Strawberry Sisters

by Candy Harper

I gasped, but it was only Suvi in her dressing gown.

  ‘Is she . . .?’ she asked.

  ‘She’s gone back to sleep.’

  Suvi’s shoulders sagged. ‘Did she wake you?’

  ‘I wasn’t asleep.’

  ‘Why is that? Are you OK, Amelia?’

  ‘I’m fine.’

  The only light was coming from the bathroom, but even in the shadow I could see dark circles under Suvi’s eyes. ‘You should get back to sleep,’ I said.

  Suvi tucked her hair behind her ears. ‘I don’t think I can,’ she said. ‘Every time I’m almost going to sleep, I think that I hear Kirsti crying.’

  ‘You look terrible,’ I said.

  ‘I do,’ she agreed.

  I remembered how Ella knew exactly how to take care of Suvi when she was looking shattered the other day. ‘I could make you a cup of tea,’ I said.

  Suvi seemed a bit surprised by this, which I suppose is understandable. I don’t think I’d ever made her a cup of tea before.

  ‘OK,’ she said. ‘Maybe some camomile tea will help me to sleep.’

  So we crept downstairs and I put the kettle on.

  Suvi pulled her dressing gown more tightly round herself and sank into a chair. I tried to think of something helpful to say, but I couldn’t come up with anything so I got the milk out of the fridge instead.

  ‘Thank you, Amelia,’ Suvi said. ‘It was kind of you to look after Kirsti.’

  ‘That’s OK. It didn’t take long for her to go back to sleep.’

  Suvi made a snorting noise. ‘For me, it takes ages every time to get her to sleep. Maybe you should show me what it is that you do.’

  ‘Actually, I just did what I’ve seen you doing.’

  ‘Oh.’ She seemed strangely pleased by that.

  I made the tea. Camomile for Suvi, which smells like hand cream, and normal for me.

  ‘Can you tell me why it is that you’re not sleeping?’ Suvi asked.

  I switched my mug from my right to my left hand. ‘I was just thinking. About the concert and Christmas and everything.’

  Suvi narrowed her eyes. ‘Amelia, I think that you’re trying too hard not to be the girl who complains any more.’

  I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Obviously, I have been trying to be less negative, but I didn’t think that anyone had noticed. I wasn’t sure that I wanted anyone to notice.

  ‘I think it’s good not to say every little thing that you don’t like, otherwise it’s very boring to listen to.’

  Was she saying that I used to be annoying to listen to?

  ‘But you don’t have to keep away everything you’re thinking. Sometimes things are hard and it’s good to talk about them.’

  ‘Hmm.’ Maybe she was right. I used to want to make everybody miserable when I was miserable, but recently I’ve done the complete opposite and not spoken to anyone about Lauren. Even when I’d been talking to Dad about CFS earlier, I hadn’t told him anything about what happened today with Lauren’s mum. ‘I don’t want to bring other people down.’

  ‘There’s a difference between spreading your bad feelings about and telling someone your problems.’

  I sighed. ‘I’m having some problems with Lauren. I feel like she never shares things with me any more. Important things.’

  ‘I see. Have you spoken to Lauren about this?’

  ‘Not really. It’s hard to find a good time.’

  ‘Why don’t you go to her house tomorrow?’

  ‘I don’t think her mum will let me in.’

  Suvi blinked in surprise. ‘Why not?’

  ‘She doesn’t like me.’

  Suvi tutted. ‘Why would she not like a girl like you?’

  Which surprised me because I’ve been pretty horrible to Suvi in the past so I’d have thought she could think of lots of reasons why people wouldn’t like me.

  ‘You’re a great girl,’ Suvi said. ‘You’re smart and funny and loyal.’

  I couldn’t help snorting then. ‘Lauren’s mum doesn’t know anything about that; she thinks I make Lauren’s illness worse.’

  ‘And do you?’

  ‘No! I didn’t really understand about CFS before because she didn’t tell me. She was always saying she was fine or pretending she was off school for something different. And then, when I did find out, it took me a while to really understand what it means. In fact, I think I’m still working it out, but I want to help Lauren, I really do.’

  ‘Does her mother know this?’

  ‘No. But it doesn’t matter anyway.’ I looked at Suvi. I didn’t get why she was making a thing of this. She never cares what people think of her. She’s not at all afraid of saying stuff that might make others not like her. ‘You’re not normally bothered by what people think,’ I said.

  ‘If people know all about you and they say, “I don’t like this,” that’s fine. But this woman doesn’t know about you. She misunderstands. She sees a cross girl who likes to scowl and say rude things, but she doesn’t see the good Amelia.’

  I didn’t know I had a good side. ‘What good Amelia?’

  Suvi took a sip of tea. ‘Some people are naturally very sweet and caring and giving . . .’

  ‘That’s not me,’ I said.

  Suvi smiled. ‘No, that is not you. But some people, even though they have a lot of angry, sad feelings, try to be a good person for their friends and family. Helping others is not the easiest thing for you but you try very hard to do it.’

  ‘Do I?’

  ‘You cook for your tired mother. You try to stop the worries of little Ella. You even hold the baby for your wicked stepmother.’

  I didn’t know Suvi had noticed any of that stuff.

  ‘And I think Lauren’s mother needs to know that you try to be a good friend to Lauren. Then she can decide if she likes you.’

  ‘But how can she know what sort of friend I am?’

  ‘You have to tell her.’

  I couldn’t see that happening. She wouldn’t let me get a word in edgeways for a start.

  Suvi topped up my tea from the pot. ‘I’m glad you told me this and I know your father is happy that you two talked today; you don’t have to have problems all alone.’

  ‘Neither do you,’ I said.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  I was very close to telling her outright that I could see she wasn’t managing with Kirsti but I thought that might upset her, so instead I said, ‘I think you’re tired. Kirsti is . . . being difficult and maybe you could do with some help.’

  Suvi seemed amused. ‘I think you’re changing this talk from you to me.’

  ‘You’ve already given me some good advice. I think you need some help.’

  Suvi tucked her hair behind her ears. ‘Your father does help. He’s very good at settling Kirsti, but he has to get some sleep so he can go to work in the morning. He cannot go to Kirsti each time she cries. Sometimes it must be me.’

  ‘Can’t he tell you what it is that he does to get her to sleep?’

  Suvi pulled a face. ‘He’s good at the doing, but not so good at the explaining.’

  ‘I know who could help you. Someone who knows a lot about babies.’

  ‘Who’s that?’

  ‘My mum.’

  Suvi nodded. ‘That’s true. All you girls were babies once.’

  ‘And she must have taught us how to sleep because we all do it now. Even Lucy. Although she does like to make traps in her bed, so when you’re doing something perfectly innocent – like trying to steal her hot-water bottle – you have to watch out in case she’s left something spiky or a bit of old sandwich in there. Actually, I’m not sure that the sandwich is part of the trap. I think she just likes to have snacks in her bed.’

  ‘Yes, she does.’ Suvi seemed to agree with this so strongly that I suspected that she might have found the remains of snacks in Lucy’s bed here.

  ‘Anyway, if you want help with babies, you should speak to my mum.’ I promise I was trying to be helpful with that
suggestion. And maybe there was a tiny bit of me that wanted to see if Suvi could take her own advice. Mum and Dad and Suvi all act like they’re very mature about the divorce and that they can still get along, but I wondered if Suvi would actually want to listen to Mum telling her what to do.

  Suvi was thinking. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘You’re completely right. Your mother is the best expert on children that I know. I’ll telephone her tomorrow.’ She took her mug to the sink and rinsed it out. ‘Now we must go to bed and have some sleep before Kirsti wakes up again.’

  We tiptoed upstairs and just as I was going into my room Suvi reached out and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze.

  The last time Suvi tried to squeeze me was in the summer when I bent down in the kitchen to get some plates and I stood up and gashed my head on the corner of the cupboard door above that someone had left open. I had to have six stitches. While we were at the hospital waiting for Mum and Dad to arrive, I might have been crying a tiny bit and Suvi tried to put her arm round me and I shouted, ‘Don’t touch me!’

  But I didn’t mind at all this time.

  I’ll say one thing about Suvi: she doesn’t hang around. By the time I’d dragged myself out of bed on Sunday morning, she’d already had a long conversation with my mum.

  ‘She was very helpful,’ Suvi said. ‘She gave me lots of ideas. For now, I’m taking Kirsti in the car to help her have her nap. Will you come with me?’

  ‘Er . . .’ Hanging out with Suvi wasn’t top of my list of things to do on a Sunday but I supposed I didn’t have a lot else to do. ‘OK.’

  I polished off my toast, cleaned my teeth and got into the car. Kirsti was grizzling and I really hoped she wasn’t going to do that the entire time. But Mum obviously knew what she was talking about because, as soon as the car started, Kirsti settled down and in minutes she was asleep.

  Suvi was chatting away about getting a Christmas tree when I realised which road we were on. It was the one leading to Lauren’s. Then Suvi turned off and there we were: parked outside Lauren’s house.

  ‘What are we doing here?’ I asked.

  ‘We agreed that you would talk to Lauren’s mother, yes?’

  Actually, I distinctly remembered being careful not to specifically agree to Suvi’s plan. ‘I don’t know . . .’ I said.

  ‘You’re unhappy. You need to take action.’

  I supposed that was true. ‘Did you tell Lauren’s mum I was coming?’ I asked.

  ‘No. This is for you to do.’

  My heart sank. It obviously showed on my face because Suvi said, ‘I know it’s hard. There are many words I could say to this woman, but it’s important that you learn to do these things for yourself. You girls, you’re like little birds; when you’re tiny like Kirsti and Lucy, then we can do everything for you, then, when you’re bigger, we take you to the edge of the branch . . .’ She gestured out of the window at Lauren’s house. ‘And we push you off.’

  I pulled a face. ‘What happens then?’

  ‘Then,’ she smiled, ‘you fly! All by yourself.’

  Even though I wasn’t really into this whole comparing me to a bird thing, I understood what she was saying. I had to sort out this problem for myself.

  I opened the car door.

  ‘Do you want me to wait for you?’ Suvi asked.

  ‘That’s OK,’ I said. ‘I can walk back. And Suvi?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Thanks.’

  Suvi looked back at Kirsti’s sleeping face.

  ‘Thank you too.’

  Then I got out of the car and walked up to door and I couldn’t help wondering about all those baby birds being taught to fly by their parents. The idea of striking out from the tree and soaring into the sky was all very nice, but what if I just landed with a splat on the pavement below?

  Lauren’s mum looked slightly less annoyed than the last time I saw her, which I hoped was a good sign. She opened her mouth and I knew she was going to tell me that Lauren was asleep or resting or busy with a secret date.

  ‘Hello, Mrs Anderson. I wondered if I could talk to you,’ I said, before she could get a word out. ‘Oh.’

  That surprised her.

  ‘You’d better come in.’

  She took me into the sitting room. The house seemed very still. I guessed that either Lauren was out or she was asleep.

  ‘Sit down.’

  I perched on the edge of the sofa. ‘I wanted to say . . .’ I stopped. I wasn’t entirely sure what it was that I did want to say. ‘I’ve never meant to upset Lauren,’ I said. ‘I didn’t completely understand about how sick she was before. Even after she told me she was ill, she didn’t tell me that much about her illness. She doesn’t really like talking about it.’

  I saw some recognition in her eyes. ‘Lauren is rather keen to downplay her symptoms.’

  ‘But now I’ve found out a bit more about CFS and I know that she gets tired easily and I promise you I’m keeping an eye on her.’

  Lauren’s mum was still giving me her full attention without interrupting so I decided to press on.

  ‘And it might seem like we fall out all the time, but we honestly don’t. And, even when there is a bit of . . . drama, it always gets sorted out.’ As I was saying this, I realised how much I meant it. I knew that whatever was going on with Josh, I wasn’t going to fall out with Lauren over it. ‘I never stop wanting to be friends with Lauren. She’s my best friend.’

  There was a pause. Lauren’s mum drew a hand across her face.

  ‘I think I owe you an apology, Amelia,’ she said slowly. ‘It’s been a difficult six months. When your child is ill, it’s always distressing, but this has been particularly hard because, until recently, we had no idea what was wrong. I’ve tried to protect Lauren, and with Lauren’s father away so much I felt like I had to be very firm in that respect, but I realise now that I’ve been rather harsh. You see, for a while I thought it was in her best interests for her to see much less of her friends. I deliberately tried to discourage you from visiting and I’m sorry for that, Amelia.’

  I could hardly believe that she was admitting her mistake.

  ‘I honestly thought I was doing the best thing for Lauren, but I appreciate now that she needs friends just as much as she needs her rest. She’s far happier on the days when she sees you.’

  I was really glad to hear that.

  ‘I was so desperate not to tire Lauren out that I resented anyone who required any of her energy. I’m sorry that I’ve been rude to you; all your visits and phone calls and cards ought to have led me to see what a loyal friend you are.’ She’d been staring at the carpet all this time, but now she lifted her eyes to me. ‘Lauren needs you very much and I do hope that I haven’t put you off coming round.’

  Incredible. I don’t know exactly what I was expecting when I stepped through the door, but it definitely wasn’t this. ‘No,’ I said. ‘It hasn’t put me off at all.’

  ‘But you do understand that sometimes she just might not be up to seeing you? And it’s no reflection on how she feels about you as a friend.’

  I hadn’t really got that before. I’d thought that because Lauren had a diagnosis it meant she was going to get better quickly. But after everything I’d learnt yesterday I could see much more clearly that Lauren’s illness wasn’t going to just disappear. ‘I understand that now.’

  ‘Mum!’ Lauren called from upstairs.

  ‘Sounds like she’s awake. Would you like to go up and see her?’

  I could tell that she had to choke back adding on something like ‘ just for a little while’ so I said, ‘I promise I won’t stay long.’

  Lauren was surprised to see me coming up the stairs. ‘I didn’t know you were coming round,’ she said.

  ‘Just thought I’d pop in and see you,’ I said.

  We went into her bedroom and sat down, but I felt awkward. It was all very well deciding that I wasn’t going to fall out with Lauren about her seeing Josh, but it felt like there was a secret sitting betwe
en us on the bed like a big hairy monster. At least it did to me. Lauren was beaming.

  ‘Guess what?’ she said in a low voice.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Yesterday I managed to persuade Mum that I was feeling OK enough to go to the post office on my own and who do you think I bumped into?’

  Oh. Ohhhhhhhhhh. ‘Josh,’ I said. And I knew I was right.

  ‘Yes! I mean, literally I walked round the corner and he almost knocked me over on his bike and then he said sorry, and I said that’s all right and then we ended up sitting outside KFC! Can you believe it?’

  I felt like a terrible person. I don’t know why I’d assumed that Lauren was keeping all this a big secret. Maybe it was something to do with her not being entirely honest about her illness, but I was really, really glad that I hadn’t launched into an attack on her and that I’d had the chance to see that she had clearly been dying to tell me her news.

  ‘Then what happened?’ I asked.

  ‘He asked why I wasn’t in maths.’

  ‘Whoooo!’ I said. ‘He’s obviously missed you.’

  She blushed. ‘We actually had a really nice talk . . . and he asked me to go to Olivia’s New Year’s Eve party with him.’

  My stomach clenched.

  ‘But I didn’t say yes.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because I know you like him too and you’re way more important to me.’

  It was so sweet that she’d said that, but, even though I felt kind of jealous, I knew that I couldn’t let her give up a date with Josh just for me. ‘You have to say yes,’ I said. ‘I honestly don’t mind.’ Even though I did a tiny bit.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  I nodded hard. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel quite as bad as I might have expected. Josh was cute and he seemed nice, but I’d never even really spoken to him. ‘I always knew he liked you. What exactly did you say to him? It isn’t too late for you to accept his invitation, is it?’

  ‘I sort of didn’t say anything. He told me to think about it, so I guess I can still say yes.’ She couldn’t keep the excitement out of her voice. ‘If you’re completely sure that it’s OK with you.’

  ‘It is.’ Then something made me say, ‘Anyway, I think I might be interested in someone else.’