupcake.’

  I look down to see a vanilla cupcake in one of my hands.

  ‘In another, we’re eating cupcakes in the pool …’

  I look around me and, suddenly, I’m in the middle of the pool, sitting on a li-lo, cupcake in my hand.

  ‘Don’t like vanilla? How about chocolate?’

  I look down and the cupcake has changed from vanilla to chocolate.

  ‘Don’t like chocolate? In another reality it’s red velvet.’

  I whimper. ‘But everyone likes chocolate.’ At least in all the realities I’ve ever encountered.

  ‘In another reality …’

  ‘Stop!’ I yell, making my li-lo rock from side to side in the pool. ‘Stop!’ I close my eyes for a second and, when I open them again, we’re back in the yard, standing upright, without a cupcake in sight. ‘You’re making my brain hurt.’ I shake my head, trying to think straight. ‘What you’re trying to say is that, in a parallel universe, I live on Earth and everything’s normal? I eat my Rice Pops and go to normal school and don’t have to save the universe?’

  ‘Hmmm …’ Hale doesn’t seem entirely happy with this explanation. ‘I suppose you could think of it that way if you like.’

  I snort. ‘I think I’d prefer that reality. This might be a “dream”, but it doesn’t feel all that merrily, merrily to me, even if there are chocolate cupcakes.’

  ‘A fair point.’

  I stand stock-still for a moment or two, finding this all very difficult to take in. ‘And this is all over a lost game of some sort. Really? Someone is prepared to destroy a universe over a game?’

  ‘Here, I’ll show you,’ Hale offers. ‘In fact, I’ll show you the actual rematch.’

  ‘What, like take me there?’ I don’t know about that.

  ‘No. Think of it more like a live image,’ Hale answers. He gestures to a large open stretch of dirt and, suddenly, a whole scene just pops up in front of us – kind of like a cross-section of a room. The room is very plain – pale grey all over – and all that exists in it are two aliens. They are roughly the same height – they’d come up to around my armpit. One of them has the softest, whitest fur that makes you just want to pat it. It’s not really fur, though. Sort of fibres or something that change colour as they move, glowing light pink, light yellow and light blue. Seriously, a symphony of pastels wasn’t what I was expecting from our alien friends.

  ‘Please don’t ever consider patting a Terlaedian,’ Hale tells me. ‘They’ll swallow you without chewing. And it doesn’t matter that you’re bordering on twice their size. Not to mention they’re the party who sent the Ecens and the Rewluts out searching for you, so they really would swallow you without chewing. And that would be a good death.’

  ‘I’ll take that on board,’ I reply, as I begin to inspect the other alien. The only way I can describe it is that it’s kind of like a cross between a beetle and a gecko. And upright. There are four sticky-looking legs, a tongue that flicks out every so often and a shiny, hard back, which could be armour, or could be a shell. ‘What’s that one called?’ I point at it.

  ‘It’s Menteron. Fairly harmless. Unless you’re playing Wokwok. Then they’re fierce.’

  ‘And this, I take it, is Wokwok.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Which is worth ending the universe over.’

  ‘Yes. What you need to understand is that reputation is everything to the Terlaedians. They’ve lost five games in a row now. They might not be winners, but they certainly view themselves that way. They’ve had enough of losing.’

  ‘And were the other guys cheating? The Menterons? Was it true?’

  ‘Of course! But so were the Terlaedians most likely.’

  ‘Right.’ I watch the pair, still doing nothing in the middle of the grey room. ‘When are they going to start this rematch thing?’ I ask.

  ‘Start?’ Hale bursts out laughing. ‘This is near the end of the rematch!’

  I watch more closely, trying to figure out what I’ve been missing. In front of me, absolutely nothing is going on. The pair stand, roughly an arm’s width apart (well, if they both had arms, which they do not) and basically … well, stare at each other. Every so often, there’s a flicker of an eye. A twitch of facial muscle (or whatever they have). A slight movement from an antenna.

  ‘You’ve got to be joking. The universe could end over this? This … kid’s staring contest with a dodgy name like Wokwok?’

  ‘Ah, but it is all played internally. With the mind.’

  ‘So it’s like mind ping-pong?’

  ‘No.’

  I take another look. Um, yes it is. Sure, it all looks tense, but only as tense as mind ping-pong can get. ‘Who’s winning?’ I finally think to ask.

  Hale watches them closely. ‘The Menterons again, but it’s close.’

  I sigh. ‘So. Let me get this straight. If the Terlaedians lose this rematch, they’ll destroy the universe. In fact, they might not even wait until the end of the match if things don’t look so hot.’

  ‘Perhaps,’ Hale says, not looking terribly worried. ‘There is, of course, always the possibility that the Menterons could throw the game in order to protect their business interests.’ With this, he bursts out laughing. ‘But it’s not likely.’

  I try hard to see what’s so funny, and fail. ‘I can’t believe someone is going to destroy the universe and everyone in it because they’re not so great at mind ping-pong!�
� I shake my head. The scene disappears and all that is left is bare dirt once more.

  ‘Don’t take it personally.’

  Don’t take it personally! As if there’s any other way to take someone lining up to destroy your universe! I can only shake my head. I really, really don’t get this and, now, I have to ask the question once more that’s been utmost in my mind since this whole crazy situation began. ‘But why me?’

  ‘Because they know you have the ability to stop them.’

  ‘But I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that!’

  ‘And neither do I,’ Hale answers me, calmly. ‘If I did, I might be able to stop you also. Try not to think about it all too much. It’s quite simple. You’ll know what to do when the time comes.’

  Will I really? I seriously doubt it.

  Hale just smiles. ‘Yes, keep things simple and do what you need to do when the time comes.’ He glances around him. ‘But now … now it’s probably best that we save Jack.’

  I pause. ‘What? I thought Jack was inside you.’

  Hale flinches. ‘I’m afraid I might have lied about that. Still, best we get going before they start the extraction process.’

  CHAPTER 19

  ‘Where are we going?’ I follow Hale across the yard. ‘Where is Jack, then? What do you mean extraction?’ I have no idea why, but we seem to be heading underneath the house. It’s always locked, because that’s where Dad keeps poison and paint and things like that. Which is weird, because we’d hardly drink it now we’re not little kids, but … ‘Oh …’ I say, as Hale holds the large lock for a moment and it springs open. He then pushes the door and, instantly, I can see that the storage area underneath the house does not hold poison and paint and things like that, but all kinds of other things.

  As in, alien-type things.

  ‘Oh … my …’ I trail off as I step inside and look around me. Stacked high on the walls are … I don’t even know what. Weapons? Gadgets? Closest to me is some sort of large, red, transparent, gelatinous thing that looks sort of like a bat’s wings, minus the bat, hanging on the wall. On the shelves beside it is a small shiny gold disc and then there’s a large evil-looking sort of drill with handles next to that. I don’t even want to know what that’s used for. Then there’s what looks like a tuning fork with a hairy end, a small squelchy thing with long tentacles wound up around it (some sort of whip?) and, standing upright, a painful-looking thing with five super-sharp claws sticking out of it (Alien Scissorhands?).