MA03 Myth Directions

by Robert Asprin

  My conversational gambit had backfired. The question placed me in a real dilemma. On the one hand, I couldn’t expect Aahz to come up with a rescue plan unless he knew the full situation. On the other, I wasn’t particularly eager to admit what we were doing when Tananda was captured.

  “Um ...” I said, avoiding his eyes. “I think I can remember a few things about those other dimensions after all. There was one where ...”

  “Wait a minute,” Aahz interrupted. “You were the one who said we should focus on Tananda’s problem. Now don’t go straying off ...”

  He stopped in mid-sentence to examine me closely. “You’re holding out on me, kid,” he announced in a cold voice that allowed no room for argument. “Now give! What haven’t you told me about this disaster?”

  His words hung expectantly in the air, and it occurred to me I couldn’t stall any longer.

  “Well ...” I began, clearing my throat. “I’m not sure, but I think the ones who grabbed Tananda were the city guardsmen.”

  “Guardsmen?” Aahz frowned. “Why would they want to put the grab on Tananda? All you were doing was getting a bite to eat and maybe a little shopping.”

  I didn’t answer, taking a sudden interest in studying my feet in close detail.

  “That is all you were doing, wasn’t it?”

  I tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come.

  “What were you doing?” Aahz growled. “Come on. Out with it. I should have known it wasn’t just ... Hey! You didn’t kill anyone, did you?”

  Strong hands closed on my shoulders and my head was tossed about by a none-too-gentle shaking.

  “We didn’t kill anyone!” I shouted, the process difficult because my jaw was moving in a different direction than my tongue. “We were just stealing ...”

  “Stealing!?!”

  The hands on my shoulders released their grip so fast I fell to the floor. Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to break my fall with my rump.

  “I don’t believe it! Stealing!” Aahz made his appeal to the ceiling. “All this because you tried to steal something.”

  My rump hurt, but I had other more pressing matters to deal with. I was desperately trying to phrase my explanation when I realized with some astonishment that Aahz was laughing.

  “Stealing!” he repeated. “You know, you really had me going for a minute there, kid. Stealing! And I thought it was something important.”

  “You mean, you aren’t mad?” I asked incredulously.

  “Mad? Now!” he proclaimed. “Like the old saying goes, ‘you can take the boy out of thieving’ ... Heck! Most demons are thieves. It’s the only way to get something if you don’t have any native coinage.”

  “I thought you’d really be upset,” I stammered, still unwilling to believe my good fortune.

  “Now, don’t get me wrong, kid,” my mentor amended sternly. “I’m not overjoyed with your venture into thievery. You’re supposed to be studying magik ... the kind that will get you a raise as a court magician, not the kind that ends up with you running down a dark alley. Still, all things considered, you could have done a lot worse on your first solo trip through the dimension.”

  “Gee, thanks, Aahz,” I beamed.

  “So, let’s see it,” he smiled, extending a palm. “See what?” I blinked.

  “What you stole,” he insisted. “If you came here direct from the scene of the crime, I assume you still have it with you.”

  “Umm ... actually,” I gulped, avoiding his eyes again. “I—that is, we didn’t get it. It’s still back on Jahk somewhere.”

  “You mean to say you went through all this hassle, got Tananda captured, and came running back here with your tail between your legs, and you didn’t even bother to pick up what you were trying to steal?”

  The storm clouds were back in Aahz’s face. I realized I was on the brink of being in trouble again.

  “But you said ...” I protested.

  “I know you aren’t supposed to be a thief!” my mentor roared. “But once you set your hand to it, I expect you to at least be a successful thief! To think an apprentice of mine can’t even put together a workable plan ...”

  “It was Tananda’s plan,” I offered weakly.

  “It was?” Aahz seemed slightly mollified. “Well, you should have checked it over yourself before you joined in.”

  “I did,” I protested. “As far as I can tell it should have worked.”

  “Oh really?” came the sarcastic reply. “All right. Why don’t you tell me all about this plan that didn’t work after you okayed it.”

  He dragged up a chair and sat in front of me, leaving me little option but to narrate the whole story. I went over the whole thing for him; the plan, the nightingale floor, the magik wards, everything—except what we were trying to steal, and why. By the time I had finished, his jeering smile had faded to a thoughtful frown.

  “You’re right, kid,” he admitted at last. “It should have worked. The only thing I can figure is that they moved your target somewhere else for safekeeping—but that doesn’t make sense. I mean, why would they set up all the security arrangements if the target was going to be kept somewhere else? And that group hanging around the building before you went in sounds a bit suspicious.”

  He thought for a few more minutes, then sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “Oh well,” he proclaimed. “Nobody wins all the time. It didn’t work and that’s that. Com’on kid. Let’s get some sleep.”

  “Sleep?” I gasped. “What about Tananda?”

  “What about her?” Aahz frowned.

  “They’re holding her prisoner in Jahk!” I exclaimed. “Aren’t we going to try to rescue her?”

  “Oh that!” my mentor laughed. “Don’t worry about her. She’ll be along on her own in a little while.”

  “But they’re holding her prisoner!” I insisted.

  “You think so?” Aahz grinned. “Stop and think a minute, kid. How are they going to hold her? Remember, she can hop dimensions any time she wants. The only reason she didn’t come back at the same time you did is that she got knocked cold. As soon as she wakes up, she’ll be back. Mark my words.”

  Something about his logic didn’t ring true, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

  “What if they execute her before she wakes up?” I asked.

  “Execute her?” Aahz frowned. “For what? The heist didn’t work, so they’ve still got their whatever. I can’t see anyone getting upset enough to have her executed.”

  “I dunno, Aahz,” I said. “The whole city seemed pretty worked up over the Trophy, and ...”

  “Trophy?” Aahz interrupted. “You mean the Trophy from the Big Game? What does that have to do with anything?”

  “That’s ... um, that’s what we were trying to steal,” I explained.

  “The Trophy?” Aahz exclaimed. “You two didn’t aim small, did you? What did you want with—no, on second thought don’t tell me. That woman’s logic always makes my head hurt.”

  “But now you see why I’m afraid they might execute her,” I pressed, secretly relieved at not having to disclose the motive for our theft.

  “It’s a possibility,” Aahz admitted, “but I still think they’d let her wake up first. Public trials are dramatic, especially for something as big as trying to steal the Big Game Trophy. Heck, Tananda’s enough of a sport that she might even stick around for the trial before popping back here.”

  “You really think so?” I pressed.

  “I’m sure of it,” Aahz declared confidently. “Now let’s get some sleep. It sounds like it’s been a long day for you.”

  I grudgingly retired to my bed, but I didn’t go to sleep immediately. There was still something eluding my mental grasp—something important. As I lay there, my mind began wandering back over my trip—the sights, the smells, the strange beings ...


  “Aahz!” I shouted, bolting upright. “Aahz! Wake up!”

  “What is it?” my mentor growled sleepily, struggling to rise.

  “I just remembered! I was handling our disguises for the whole trip.”

  “So what?” Aahz growled. “It’s good practice for you, but. ..”

  “Don’t you see?” I insisted. “If I’m here and Tananda’s unconscious in Jahk, then she hasn’t got a disguise! They’ll be able to see she isn’t one of them—that she’s a demon!”

  There was a frozen moment of silence, then Aahz was on his feet, looming over me.

  “Don’t just sit there, kid,” he growled. “Get the D-Hopper. We’re going to Jahk!”

  FORTUNATELY, there was a setting for Jahk on our D-Hopper though Aahz had to search a bit to find it.

  I wanted to go armed to the teeth, but my mentor vetoed the plan. Under cross-examination I had had to admit that I hadn’t seen anyone in that dimension wearing arms openly except the city guards, and that was that. My ability to disguise things was weak when it came to metal objects, and swords and knives would have made us awfully conspicuous walking down the street. As Aahz pointed out, the one time you don’t want to wear weapons is when they’re more likely to get you into trouble than out of it.

  I hate it when Aahz makes sense.

  Anyway, aside from a few such minor squabbles and disputes, our departure from Klah and our subsequent arrival at Jahk was smooth and uneventful. In hindsight, I realize that was the last thing to go right for some time.

  “Well, kid,” Aahz exclaimed, looking about him eagerly. “Where do we go?”

  “I don’t know,” I admitted, scanning the horizon.

  Aahz frowned. “Let me run this by you slowly,” he sighed. “You’ve been here before, and I haven’t. Now, even your limited brain should realize that that makes you the logical guide. Got it?”

  “But I haven’t been here before,” I protested. “Not here! When Tananda and I arrived, we were in a park in Ta-hoe!”

  At the moment, Aahz and I were standing beside a dirt road, surrounded by gently rolling meadows and a scattering of very strange trees. There wasn’t even an outhouse in sight, much less the booming metropolis I had visited.

  “Don’t tell me, let me guess,” Aahz whispered, shutting his eyes as if in pain. “Tananda handled your transport on the way in the first time. Right?”

  “That’s right,” I nodded. “You made me promise to keep the D-Hopper set for Klah, and ...”

  “I know, I know,” my mentor waved impatiently. “I must say, though, you pick the damndest times to be obedient. Okay! So the D-Hopper’s set for a different Drop Zone than the one Tananda uses. We’ll just have to dig up a native guide to get us oriented.”

  “Terrific!” I grimaced. “And where are we supposed to find a native guide?”

  “How about right over there?” Aahz smirked, pointing.

  I followed the line of his extended talon. Sure enough, not a stone’s throw away was a small pond huddled in the shade of a medium sized tree. Seated, leaning against the tree, was a young native. The only thing that puzzled me was that he was holding one end of a short stick, and there was a string which ran from the stick’s other end to the pond.

  “What’s he doing?” I asked suspiciously.

  “From here, I’d say he’s fishing,” Aahz proclaimed.

  “Fishing? Like that?” I frowned. “Why doesn’t he just ...”

  “I’ll explain later,” my mentor interrupted. “Right now we’re trying to get directions to Ta-hoe. Remember?”

  “That’s right!” I nodded. “Let’s go.”

  I started forward, only to be stopped short by Aahz’s heavy hand on my shoulder.

  “Kid,” he sighed, “aren’t you forgetting something?”

  “What?” I blinked.

  “Our disguises, dummy,” he snarled. “Your lazy old teacher would like to be able to ask our questions without chasing him all around the landscape for the answers.”

  “Oh! Right, Aahz.”

  Embarrassed by the oversight, I hastily did my disguise bit, and together we approached the dozing native.

  “Excuse me, sir,” I began, clearing my throat. “Can you tell us the way to Ta-hoe?”

  “What are you doing out here?” the youth demanded, without opening his eyes. “Don’t you know the land between Veygus and Ta-hoe is a no-man’s land until the war’s over?”

  “What did he say?” Aahz scowled.

  “What was that?” the youth asked, his eyes snapping open.

  For a change, my mind grasped the situation instantly. I was still wearing my translator pendant from my travels with Tananda, but Aahz didn’t have one. That meant that I could understand and be understood by both Aahz and the native, but neither of them could decipher what the other was saying. Our disguise was in danger of being discovered by the first native we’d met on our rescue mission. Terrific.

  “Umm. Excuse me a moment, sir,” I stammered at the youth.

  Thinking fast, I removed the pendant from around my neck and looped it over my arm. Aahz understood at once, and thrust his hand through the pendant, grasping my forearm with an iron grip. Thus, we were both able to utilize the power of the pendant.

  Unfortunately, the native noticed this by-play. His eyes, which had opened at the sound of Aahz’s voice, now widened to the point of popping out as he looked from one of us to the other.

  “Fraternity initiation,” Aahz explained conspiratorially, winking at him.

  “A what?” I blinked.

  “Later, kid.” my mentor mumbled tensely. “Get the conversation going again.”

  “Right. Ummm ... what was that you were saying about a war?”

  “I was saying you shouldn’t be here,” the youth replied, regaining some of his bluster, but still eyeing the pendant suspiciously. “Both sides have declared this area off-limits to civilians until after the war’s over.”

  “When did this war start?” I asked.

  “Oh, it won’t actually start for a week or so,” the native shrugged. “We haven’t had a war for over five hundred years and everyone’s out of practice. It’ll take them a while to get ready—but you still shouldn’t be here.”

  “Well, what are you doing here?” Aahz challenged. “You don’t look like a soldier to me.”

  “My dad’s an officer,” the youth yawned. If a Ta-hoer patrol finds me out here, I’ll just tell ‘em who my father is and they’ll keep their mouths shut.”

  “What if a patrol from Veygus finds you?” I asked curiously.

  “The Veygans?” he laughed incredulously. “They’re even more unprepared than Ta-hoe is. They haven’t even got their uniforms designed yet, much less organized enough to send out patrols.”

  “Well, we appreciate the information,” Aahz announced. “Now if you’ll just point out the way to Ta-hoe, we’ll get ourselves off your battlefield.”

  “The way to Ta-hoe?” the youth frowned. “You don’t know the way to Ta-hoe? That’s strange.”

  “What’s strange?” my mentor challenged. “So we’re new around here. So what?”

  The youth eyed him passively.

  “It’s strange,” he observed calmly, “because that road only runs between Veygus and Ta-hoe. Perhaps you can explain how it is that you’re traveling a road without knowing either where you’re going or where you’re coming from?”

  There was a moment of awkward silence, then I withdrew my arm from the translator pendant.

  “Well, Aahz,” I sighed, “how do we talk our way out of this one?”

  “Put your arm back in the pendant,” Aahz hissed. “He’s getting suspicious.”

  “He’s already suspicious,” I pointed out. “The question is what do we do now?”

  “Nothing to it,” my mentor winked. “Jus
t watch how I handle this.”

  In spite of my worries, I found myself smiling in eager anticipation. Nobody can spin a lie like Aahz once he gets rolling. “The explanation is really quite simple,” Aahz smiled, turning to the youth. “You see, we’re magicians who just dropped in from another world. Having just arrived here, we are naturally disoriented.”

  “My, what a clever alibi,” I commented dryly.

  Aahz favored me with a dirty look.

  “As I was saying,” he continued, “we have come to offer our services to the glorious city of Ta-hoe for the upcoming war.”

  It occurred to me that that last statement was a little suspicious. I mean, we had clearly not known about the war at the beginning of this conversation. Fortunately, the youth overlooked this minor detail.

  “Magicians?” he smiled skeptically. “You don’t look like magicians to me.”

  “Show him, kid,” Aahz instructed.

  “Show him?” I blinked.

  “That’s right,” my mentor nodded. “Drop the disguises, one at a time.”

  With a shrug, I slipped my arm back into the translator pendant and let my disguise fall away.

  “I am Skeeve,” I announced, “and this ...” I dropped Aahz’s disguise, “... is my friend and fellow magician, Aahz.”

  The effect on the youth couldn’t have been greater if we had lit a fire under him. Dropping his pole, he sprang to his feet and began backing away until I was afraid he’d topple into the pond. His eyes were wide with fright, and his mouth kept opening and shutting, though no sounds came forth.

  “That’s enough, kid,” Aahz winked. “He’s convinced.”

  I hastily reassembled the disguises, but it did little to calm the youth. “Not a bad illusion, eh sport?” my mentor leered at him.

  “I ... I ...” the youth stammered. Then he paused and set his lips. “Ta-hoe’s that way.”

  “Thanks,” I smiled. “We’ll be on our way now.”

  “Not so fast, kid,” Aahz waved. “What’s your name, son?”

  “Griffin ... sir,” the youth replied uneasily.

  “Well, Griffin,” Aahz smiled, “how would you like to show us the way.”