Rest and Relaxation (Lesbian Romance)

by Rhavensfyre

  Alarms went off inside Allyse’s head. She had a distinct suspicion that they were having an entirely different conversation all of a sudden. One with a lot of history that she was ignorant of. “You are all he talks about.”

  “Talk is cheap and easy.”

  “I don’t understand. Is there something going on I don’t know about?”

  “Nothing important. If you don’t mind, I’m just going to lie down for a little while.”

  Dani stretched back out on the couch and closed her eyes, effectively shutting her out. Allyse wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that Dani could just turn off their conversations like a light switch. It left Allyse sitting in the dark with no way to flip that switch back on.

  “Do you need any help?” she asked.

  Dani dragged one sleep heavy eyelid open to stare at her. “With what?”

  “Well, your jeans or something. Do you want something more comfortable to wear?” Allyse asked. Her eyes flicked down to Dani’s waist.

  “Are you offering to undress me?” She hadn’t bothered buttoning her jeans, and that seemed to fascinate the other woman. She was curious, but it was too much effort to continue. After the day she’d had, talking to Erick had been more than enough to do her in. “It’s alright, Allyse. I can manage, but thanks for offering.”

  Allyse started to leave. She turned back only to find Dani had already drifted off again. There was a soft, well-used blanket folded across the back of the couch. She unfolded it and laid it across Dani, gently tucking it around her shoulders. Dani shifted restlessly beneath her and mumbled something unintelligible.

  “What was that?”

  “Thanks for staying with me at the hospital today,” Dani mumbled in a voice thick with exhaustion before drifting off again.

  “Sure, sweetheart. Have a good nap.”

  ***

  Allyse had nothing to do while Dani slept so it seemed like a good time to get caught up on some work. She jumped on the web. Even with a slow connection, she was able to clear out her inbox in no time. It was both gratifying and frustrating to see that Erick had taken his duties seriously. He had left her with very little to do and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She blew out her breath and tried to remind herself that she was on vacation, she was allowed to slack. There were only a few items that needed her personal clarification and one issue that someone else tried to send to her directly. She redirected them back to Erick with an admonishment to follow appropriate channels and cc’d her response to him. Then she moved the email to another folder so she could follow up on it later.

  Allyse would look up from time to time to check on Dani. She got up once when she noticed the blanket had fallen to the floor. She picked it up and tucked it back around her, then reached out with hesitant fingers to brush a stray lock of hair out of Dani’s eyes. Emboldened by that simple action, she leaned in and pressed one tender kiss on her forehead. Dani shifted in her sleep and Allyse almost jumped out of her skin. She practically ran back to the computer desk, barely missing the edge of the coffee table in her haste. The last thing she needed was for Dani to wake up and find her standing there, mere inches away from her face.

  With Dani asleep and her work e-mail cleared out, Allyse leaned back in her chair and contemplated what to do next. She didn’t want to leave Dani alone, but she couldn’t sit there and do nothing. Her phone flashed alive, the screen popping up with a two year old picture of Kat and Stephanie waving at her in front of Disney World with Mickey Mouse hats on their heads popped up. Allyse grinned. She wasn’t about to miss this call.

  She headed out onto the porch so she wouldn’t disturb Dani before answering the phone. She barely got a hello out before she was out-talked by two very excited young girls who seemed to forget that they weren’t using two cans and a string to make themselves heard. She held the phone away from her ear until she got the decibels down to a more comfortable level then spent the next ten minutes waiting for a pause long enough to ask a few of her own questions. Between the two of them, it was almost impossible. On speakerphone, they managed to time their inhalations so one of them was always talking. Allyse didn’t care. She was just happy to hear their voices.

  They knew all about Dani’s farm from Erick. After Jay died, Allyse had made an effort to include Erick in their family dinners, inviting him over at least once a week. He had been so alone and grief stricken that she couldn’t stand it. Even though her family could only ever be a part-time surrogate, she hoped it had helped to ease his pain. During those few hours, he would often tell them amusing stories about the farm. To city bred girls, any story that included horses and farm animals was exotic.

  They wanted to know everything. Their voices clamored over the phone in a familiar cacophony of screeching excitement that always brought a smile to her face. Unfortunately, she had to disappoint them. She didn’t have much to tell them, yet. They openly asked her about Dani. Lacking that censor adults quickly adopted to be considered civilized, they pummeled her with a million questions, fascinated with someone who actually owned and rode horses. “She gets to ride every day!” her eldest exclaimed, jealous all the way down to her toes in a way only a twelve year old girl could be. Dani did for a living what almost every girl her age dreamed of doing for fun. Allyse shook her head at the enthusiasm and wondered if they realized how much real work was involved, or if they knew how much a horse pooped.

  She finally had to say goodbye, but not before the girls wheedled a promise out of her. They wanted to visit.

  The phone went silent. The pain in her chest returned, but she wasn’t sure if the ache was from a simpler, but no less problematic source. There was something about knowing your family was so far away that made it that much harder to say goodbye. It was as if distance alone added to the level of sadness you felt from being separated from your loved ones. She tapped a fingernail against the hard plastic case, counting out the seconds while she considered her options.

  A month had seemed like a long time to be gone from her life, but now it didn’t seem like long enough. Bringing her daughters out to visit would be a good excuse to come back. She had no doubt that if Kat and Stephanie got a chance to meet Dani they would love her instantly. Like you? Allyse wondered, she would gladly admit that her feelings for the unusual young woman made absolutely no sense whatsoever. But love? That was too strong a word.

  “I’m being silly. We’ve only just met and I’m wondering if Dani would tolerate having my kids visit the farm. I’m not even sure how she feels about me.”

  ***

  Dani was sprawled out on the couch in a very uncomfortable looking mess with her face buried in a pillow. Allyse called her name, softly, so as not to startle her awake.

  “Dani?” Allyse raised her voice a little louder.

  A muffled but very unladylike snore emanated from Dani with every breath until she nudged her, then Dani coughed and sputtered and proved that she was still alive and somewhat cranky. “Yeah?”

  “I made us some dinner.”

  “Okay, give me minute.” Dani tried to get up and groaned, muttering a few choice words about the indignity of being woken up just to enjoy feeling pain and stiffness again.

  “Do you need help?”

  “No, I’ve got it.” Dani waved her away, then waited until Allyse stopped hovering around her like a worried mother hen and retreated back into the kitchen. She managed to throw the tangled blanket halfway off of her, then tried to push herself up into a semi-upright position.

  “Son of a bitch!” She bellowed loud enough to wake the dead, scare the crap out of the poor dog and bring Allyse running back into the living room. Dani rocked back and forth holding her bandaged hand, her eyes squeezed shut tight enough to cut off the waterworks threatening to break through.

  “What happened?”

  “I tried to get up and forgot about this.” Dani wiggled her bandaged fingers. The pain had lessened already, returning to a dull throb along her palm and down into
her wrist. The suture line hurt like crazy, though, and she worried that she had pulled something open.

  “You have got to stop doing that.” Allyse slipped her arm through Dani’s and helped her up off the couch. “Would you be mad if I said I told you so?”

  “Maybe,” Dani muttered sheepishly.

  “Maybe next time you will let me help you.”

  “We’ll see.” Dani scowled but let Allyse guide her into the kitchen, then slumped into her chair and yawned. “Why am I so tired? I feel like I could crawl into bed and sleep for a week.”

  “You’ve had a rough day. I’m not surprised your body wants to sleep so it can heal and recover,” Allyse said as she set a steaming bowl of soup in front of her.

  Dani took a tentative spoonful then breathed a sigh of relief after nothing happened. She was half expecting her stomach to rebel. She had woken up feeling a bit dizzy and nauseated and the sensation had only gotten worse since she stood up and started moving around.

  “It’s not much,” Allyse apologized.

  “No, it’s perfect. Thank you.”

  “I am really sorry about today, Dani.”

  “It’s not your fault, it was an accident.” As far as she was concerned, it was done and over with. She would hang onto old hurts until they were as tattered and old as her favorite hoody, but not for something like this. Life was too short to stay mad at people because of an accident. It took too much effort.

  “I don’t blame you. You don’t know a thing about horses. I mean, really? You’re a city girl, how could you?”

  Allyse’s temper flared.

  “I…” she automatically started to defend herself, then snapped her jaw shut when she realized Dani was just being honest—and absolutely correct.

  Blunt. To the point. It’s just the way she is. You’d been given some good advice today—use it. Allyse was learning that she had a few well-ingrained habits herself—like not expecting to be corrected, that had helped her career along the way but given her a reputation for being a bitch. She didn’t actually squirm under the internal microscope she found herself under, but she did mentally flinch. It was an uncomfortable position, finding out that there were parts of yourself you were beginning to dislike. Allyse watched Dani struggle to open a bottle of water before taking it and twisting off the cap for her, then she handed the open bottle of spring water to Dani like a peace offering. “You’re right. I don’t know anything about horses.”

  “By the way, what did you need?” Dani asked.

  “When?”

  “This morning. What did you come out to the barn for?”

  “I was coming to get you for lunch.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes, you had said you would hopefully be back around lunch time. I went to see if you were hungry.” Allyse shook her head. Considering everything that happened after that, her decision to just nonchalantly wander around on her own turned out to be a foolish one.

  “That’s kind of funny. I was planning on coming back up as soon as I had finished with Polo.”

  Dani returned her attention to her dinner, but Allyse found she didn’t have much of an appetite. She spent most of her time watching Dani negotiate eating and drinking with only one hand.

  “Are you okay? I mean really okay? Other than your hand,” Allyse blurted out after about five minutes of silence between them. The only noise in the room was the sound of spoons clinking against ceramic and Callie panting in the corner.

  “I guess, why?”

  “Erick told me you hate hospitals.”

  “Well, really who doesn’t? Except for the people that work there,” Dani bluffed, avoiding the other woman’s eyes. What did Erick tell her? Is that why she showed up in the back?

  “He told me why,” Allyse finally admitted, carefully putting her spoon down and resting her chin on her hands. She tried but failed to catch Dani’s gaze. The woman seemed intent on looking everywhere but directly at her.

  “That is my business. He had no right to share it.” Dani put her own spoon down. She had to. Her hands shook so bad she was afraid she would spill. The metal skittered off the edge of the bowl and made a horrible screeching sound like nails down a chalkboard. What little bit of appetite she had left disappeared in an instant, drowned in a renewed surge of nausea. Her stomach clenched painfully as unpleasant and unwanted memories surfaced with acidic insistence.

  “You know he didn’t mean anything by it. He just didn’t want you to be by yourself,” Allyse said, holding her hands up in front of her. She didn’t know if she was trying to placate the upset woman or shield herself from the pain that flashed across Dani’s face, adding shadows where there shouldn’t be any. Defending Erick was not the best thing she could have done, but it was too late. You can’t put words back in your mouth and swallow them down like they never existed. They have their own life once they leave your lips, along with the power to hurt or heal. Someone had told her this once, and their advice had never rung truer than today.

  She’s hurting. Allyse knew this instinctively. She didn’t know what to do about it, or even if she was the one to do anything at all, but the knowledge made her heart ache.

  “New subject,” Dani said.

  “Pardon me?”

  “I want to talk about something else.” She spoke firmly, her voice, which had been harsh and full of choked back emotion, was now flat and just shy of emotionless. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She let it go and the tension in her body, in her voice, just melted away. Clear eyed and calm, she met Allyse’s gaze for a full second before sidling away again.

  Like a light switch, off and on just like that. That’s one hell of a coping mechanism.

  “Okay, a new topic it is.” Allyse sipped her water, taking her time thinking about it. Since Dani had asked, and she had a promise to keep, she decided to fast forward a topic she had planned on broaching much later. “My girls want to meet you.”

  “Your daughters? Why? They don’t even know me.”

  “They’ve heard about you for years, and now I’m here.” I’m here, and they’re jealous, she thought, and I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. All she knew for sure was that she wasn’t ready to share Dani with her daughters. Not yet.

  “Well, you can always bring them here to visit. But, I still don’t see why they’d want to meet me.”

  “That’s okay. I do,” Allyse murmured. She was halfway to the sink with their bowls so she didn’t think Dani would hear her, but she did.

  “What are you talking about?” Dani asked, rubbing her temples against the tension building there. Allyse was confusing her and the dull throb in her hand was mutating into a killer headache. She was getting cranky and the Tylenol she had taken earlier wasn’t cutting it. “You know what, it doesn’t matter tonight. You and your daughters are always welcome here. Thank you for dinner, but if you don’t mind I need to go to bed.”

  Dani stood abruptly, murmuring a quick “goodnight” before heading for the living room and straight to the liquor cabinet. Her hand felt like something was using it as an anvil, and thanks to the preoccupied doctor, she didn’t have anything stronger than Motrin to take for the pain. Her uncle had expensive tastes in liqueurs and cognacs, but that wasn’t what she wanted. She had to move around a few bottles before she found the Jack Daniels tucked near the back.

  The sound of glass clinking against glass grated on her nerves but she kept digging, wincing each time the bottles rang against each other with a bell-like peal. She wanted something raw and earthy that burned on the way down and was designed to make her forget her pain. For that, Jack Daniels was going to be her friend tonight. Jack Daniels didn’t need a glass. He wasn’t respectable. Jack Daniels didn’t ask for or expect witty conversation. She didn’t have any to offer. Jack was a perfect match for the way she felt tonight.

  “Dani?” Allyse leaned in the doorway behind her. Her eyes flitted from Dani’s face to the bottle in her hand.

  “Allyse, I am tired and s
ore and I just want to go to bed. Please, I am trying so hard not to be cranky and say something offensive. I’m sorry, but I just need a drink and sleep, okay?” Dani pleaded with the other woman to leave her alone. She was used to being by herself and while she didn’t mind Allyse being there, she needed some alone time. She needed to lick her wounds in private. It had been too much for her today.

  Today’s wound might have ripped open her skin, but the trip to the hospital had torn open deeper wounds, ones that wouldn’t close with needle and thread. Wounds that never bled but left a hurt deep inside her that never truly went away.

  “Of course, I’ll see you in the morning,” Allyse said with more grace than she felt. She watched in absolute silence as Dani tread up the stairs alone. The urge to run after Dani, to gather her up in her arms and convince her that she wasn’t alone was almost overwhelming. Instead, Allyse just turned and went back into the kitchen to clean up from their dinner. An echo of the pain hiding in Dani’s eyes crept into her chest, bringing with it a familiar tightness. If I hadn’t gone to the barn today…

  ***

  Dani found her way to her bed without thinking about it, the familiar number of steps from stair, to door, to bed, so ingrained in her she could do it in her sleep or dead drunk. She didn’t even bother undressing. She crawled into her bed and turned on the TV. At this point, she was operating on automatic. Holding the bottle between her knees for leverage, she cracked open the bottle of Jack and took a large swig. The burn in her throat traveled down, instantly warming her chest and stomach and promising her a false sense of wellbeing. She stared at the TV and watched the images flickering there. She heard words and music playing in the background but didn’t pay attention to them.

  A much younger version of herself was back in time, in another emergency room watching her mother and father being wheeled past her. She took another swig from the bottle, hoping to dim the bright lights managing to blind her even inside a memory. Dani wasn't a lightweight so it took a while for the liquor to kick in. The last thing she saw before falling into a fitful sleep was a blurry shadow standing in her doorway.