Marlowe and the Spacewoman

by Ian M. Dudley

  “I’m popular for that?”

  “Absolutely! People hate them, but during the fall, that’s pretty much the only vegetable we have to eat.”

  “Just Brussels sprouts? But that’s crazy! Why don’t you grow other vegetables?”

  “We do, but they’re timed to be harvested at different times of the year.”

  “But no wonder people hate them. You’d get tired of the same thing over and over again. It doesn’t make any sense.”

  “Oh, they took that into account. These are genetically engineered Brussels sprouts. They have a variety of flavors – zucchini, asparagus, corned beef. But the texture – it never changes.”

  “No,” broke in Jebediah with a shudder. “Always that awful leafy texture. Always the same.”

  “Anyway, it seems like history is repeating itself. If I remember correctly, the last coup we had was precipitated by a rather large public controversy.”

  “Nonsense,” shouted Jebediah. “Nothing controversial about that decision at all!”

  “What decision?” asked Nina.

  “Never you mind, young lady, never you mind.”

  “Well, it certainly wasn’t anything as exciting as a visitor from outer space.”

  “Spares, not a word. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  They finally reached their destination. It had involved a great deal of threading through the morass of City traffic, but the Studebaker finally rolled to a stop next to the James K. Polk Maximum Security Middle School. Marlowe listened to the sounds of a carefree youth that he had never experienced. Third and fourth graders laughed and squealed as they played kickball and Flush-Out-The-Traitor, safe behind the high voltage security fence encircling their campus. Fifth and six graders clustered together with their classmates, each gang eying the other suspiciously as they sauntered up and down their sides of the StyroCork and SimuTurf playground. A couple of constables watched over them in case any of the older children figured out a way over the fence.

  “Follow me,” said Marlowe as he climbed out of the car. “We walk from here.”

  The constables watched the new arrivals for a moment, their interest piqued at someone outside the daily routine. It gave Marlowe an idea.

  “Father, those constables seem awfully interested in us. No, no, don’t look, that will just arouse their suspicions further, and give them a good look at your face.”

  Jebediah blanched. “Good Governor, they might identify me!” For a man holding stock still, half in and half out of the car, he became quite animated. “Are they coming over here?”

  The constables had returned their stern glares to the more obvious threat, the schoolchildren, but Marlowe felt a small lie would make Jebediah easier to handle. “No, they aren’t coming over here, but they seem very curious. You better get back in the car. It’s armored, and I can have it drive you around the block and out of sight.”

  “Yes, son, excellent thinking. And to think I suspected you hated me! I can’t imagine what led me to prefer your brother over you.”

  “Probably your ability to judge character,” muttered Marlowe under his breath after Jebediah had slipped back into the car and crouched on the floor.

  “Are you sure it’s safe to leave him alone?” asked Nina. “What if the police do come after him?”

  “Constables, Nina. They’re called constables now. Only the military have police. And these particular constables aren’t even remotely interested in him. They have bigger fish to fry – these middle schoolers. Besides, I’m positive that Obedere arranged for father’s escape as an obstacle to my investigations, so his constables are hardly likely to snatch him up and out of my hair. No, that would be far too convenient.”

  “And if you’re wrong?”

  “I’m not. Trust me.”

  “Fine. It’s not like I have any choice.” Nina crossed her arms and looked around.

  “I’m sorry, I keep forgetting all this is new and strange to you. I’m always forced to play games like this with Obedere. He hates me because I’ve managed indirectly or directly to obstruct his path to the Governorship on several occasions. You asked before about the face lifts; more than once has been after one of those cases. He’s tried to kill me and come very close once, but that only taught him that despite my brother’s distant attitude towards me, I still have enough value in the Governor’s eyes to be protected from out-and-out murder or execution. So he takes out his frustrations by interfering with my pursuit of happiness and attempting to undercut my effectiveness in the hopes of reducing my usefulness to my brother. So when I say I know this is Obedere’s handiwork, it is Obedere’s handiwork, and my father would be quite safe walking into the nearest Constable’s Station and declaring himself to them. They’d just cart him right back to House.”

  Nina seemed appeased by the more detailed explanation. “OK, then who is this Teddy?”

  The sun had started to set, spilling raspberry syrup across the sky. “Teddy.” Marlowe scratched his chin. “How to explain him. The easiest explanation is to meet him. That said, he’s one of my better informants and, it turns out, an excellent chess player.”

  “Where do we find him?”

  “Oh, we keep walking. He’ll find us.”

  Marlowe strolled down a side street, keeping up a steady patter about the weather and the trees they were walking under. On one side, City workers were trimming back branches that had extended too far and too low into the personal space of the street. The trees on the other side were dropping their leaves, shedding golden tears for their injured comrades. Marlowe thought the leaves, resting on the black surface, looked like yellow lily pads floating on an asphalt pond.

  They kept moving, turning left again at another small street, walking past almost-but-not-quite modest homes. Marlowe pulled a small plastic device out of his pocket. It was triangular, with a grille on one side, and a handle on the other.

  “What’s that?” asked Nina.

  “Sniffer,” replied Marlowe, lowering his arm and discreetly passing the device over tree trunks and fences as they walked.

  “What’s it do?”

  “I’m looking for a certain scent.”

  “Scent?”

  “Yes. Dogs like to mark their territories, and I’m looking for a particular dog.”

  “And his scent is programmed into the sniffer.”

  “My, you’re learning fast.”

  The device sniffed softly as they passed a fence post. Marlowe stopped, whistled loudly a couple of times, and crossed the street.

  “He likes to zigzag across the street. Doesn’t believe in straight lines, wreaks havoc on traffic. Fortunately, he knows to look both ways first. Course, that would get him in trouble if he didn’t have eyes set on either side of his head. He can be very discreet about checking for traffic. Close one eye, open the other, then switch. He’s a smart one. Gonna get him into trouble one of these days.”

  The sniffer sniffed again, the same volume as before. “Hmm, not the freshest scent, but not that old either.” Marlowe whistled again, then leaned close to Nina and lowered his voice. “Teddy is a very special dog. Kinda like the special parrots, only not evil.”

  They crossed the street, almost getting hit by a passing car that honked angrily at them.

  “Oh.” Nina looked up and down the street. “What’s he look like?”

  “Big. Dark. And don’t be surprised when he talks. In fact, try not to attract any attention to us when we find him. Some people don’t care about his disposition and lifestyle, they just fear him because he’s a dog AND smarter than them.”

  The sniffer snorted a little louder at the corner. Marlowe started tapping his fingers with his thumb.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m trying to remember the pattern he uses when he reaches a street corner.” He touched each finger with his thumb. “Index left, middle right, ring turn around, pinky stay the course. I think. I can never remember.”

  “I think I may be of some ass
istance,” said House in Marlowe’s ear and Nina’s wrist communicator.

  “You know, House, we need to get her an ear piece so the whole world can’t hear when you talk to us.”

  “I did suggest that, but you were in a hurry and didn’t want to keep looking once you’d found the wrist communicator.”

  “Well, there is a sense of urgency here, isn’t there?”

  “I can disable her speaker during critical communications,” said House, suddenly only in Marlowe’s ear, “if it looks like someone undesirable may be able to overhear.” Then his voice issued through just Nina’s wrist communicator. “And if you don’t trust my judgment, we can agree on a code word you can use to tell me to disable communications.”

  “That will be fine, House. No code word needed. When we’re not alone or with someone we trust, turn off her speaker.”

  “Very good,” said House.

  “Is Teddy a Rottweiler?” asked Nina.

  “Mostly,” said Marlowe, “but with a little Shetland thrown in.”

  “Then I think we’ve found him.”

  Marlowe turned to where Nina was looking, too late to avoid Teddy’s pounce or the sudden trip to the ground. Teddy started licking his face and neck.

  “Stop that, Teddy!” Marlowe squirmed and flopped around. “That tickles!”

  “Rrruf!”

  “Hey, I thought you said he could talk.” Nina couldn’t keep the disappointment out of her voice.

  Teddy stopped and looked quizzically at Marlowe, who slid out from under him and sat up.

  “Teddy, this is Nina. She’s OK. I’ll vouch for her.”

  “Not here,” hissed Teddy. “It’s too open and there are too many coppers running around.”

  Teddy leapt to his feet and trotted down the street. Marlowe picked himself up and followed, Nina ahead of him. The taciturn dog led them into an even less almost-but-not-quite modest neighborhood of ratty apartments and sagging carports, stopping to mark a post before turning right down an alley. Marlowe’s sniffer sniffed loudly as he walked past the post, prompting him to turn it off.

  Marlowe was huffing a little harder than he cared to show when he finally caught up. Teddy was sitting against a fence, Nina rubbing his head, his tongue lolling and eyes rolled back blissfully. A barren field with the skeleton of a wrecked car and several rusted-out drums tilted at obtuse angles lay on the other side of the fence. The faintest remnants of biohazard labels peeled and curled away from the drum surfaces. The nearest house, with boarded up windows and a huge gaping hole in the roof, gave the distinct impression of being abandoned.

  “We weren’t supposed to get together for another couple of days, Marlowe. What’s up?”

  “I need to find a computer. A really old computer.”

  Teddy cocked his head and twitched an ear. “Lots of old computers lying about. Probably an even dozen one meter underneath that field over there.”

  “A really old, working computer.”

  “How old?”

  “A hundred, hundred and ten years old,” said Nina.

  Teddy whistled appreciatively. Or tried to. But he was a dog, and all he managed to do was spray saliva all over Marlowe’s crotch. The fabric of Marlowe’s pants tisk-tisked and attempted to wring itself dry, causing Marlowe to give an awful, high-pitched yelp before he put a stop to it. Nina stopped rubbing Teddy’s head and almost fell over laughing.

  Marlowe gave Nina a pained glance as he adjusted the now wrinkled crotch of his pants. “It’s not funny. That really hurt.”

  Teddy sunk his head. “Sorry about that, Marlowe. And Nina, please don’t stop rubbing my head. I’m rather enjoying that.”

  “Oh, OK.” Nina resumed, scratching behind his ears. Teddy’s hind legs kicked involuntarily.

  “Ah, yeah, that’s the spot.”

  “I’m sorry to interrupt,” Marlowe broke in impatiently, “but we’re on a bit of a deadline here.”

  “Sorry. I think your best bet would be Huggy Bear.”

  “Huggy Bear? Who’s that?” asked Marlowe.

  “An old hacker friend of mine. Took care of my registration in the Canine Registry, kept me off the ‘GMO Hunt Down and Kill’ list. His hobby is retro computing. He collects and restores old computers.”

  “Where can we find Huggy Bear?” asked Nina.

  “Well, his day job is at a music store. Sunrise CDs. If anyone has a computer as old as the one you need, it would be Huggy Bear.”

  “House, you have an address for that?”

  “I’ve already downloaded it to the Studebaker.”

  “Thanks, Teddy. I owe you.”

  Teddy started to look uncomfortable. “You’re welcome, Marlowe. No problem. Always happy to help out a friend. But, you know…”

  Marlowe smiled and reached into his trench coat. “I’m just kidding. It’s just so funny how uncomfortable you are when it comes to payment. Almost endearing. Here.” Marlowe pulled out a couple of simulated pork PoorChops, peeled off their self-heating foil wrappers, and tossed the steaming masses down in front of the dog. Teddy wagged his clipped tail and pounced on them.

  “Mmm! Thanks, Marlowe,” he said, lips smacking.

  “Say hi to Deedee for me.”

  Teddy nodded, but didn’t stop eating.

  The Studebaker was gone when they got back to the school. Marlowe swore under his breath. “Damn it, father, what have you done? House! Where’s the car?”

  “Dad wanted to go to a safe house of his in the neighborhood. He said he’d be done before you got back,” said House meekly.

  Marlowe looked up and down the street. The constables were now seated at a small table outside the Bucky Brew across the street, watching the school over a couple mugs of joe. “Where is he?”

  “Half a kilometer to the east. I’m downloading his coordinates to your PDI now.”

  “Can’t you make the car come back here,” asked Nina.

  “Yeah, but father might not be in the car. And if he has some hidey-hole he set up from before the coup, Governor only knows what’s in it. The crazy is new for him, but the paranoia isn’t. He’s probably stocked the place up with all sorts of big shiny guns a crazy person shouldn’t have access to. It isn’t just my civic duty to keep him out of it, it’s plain common sense. Can’t have him finding his way back to House loaded for bear. There might be a tragic accident.” And if he had any really good guns, thought Marlowe, they’d be unlicensed and untraceable. Marlowe was always looking to add to his arsenal without tipping his inventory to Obedere.

  So they walked, following the trace on the PDI. Marlowe walked fast, working out the anger without the aid of the nano probes. He had half a mind to cut his father loose, but the man would almost certainly be more trouble running around unchecked, especially if he had more than one safe house set up. Jebediah would eventually gun for his brother, Obedere, or even him. The first two didn’t bother him too much, but that last potential target just didn’t sit well.

  “Nina,” said Marlowe as they were getting close, “I think I may need your help on this one. I’d like to avoid as much of a scene as possible when we find him, and that means force. Any ideas how we should proceed on that front?”

  “If I might make a suggestion,” asked House.

  “No,” said Marlowe, “you may not. You got us into this mess.”

  Nina waited to see if House would respond, but he stayed silent. “He doesn’t like you much, does he?”

  “Father? No. He’s probably still wondering if I jammed him up during the coup. Even if he believed me when I said I had nothing to do with it, the man’s not thinking clearly most of the time.”

  “So we use that. You confront him, talk to him, distract him. I work my way behind him and jump him.”

  “Man, I hate my family.” Marlowe shook his head. “What did I do to deserve all this?”

  “Well-” said House.

  “Nope,” broke in Marlowe, “you’re not allowed to talk right now, so can it.”

&nbs
p; If Marlowe had any hope of avoiding a scene, that hope was thrown off a cliff, dashed against the rocks below, and then the sticky mess stomped on by a squadron of constables when they finally caught up with Jebediah. He was hopping up and down, screaming at a store front. Passersby were giving him a wide berth. No constables had arrived yet, but they’d show up soon enough. Marlowe wondered just how bad it would get for the old man if he was arrested. It might actually be for the best, for Marlowe anyway. Which meant that Obedere would never go for it. He’d instruct his constables to leave things be.

  Nina started edging around Jebediah, working over to the other side of him. Marlowe looked at the object of Jebediah’s wrath - a special edition Bucky Brew shop.

  Bucky Brew was always trying to be fresh, keep themselves in the public consciousness. So they’d opened a series of one-off special edition themed shops that were different but still served the same old reliable Bucky Brew. There was the Zeppelin Edition, where you rode a sky car up to a floating cafe, the Monorail Edition, where you boarded a bullet train that ran in a loop around the downtown area and had to hold your cup at an angle due to the extreme acceleration during the express portions of the line, and the Troglodyte edition, where you donned night-vision goggles (or used your low level light implant) and descended into a pitch black basement to buy and drink your coffee, just to name a few.

  They were in front of the Troglodyte edition, and Jebediah, a cup of Bucky Brew in one hand, was foaming at the mouth as he jumped up and down. The coffee, thank the Governor, had a lid on it. Marlowe could not make out a word Jebediah was saying, probably because the man was incoherent with rage. He called out gently. “Father? Father, what are you doing?”

  Jebediah stopped screaming, and his hopping subsided into a series of disconcerting twitches. He turned to Marlowe, eyes unfocused. Mechanically, he raised the cup of coffee to his lips and took a swig.

  “Spares, is that you?” His face was red but fading. “Look what they’ve done to my safe house, boy. Look what they’ve done to my safe house.”

  Marlowe looked past Jebediah to Nina. She was slowly creeping up on the man, who’d suddenly deflated like an Eastern European built zeppelin. He shook his head, signaling Nina to hold off. “What are you talking about?”