Words Fail Me

by Patricia T. O'Conner

  Goofy percentages whiz past us every day. They routinely appear in newspapers, TV broadcasts, and magazines because nobody stops to count.

  Doubling, tripling, and quadrupling are all clear enough: a number is multiplied by two, by three, by four. But tossing in percentages leads to trouble. A number that's doubled goes up 100 percent, a number that's tripled goes up 200 percent, a number that's quadrupled goes up 300 percent, and so on. Go figure.

  This is a case where being right isn't necessarily the answer. If there's an alternative, avoid using percentage increases of more than 100, especially big round ones that look wrong even when they're right. It may be correct to write, Scalpers sold the $10 tickets for $50, a 400 percent increase, but this is better: Scalpers sold the $10 tickets for $50, five times the original price. When there's no better way, at least make sure the figure is right: The police arrested 156 scalpers this year, a 140 percent increase from the 65 arrested last year.

  Never use decreases of more than 100 percent, however, unless you're writing about mathematics. A 100 percent drop gives you zero, so any greater decrease would leave you with a negative number. Outside of math class, your chance of being right is less than zero.

  Sorry, Wrong Number

  Two times two is four, and that will never change, at least not in our times. But times is tricky when you're writing about numbers. What do you make of the calculation here? Mort owns two Chihuahuas but Rupert owns eight, or four times more.

  If that looks right to you, look again. Rupert actually has three times more Chihuahuas than Mort. Think of it this way: Rupert owns six more than Mort. And that's three times more than Mort's two, not four times more. Chihuahuas don't multiply that fast.

  We run into trouble using the expression times more when we forget that we're adding the times calculation to whatever it's more than. The problem is so widespread that I'd suggest ducking it altogether. Why not drop the more and use times as many or times as much? A math teacher—and an English teacher, too—would give you an A for this effort: Mort owns two Chihuahuas, but Rupert owns eight, or four times as many.

  We also go wrong when we write that a number is umpteen times less than another: Baby Leroy weighs twenty pounds, five times less than his mom, who weighs a hundred.

  The problem is the same; it's just going in the other direction. You could say that the baby weighs four times less than his mom (think of it this way: his weight is eighty pounds less, or four times twenty less, than his mom's). But even that wording gives me a headache.

  Again, I recommend copping out. Drop the times less and rephrase the sentence, using as many as or as much as instead: Baby Leroy weighs twenty pounds, a fifth as much as his mom, who weighs a hundred.

  The most common times problems involve more and less. But the same principle applies whenever you use numbers to compare things. Instead of saying, So-and-so is x times richer than what's-his-name, make it: So-and-so is x times as rich as what's-his-name (or as tall as, as old as, and so on).

  If you take my advice, you' ll find it comparatively easy, more or less.

  Do Not Fold and Mutilate

  How many sheep are in this fold? Babe's flock of ten sheep increased threefold last year. No, the answer isn't thirty, although that's probably how most people would interpret the sentence. The answer is forty—the original ten, plus three times that number.

  And that's the problem with using fold to say how much something has increased. Attaching fold to a number is just another way of saying times, and it can be just as confusing. Even if you get it right, you'll probably be misunderstood.

  The solution? Don't use fold to say something has doubled, tripled, or quadrupled. Just say that it has doubled, tripled, or quadrupled: Babe's flock of ten sheep tripled last year. Or you could make it: Babe's flock of ten sheep increased to three times as many last year. This solution is definitely preferable with larger increases. If Babe ended up with 150 sheep, make it: Babe's flock of ten sheep increased to fifteen times as many last year.

  By the way, don't use by when you mean to. They're not the same, not by a long shot. If Babe's flock had increased by fifteen times as many, he'd have 160 sheep—the original ten, plus fifteen times as many. Way to go, Babe.

  As if fold weren't confusing enough, it's even woollier to say, Babe's flock often sheep increased three times last year. You run into the same problem, and another besides: You might mean that three lambs joined the flock last year, or that the flock increased on three separate occasions.

  All right, we've counted enough sheep. One more thing before I fold. Whatever you do, never use fold to describe a decrease. I recently read that a country's food supplies had fallen sixfold. If you know what that means, please explain it to me.

  Run Those Figures by Me Again

  As I've said, I'm not a whiz at math. I make it a practice to check my figures two times, maybe three, with even the most elementary arithmetic. If I get the same number twice, I go with it. But numerically clumsy though I am, I once worked at the Wall Street Journal, where every number had to be perfect. If I can get my numbers straight, so can you.

  A tip that I learned as a business journalist has stuck with me over the years. It's worth passing on, and it's useful for writing about more than money.

  When a number changes, whether it's going up or going down, it moves from one point to another. So we're tempted to write things like this: As El Niño arrived, the temperature rose from 5 to 10 degrees.

  But just how warm did it get?The phrase from 5 to 10 could be read in two ways. It might mean the temperature started at 5 degrees and rose to 10. Or it might mean the increase was between 5 and 10 degrees, so the temperature might have ended up at 40, for example, after beginning somewhere in the 30's.

  It's easy to get around this problem. Just put the to ahead of the from: As El Niño arrived, the temperature rose to 10 degrees from 5. Or if you do want to describe an approximate increase, make it: As El Niño arrived, the temperature rose between 5 and 10 degrees.

  If you keep to in front, your readers will know where you're coming from.

  The Symmetry of Your Digits

  I can't promise this problem will be on the SAT's, but it sure comes up a lot: If one in every ten boys starts school early, and three in ten girls, does that mean four out of ten children start school early?

  No. If you got it wrong, here's a little remedial math.

  First of all, you can't mix the proportions unless there are equal numbers of boys and girls. Assuming that's the case, you don't add the statistics; you average them. If one in ten boys and three in ten girls start school early, then two in every ten children start early.

  The principle is the same with percentages. If 8 percent of American men and 12 percent of American women are overweight, that doesn't mean 20 percent of all American adults are overweight. The answer is 10 percent, again if we assume there are equal numbers of men and women. You don't add the two percentages; you average them. (Remember that if the groups aren't the same size, averaging won't work.)

  As with so many other things, the truth lies in between.

  When Less Is More

  A lot of us can't tell our ups from our downs. If we're comparatively impaired, we might call something a "decrease" when in fact it's an increase—but an increase that's smaller than average, or smaller than last year's, or smaller than expected, or whatever. A lesser increase is still an increase, not a decrease.

  Journalists are often guilty of this mistake, especially when they write about budgets. A story on school spending might refer to a "decrease" in maintenance costs when the amount in fact increased—but the increase was smaller than the one expected. As a result, we get a story about "budget cuts" when the budget has actually grown. Sometimes less really is more.

  Mean Streets

  I'll bet the average person doesn't know the difference between average and mean, median and norm, or any of the combinations thereof. The average dictionary may not be of much help, eithe
r. Not all dictionaries give precise mathematical meanings.

  Imagine you're taking a seminar in desktop publishing. The five students in the class get these scores on their midterm exams: 60, 84, 87, 94, 100. (All right, you're the one who gets 100.) Here's how to find the average, mean, median, and norm.

  •The average is 85: the sum of the scores (425) divided by the number of students (5).

  • The mean, also known as the arithmetic mean, is 85: same as average. (Some dictionaries and usage guides define mean in a looser sense, as the mid-point between extremes.)

  • The median is 87: the score that falls in the middle when the numbers are arranged by size. If there's an even number of scores, add up the two in the middle and divide by two.

  •The norm is in the 80 's: a less precise term, it's sometimes used to indicate average or median or just "normal"; avoid it when you want to be exact.

  If you can remember all that, you're way above average.

  Figure Skating

  Writers who are careless with figures are on thin ice. What's the weak spot here? Hundreds of ice fishermen aren't licensed in Minnesota.

  If you don't see what's wrong, here's a clue. Not all ice fishermen are in Minnesota. No doubt there are many thousands, from Maine to Siberia, who aren't licensed to fish in Minnesota. Here's a better way to say it: Hundreds of ice fishermen in Minnesota aren't licensed.

  When you write with numbers, be sure your wording isn't misleading. Readers may guess what you mean, but why should they have to? If there's any ambiguity, rearrange the words, as in the example above, or add any information that may be missing. Something's missing here: S even out of ten people are robbed by someone they know.

  I doubt it. Most people are never robbed by anyone, strangers or otherwise. Say it this way: Seven out of ten people robbed are victims of someone they know.

  Statistics can be treacherous. As Disraeli supposedly said: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

  PART 3

  Getting Better All the Time

  20. Lost Horizon

  WHAT'S THE POINT OF VIEW?

  From where I sit, it's easy to look up from my writing and glance out the window. Much too easy. A short glance can turn into a long, lingering gaze. A reverie, even. That's why I draw the curtains when I start to write. I'm more likely to stay focused on my work if I can't look away.

  I want my readers to stay focused, too. I want them to look where I want them to look, to see what I want them to see. To control what and how a reader sees, a writer controls the point of view, or perspective.

  If you're writing a job résumé, for instance, you'll want to mention your award for community service, but not the time you got busted for disorderly conduct. That's using perspective. As you can see, point of view is more than just the voice a writer uses to address readers—personal or impersonal or somewhere in between. By limiting what readers know, point of view influences what they think.

  In simple, straightforward writing, like a thank-you note or a quick e-mail, we don't need to worry much about perspective. But when the writing is more complicated—a long article, a story or a novel, a piece on a sensitive subject, anything intended to persuade—the point of view becomes more of an issue.

  Whether you realize it or not, everything you write has a perspective. And you change perspective all the time, perhaps without even knowing it. For starters, your point of view shifts whenever you use an anecdote or a funny story at the beginning of an essay, a speech, a short story, or any other kind of writing. When you begin with something specific or personal and then move to a wider topic, you've changed perspective.

  Remember that readers can go only where you take them. If your point of view is jerky or inconsistent, if it's not clear or convincing, they'll lose their way. No matter what you're writing and no matter who your readers are, they need to know where they are and why: Whose voice is this? Whose opinions are these? Whose shoes am I standing in? Where am I supposed to be looking? These are questions about point of view.

  Get Some Perspective

  We've all been fooled by card tricks. The hand may not be quicker than the eye, but when the cards are moved around often enough, it certainly seems that way. If you don't want your readers to get lost in the shuffle, don't move your cards around too quickly.

  When a writer switches point of view for no good reason, readers become disoriented. A case in point: As Leo gazed longingly into her blue-gray eyes, Molly realized he was standing on her foot.

  Sentences like that remind me of an old record album, How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You're Not Anywhere at All? There's no reason to jump from Leo's point of view to Molly's. The result is a yo-yo quality. Make it: As Leo gazed longingly into Molly's blue-gray eyes, he didn't realize he was standing on her foot. That way Molly is the only one who's uncomfortable.

  Easy Does It

  I learned to drive on a stick shift, and the car protested loudly until I got the hang of it. Shifting smoothly takes practice, in writing as well as in driving. A clumsy shift in perspective can be as grating as the sound of grinding gears.

  Even when there are many things to describe, it's possible to move from one to another smoothly. Say we're writing about a busy harbor town in a piece for a travel magazine. We start out small, with a particular red fishing boat bobbing at anchor. Then we pull back, describing the pattern all the brightly colored boats make on the blue water. We pull back farther still, to include some gulls overhead, then the wharves at the foot of the village, then the bustling dockside street, then the houses extending up the hill and thinning out as they get farther from the water. Notice how the perspective shifts smoothly, moving from small to large, from particular to general, like a zoom lens on a camera.

  Then let's say we add the fact that the red fishing boat has nets spread on its deck, dryingin the sun. Crash! There we were, hovering somewhere in the sky above the village, when the bottom dropped out.

  Be kind to readers. Let them down gently.

  The More Things Change

  Once you're aware of how perspective works, you can use it in a special way. You can organize a long piece of writing, even an unwieldy one, by alternating the points of view.

  Suppose you have to prepare an article about the discovery of some primitive cave paintings. You have piles of material, falling roughly into two categories. On the one hand you have your own observations about the site, the scientists involved, and the details of the discovery. On the other you have more general information about the history of the region and its people, the evolution of ancient art, and other background material.

  You might organize your article by alternating the two points of view. You could begin by describing the site as you saw it, then pull back to fill in some history, zoom in on the scientists as you witness their big find, zoom out again to include something about the artistic development of primitive people, then back in to the scene and efforts to preserve the paintings.

  This method of switching perspectives—from near to far, general to specific, personal to impersonal—has long been used by fiction writers, not only to change the point of view from character to character, but also to alternate scenes in the present with flashbacks to the past.

  The technique has become popular with nonfiction writers, too. It works so well as a means of organization that you'll find it in books and articles of every conceivable kind. It's popular because it works. But it works only if the shifts in perspective are graceful.

  An effective way to shift smoothly from one perspective to another is to bridge the points of view with a common element. If you're writing a profile of a present-day farm family, for instance, you might change your subject and your perspective by ending one paragraph and beginning the next like this:

  Gunnar Bjornstrand surveyed his parched field one last time, then idly picked up a fistful of earth and let it run through his fingers.

  It was the rich, black soil of Potawatomi
County that had drawn Scandinavian immigrants to the area 150 years earlier.

  That shift is a big one in viewpoint and in time, but it doesn't jar the reader. In this case, the gap between the parts has been bridged by a common image, the soil.

  You don't have to use a common element to move smoothly from one perspective to another. What matters is that the shift makes some sort of sense. A reader who can't see why the perspective has changed will feel like a tennis ball being whacked from court to court.

  The Beast in the Jungle

  In a piece of fiction, the change in perspective is often un-intrusive, especially when the writer wants to interrupt the action as little as possible. There's a neat shift in Hemingway's story "The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber." The setting is an African safari, and we join it in mid-paragraph. In this passage, we see the hunt first through the eyes of a wounded lion as he's shot a second time, and later through the eyes of the hunter:

  "Then it crashed again and he felt the blow as it hit his lower ribs and ripped on through, blood sudden hot and frothy in his mouth, and he galloped toward the high grass where he could crouch and not be seen and make them bring the crashing thing close enough so he could make a rush and get the man that held it.

  "Macomber had not thought how the lion felt as he got out of the car. He only knew his hands were shaking and as he walked away from the car it was almost impossible for him to make his legs move."