Stumbling Through

by Steve Shadow

  “So, what is it you had to tell me? I hope you ain’t pregnant.”

  She laughed and shook her head. “No, that isn’t it.”

  “Thank God,” I said. “I am not daddy material.”

  She stood up and faced me. “For some reason I feel I can be honest with you and trust you.”

  She started breathing heavily and grinning. It was not a smile of pleasure but of maliciousness. Jesus, I thought, what batshit crazy crap was coming my way now. How did I always end up with these nutty broads? Meanwhile the damn rocket ship was circling the moon. What was in front of me, however, was almost as interesting.

  “I know that your friends didn’t like me. I tried to get into the scene but it’s just not me.”

  I started to protest but she waved me off. “Let me talk. I need to get this out.”

  “OK, Mattie. Tell me whatever you got to say.”

  I was looking over her shoulder as the lunar Lander was making its descent to the face of the moon.

  “I’m more into one on one. I need to feel in control and that is hard for me if it isn’t just me and another person. Can you understand that? It is only when I am in control and feel safe that I can let go and have an orgasm.” She bent over and looked directly into my eyes. “Would you like to help me?”

  Jesus, I wanted to see the moon landing and I was only half paying attention to her. At first I thought this might be some hot scene but she was turning out to be another screwed up insecure girl-woman. This was starting to look like another bear trap that I did not want to get caught up in.

  “Sure, Mattie, whatever you want. Let’s wait a few and catch the landing. This is historic stuff. You don’t want to miss it do you?”

  She glanced at the TV over her shoulder. “Fuck the moon,” She snarled. “I thought you would be a little more into me.”

  She reached down and grabbed me by my shirt. “Get up, you prick.” She pulled me out of the couch and began pounding on my chest. I pushed her off and she landed on her bed with her legs splayed open. She held out her arms to me. I went and stood between her legs which were draped over the edge of the bed. She placed both her hands on her crotch and began rubbing herself. In a hoarse whisper she told me to take my clothes off. The retro rockets fired on the Lander. It eased itself onto the surface of the moon. As I watched I began to ease my self out of my clothes. As each piece of clothing hit the floor she moaned just a little bit more.

  “Are you feeling safe now, Mattie. We’ve come this far so let’s go for it. Just tell me what you want. I know what I want. I want to be inside you.”

  “You will be soon enough.”

  She got off the bed and poured some more wine. I stood there naked watching her bustle around the small studio apartment while glancing at the TV. She brought me a glass of wine and then went back to the couch, sat down and lit up another joint. She patted the seat next to her. “Come and sit. Let’s get ripped. I like seeing you naked while I’m dressed. It’s sexy, don’t you think?”

  Jesus, did this babe go through changes or what? I was getting dizzy trying to keep up with her and watch the moon landing at the same time. I plopped on the couch and drank some wine and took a hit off the joint. The Lander settled into the dust of the moon. We waited for the hatch to open while old Walter prattled on in his stentorian style. Mattie’s hand snuck into my lap and began squeezing my cock. I started to harden when she stopped and stood up. She lifted her T-shirt over her head and freed her breasts. Then she unbuttoned her shorts and slid them down her slim legs. She was wearing tiny black and yellow striped bikini panties.

  “You look like a bumble bee in those things.”

  “Yes, and I can sting but I would rather be stung.”

  She slid her panties slowly down her legs and kicked them away. Her cunt was covered in light brown wispy hair. It was glistening with dampness. I swear I could smell her lust and desire filling the room. The camera outside the lunar Lander showed the front of the capsule and an area of moonscape. Mattie laid herself across my lap. She had her head buried in the sofa cushion. Her lovely ass stared me in the face.

  “I want you to spank me.” I could barely hear her muffled voice. “Spank me hard. Do it now.”

  Well, a little foreplay, I thought. Why not? Really not my thing but if this is what got her off who was I to resist. I smacked her ass cheeks with the palm of my hand. They quivered slightly. Her skin was soft and white. My eyes were glued to the TV.

  “Come on, spank me. It’s got to hurt. Don’t be a wimp; do it harder.”

  I reached over her body and had a long pull of wine and another deep drag on the joint. If this is what she wanted I guess the least I could do was help her out. I began to hit her harder and harder. She began moaning and begging for more. Her voice got higher and higher. She sounded like a 12 years old. Who knew what adolescent trauma she was acting out? I didn’t care because despite my misgivings about S&M, I was getting into it. Her ass was all red and welts were beginning to appear but she kept begging for more. I was pounding her as hard as I could but my arm was getting tired. I could hear her crying when I stopped. She rolled off me and stood up in front of me. Her tear stained face had an otherworldly look on it. She reached behind her and rubbed her ass. “Ooh, that felt good but I need more.”

  She took the joint, lighted it and inhaled deeply. I took another hit myself and blew the smoke into her stomach. She laughed and pulled me to the bed. She pushed me down onto my back and she sat astride me. My cock was up and ready and resting against her mound. By now I was drunk and so stoned that I was ready for anything. I was having trouble focusing on the Lunar capsule. She reached over my head to her nightstand and slid open a drawer. She came out with a black ribbed dildo and a tube of KY Jelly. She greased up the dildo and then began applying the jelly to her ass and my cock. I glanced at the television. The Lander was still sitting there on the moon.

  She rolled onto her back and had me get between her legs which she threw in the air. She slowly inserted the huge dildo into her vagina. Sweat was breaking out all over her body. She reached down and guided me into her ass. It was very tight and I thought I would come instantly but managed to hold off. All the while she was moaning so loud that I could barely hear old Walter. When I was as far into her as I could get she began yelling for me to fuck her as hard as I could. She pressed a button at the base of the dildo and it began to vibrate. I could feel it against my cock through her thin wall of skin.

  The hatch on the Lander had opened and I could make out a figure backing down a ladder to the moons surface.

  “Slap me now, hurry, slap me hard.”

  She was thrashing beneath me. I was getting angry about missing the moon shit. I slapped her left cheek as I supported myself on one arm.

  “No, hit me harder. I need to come; I need you to hurt me. Hurt me, please, please.”

  I slapped her harder and then back handed her. Her lip split and blood began to trickle down her chin. I was getting sickened by this. I turned from her reddened face and grinding teeth to the TV screen. I heard the astronaut begin to mutter words between Mattie’s screams. One small step (harder, hit me harder) for man (fuck me, hit me, do it, do it, you bastard) One giant step (oh God, I’m coming, I’m coming) for mankind.

  Mattie’s head was thrashing back and forth. Blood was flying onto the sheet that she was twisting in her fists. I pulled out of her and watched her vaginal contractions push the dildo from her body. Her eyes were rolled back into her head. Tears rolled once again down her red and battered face. I stood at the side of the bed. I felt revolted at what I had done. I thought I was going to throw up. She was quivering on the bed, thrashing her legs and moaning in her little girl voice. I went to the sink and drank some water. I turned back to the bed.

  “Mattie, are you all right?”

  All I could make out were her groans. Meanwhile Armstrong pranced around the moon and planted a flag. I was getting worried about her and wondered if she was having a seizure of
some kind. I went to the side of the bed and touched her arm. “You ok?” I asked again.

  With her eyes closed and her right arm thrown across her face she began to yell at me.

  “Get out and leave me alone. You served your purpose, now get out. GET OUT.”

  She screamed the last two words in that high pitched little girl’s voice I had heard before. I felt bad for her and again asked if I could do anything for her but she was getting hysterical and screaming and swearing. I got dressed and told her if she needed anything I would be next door. Her reply was a nasty sounding, Fuck You. I went home.

  I turned on my TV to watch the rest of the moon landing coverage. I was shaken up and scared for her well being. I had to smoke a couple of more joints just to calm down. I tried calling her and then knocking on her door. I got no answer.

  

  The week-end passed with no sign of her. I spent the following week trying to get hold of her but she was not answering the phone or responding to my knocking on her door. On Thursday I had to take my car in for service and came home in the afternoon to change before getting to the theater. As I got off the elevator and turned the corner to my place I saw that her door was open. I knocked on the open door and stepped inside. Two guys were shampooing the carpet in a now empty apartment. I asked what had happened to the tenant but they didn’t know anything. I called the buildings management company. They told me they had got a phone message from Mattie saying that she was leaving and that they could keep the deposit. When they came to inspect the place they found a lot of blood stains on the new carpet. They had to repair it and repaint. I asked if she had left a forwarding address but she had not given them one. I asked if the owner was going to go after her for breaking the lease. I was told that when they tried to track her down through her references, they turned out to be all bogus. The company was just going to write it off and re-rent the place.

  George came over that night and I told him the whole story.

  “Man that is some tale. I can’t believe you both got off as he stepped onto the moon. Way too fucking cool. Hey, one small step for man, one giant orgasm for mankind. You are the man!” He held up his hands and gave me a dual victory sign. I just shook my head.

  I didn’t feel like the man. I felt hollow and sickened by the whole scene and just wish I had been kinder and more caring towards that poor girl. So, that is why whenever I catch those historic scenes of our landing on the moon, well, my emotions and memories may be just a little different from yours.

  TALL IN THE SADDLE

  I’m a city kid. I grew up on the streets. My idea of a trek into the wilderness is going to the Lincoln Park Zoo and tossing peanuts to the animals. That place was as close to the great outdoors as I ever got.

  In the late 70’s an opportunity came up for me to spend some time at a new age learning center in the Big Sur region of California. I was in a rut after breaking off a long relationship. The split was painful and bitter. This was a perfect time to leave Chicago. The invitation was open ended so I decided to drive there and see the country. An old girlfriend of mine had moved to the town of Lander, in Wyoming. We had been in touch sporadically over the years. I contacted her and told her I was coming west. She invited me for a visit.

  I was really jacked up about seeing her again. The time that we had spent together was intense and sexually charged. In many ways I had never gotten over her and in the intervening years had never found anyone as sexually adventurous as she had been. That had been part of the problem why we did not stay together. Now that I knew I was going to be seeing her again memories and images from our past flooded my mind. As excited as I was about seeing the USA, I was even more excited about seeing her once again.

  I had an old Chevy, which I hoped would make the trip. I loaded it up and was ready to go. I said my goodbye’s and headed west on route 80. A good friend had installed a cassette player and speakers in the car. I was blasting the Stones as I drove across the flat, moonlit Illinois farmland. I crossed the Mississippi and just kept going. I had dropped some speed in the afternoon and figured I would keep on ‘till Cheyenne. An old army pal told me about some rock formations near there and I wanted to climb them to watch the sunrise. I drove through the night and all the next day. I sang along with the Stones until I was hoarse.

  

  When I finally reached Cheyenne it was still dark. I pulled into a diner for some coffee and food. Inside was a whole group of truckers in their classic garb. They all had on low slung jeans, gimme hats, and leather wallets connected by a heavy chain to their waist. The waitress was a wrinkled, bleached blonde woman who reeked of cigarette smoke. She took my order while calling me “honey” and “darling”, much to my delight. I asked her about the place I wanted to go to for the sunrise. She told me it was called Vedauwoo. It was about 15 miles east of Laramie. I got directions and arrived there just as the sun was about to come up.

  The area consisted of a series of rocky mounds of differing heights. I quickly bounded up one of them. I made it to the top and sat there breathing deeply as the sun rose and started to warm the air. I was alone and it was brilliant. My lungs filled with the fresh air and my heart nearly burst with the start of another day and the new life that awaited me at the Pacific shore. Tears began to flood my eyes. I felt weightless, almost as if I could levitate. I was way out west, on the frontier. I shouted my joy to the world.

  The speed was wearing off so I went back to my car and fell asleep in the back seat. I awoke in a few hours. I got out, took a leak and continued on to Rawlins. I found a cheap motel and ate another breakfast. After wandering around town for awhile I crashed for the rest of the day.

  I awoke sometime in the early evening and asked the clerk in the motel office about a place to eat. He sent me to a greasy diner. The food was barely edible. I thought I would head out and look for a bar. I asked the waitress at the cash register if she could point out a place. She looked me up and down and asked where I was from. I told her I was from Chicago and on my way to Lander. She thought for a moment and told me I would be better off going back to where I was staying and watch TV. She said the bars in the area were pretty rough and I would stand out like a sore thumb. I took her advice.

  In the morning I got up, took a shower and found another place for breakfast. I headed north on 287 towards Betty’s place. It was only 125 miles, so I took my time. I saw herds of elk as I drove. Some of them were crossing the road and I could see that driving at night here might be very dangerous. The land was flat with mountains in the far distance. I imagined wild bands of Cheyenne Indians galloping across the plains with the cavalry in hot pursuit. I rolled down the windows and let the cool air wash over me.

  I pulled into Lander about 11 in the morning and followed the directions Betty had given me. I went down a short unpaved road and parked beside a log cabin with a wide front porch. As I opened the car door Betty came running out of the house and leapt into my arms. I nearly fell over as Betty was a lot of woman. She was almost as tall as me and built like a Reubens nude. Her long strawberry blonde hair framed a pretty face without a touch of guile in it. She was an honest open-hearted woman with the sex drive of a dog in heat.

  “Cal, Cal,” she yelled as she kissed me hard. “Wow, you made it.”

  She stepped back and looked me up and down. “My but ain’t you lookin’ good.”

  I reached out for her arms and pulled her close to me. I was smiling broadly.

  “Goddamn, Betty, 3 years and you just got prettier and hotter.”

  “As soon as we get inside I’ll show you just how hot I am. I am so horny I’m starting to drip. Come on, we can get your stuff later.”

  She dragged me up the steps and inside her cabin. It was very cozy looking. She had it furnished in a rustic western style. I had barely stepped inside when she was all over me. I hardly had time to take a breath before she was tearing her clothes off and telling me to hurry and get naked. We ran for the bedroom and devoured each other like the l
ust-crazed sex fiends we both were. We went at it for a long time, finally falling asleep when we were both worn out.

  She poked me awake and told me to get dressed. She said she had a client coming in 30 minutes. It took a few minutes for what she said to register. I was in a fog.

  I finally crawled out of her bed and asked her what kind of client and she told me that she was a barber, and cut hair in her shop which was part of the cabin. She took me by the hand and showed me the little shop in the back with a barber’s chair in the middle of the room.

  “Betty, you are amazing. When did you learn to do this? I thought you had a bakery and were teaching folk dancing.”

  “Oh, I still do that. I gave up the bakery and now just bake here and sell to a few restaurants and other private clients. I learned to cut hair ‘cause it sounded like fun. Now I have quite a few customers. The fella” coming here today is a real cowboy. He runs a ranch outside of town. He is like an old time western movie type; real quiet and shy.

  “Oh, man, a real cowboy. I want to meet him. Maybe we could go to the ranch. This is great, I’m all exited. The Wild West, how cool.”

  Betty laughed at my enthusiasm. She took me in her arms and kissed me tenderly. She stepped back and looked into my eyes. “You know I always loved you.”

  “Betty, come on. Let’s have some fun. It didn’t work out the last two times we were together, so let’s not start again. Can we just have some good times while I’m here?”

  “OK, Cal. Relax. That’s how I feel and I ain’t ashamed of it. I’ve always wanted you even though I guess it ain’t gonna’ be. Sure, let’s have fun. Come on in the kitchen, we can make a sandwich until Jasper shows up.”

  “Jasper? Are you kidding?”