by LJ Swallow
"Yeah, most victim’s injuries suggest demon not vampire. Apart from Seth. What happened out there?"
"We killed it," I say. "Xander and Heath can tell the rest."
Seth rests his head on the table, eyes closed and face ashen. What does he think about our vampires conversation, or what happened to him? Does Seth think he's hallucinating in pain?
I locate and drag the first aid box from the cupboard, remembering the day Xander cleaned up my wound. Somehow I can't picture Xander as the one who'll help out today.
Joss digs around in the box and pulls out needles and surgical thread.
Ugh, no.
"I hope you have medical training," says Seth weakly.
"I won't hurt as much the other guys." He places a hand on Joss's arm. "Don't be nervous."
"You have a calming bedside manner," says Seth and coughs a laugh.
Joss chuckles. "You have no idea. Vee, get Seth something strong to drink. I'm sure that'll help."
I cross the kitchen and pour Seth a whiskey before excusing myself. I've a million questions for Seth, as I'm sure the others have too, but I'm not asking them while Joss stitches up his arm.
What happened to him in the last day?
I imagine Seth has a few questions for us too, after what he witnessed.
Xander, Heath, and Ewan sit in the lounge, and as I walk in, Xander indicates I should close the door. Heath and Xander's shirts are stained with blood, and I look down at mine. Blood. I wait for the rush of nausea. Nothing. Good. Progress.
"I've given Ewan a run down on what happened with Taron. Are you okay?" asks Xander.
"Fine."
"You sure you're okay, Vee? What you did back there was..." Heath trails off.
I swallow. I have no words either. My rage took over the moment Xander implied the vampire had killed Casey—and attempted to murder Seth. He didn't deserve to live. The anger surges again, still contained and wanting an outlet. Every evil, horrific creature in this world deserves to die, and I will do everything to stop them. I’ll kill a thousand of the bastards and not care.
Whoa. "Yes. Fine. Seth's not dead and that’s what matters."
Ewan chews on his lip as he studies me; I don't like the distance in his eyes. Heath and Xander were quiet on the way home, and the glances they gave made me uncomfortable, as if seeing part of me for the first time. I don't understand why. I've killed before.
This time, instead of resisting the War overcoming me, I held on, determined to prove my strength and ability to deal with threat. That determination took over, and I helped.
Didn't I?
"I have a question, Heath.” Xander crosses his arms. "How did we miss seeing someone dump Seth?”
Heath straightens. "I don’t know.”
"I asked you to watch while I was at the bar.” He gestures between Heath and I. "Were you paying attention?”
"Mostly. Maybe I didn’t spend my whole time nose to the window!” he retorts.
"You screwed up. We could’ve seen who it was.”
The tension in the air thickens between the brothers.
"Maybe they took him in from a different side of the building?”
Xander scowls. "I don’t care. This was a fuck up.”
"There’s nothing we can do now, Xander,” I say.
"Have you had a chance to ask Seth any questions?" continues Xander.
"Not in his current state. Please leave Joss to stitch him up, Xander. I think when Seth's rested, he'll be up to an interrogation."
Xander screws his face up, and I'm impressed by his self-control when he sits on a nearby armchair instead of launching himself into the kitchen.
"Where's he been, Vee? What happened to him today?" Ewan asks.
"We don't know."
I pick up an emotion from Xander I'm sure he doesn't want to share—uncertainty. For Seth’s sake, I hope the frustration resting beneath doesn't take him over. "Seth has a lot of explaining to do if he wants to stay here."
"I'm sure both sides have a lot of questions to ask," I reply.
Heath nods. "He saw us killing a vampire tonight. A vampire sent to kill him. Now we can be certain that whatever happened to his group has a demon connection."
Us killing? Me. I sit on the sofa beside Ewan as the three continue to discuss Taron, and I sigh at yet another connection in the Horsemen's world I have no clue about. Ewan takes in the new information with an enthusiastic relief to match Xander's earlier and heads to his laptop for research.
As the anxiety over Seth ebbs and the anger from my War finally drops, another energy triggers. I should be exhausted after the last thirty-six hours, but I'm invigorated after War took hold and the energy surged inside. I struggle to focus on Xander's words, and staying present, but my power's hunger for something more stirs. I want the release I only achieve through sex with one of the guys.
I don't have the strength to fight that side of myself; I'm aware how the night will end.
In the kitchen, Joss tidies away bloodied gauze and Seth lies with his head on the table, outstretched arm covered in a fresh cream-coloured bandage. Seth’s mouth is parted in sleep, head still covered in perspiration, damp hair sticking to his forehead. Bruises mark his cheeks and around his eyes, and there are more on his exposed arms. What happened to Seth? Who did this?
"Did you put him to sleep?" I ask Joss. "Can you do that?"
Joss drops the used bandages and gauze into the waste bin. "Not exactly. Seth passed out, and I encouraged him to stay that way."
"Encouraged?" Joss raises a brow at me. "I won't ask."
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"Me? It annoys me when you all constantly ask. Yes, I am. I know you all think it's strange what I did to Taron but—"
"Not, that, Vee." He flicks on the tap to wash his hands. "You channelled War tonight. We all know what happens when you use your powers."
I close my eyes. "You're sensing it, aren't you?"
"Your raging hormones? Yep."
"Don't worry, I won't jump on you."
"Shame." He throws me a Joss grin and flicks the tap off. "Grab me a beer, will you?"
Seth remains quiet, unmoving against the table, and I stand with Joss by the kitchen counter as we both drink one. In my time here, I'm acquiring a taste for bottled beer. Maybe that's part of my Horseman "assimilation"?
"What's funny?" asks Joss.
"Oh. Nothing.” I drink. "But there's something weird Heath said, and I want to talk to you about it."
"Uh huh. Heath says weird shit a lot. Was he philosophising again?"
"Funny. No. Heath said something about me and my human side. Can I talk to you? I want another opinion."
Joss blows air into his cheeks. "Right. I don't want to discuss things with other ears around." He points at Seth. "Maybe we can talk in the study? Wait there a sec."
Joss leaves the room and I drink my beer, while watching Seth.
Joss returns a few moments later with Xander. "Watch your hostage for a few. Me and Vee have something to talk about."
Xander sits on the edge of the table. "Oh, really? Talk, huh?" He smirks at Joss and refuses to look at me.
"Ha! I wish," says Joss. "I don't think we're past first base yet."
"Shut up," I warn them and point at our captive. "Someone else is here, remember?"
"Yeah, but Vee can't control herself sometimes. Watch it or she'll pin you to the floor." Xander turns his face to me, and I refuse to look away from his challenging stare.
I wait for a Joss joke, but none comes.
Xander breaks our stand off. "Fine. I'll watch your friend. Go talk."
Throwing Xander a tight smile, I follow Joss from the kitchen.
7
VEE
I've peeked through the doorway into the study a few times, but never walked in. The room is unofficially Joss's, mostly due to the fact the other guys have no interest in books. Occasionally, Ewan trades the kitchen table for the dark wood desk inside, where his laptop figh
ts for space amongst piled books. Each guy has a spot he’s happy to spend time alone, and this is Joss's.
I follow Joss into the room; he draws the heavy burgundy curtains and switches on a shaded lamp beside the desk. He slams a large black book closed and pushes it to one side, then perches on the table edge and stretches out his legs.
Joss is right about my heightened desire. I’m distracted by his biceps tensing as he places his hands behind him on the desk, the hands that have touched me in comfort that could do so much more. Joss’s gentleness with Seth, and intuitive nature around me, blooms a warmth in my chest that attracts me to him as much as the man beneath his clothes.
And something inside me whispers, suggesting wicked things I could ask him to do.
Joss rubs long fingers across the mouth I just imagined kissing. "What did Heath say to you? He has a habit of overthinking, especially when tired or stressed. I hope he hasn't upset you again."
"Where do you think you came from, Joss?" I blurt. "Or me?"
He blinks. "I don't know what to believe. I read a lot, as you know, studied the Biblical stories about us—the Four Horsemen I mean. The other guys don't believe any of that is true, but I think Lucifer is connected to us."
"You believe in God and Lucifer?" I ask in surprise.
"Some days." He runs a hand across his hair. "Demon realms exist the other side of the portals. What if one of those places is Hell? Or the big guy stuck back there, who the demons work for, is Lucifer, or equivalent?"
I drop myself into a nearby upholstered chair. "So if you’re connected in the way the Bible portrays the Horsemen, do you think you hold this darkness that Logan mentioned I had?"
Joss's mouth parts in realisation. "Is that why you’re asking? Are you still concerned about his words?"
"No, about the darkness. It's true, we're killers. I used to think that was wrong, but now... I don’t know. Look at me today. Freaked out and sickened by death, but then killing someone. How can I be both?"
"Don't overthink things, Vee," says Joss in a soft voice. "I understand why the fae don't fully trust us when our background is sketchy, and I admit I worry about the dark stories, but not the way Heath and Ewan do."
"They think the darkness will overcome them, don't they?"
Joss holds my look. "They think too much."
"And I can't believe that you don't."
"Well, I could sit around worrying, or I can do what I'm here for. I live day to day." He's not lying, but he's not convincing either of us. "What was it you wanted to know? Besides whether we're really agents of Lucifer?"
"Don't joke like that."
"Sorry."
I dig my nails into my palms. I've rehearsed the conversation, and questioned whether I should ask Joss to do what I’m about to ask, and with the energy running through from killing, I'm pushed closer to asking.
"How I reacted earlier today. When... Casey. I don't think I want to hold onto human Vee anymore. It's too painful. Confusing." I catch worry from Joss’s mind before he blanks his emotion. "Do you think I can—and will—lose the human me? I want to be a hundred percent the Fifth."
Joss rubs a palm back and forth across his mouth and disappointment sinks into my stomach at his silence. "But we are partly human, Vee. All of us. Maybe you don't cope as well because you're a—"
"If you're going to say because I'm a girl, stop."
"I wasn't."
I cross my arms. "I don't want to be human anymore, because I never was. The human Verity can't contain Truth; she's too powerful."
"Vee, stop," says Joss in a low voice.
"Can you take away how I feel, Joss? I don't want my old connection to the world and to people anymore. I can't be this and experience horror and fear over the death around me." The words tumble from my mouth, the thoughts mulled over and over since my conversation with Heath.
"You'll get used to the death and be able to put the distance there. You managed to tonight, and did before."
"But the human sneaks in and look what happened this morning!"
Joss rubs his brow. "Vee, we all went through accepting this."
"But are we the same? I lived as a human, not the way you did. I don't even know if I am created equally to you, Joss."
My chair is close to the desk Joss sits on, and he reaches out a hand. I uncross my arms and allow him to take my fingers. The calm sweeps over me as he pulls away part of my distress but barely touches the unease.
"When I discovered I wasn't human that first night, I freaked. As you know." I attempt a smile. "But whatever I am took over within hours, and I coped with the news. Yet, even though I've accepted who I am, there're parts of human Vee left. I thought I wanted to hold onto her, but I realise I can't. There's no room for her with me anymore."
I can't fathom Joss's expression as he studies me in silence. "Yes, there is," he says finally.
I push on. "You can starve people of emotions. Is that permanent? Can you take away mine, so I don’t feel intense human emotions?"
His fingers tighten around mine. "No."
No he can't, or no he won't?
"Joss, please." I stand and look down at where he's sitting, and nudge one of his legs, so I can position myself between his thighs. Lacing my fingers around his neck, I hover my mouth above his. His cologne’s scent stirs more inside, pushing my memories back to times we’ve fooled around in bed, but never gone further than maddening kisses and touches. The repressed sexual need for him is pushed higher by a hungry desire for Joss to fix my situation.
I settle my body against his, pushing myself harder against his warm chest as I slide my lips across his stubbled cheek. As the raw energy flowing inside rises further to the surface, I move my mouth onto Joss’s and tug on his bottom lip insistently. When he doesn't respond straightaway, I tease him into returning my kiss. Joss slides his hands onto my hips and kisses me gently. I kiss him harder, holding onto his neck and feeling his jawline beneath my fingers.
Happiness hummed through my world the last time I kissed Joss, on our strange date. This time something more intense joins us, and his gentleness switches to urgent. If Joss lets go, he'll do what I'm asking.
They will all do what I ask them to.
I wrench my mouth from his in response to the words entering my head. What the hell was that?
"Are you okay?" He brushes his lips along my cheek and kisses the pulse point on my neck.
I place a hand on his chest to steady myself. "Will you help me, Joss?"
There's a soft sadness in his eyes as he strokes my hair. "I'll do anything for you, Vee, but I won't hurt you."
"If you take away how deeply I feel about what happens to humans, you will help me." I sneak a hand beneath his shirt and run my nails along the solid muscle beneath. "You'll help all of us. Please, Joss."
"No. I won't take away your humanity, Vee. You need to hold onto who you are."
Annoyed, I crash my mouth onto his again, and he responds with a harsh kiss. I push him backwards onto the table and climb onto his lap, looking down. Joss looks back, chest moving rapidly. I shift against him, aware how instantly I arouse him and smile.
Dipping my head, I run my tongue along his parted lips. "Okay, if you'll do anything for me, then help with what I need right now."
He cups the back of my head and holds my mouth to his, teasing me with a gentle kiss. No. He needs to let go, not rein himself in. I need to trigger his power the way I do the others. I sit back again and pull my shirt over my head. His gaze immediately switches to my breasts swelling against the black lace bra, while I slowly unbutton his shirt, pushing the material to one side and soaking up the sight. I drag my nails across his smooth skin over the sinewed muscle in his broad shoulders, down his chest towards the solid abs.
Time and time again I've lain in bed with Joss, held against him, feeling his arousal and fighting mine. Why has he never taken the next step? We've never been skin against skin before. Is that how he resisted the desire that winds around us
when we're together? I've dreamed about exploring his body, picturing how, and I lean forward to kiss his skin, alternating with nipping. Joss winds his hands into my hair.
"You have no idea how much I fucking want this." His voice is darker than a few moments ago, more ragged. "Or how hard it is to hide from you what I do to you in my dreams."
He doesn't need to tell me, our empath connection broadcasts our desire as the powerful need grows. I look down, my hair touching his face as our eyes meet in understanding.
"Show me what you do in your dreams."
Joss's eyes darken at the words, and he grabs my ass, holding me to him. Parting my lips with my tongue, he claims my mouth and finally kisses me the way I want.
As Joss absorbs my aching desire, he takes in my raw emotions too. I’m right. He can do this. Joined with him, I could allow him to take too much and starve me of those emotions.
But the love and affection beneath his lust holds him back from letting go and consuming. I deepen my kiss, urging him on. The more of the energised Vee he connects with, the more Joss will loosen his control.
He needs to give in to this.
Joss pulls his head away. "Vee."
"Joss?" I move my head down and place my lips on his chest. I kiss downwards, running my tongue along his smooth skin, inhaling his fresh scent as I taste him. I stop as I reach his abs, then nip gently.
"Are you only doing this so I'll do what you asked?" he asks, voice rough.
I move further down and flick open the button on his jeans. "No. I'm doing this because I want you, too."
"But I know the others lost control around you," he breathes out. "Their powers trigger, I mean. I don't know —" I unzip his fly and run a hand along the erection beneath his briefs. "Fuck."
"You don't know if you can control yourself around me? Are you worried you'll absorb too much?"
Starve me of humanity?
"This isn't good, Vee." He swears under his breath as I release his hard cock and curl my fingers around the base.
"This isn't good?" I murmur.
"No. You. Behaving like this. Something's different."
I smile to myself with the satisfaction of hearing him struggle with words.