Her tears started again, and if she didn’t cling to Owen, she’d try to reach out and touch her brother.
“Cursing, I stood up and called him a jerk for not putting his stuff away. I walked over to his desk and realized he wasn’t sitting there. So I turned around, and there was another flash of lightning—bright enough that it lit up his room even through the drawn curtains. And that’s when I saw him.”
“Brooke—”
“He was on the floor,” she cried. “I had tripped over him. It didn’t occur to me what I was seeing. I dropped to my knees thinking he was asleep or…or maybe just hurt. But when I rested my hand on the floor, I felt it. It was wet. Sticky.” She was openly crying now, hiccupping as she tried to explain to Owen why…what she had gone through.
“It’s okay,” he murmured. “No more. You don’t have to say any more.”
But she shook her head. “I ran from the room. Ran to get my cell phone and called 911. I had to sit there in the dark until the paramedics came. I sat there holding my brother, begging him not to go, not to leave me! Not now. Not now that we had finally talked to each other! I apologized to him over and over and over again. Begging him to forgive me!” She swiped at her eyes and took a moment to compose herself. “The storm meant that it took a little bit longer for the ambulance to get to the house. Not that it would have mattered. Neal was gone.”
“I’m so sorry,” Owen whispered over and over again. “I’m just so sorry.”
“Sometimes I’m thankful for the dark. I couldn’t see… I don’t want that to be how I remember him. The last time I saw him, he smiled at me. Really smiled. So the blackout? It saved me. But now? Now I can’t stand it. When I’m alone in the dark, I panic. I start to think about what I’m not seeing, and it feels like I’m suffocating.” She shook her head. “You must think I’m completely insane, right? I mean, I’m twenty-eight years old. I should be over this, right?”
Owen rested his head on hers. “After my mother died, I wouldn’t get in a car if it was raining,” he said slowly. “My father never questioned it. I wouldn’t get in a car, I wouldn’t ride the bus, I just…refused. I missed a lot of school that year, but everyone understood. Eventually, I was able to do it, but it was so hard. And I know I was lucky.”
“Why?” she whispered.
“Not only did my father understand, but so did my siblings. I was always more…sensitive than my brothers. And if anything, they could have had a field day on me about it. But it was like they understood it too. Everyone thought I outgrew it. Sometimes, though, if I can, I still avoid it, and it’s been more than twenty years. I think about her—out in the rain and…” He paused. “She died on a rainy Tuesday in her car due to a drunk driver.” He stopped and stroked Brooke’s back, her hair. “You’re the only one I ever admitted that to—that I still struggle with it.”
And that’s when she felt it.
Tears that weren’t her own.
And together, they sat and held each other until there were no more tears left.
* * *
They never went back to Owen’s hotel.
He had lost track of the time, and when he felt Brooke sag against him and heard her even breathing, he picked her up in his arms and carried her up to her bed. With the small bedside lamp on, Owen went back downstairs, locked up the house, and called the hospital to check on Howard one more time.
He felt gutted. Emotionally drained. Even though Howard had told him part of the story, he had no idea how horrific it all was. Especially for Brooke. It was surprising that her fear of the dark was the only scar she carried.
Well, the only visible one.
No doubt she still struggled with a lot internally. How could she not? He felt bad for pushing her to talk, but how could he have known her fear was related to the story Howard started to tell him earlier?
Listening to her talk about her brother—about how detached they were from each other—was almost beyond Owen’s comprehension. And Owen excelled at comprehension. No, for all of his issues with his siblings, they were all always there for one another. He might not have understood the things that Quinn did, didn’t understand his brother’s thought pattern or his interests, but that didn’t stop Owen from cheering him on in his endeavors or listening to him—or any brother—talk about the things he was passionate about. And it was no different for them. His siblings never understood what Owen was passionate about, but they would listen and do their best to encourage him.
It made him sad how Brooke never got to experience that.
Looking at the clock, he saw it was just after nine. Fairly early. He walked over to where he’d put his cell phone down and took it with him into the living room—looked out to Howard’s small yard, his chess set. How many times had the two of them shared a game? Never here at the house but at different places, wherever they were. And it wasn’t until just now that he remembered all of the times Howard had referred to his nephew while they played. Why hadn’t he made the connection sooner?
If he learned one thing tonight, it was that life was sometimes too short, and holding grudges—no matter how much you feel you’ve been wronged—didn’t benefit anyone.
Quickly scanning through his contacts, he pulled up Riley’s number and stared at the screen for a long moment. The contact picture was of the two of them when they were five. Savannah had found the picture and programmed it into both of their phones because she thought they were adorable. He smiled as he looked at the picture. Owen was dressed as a cowboy, and Riley was an Indian. They were facing each other and laughing.
Yeah, it was a great picture.
And he missed his brother.
Hitting the call button, he got comfortable on the sofa and listened as the phone rang. And rang. And rang.
“Hey, this is Riley. Probably making music or sitting in awe of my beautiful wife. Leave a message, and I’ll get back to ya. Later!”
Owen mentally cursed. The last time he had heard that recording, he hadn’t left a message. He wasn’t going to make the mistake again.
“Hey,” he said. “It’s me. Call me. I miss talking to you.”
Chapter 10
For three weeks, things went smoothly. It was as if the planets had aligned and things were going their way. Owen laughed at the metaphor because he knew the odds of that happening were slim to none, and he didn’t think it would affect whether he and Brooke had good fortune. But still, he’d heard the saying and felt like it fit.
Howard was home from the hospital, but he’d had to retire from the university. The entire astronomy department had thrown a big party for him, and Owen and Brooke had celebrated his career along with him. It was bittersweet.
This was a phase of life that Owen wasn’t sure how to deal with—waiting for someone to die. Just thinking it seemed bizarre, but it was exactly what they were doing. Sort of. The doctors gave him three more months. And that was being optimistic. The pancreatic cancer was extremely aggressive, and although Owen admired Howard’s stance on not taking treatment because of the quality of life it would cost him, he wasn’t sure he’d make the same decision if it were him.
In the meantime, they were trying to carry on with life as usual. Owen had spoken to numerous members of his family—Darcy being the most frequent caller. Not to talk to him but to Brooke. He finally just gave her Brooke’s number, and from what he could tell, they’d spoken several times. Darcy was suddenly interested in art and had all kinds of questions about it. Brooke loved talking to her and enjoyed sharing her knowledge with his sister. Owen found that he liked how his sister was reaching out—or that any member of his family was reaching out. Especially after the debacle on the day Kaitlyn was born.
He and Riley, however, had yet to have a conversation. They’d played phone tag, and it just seemed like there wasn’t enough time in the day to do all of the things he was trying to do. Same for Riley.
&
nbsp; Looking at the calendar, Owen saw that he had five days before he left for Red Rock. He and Brooke hadn’t talked about it since that day in Howard’s hospital room, but he had a feeling that, if given the choice, she’d opt to stay home and look after her uncle. Riley was traveling a bit to try to nail down some plans for the reunion of his band. Owen hadn’t followed the drama too much, but it seemed now it was their drummer, Julian, who was holding out. Eventually, he knew they’d work it out, but the entertainment world was so foreign to him that he didn’t even try to understand it anymore.
Behind him, he heard the front door open and smiled when he turned and saw Brooke walking in with groceries. After the first night that Howard spent in the hospital, Owen had spent the majority of his time at Howard’s house with the two of them. At first, he had felt awkward about it, but once Howard was home, he expressed how grateful he was for Owen’s presence there. Howard didn’t want to be a burden to Brooke and thought Owen being there would be a great help to them all.
“Hey, beautiful,” Owen said, taking some of the bags from Brooke’s hands. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going shopping? I would have gone with you.”
She smiled and swatted him away playfully. “Oh, stop. I can easily do the food shopping. It was more important for you to be here with Uncle Howard.”
“We had some tea. Played some chess. The usual.” And that had been part of their daily routine. While Brooke ran errands or painted, he and Howard would play chess and talk—about life, science, and even death.
“Did we hear from hospice yet?”
Nodding, he told her all about the phone call and how someone would be visiting the next day. She looked relieved.
“Okay, good. That’s good.” Turning, she began putting groceries away. “So, um…I talked to my mother earlier today, and it looks like she’s going to come and spend a few days while we’re in Red Rock.”
He froze where he stood. “Really?”
Looking over her shoulder at him, Brooke nodded. “I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for certain that she was coming.”
For a minute, he didn’t know what to say. He had automatically assumed she wasn’t going to be with him—not that he didn’t want her with him. He did! But he had mentally prepared himself—sort of—to go alone.
“What’s wrong?” she said, turning to face him. “You don’t look happy. Do you want me to stay home?”
“No!” he said quickly and walked over to touch her. Reassure her. “That’s not it. I guess I just figured you wouldn’t go, and I didn’t want to push you about it. I resigned myself to going without you.”
Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed him quickly on the lips. “Well, now you don’t have to accept it because I’ll be there with you to help.”
They worked together to put the food away while Brooke talked about all of her plans to help him with his group and the ways they could have some social time to help put everyone at ease.
“After Neal died, I learned to excel at that interaction. I worked at some of the local schools, volunteering with their art departments to reach out to kids who were having a tough time in school because they were quiet or shy or different. Some were victims of bullying or just had other social issues. I thought maybe we could do something artsy if that’s okay with you, perhaps during the day, before the shower starts.”
Owen couldn’t imagine what exactly would constitute artsy, but he nodded anyway. She was talking—he knew she was—and yet he couldn’t quite focus on what she was saying. Mainly because he couldn’t help but feel like this was all wrong. That what he believed about the two of them wasn’t true.
That she was out of his league.
And he was just one of her projects.
Damn it.
He knew he nodded when he should and even smiled when she did, but he wasn’t feeling it. He wasn’t…hell, he wasn’t feeling as confident about them as he should, and he hated how old insecurities were creeping back in.
Call Riley.
Maybe that was the issue. Maybe Owen needed to prove not only to himself but also to his twin that things were right. That they were okay. But he knew he couldn’t call Riley while he was here with Brooke. He needed some time to mentally prepare himself and this time, he would track his brother down—no matter how long it took—and they’d finally have the conversation they’d been needing to have for weeks.
“…I don’t know how easy it would be to have everyone bring canvas and paint, but maybe some sketch pads or something—”
“I have to go,” he interrupted her and immediately realized how awkward he sounded. “Sorry.”
Brooke looked at him oddly. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
He nodded. “I have some calls to make. Things I’ve been putting off, and…it would probably be better for me to do them back at the hotel.”
Her shoulders sagged, and her expression turned sad, and for the life of him, Owen wasn’t sure why. He wasn’t particularly good at reading situations like this, and right now, he was more focused on his own emotions than hers.
Probably not a good sign.
But rather than say what she was thinking, she looked up at him with a small smile. “Okay. Will you be back for dinner?”
Would he?
Clearing his throat, he said, “Probably not. Besides the calls, I have some work to do for the trip, and a night in alone will go a long way to getting it all done.”
She looked at the ground. “Oh.”
There were many thoughts swirling in his head of things he could say, but instead he went with “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Then he kissed the top of her head and left.
Maybe it was the coward’s way out, but it was what it was.
Better they both acknowledge what he was and what he wasn’t.
It might make her “project” a little bit clearer.
* * *
“Everything all right, Brookie?” Howard asked as he walked slowly into the kitchen.
Brooke forced a smile onto her face and noted how much her uncle had changed in the past several weeks. It was hard to believe she was looking at the same man. His gait was slower, and he looked like he had aged considerably. But still…she was glad she was here with him.
“I’m fine,” she said brightly. “I bought us some salmon to make for dinner. The one you like, with the pesto-dill butter.” She busied herself straightening the already-clean kitchen. “I’m thinking rice with it. What do you think?”
Before she knew it, he was beside her, and she recognized the look on his face—he wasn’t buying her cheery routine any more than she was.
“Owen just left.”
Howard nodded. “It’s all right, you know.”
Leaning against the granite countertop, she sighed. “I know. But…he just seemed… Something’s bothering him.”
“He’s getting ready for a trip he doesn’t want to go on, and he still hasn’t cleared the air with his brother. That’s a lot for anyone to deal with. Did he say where he was going?”
“Back to the hotel to do…well…all the things you just mentioned.”
Howard chuckled. “Don’t look for trouble, Brooke. The two of you have been inseparable for weeks. It’s not a bad thing to take a night off.”
“I know, I know, but…” She paused and looked at him. “I’m telling you, there’s something else wrong. He won’t tell me, but…it’s there. I can see it when we’re talking sometimes. He gets this look on his face, and it reminds me of how he looked when we first met. Like he’s uncomfortable with me or something.”
“I hardly think he’s uncomfortable with you. Not anymore.”
She wanted to believe him, she did. Unfortunately, she had spent so much time around Owen that she knew him better than he thought.
“I told him about my mom coming to stay with you while we
’re in Red Rock, and he completely paled.”
That made Howard laugh again. “Your mother has that effect on people.”
Brooke laughed too. “Yes, on people who know her. Owen’s never met her, and it wasn’t so much the fact that Mom was coming here but that I was still going on the trip with him.”
“Have the two of you talked about it?”
“The trip?”
Howard nodded.
She shrugged. “Not so much. We’ve sort of been—”
“You’ve both been so wrapped up in worry about me that you’re not communicating,” Howard said and then frowned. “Okay, do you want some advice?”
She nodded. “Please.”
“Leave him be for tonight. Let him go and clear the air with Riley and get his work done. You should do the same.”
“I should clear the air with Riley?” she teased and then smiled when her uncle gave her a hearty laugh.
“Not exactly,” he said vaguely, pausing. But he didn’t expand on his thinking. “And then tomorrow I want you out of the house for the day. Go with Owen to a museum or lunch and then dinner and just… I don’t want to see you back here tomorrow night either.”
“Uncle Howard!” she cried. “I can’t do that! You shouldn’t be alone!”
He waved her off and walked to the refrigerator to grab something to drink. “I won’t be. A few of my buddies from the university are coming over tomorrow night for a game of poker and some pizza. I’ll ask one of them to come early and another to stay the night.”
“Pizza isn’t very healthy for you right now,” she reminded him.
Howard turned and gave her a sad smile before cupping her cheek in his hand. “All the healthy eating in the world isn’t going to change what is, sweetheart. I might as well indulge without the guilt.”
A Sky Full of Stars Page 24