by Rhavensfyre
“I’m sorry. I made an assumption I shouldn’t have. Honestly? I don’t mind antique shopping. I just usually do it somewhere closer to the end product, when everything is all glossy and freshly polished.”
“So you’re okay with this? I didn’t totally ruin your day?”
“No, not at all.”
Long fingers entwined in hers, squeezing her hand gently. She raised their hands and brushed her lips across the dusty knuckles, then wrinkled her nose at the acrid odor of things old and left abandoned for years. “Although I think a bath should be the first order of business once we get back to the farm.”
“Are you telling me I stink?”
“No. I would never say that, no matter how stinky you are,” Allyse quipped, trying to get a rise out of Dani.
“Hmmpf.”
“Speaking of the farm…and hot baths. Are we done for the day or do you have some more places to go?”
“Mmm. I had planned on one more place, but I don’t have any more room in the truck.”
“You did look pretty pleased with yourself back there.” Allyse wished she had paid more attention to what they had been loading up.
“Yes, but not for the reasons that you might think. The son was a right ass. If you noticed, I wouldn’t deal with him. Everything in that barn belonged to his father. All of that furniture was his wife’s, and the son didn’t give a rat’s ass about that. All he wanted to do was make as much money selling off stuff he considered useless otherwise. He didn’t care about the history of any of it.”
“I saw you paying the older man.” Allyse had noticed Dani giving the other man the cold shoulder, but she had been so caught up in her own artificial misery that she missed a lot of the nuances going on between them.
“I did. It was his to sell, not his son’s. He gave me a good deal because I listened. He could tell that I was interested in the pieces as more than just something to make a buck off of. Most of the old timer’s I buy from are struggling to keep their properties going. A lot of times they don’t have the support of their children or grandchildren. The kids grow up and leave their hometown, go to work in the city and forget about all that land and property…until it’s time to cash in. Then they swoop in and sell everything off and send their own parents off to a retirement home somewhere. It’s sick. I hate it.”
“Wow. Now I feel bad.” Pouting about not going shopping seemed incredibly childish after hearing all of that.
“Why?”
“Because I threw a fit about something as banal as going shopping and those people are dealing with major life changing events,” Allyse explained, feeling ashamed and more than a little confused. Every time she thought she had Dani pegged, she did or said something that left her mentally shredding all her carefully collected notes.
“Okay, but I still feel bad about today.” Dani gave up Allyse’s hand so she could shift into a higher gear. “Let me make it up to you. We’ll go back to Baltimore tomorrow and I’ll take you shopping—for real this time. Not Dani shopping.”
“That sounds wonderful,” Allyse said, although she didn’t feel as excited about her favorite pastime as usual. Soon after that, there was no room for conversation. Construction cones and bad traffic kept Dani too busy to talk, and Allyse found she was tired of staring at blacktop. She curled up in the uncomfortable seat and gazed out the window at all the open space.
The small towns were few and far apart, sometimes little more than a small grouping of buildings centered on a tiny church or schoolhouse. It was quaint, picturesque even, but the lack of ready amenities made Allyse nervous. The hollow feeling gnawing away at her stomach was a good example. She had left the house with little more than a cup of coffee in her stomach and now it was well after noon.
“Um, Dani dear, I’m a little hungry.”
“Can you wait until we get home?” Dani asked, risking a quick look over at her passenger. She was always game for something to eat, but all there was out this far were Mom and Pop restaurants and greasy spoons that catered to roughnecks and locals. In faded jeans and a simple tee Allyse might look the part, but she was still a city girl, through and through. On the other hand, they were still a couple of hours from the farm and she didn’t want to find out what a tired AND hungry Allyse was like trapped in the truck with her for that long. Tired she couldn’t do anything about, so dealing with hungry was all she had left. “Uh, never mind. I’ll see what I can find.”
Chapter Nineteen
Dani woke to the sound of retching, an empty bed, and the remnants of a happy dream. The dream faded, leaving a sense of profound loss and emptiness. She rolled over and groaned, forcing bleary eyes to focus on red slashes glowing back at her without mercy or conscience. She could tell it was sometime after midnight, but the numbers remained stubbornly fuzzy no matter how many times she blinked.
Shit, I must have fallen asleep and forgot to set the alarm clock. Foggy headed and still half asleep, Dani threw back the covers and weaved her way through the darkened bedroom towards the thin bar of light shining under the bathroom door. Rubbing the grit out of her eyes with the palm of her hands, she yawned hard enough to lose her balance and stumble. The bright lights were blinding after coming from the dark bedroom but that wasn’t a problem. She didn’t need to see to find her way.
“Sorry Uncle Jay, I must have fallen asleep. Let me get your meds real quick.” Dani threw open the medicine cabinet door. She blinked, expecting to find her uncle's prescriptions. Instead of row after row of bright orange bottles, a bunch of beauty products sat in a tidy mess. Confusion swirled within the midst of her half asleep brain. The fog only lifted completely when a feminine voice struggled to reach her.
“Dani?”
Dani turned slowly, her heart racing as time fast-forwarded and the memories of the past crowded into the present. There was a small figure curled up on the cold floor, a body much too small to be her uncle. Even after his illness decimated his once robust form he was still tall, gaunt in a way only a heavy set man could be.
It was Allyse that was praying to the porcelain goddess tonight, not her uncle. Relief washed through her in a twisted pile of mixed emotions. It’s not Jay. It’s Allyse. She’s real. This is real. Jay is dead. Dani had to force herself to take a deep breath before she started hyperventilating.
“Shit, Allyse, why didn’t you tell me you were sick?”
“It just came on all of a sudden and I didn’t want to wake you.” Allyse rolled off her haunches to lean against the wall behind her. “Ugh…I haven’t thrown up like that since I was pregnant with Stephanie.”
“I know I'm good, but there’s no way it’s mine.”
“Not funny,” Allyse groaned. She tried to smile, but it looked more like a pained grimace.
“Sorry. Here, let me help you,” Dani said, ignoring Allyse’s embarrassed protests and physically pulling her up off the floor. She flushed and closed the toilet lid, then helped the trembling woman sit down before heading for the sink to get a wet washcloth. Allyse's face carried that pale sickly cast that bad food and a rebelling stomach gave you. Dark strands of wet hair stuck to her forehead, and Dani gently brushed them away, tucking the stray hairs behind her ear. “Better now?”
Allyse nodded. “I think I’m done now.”
“Good, stay here. I’ve got something that might help. I'll be right back.” Dani left her to run downstairs. She dug around in the refrigerator until she found a bottle of Pepto, then stood there staring at it. She hadn’t bothered to ask Allyse if she could tolerate the nasty pink stuff. Uncle Jay never could.
“Hmm. Better have a plan B.” Allyse loved her tea so it made sense to go with something familiar. It would only take a few minutes to brew some peppermint tea.
While the water was heating up, Dani had nothing else to do but sit and wait. Except she just couldn’t sit, not after waking up like that. Dead tired but feeling too wired to relax, she scrubbed her fingers through her scalp and wished she could drive out the memories st
uck in her head.
She loved her uncle, but it had been hard taking care of him those last few years. There had been too many late nights waking up to violent episodes of nausea, the medicines that were supposed to help him making him almost as sick as the disease itself. In the end he had been too weak to get up anymore, and she stopped meeting him in the bathroom. Instead, the double entries served as a quick way to get to him when he called from the other bedroom. It had been heart-wrenching, watching the man that had cared for her like a father become a shadow of his former self, all bones and sharp angles. The only thing that hadn’t faded was his sharp wit and knowing eyes. He tried to hide the shame of his body failing him until she had to take care of even the most intimate daily needs, while she spent a part of her day staring at the phone and trying to find the courage to call Erick and yell at him for not being there.
The teapot whistled at her and she jumped up, eager to return to Allyse and the present. The past was too full of sorrow and disappointment. Cool bottle in one hand and hot tea in the other, she ran back upstairs to take care of Allyse.
She hesitated at the bathroom door. She couldn’t remember if she had closed it behind her or not. Should she just walk in? Putting the tea down, she tapped at her own door. “Allyse? Is it okay for me to come in?”
Something that sounded close to yes filtered through the thick wooden door so she took that as an okay and walked in. Allyse was still in the same position she had left her in.
“Here love, let me help you to the sink.” Dani offered Allyse a supporting arm while she rinsed her mouth and then drank the offending pink liquid she poured for her. Allyse trembling weakly against her.
“Time to get you back in bed,” Dani announced, then hesitated. “Do you want to go back to your room, or sleep in mine?”
"Yours please, Dani. I don't want to be alone feeling like this. I still feel a little shaky," Allyse admitted, gratefully crawling into the waiting blankets the second she was close enough to reach the bed without straightening up.
“Here, I brought this, too. Just in case.” Dani handed Allyse the peppermint tea.
“Oh, that smells so good!” Allyse took a sip and closed her eyes, enjoying the soothing sensation of the aromatic tea. It made its way to her stomach and sat there, warming her up from the inside and settling the last bit of queasiness. “Wonderful.”
"Are you sure you feel better now?" Dani asked, returning to her bed to lie next to Allyse.
“Yes, much better now that my stomach is empty.”
“It must have been the food. I tried to tell you we shouldn’t have stopped at that greasy spoon, but you insisted,” Dani said, referring to the little out of the way diner Allyse insisted they stop at yesterday because it looked ‘quaint’.
“If it was the food, then why aren't you sick?”
“Cast iron stomach.” Dani offered by way of explanation, tapping her flat stomach. “Now, go to sleep, love. You’ll feel better in the morning.”
Curled up next to Dani, it didn’t take long for Allyse to give in to exhaustion. She fell asleep almost instantly.
Sleep didn’t come as quickly for Dani. It eluded her to the point of frustration. Her thoughts kept tumbling around inside her head in a confusing and upsetting mix of past and present. Her eyes burned, and no amount of rubbing them eased the dry, grainy feeling. Just shy of a headache, pressure pushed against the back of her eye sockets and made it hard to concentrate.
Waking up like that had been disconcerting and completely unexpected. She had been thrown back in time to when her uncle had still been alive, refreshing every horrible emotion she had felt when he died. She still missed Uncle Jay. He had never stopped teaching, not even close to the end. Every day was a lesson. He always had something new to tell her over breakfast, something he thought would be important to her once he was gone. His knowledge was what kept the farm running, Dani was just following his words of wisdom. It was the closest thing to a religion she had, making sure what he had worked so hard for would never die.
Allyse shifted in her arms and mumbled, then settled back down after Dani brushed her hair away from her face. She watched her sleep for a moment then tenderly kissed her forehead. If there was one thing that Uncle Jay had taught her, it was that you never knew how much time you had with someone. Now that she had Allyse, she felt that sentiment all the more keenly.
She knew she was lucky to have found Allyse, and she was hers…at least for now. They really hadn’t talked about the future, or their future for that matter. What would happen when Allyse went back to New York? Would she be okay with having a weekend lover, if Allyse could even make it down that often with her job and the responsibilities of being a parent as well? Dani wasn’t too sure how they could make it work. Allyse had her life in New York and she had the farm. It was too much like what her Uncle and Erick had for so many years. Erick loved Uncle Jay, but he only came down on weekends. After Uncle Jay died, those weekends became far and few between until they turned into phone calls and the once a month visit. Having something like that happen to her and Allyse, the slow reduction of a relationship into smaller and smaller bits of her life until there was nothing left but crumbs—that would kill her.
There’s nothing I can do about this tonight.
Dani resisted the urge to bang the back of her head against the backboard. It would only make her headache worse and serve no other purpose. It wouldn’t knock an answer out of her brain that would solve all her problems. All she could do for now was make the most of her time with Allyse while she was there. It was a dissatisfying solution to a rotten situation, and that knowledge gnawed at her like mice scratching through a grain bin, the sound of her own worry keeping her awake until fatigue won over and she finally fell into a fitful sleep full of disjointed dreams.
***
When Dani stumbled downstairs the next morning, she was relieved to see Allyse up and moving around without a trace of the sickly pallor she wore last night. Happiness put a spring in her step that hadn’t been there when she rolled out of bed. The morning was starting off promisingly, and if there was caffeine somewhere in the mix, she was sure she could make it through the day on half rations of sleep.
“Morning, are you feeling better?” Dani kissed Allyse’s cheek in passing, then headed straight for the coffee pot and her mug.
“Yes, much better, thank you.”
“Good.” Dani sat down at the table and scrubbed at her eyes before shoveling in a healthy amount of sugar. Still a little groggy in her pre-caffeinated state, she wasn’t prepared for Allyse's next statement. She missed her mark on the next scoop. Her spoon clanged against the ceramic lip then clattered onto the counter, spilling sugar everywhere.
“I will have you know, I am not pregnant.”
“Okay?” Dani asked, confused as all get out. Then she remembered her lame joke in the middle of the night and her eyebrows shot up straight to her hairline. Apparently, her little comment had been remembered and wasn't appreciated.
“Nor could I be pregnant,” Allyse added, emphasizing the “I.”
“Okay, Allyse I get it. Bad joke, alright?” Dani wasn't in the mood to have her lover angry with her, especially when she really didn’t understand why. Her emotions were still a little raw, and she needed some time to get them in order. Brushing the loose sugar into the palm of her hand, she tossed it in the sink then snatched up her mug and headed for the other room before something less pleasant brewed in the kitchen. She didn’t get very far. Allyse managed to catch up with her and block her escape route.
“You really don’t know why I said that, do you?” Allyse asked. “Why it was important for you to know I couldn’t be pregnant?”
“No. I just thought you didn’t appreciate my attempt at humor.”
Allyse shook her head, more upset at herself than she could ever be at the person now staring at her like she had just grown a third eye. “Oh, sweetie. Sometimes I think we are having the same conversation and then I real
ize what I think I’m saying and what you’re hearing might be something completely different. You really do take things at face value, don’t you?”
“Yes, for the most part.”
Allyse blew out her breath and reminded herself that she wasn’t in New York anymore. Looking for ulterior motives and subtle jabs was not necessary here, not with Dani. “I’m not used to that. Look, you know I was married before and that I have kids. When you made that joke, I guess I got a bit prickly. I wasn’t sure if you were questioning my history.”
“Why would I do that? You told me everything the other night in the orchard.” Dani tilted her head in a fair imitation of Callie when she planted a ‘what the heck are you doing, human?’ look at Allyse.
“You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking,” Allyse said, wishing she could be that open and trusting. She was starting to realize something she didn’t like, or didn’t want to think about. Dani was perfect for this place because this place was perfect for her. A place like New York, the people…it was a recipe for pain for someone like Dani who didn’t expect someone to want to hurt her simply because they could. She made a cutting motion with her hand and flashed a brilliant smile at Dani. She would table this for now. “Let’s start the morning over. What are we doing now?”
“I’m going to go get dressed so I can go to the barn.”
“And do what?” Allyse asked, rolling her eyes towards the ceiling. Like pulling teeth.
“Ride. I need to get some training in.”
Allyse stared at her. “Training for?”
“I have a show coming up.”
“Oh. Would you like some company?”
“Um. It’s just arena work, nothing exciting.”
“That’s okay. I’ll stay out of the way and just find a comfortable spot to sit and watch from,” Allyse said, crossing her arms stubbornly. She was going to come along, no matter what Dani had to say about it.