by Kate Hewitt
‘Sorry...?’
‘That you slept with me. That I became pregnant. That I...that I ruined your life.’
‘Halina.’ Rico leaned forward so his gaze met hers and she could see how fiercely his silvery eyes glittered. ‘You have not ruined my life.’
‘But to be suddenly burdened with a wife and baby you didn’t want... And you had all those mistresses...’ A sudden, horrible thought occurred to her, one that now seemed appallingly obvious. ‘Are you...are you going to keep on with them...after we marry?’
‘What?’ Rico’s brows drew together in a ferocious frown. ‘Of course not. Do you honestly think I would?’
‘You didn’t ask for this, Rico.’
‘Neither did you. And, in any case, I believe I will be wholly satisfied in that department by my wife.’ His hand slid from her ankle to her knee, his fingers splayed across her tender skin as his gaze remained hot and intent on hers. ‘Perhaps I should remind you how good we are together, bella. How explosive.’
Halina’s breath came out in a shuddery rush and the sensitive skin of her knee tingled. His fingers felt warm and very sure as they started to slide upwards. ‘You’ve barely touched me in two weeks,’ she whispered. ‘Not since you saw me again.’
‘I wanted you to rest.’ His smile turned wolfish, his eyes filled with heat. ‘To regain your strength.’
‘Plus I looked like a worn-out dishrag.’
‘You have always been beautiful to me. Never doubt that.’ With his gaze still fastened on hers, he moved his hand to her inner thigh, his warm palm sliding upwards in a sure, fluid movement. Halina shuddered, every nerve on over-sensitised alert as his fingers skimmed along her skin.
‘We’re so good together, Halina,’ Rico murmured as he continued to stroke her thigh. ‘We always have been.’
‘You mean the one time.’
‘I am looking forward to many others. You have ruined me for other women.’
‘That’s what someone said about you.’ Her breath came out in jerks and bursts as his fingers crept even closer to her feminine centre. If he touched her there, she thought she might melt—or explode.
‘What do you mean?’ One finger skimmed the lace of her underwear, making her shudder. Halina slid a little lower down on the seat.
‘In the bathroom...that first night...some supermodel you’d slept with... The women said she’d been ruined for life by you, because you’re so...’ His fingers were becoming more insistent, more daring, sliding beneath her underwear, skimming her tantalised flesh and then going even deeper, with sure, knowing strokes. Pleasure swirled inside her, obscuring her senses so she could barely think, much less speak. ‘They said...they said you were so good,’ she half-moaned as her body arched upwards. ‘At sex.’ With a little cry she gave herself up to the pleasure crashing over her and felt herself go liquid and boneless.
As the last shudders of her climax rippled through her, Rico leaned over and pressed a hard kiss to her mouth. ‘Which I’ve just proved, I think.’
She opened her eyes, dazed and more than a little embarrassed to be slouched on the seat, her elegant gown rucked up halfway to her hips, her wanton pleasure so very evident.
She struggled up to sitting, pushing her hair out of her face. ‘I must look a mess,’ she muttered.
‘You look beautiful.’ Rico touched her chin with his fingertips. ‘Do you know how enflaming it is to see you come apart under my touch? Do you know what it does to me?’ Wordlessly Halina shook her head, shocked by the admission, by the blatant need she saw in his eyes and felt in the tautness of his body. ‘When we get back to the apartment,’ Rico said, his voice roughening, ‘I’ll show you.’
* * *
Desire thrummed through Rico, a slow burn that threatened to ignite into a full conflagration. Seeing Halina respond to his touch, her face and body both suffused with pleasure, had been a severe test of his self-control. He’d wanted to take her right there on the seat of his limo, in the kind of helpless display of overwhelming need that he never gave into.
So he didn’t. He wanted her—heaven help them both how much he did—but he still clung to his self-control, if only by his fingertips.
The limo pulled up to his building and without a word Rico emerged from the back, holding Halina’s hand as he drew her along.
‘My shoes,’ she protested, and he saw she was barefoot.
‘They don’t matter. Forget them.’ His self-control only extended so far.
With a little laugh Halina did, following him into the darkened foyer of the building and then into the lift. That was how far his self-control went; as soon as the doors closed, he pulled her into his arms, plundering her mouth as he backed her up against the wall.
She gasped, driving her hands through his hair as she surrendered to his touch, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him even closer.
It still wasn’t enough. He yanked her dress up to her waist, needing to feel her against him.
‘Rico...’ His name was a soft protest and he stilled, shocked by his own urgent actions.
‘Do you want me?’ he demanded, unable to keep from saying the words. Voicing his fear. ‘Do you want me as much as I want you?’
‘You know I do.’
The doors to his apartment opened and with a sound nearing a growl Rico swept Halina up into his arms and strode to his bedroom. ‘Then show me.’
‘I already have,’ she protested breathlessly as he peeled her dress off her and laid her on the bed. ‘How could you doubt it, Rico? I’ve been putty in your hands since the moment I first laid eyes on you.’
‘Good.’ He pulled off his tie and tuxedo shirt, studs flying everywhere and clattering to the floor. ‘That’s how I want it to be.’
The self-control he’d been so determined, so desperate to hold onto was in shreds. All he could think of, all he could feel, was his need for her. Shucking off the rest of his clothes, Rico pulled Halina into his arms. The feel of her golden, silken skin against his was an exquisite torture.
‘I’ve been dreaming of this,’ he muttered against her skin, wanting to touch and taste her all at once. ‘Dreaming of this ever since you walked out of my hotel suite all those weeks ago.’
‘So have I,’ Halina whispered, her body arching under his touch. ‘Even if I tried to keep myself from it.’
Just as he had, because such need was weakness. But now he didn’t care. Now he simply wanted—and took.
When he slid inside her velvety depths he felt a crashing sense of relief, almost as if a burden had been lifted. This felt right and true, the home he’d never had. Then she arched up to meet him, matching his thrusts, and he stopped thinking at all.
Later, when his heart rate had started to slow and he felt himself come back to his senses, Rico reviewed his actions as dispassionately as he could. Yes, he’d lost control. Completely. But so had Halina. The fact was they shared an incredible chemistry, and that was no bad thing. So as long as he kept the loss of control in the realm of the bedroom, he would be satisfied. He wouldn’t be in danger of losing anything to Halina...such as the heart he’d always acted as if he didn’t have.
Next to him Halina stirred sleepily. ‘That was a nice way to end the evening.’
‘Perhaps the evening is just beginning.’ Rico rolled over to face her. ‘But we never finished our conversation. What did those women say?’
‘It really doesn’t matter...’
He hated the thought of her being hurt. ‘I think it does.’
With a sigh Halina rolled onto her back. ‘They just said they couldn’t believe you’d finally been snared—that was the word I think they used. And the fact that I was pregnant and a princess could be the only reason you’d ever marry me, because you were obviously way out of my league.’
Rico stiffened, a new fury starting to boil through him. How dared those i
nsipid, catty women say such things about his chosen bride?
‘I don’t know why you seem angry,’ Halina remarked lightly as she rolled back to face him. ‘It’s all true.’
‘What? No, it isn’t.’
‘Come on, Rico.’ Despite her light tone, pain flashed in her eyes. ‘Let’s be honest. I know there are a lot of things we can’t have in our marriage, but surely truth isn’t one of them?’
‘It’s not true,’ he insisted stubbornly.
‘It is,’ Halina returned, her tone just as stubborn. ‘You know it is. You never would have married me if I hadn’t been pregnant, and the fact that I’m royal no doubt has something to do with it too.’
‘What are you saying? That if you’d been a nobody I wouldn’t have married you?’
‘Would you have?’
‘I would always,’ Rico said flatly, fighting back a tidal wave of fury, ‘marry the mother of my child.’
‘So I guess you didn’t get a woman pregnant before.’
‘No, I always took precautions, for a reason.’
She nodded slowly. ‘And I’d told you it was safe. I’m sorry.’
He shook his head, annoyed and exasperated by the whole conversation. He didn’t want to tread over this old ground yet again. He didn’t want to be reminded of how he used to be, either. He was different now—just not that different.
‘My point,’ Halina said after a moment, ‘Is that my pregnancy is what precipitated your proposal. How’s that for an alliteration?’ She gave him a teasing smile but Rico didn’t have it in him to respond in kind.
His fury was fading, replaced by a far more alarming confusion as he realised that Halina was right, at least in part. He never would have married her if she hadn’t been pregnant. He never even would have seen her again. It was blindingly obvious, but it didn’t sit well with him. At all.
‘I should go back to my own bed,’ Halina said, starting to rise. Rico stayed her with one hand.
‘You’ll sleep here.’
Even in the darkness of the room he saw the surprise flash across her face. ‘I thought you never slept with a woman—’
‘You’re going to be my wife,’ Rico interjected fiercely. ‘And we’ll sleep together from now on. It’s time,’ he added, drawing her towards him so she was nestled snugly against his chest, ‘That we started to plan the wedding.’
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘THIS DRESS IS very discreet.’ The sales assistant gave Halina a knowing smile as she gestured to a gorgeous dress of ivory satin with a convenient empire waist to hide Halina’s small but growing bump. She was fifteen weeks pregnant and only just starting to show.
It had been three weeks since she and Rico had re-consummated their relationship, three weeks of virtually living as man and wife, even if they weren’t going to say the vows for another fortnight. Three happy, hopeful yet so uncertain weeks, and with every passing day Halina felt more and more anxious.
She had spent every night in Rico’s bed, as well as in his arms. He was a tender and attentive lover, awakening her body to sensations and desires she’d never experienced before.
As she’d grown in experience, she had also grown in confidence, daring to touch and explore his body as he did hers. It had brought an intense intimacy that left Halina breathless with longing for Rico to feel the same as she did...even as she forced herself to acknowledge that he didn’t, he couldn’t, not when he’d gone through a woman a week for most of his adult life. Sex was just a physical exercise for him, not the emotional, soul-shattering experience it had become for her.
As for out of bed... Rico was attentive then, too. Solicitous to her every need and comfort—often coming home with some treat she’d been craving, accompanying her to her doctor appointments and helping with the planning of their wedding which, according to the city’s tabloids and gossip magazines, was going to be the event of the year.
Halina wasn’t sure how she felt about that; in the weeks since that first, awful party they’d gone out on several social occasions and she’d managed to hold her head up high, despite several women’s sneering looks and whispering comments.
‘They’re just jealous,’ Rico said blandly, and Halina had laughed.
‘That’s a rather arrogant comment, you know.’
‘But it’s true.’ And she knew it was.
As the wedding loomed closer, she veered between excitement and a growing terror. Excitement because part of her was looking forward to being part of a family again, to starting a new life with Rico. She’d enjoyed these last few weeks with him, more than she’d ever expected to, but the terror came from the creeping fear that it wasn’t enough and it never would be.
His care, his solicitude, his thorough attentiveness in bed—none of it would be enough, because he didn’t love her. He’d made that very clear in a thousand painful ways. He would never love her, and she had to accept that, learn to live with it, because she had no choice. As much freedom as she felt she had now, she still lived under the worst restriction of all.
‘Would you like to try it on?’ the assistant asked, and Halina nodded, needing a distraction from her circling and increasingly unhappy thoughts. She also needed a wedding dress; the church and reception hall had been booked, the meal planned, the champagne ordered and the guests, all six hundred of them, invited. Although she’d been looking for a while, she hadn’t yet found a dress she liked—and it was getting late.
Halina went into the dressing room and slipped into the empire-waist dress. The bodice shimmered with crystal jet and diamanté, and the skirt fell in a drop of exquisite ivory satin, swirling around her ankles. It was simple and elegant and, as the assistant said, very discreet.
Halina tried to picture herself walking down the aisle in the huge church and inwardly trembled. She’d be walking alone; her father had refused to attend the wedding, or let her mother or sisters attend. Their absence made her relationship with Rico feel even lonelier and more lacking. He was all she had in the world, and he didn’t love her.
‘What does signorina think?’ the assistant called, and Halina gazed at her pale face, her wide dark eyes.
‘It’s fine,’ she called back tonelessly. ‘Perfect. I’ll take it.’
Her fingers shook as she fumbled with the hook-and-eye fasteners at the back of the dress. What was wrong with her? She’d been happy these last three weeks; she really had. There had been so much to enjoy, and yet...
Marriage. A loveless marriage. For ever. She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the cool mirror. Why did it matter so much? Why did it make her ache so?
‘Signorina?’ The assistant peeked through the curtain and Halina jerked back, embarrassed to be caught looking as if she were about to fall apart.
‘I’ll be straight out.’
The woman smiled sympathetically. ‘Everyone gets cold feet, no? It is normal.’
It wasn’t her cold feet she was worried about but Rico’s icy heart. Quickly she slipped out of the dress and handed it to the assistant. ‘Thank you.’
‘You are sure...?’
‘Yes.’ She was sure about the dress, if nothing else at this moment.
Halina dressed quickly, as Rico was planning to meet her for lunch at a new upscale restaurant off the Via dei Condotti and she didn’t want him sensing that she was worried or upset. He would just harangue her, demanding to know what was wrong and how he could fix it. Touching at times, but he couldn’t fix this. He wouldn’t want to.
‘Did you find a dress?’ Rico asked when she walked into the restaurant fifteen minutes later. He stood up as she came to the table and kissed her cheek.
‘Yes, I have found one.’ Halina sat down and smiled. ‘I think it’s very pretty.’
Rico scanned her face, a slight frown settling between his brows. ‘What’s wrong?’
He was so irritatingly
perceptive, Halina reflected. A strange quality for man who claimed to have no use for feelings. ‘Nothing’s wrong,’ she said and picked up her menu. Now that thankfully her nausea had gone, she found she was ravenous.
‘Something’s wrong, Halina. I can tell.’
Halina looked up from the menu, her eyebrows raised. ‘How can you tell?’
Rico shrugged, seeming slightly discomfited by the question. ‘I just can. There’s something about you...it’s like a sixth sense, I suppose. We’re attuned to each other.’
Which could have been heartening, but wasn’t. She didn’t want to be attuned. She wanted to be loved. The realisation solidified inside her, although she’d been trying to talk herself out of it for weeks. Why did she care if Rico loved her or not, when he promised her so much else?
The answer came suddenly in a tidal wave of amazement and despair.
She loved him. She’d gone and fallen in love with him, even though she’d known it was foolish, the stupidest thing she could ever do. Yet she’d still done it. Her heart hadn’t been able to resist because Rico was gentle, kind and fiercely protective, because he made her laugh and ache and sing.
This was love, then, that ephemeral emotion Rico dismissed out of hand. And it was so much more than that, because Halina knew what it meant. It meant she would love him no matter what; it meant she would love him even if he didn’t love her back.
She’d wondered what love felt like, if she’d really know when it was missing or whether she’d found it, and now here was her proof. She loved Rico, and it filled her with both joy and despair because she knew, no matter what she felt, that he utterly refused to love her back.
‘Well?’ Rico demanded. ‘Has something happened? Has someone said something? Tell me.’
‘I don’t want to, Rico,’ Halina said wearily. She knew he wouldn’t let it drop, just as she knew he’d hate to hear what was really troubling her—the realisation that thudded through her, a wonder and fear.
Rico’s frown deepened. ‘Why don’t you want to?’