The Future's Mine

by Leyland, L J

  He sensed my mocking tone and gave me a look filled with loathing, and then grunted his assent.

  ‘Don’t you just love that part where the girl falls in the lake and the dog rescues her?’

  He grunted a ‘yes’ again.

  ‘Oh, really? Because, actually, if I remember correctly, there’s no dog in that book at all. Can’t be paying much attention, can you? Or perhaps you just can’t read?’

  A point to me.

  ‘I can’t tell you which part I loved but I can tell you which part I hated,’ he said. ‘I hated the part where the stupid girl can’t control herself and endangers not only an entire room full of innocent people, but also herself and her family to boot.’

  Even score.

  ‘Oh, Matt, how long are you going to stay mad at me? I’d really like to know so I can plan my day because all this endless grovelling is really quite time consuming. We’ve got a lot to be getting on with.’

  It was the only way to bring his anger to a head and it worked. He slammed his book down on the table and marched towards me so fiercely that the houseboat rocked. He towered over me whilst I lounged on the sofa with Wolf. ‘You still don’t get it, do you? People could have been killed. You could have been killed. For all we know, that Flora girl could be dead. All because you can’t keep your fat mouth shut and play along with the rules. We could have been having a feast tonight if you hadn’t messed up the plan but instead I’m eating cheese that’s gone green and bread that has wormholes in it.’

  ‘Is that what you’re mad about? The food? Because I can go and check our nets.’

  ‘No!’ he exploded. ‘It’s not the bloody food! It’s you! It’s your attitude. It’s, it’s …’ He was grasping for words to explain how badly I had failed him.

  ‘All right stop. Just stop right there. Of course I know it’s not the food you’re mad about, I’m not an idiot. And I’m sorry I’m being like this but it’s what I do when I feel bad about something I’ve done, you know that. But listen here Matthias: I don’t need a lecture from you. I don’t want to talk about what happened in there. I know I messed up and I feel guilty enough without you rubbing it in my face all day. You know me better than to think that I’m not fully aware of the consequences of last night. Don’t you think that I’ve been worrying about Flora and Noah all day? Don’t you think that I’m terrified of going to the docks tonight, not because I’m scared I’ll be seen by a Parrot, but because I’m scared that I’ll see Flora and Noah hanging from the gallows? I feel like I’m being eaten away from the inside because I’m so angry about what I’ve done to them. I can just about deal with being mad at myself but what I can’t deal with is you being mad at me, too. I need you to be on my side. Please.’

  He sighed and pushed Wolf off the seat, taking his place with a heavy thud. ‘I’m always for you,’ he said.

  ‘I know really,’ I replied.

  ‘You just need reining in sometimes.’

  That riled me. ‘Don’t talk about me as though I’m a dog that needs to be trained. This is what I am. You’ll have to accept me, whether I need reining in or not.’

  ‘I have accepted you or else I wouldn’t be sat here in fear for my life, would I? I’m just asking you to try to control yourself. For my sake. You’re like a runaway train with no driver sometimes.’

  ‘Ooh, how very metaphorical. Did you get that little analogy from your book?’ I asked scathingly.

  ‘You’re impossible!’ He sighed.

  It was very silent for one minute.

  ‘Do you really think I’m a runaway train?’ I asked.

  ‘Yes. Maida, you’re a seventeen-year-old girl with no parents, no home, no job, and no money, and a temper that is hotter than the sun. Of course you’re out of control.’

  ‘Well, congratulations – if you wanted to depress me, you’ve succeeded.’

  ‘I’m not finished yet. Despite all that, it’s OK because I like to think …’ he paused, uncertain if he should continue. ‘I like to think … I’m the brakes,’ he finished very quietly, daring me to laugh. I didn’t.

  We lapsed back into silence but it wasn’t angry or tense or uncomfortable. It was just mutual recognition that things like that didn’t need to be said between us. We knew it wasn’t romantic. It was just that neither had a purpose without the other. I couldn’t survive without him and he couldn’t survive without me. We were a team; him providing the guidance I needed and me providing him with the motivation to survive. It was a perfect balance.

  There was a creak up above us and a patter of light footsteps. Edie and Aiden were on the top deck of the boat, laying out herbs to dry that they had foraged from the marshes. We thought it would be better if Matthias and I lay low for the day. No doubt there would be Parrots combing the area for the girl who escaped last night, so we had sent Edie and Aiden out to gather food for our dinner. We had also asked them check in on Matthias’s grandmother. My insides squirmed with guilt as I thought of her sitting at home, alone, waiting for me to call. I was anxious to hear about what the mood in the town was like. Had the news got out that the Mayor had been stabbed? How would this make the townsfolk feel? Excited? Hopeful? Scared? Had the Mayor even survived? I was certain he had. Despite the huge amount of blood, it was only a superficial wound in his flab that could easily be stitched up, just like scoring pork fat for crackling, not too deep.

  Edie and Aiden would have needed to go to the docks to trade some of their greens for bread or potatoes. They would have had to walk past the gallows in the main square. I wondered how many pairs of legs would be swinging in mid-air because of my actions last night. I couldn’t wait any longer to find out.

  Throwing open the door with a bang, I hopped onto the top deck and faced Edie and Aiden, trying to read their expressions. Why was Edie so pale? Was she always that pale?

  ‘What is it?’ I demanded. Neither of them spoke.

  ‘What did you see?’

  ‘Nothing,’ was Edie’s quiet reply.

  ‘Nothing? What does that mean?’

  ‘“Nothing” means nothing. There was nothing to see. No Parrots, no … bodies. Nothing. Same as always.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘That’s what I suspected,’ sighed Matthias.

  ‘Expand, please,’ I said.

  ‘Well, firstly, it would be humiliating for it to get out that the Mayor had been stabbed by a teenage girl in front of the Metropolites. That would get a good laugh from the townsfolk at his expense, which he would hate. But secondly, and more importantly, the Mayor must have realised that he could never, ever, let this get out because it would give the townsfolk hope. And that is something far more dangerous than just a good laugh.’

  ‘Hope?’ I repeated.

  ‘Hope. My grandmother told me that’s how the rebel movement started eighteen years ago. A young woman called Regina managed to contaminate the Mayor’s major food reserve with manure and sewage. She painted on the walls of the reserve “now you’ll hunger with us”. The Mayor didn’t catch her but all the townsfolk knew it was her and began to follow her. She became their leader, their symbol – she only had to walk into a room and everyone felt safe, confident that she could bring him down. My parents must have really believed in her, she must have given them hope. They went to the gallows for her. That’s how powerful hope is.’

  Edie crossed the deck and put her skinny arms around his waist. He stroked her hair and said, ‘Don’t pity me, or them. I’d rather they’d experienced that feeling of hope just once in their lives, than live in constant darkness. Even if it did lead to their deaths.’

  We sat in silence for a moment. I knew Matthias was thinking about his parents. But I was thinking about Regina.

  ‘What happened to her?’ I asked.

  ‘No-one knows. She suddenly disappeared. Gone. Like a ghost. Just as the rebels were about to launch their big final attack. Without her, it all fell apart. The rebels didn’t know what to do or who to turn to. That’s how my parents got caugh
t.’

  ‘She ran away?!’ I asked, horrified that this woman could lead so many into danger and then abandon them to their deaths at the crucial moment.

  ‘I don’t think so … surely she wouldn’t have left others to die like that? She wouldn’t have abandoned my parents as they were dying for her. Right?’

  It was like he was asking for reassurance. I shrugged. Who knows what people facing death are capable of? Then, a creeping feeling of shame sneaked up on me and took me by surprise. Abandoner. That’s what I was. Hadn’t I left Noah and Flora to their fate as I ran for my life last night?

  ‘Surely she would have come back to fight again if she was alive?’ asked Matthias.

  ‘I don’t know, Matthias.’ I said, too sharply. The conversation was making me uncomfortable.

  ‘No, I think the Mayor got her in the end. Didn’t kill her publicly so she couldn’t be a martyr. I think she died a lonely, slow death in a dungeon. It’s clever, you know. Planting the seed of doubt in her followers’ minds – had she run away, scared? If she died publicly, she would have still given the people hope and they wouldn’t have let her die in vain. But by never allowing them to see a body, they were plagued by doubt. Lost all their faith in her. Lost all their hope.’

  ‘You think what I did last night would give people hope? Like Regina gave people hope?’

  ‘Definitely. Because if a scrawny teenager can do what you did, then why can’t an army of well-armed men and women with access to a munitions factory?’

  ‘Watch who you call scrawny.’

  Matthias smiled and continued, ‘The Mayor must realise that he is teetering on a knife edge – your public death for treason would give people hope that the resistance is alive and well. That might light a fire that won’t be easily put out. That’s why he hasn’t tracked you down and ordered your public execution just yet.’

  My heart filled with joy suddenly. ‘So you think he can’t have killed Noah and Flora, too?’ Selfishly, this thought eased my guilt at abandoning them.

  ‘I didn’t say that. What happens in the Complex can be kept secret. Perhaps he’s already murdered them and buried their bodies. All I’m saying is that it can’t be a public execution, because then people will want to know what you did.’

  My heart sank. ‘Well, there’s no danger of you spreading any hope around here,’ I threw at him.

  ‘I’m sorry, but I am trying to be realistic. You’re only going to know what the situation in the Complex is like after you’ve met with Noah tonight. If he shows.’

  ‘If he’s not dead, you mean?’ I said quietly.

  ‘Yes,’ he replied simply. ‘But from what you said, he seems pretty confident that the Mayor can’t touch him. What did he say again?’

  ‘He said that he had something to finish and had to keep working for the Mayor. He said the Mayor couldn’t lay a finger on him. He said something will change us all.’

  ‘Something to do with the Mayor’s wife and daughter?’

  I had told Matthias all that I had found out about Flora and the banished wife. He found the situation as bizarre as I did. ‘I’m not sure. How would finding out the Mayor had a secret daughter change anything? Sure, it would be scandalous but no more scandalous than him going to the taverns to meet girls. I can’t imagine it changing the face of Brigadus.’

  ‘Something bigger then?’

  ‘Must be.’

  ‘Well, he must know a great, dirty secret about the Mayor for him to be so confident that he wouldn’t end up swinging from a rope this morning.’

  My stomach turned acrobatic at the thought.

  After a minute of thinking, Matthias blurted out, ‘You know, I’m not sure I trust him. He’s an assistant, isn’t he? All those families, all the Bluebloods, they’ve sworn allegiance to the Mayor. Why would they bother changing the situation when they get everything they want already?’

  ‘Not everything,’ I said, a thought suddenly coming to me. ‘They haven’t got ultimate power anymore. They bow to the Mayor just as much as we do except they get presents when they bow low enough, whereas we still get kicked regardless.’

  We looked at each other in amazement at this revelation.

  ‘A Blueblood coup? You think the Council of Nobles are plotting against him?’ asked Matthias.

  ‘Could be.’

  The Bluebloods were still bitter about losing their power and only paid lip service to the Metropole-appointed Mayor who they viewed as nothing more than a savage, raised in poverty without a hint of natural nobility.

  I weighed up the pros and cons of a Blueblood coup and realised the scales tipped in the direction of ‘cons’. We’d just be swapping one oppressor for another. Just exchanging slave masters and I had no doubt that the Bluebloods, those bitter, proud families, humiliated after being brought so low, would be the most tyrannical rulers of all. I quickly shook the thought from my head. We had no proof that was what Noah was planning. His concerned face swam into my head. If he was planning a coup, why would he help me last night? I couldn’t imagine those strong, kind eyes being the eyes of a tyrant. It was too much to bear to think of him as one of those snobs with nothing but derision in their hearts for people like me. I just could not think of him like that.

  ‘No!’ I said, loudly.

  Matthias jumped. ‘No what?’

  I had startled him by my sudden vehemence. I blushed, embarrassed. ‘No … no, I don’t think it’s a Blueblood coup. It’ll be something else. He’s on our side.’

  ‘Oh, is he? And you know this, how? How do you know that this isn’t a trap and he’s just using you to help bring down the Mayor until he and the Bluebloods can enslave us like we are now?’

  ‘I just know.’

  Matthias smirked. ‘Handsome, is he?’

  I adopted a lofty tone and said, ‘Don’t demean me, Matthias,’ but I couldn’t stop a smile from rising to my lips. Matthias saw it and burst into laughter. I laughed too, suddenly feeling full of life and invigorated.

  ‘I’m coming with you tonight.’

  ‘Good. I want you there.’

  ‘Someone will have to make sure that Noah’s sparkling eyes don’t dazzle us into agreeing to our own oppression.’

  ‘Oi, when have I ever let something like that cloud my judgement?’

  ‘There’s a first time for everything.’

  Chapter Twelve

  The darkness crept up on us like a thief. Darkness was usually a friend of mine, an ally that concealed and conspired with me but tonight the darkness felt oppressive and hostile. I wished that I could light a fire torch to guide the way but Matthias warned against it. Didn’t want to attract attention. But the light would have been a comfort to me: an expeller of the dark thoughts that occupied my mind. Matthias and I picked our way through the marshes, taking the long route to Nora’s in order not to be seen. The docks backed onto the marshes, with the sprawling undergrowth reaching right down to the shoreline as though it was a stranded sea creature, clawing its way back to the watery haven.

  It was sometimes frightening to look into that fringe of trees and see hundreds of luminous, curious eyes peering back – the bright discs of watchful owls, the sly ovals of wild cats or the eerily round orbs of nocturnal rodents. All watching. All waiting.

  I could see the oil lamps from Nora’s acting like a guiding light in the otherwise deadened docks. The lamps were like beacons for the scum of the world; guided them to their spiritual home with the temptation of booze, gambling and women.

  A drunken man, grubby with sweat, liquor, and the grime of everyday life, was slumped against the old wooden strut holding the roof up. He was a typical victim of Nora’s generous hospitality. He clutched a near-empty bottle of murky liquid – moonshine, Nora’s speciality for those who couldn’t afford alcohol but couldn’t afford to live without it. His blackened grin stretched his skin when I walked by and he reached out to pinch my ankle. I was about to aim a kick at his knobbly wrist, when, in his creaky voice, he started
to sing:

  ‘We’ll walk together, down the line; and see the sun begin to shine;

  the past is dead, our joy divine; our dream is won, the future’s mine.’

  His cackle was like iron grating on rusting iron. ‘Did you hear me, girl?’

  I turned to look at him.

  ‘The future’s mine!’ He jabbed his thumb at himself and then moved his hand over his heart. He then reached out his hand to me. ‘It’s ours, girl.’

  I stopped dead in my tracks. ‘Where did you hear that? That song?’ I asked.

  The man bared his blackened grin again.

  ‘I know that song, I know the tune. Where did it come from?’

  ‘Come on, Maida. You’ve not heard that before, it’s just the ramblings of an old drunk,’ Matthias said.

  ‘Who are you calling drunk?’ sneered the man and threw his bottle at Matthias. It missed him by three feet; not really the most convincing demonstration that the man was sober. The bottle smashed on the floor and the foggy liquid ran out on the stone.

  ‘Arg, no! Now look what you’ve done, you giant.’

  He peered up at Matthias from a squatting position and then crawled across the floor and lapped up the liquid from the ground like a dog, not wanting to waste a drop.

  Matthias sighed. ‘Why do we come here?’

  ‘Because of the refined ambience and charming clientele?’

  ‘The people here make even you look refined,’ he said.

  I aimed a punch at his arm which glanced off without him even flinching. We skirted around the drunk as quickly as we could, but I felt rattled. I was sure I had heard that song somewhere before. The lyrics sounded strangely familiar, as though they had been buried deep within my memory from an experience that had been repressed. I had experienced that song somewhere before.

  Our dream is won, the future’s mine.

  We approached the bar, my eyes scanning the thick crowd for a shock of black hair and the gleam of blue eyes. The tavern was always full, even this late at night. Well, what did these people have to go home to?

  ‘What do you want?’ asked Matthias.