Aries_Mr. Adventure_The 12 Signs of Love

by Tiana Laveen

  “Don’t call me baby. We’re not a couple and you don’t have the privilege to refer to me by anything other than the name on my birth certificate. As far as your apology, shove it up your ass. Sorry doesn’t cut it. That must’ve been a hell of a hangover that lasted long enough for a minimum of two sessions, and not even on the same day! So you were drunk twice, huh? Oh, Amber sends her regards to your music note tattoo. What a nice touch! I doubt that was a lucky guess because you happen to be a music producer. I hate you so much right now, Hugh! Drunk? What a crock of crap!”

  “Shit! No, what I mean is that we were at the bar both times and left from there… both of us intoxicated. I never told you because I didn’t want to hurt you!”

  “And finding out from her was better?! She smeared it in my face tonight like a monkey throwing shit at the zoo because she’s been jealous about the case I was working on and subsequently won, taking pot shots at me for months under the guise of joking around. You knew what I was up against and going through! I’ve been talking to you about it this entire time!”

  “Baby, look, I mean, Snow, please, listen! I never wanted this to happen! It was a mistake.”

  “Despite whatever problems we had, you knew how much I loved you! I did everything for you, Hugh! Who paid your back child support when you were in arrears? Me! Who took care of you after your hernia surgery? Me! I didn’t have time to sit down and eat, let alone take care of a grown ass man, but I made the time and even took care of your doctor and prescription bills. I loved you just that much. Then I agreed to remain friends even after we broke up because I still wanted you in my life. We’ve talked about everything! You told me about the women you dated and asked for advice. You gave me pointers regarding shit I was dealing with at work. We were confidants; we had each other’s back! This isn’t about being jealous or possessive. We’d both moved on amicably, but we were together when you did this with her! And even if we weren’t, with all of these women in the entire state of South Carolina, you mean to tell me you couldn’t find some vagina that wasn’t attached to a friend or family member of mine?!”

  “Snow, I—”

  “How could you look me in the eye time after time knowing you did this to me? What kind of sick game have you been playing?”

  “It… it isn’t how you think it is, Snow. I’ve told you for years that guys are different… it was just sex! I don’t and never did love her, baby!”

  “It doesn’t matter if you didn’t love her!” Snow pounded the steering wheel with her fist. “This is the ultimate disrespect! If the shoe were on the other foot, I’d be dead to you! If you found out I slept with one of your friends, you’d never let me live it down, and rightfully so! We go out to dinner once a month, to the movies, we talk about just about everything. How could you do something like this to me? What type of monster are you?!” Her heart felt an ache she’d never known, as if it were about to explode out of her chest at any given moment. “Oh my God! You’re just a big liar. Our entire relationship was a huge ass lie, wasn’t it?”

  “No, it wasn’t, Snow, but you weren’t always emotionally there for me, okay? Not saying that makes it right. I’m just trying to explain what helped lead to this situation.”

  “Really? So that’s the move you’re tryna make? No, what led to this situation, Hugh, is your wayward, rancid dick. What led to this situation was your total lack of respect for love, honor, friendship and marriage! What led to this situation is that you think so little of yourself and me, to not only cheat but cheat with someone in my circle. You know what? I got one better for you. Go fuck yourself! Don’t you ever call me, text me, email me, say shit to me again!”

  She smashed her finger on the display monitor in her car, ending the call. Holding the steering wheel at ten and two, she drove on, the tears continuing to fall as her heart nearly beat out of her chest. Taking deep breaths, she tried to pull herself together, but it was no use. By the time she arrived at her house, she was damn near hyperventilating.

  A few minutes later, she was inside of her home gripping a glass of wine, sobbing and splayed out on the bed. Her stereo was on, the sounds of “7 Years” by Lukas Graham making her mood all the heavier. She glanced at her cellphone as she blinked away tears. Hugh had tried to call her three times, but she ignored him. This time, it was Brittany, her best friend and a fellow attorney.

  “Hello…” she choked out, barely able to speak.

  “Ohhhh, baby! I heard about what happened! Apparently, Cheryl’s friend was at Amber’s party and people overheard you two arguing in the back. I didn’t think much of it and figured you’d call me until Hugh text me just now, frantically begging me to ask you to pick up your phone and talk to him. I convinced him not to come over to your house… that is of course unless he wishes to be decapitated. It would serve him right!”

  Snow smiled faintly at her friend’s joke. Or was it?

  “Which head? The little one or the big one, Brittany, because with the way I’m feeling right about now, I wouldn’t mind cutting off both. Lorena Bobbitt on his ass… stupid motherfucker. As for Amber, a couple dozen push pins shoved into that blimp she calls a behind and she’ll be zooming off into space to join the rest of the useless galactic matter.” Brittany burst out laughing on the phone, but quickly silenced herself. “I lied and told her that Hugh had an STD… she doesn’t know it but that stands for stupid tramp on deck.”

  “Snow, look now, neither of them is worth it! Don’t let either of them ruin one of the best days of your life. This is important, and though this hurts, you have to keep in mind they can’t get the last laugh. Stop giving Amber your power.”

  Snow hung her head, feeling as if she’d lost all muscle control in her damn neck. The tears came so quickly now and she hadn’t wiped them away in so long that her neck was wet, and her chest, too. She lay there still in her maroon skirt that hugged her knees, the stockings and white blouse… the blazer abandoned in the car.

  “Snow, hold tight. I’m coming over.”

  “No… please don’t do that, Brittany. I appreciate the offer, but I … I just want to be alone right now.”

  “I know you do, but this is not the time for that. Snow, Hugh messed up but it’s not your fault. And I never liked Amber, you’ve known that, but that’s neither here nor there. Look, you’ve worked your ass off with no breaks, no vacations, no nothing for months due to that case. You’re coming with me for a staycation next weekend. I’ll plan it all out.”

  “I don’t want to. No, that’s not going to happen.” She pouted, unable to wrap her mind around leaving her house again. She dreamed of sitting in bed with a pint or two of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream, spoon in hand, bowl of buttery popcorn on the nightstand and a marathon of, “Different Strokes”, “Give Me A Break”, “Good Times”, “What’s Happening”, “One Day at a Time” and “Happy Days” playing in deep rotation. So what if when she emerged from the comforts of her abode she’d be ten pounds heavier? She’d be fat, well versed on 80’s sitcoms, and fuckin’ happy.

  “You stop all of that, you hear me? This isn’t a choice. Yes, you are coming with me. It’s long overdue. Oh, I know! We can go to the cabins in James Island County Park just like we used to. You love it there. We haven’t been to that place in years!”

  “I appreciate the offer, but I think—”

  “It’s settled. I am going to pick you up on Friday morning and we are driving down. Just the two of us. Boating, walking the trails, girl talk, cooking and eating, drinking, hot tub, horseback riding, male bashing… all the shit that makes us happy, especially the last part,” the woman teased, eliciting a slight smile from her.

  “I don’t know, Brittany. I have a lot to—”

  “Clear your schedule. You’ve earned this! Oh, and guess what? I found those new white Ding Dongs! I’ll make sure to bring them along.”

  “Uh… what?”

  “Remember the Ding Dongs from Hostess you were looking for? I found the white fudge Ding Do
ngs, girl! I like the chocolate ones, but these are worth a try. I picked you up a box, too.”

  “You do realize that this conversation, if overheard by the wrong person, would sound horrible!” Snow laughed, needing the reprieve from her overflowing emotions.

  “Hey, I’ve had chocolate Ding Dongs, vanilla Ding Dongs, banana Ding Dongs, strawberry Ding Dongs and—”

  “Okay, okay!” Snow raised her hand and chuckled. “I get it… you’re an international Ding Dong lover.”

  “I will bring them on our trip. I bet they’re all creamy on the inside, just begging to be licked and sucked the right way so they burst forth, dripping out that sweet, sticky goodness.”

  “You are so nasty!” Snow cackled. Brittany always knew how to make her feel better.

  “At this point, I am pulling out all the stops, Snow. If that means pretending to be a Hostess cupcake porn star, then so be it. You’re like a sister to me and you don’t deserve this shit. First you are on cloud nine and we toast to your success for a late lunchtime with margaritas and chips and salsa, then you go over to Amber’s place for one of her ridiculous parties and the whole fucking cloud nine turns toxic and morphs into a shit storm! Leave it to that wench to rain on your parade. What an absolute bitch. Seriously, that’s what we’re doing… it’ll be perfect. You have a week to get yourself together and I won’t take no for an answer. Fresh start, new day. Time for an adventure…”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Whatever Floats Your Boat

  Alex’s silver Chevrolet Silverado was loaded with gear, most of which didn’t belong to him. He wasn’t surprised he’d been suckered into being the chauffeur. Joshua spent the majority of his time in his police car so he didn’t make a huge fuss about it.

  They checked in at the campground store. Joshua had already placed the required call via phone to make their reservation, then, upon arrival to the campgrounds in the wee hours of the morning, they walked in and confirmed their reservation live and in living color. They’d forfeited hotel reservations and decided to stay on the land and rent one of the cottages, sometimes called cabins, much to pretty boy Rob’s dismay. It felt good to have the gang together once again. The five of them grew up together and shared a lot of history.

  Rob had honey blond hair, always combed to perfection, and was nicknamed, ‘Modelman’ for his fascination with wearing the latest designer clothing. Though they were all around the same age, Rob tended to cling to his youth, dressing and behaving younger than his age.

  “Whose shit is this?” Joshua barked, holding up a navy-blue duffle bag as if it were filled with drug paraphernalia and he was prepared to make an arrest.

  “Mine.” Rob snatched it out of his hand and hightailed it inside their three-bedroom cottage in an area of the campground named Salt Marsh. When he returned, he rubbed on his arms as if he were feeling chilly.

  Doing his utmost to ignore the guy’s high maintenance ways, Alex searched in his truck for his pocket knife. The man was already getting under his skin and the day had just begun.

  “You guys won’t believe what Modelman had in that bag. Cologne and baby powder.” Standing on the cottage’s front stoop, Kyle shook his head and chuckled in disbelief.

  “Why’d you open it? It was none of your business,” Rob stated indignantly.

  “We’re goin’ fishin’, rock climbin’, boatin’, ’nd the shit and you brought smell good shit, the kind that will get our asses ate up out here by all the mosquitos and their mamas, too! You’re a real mental giant, you know that?” Kyle clutched a bottle of cold beer from the cooler.

  Everyone laughed except Rob, who shot up his middle finger before fiddling around with another bag filled with his electronics. Apparently, the bastard planned to take full advantage of James Island County Campgrounds’ free Wi-Fi. Kyle and Joshua were brothers, one year apart. Kyle was cool, a nice guy who worked construction and nursed a secret desire to become a country singer. He played guitar well and had a stellar voice, so they encouraged him by showing up whenever he got a gig at one of their local waterholes.

  Minutes later, the entire crew was in the cottage checking out the place. Alex went straight to the back and claimed a bedroom, refusing to be the one stuck on the living room couch again. Kyle volunteered, stating he’d have first round dibs on the bathroom that way, seeing that it was a mere few feet away.

  Alex rummaged through the blue cooler filled with half melted ice, his hands dripping with water as he transferred cans and bottles of beer, wine jugs, coolers, iced tea, assorted juices and water to the refrigerator. The liquor would be placed along the counter once a cardboard box full of spirits was unloaded.

  Joshua placed a canister of perfectly seasoned beef jerky they’d made a few months back on the counter then loaded the freezer with fresh butcher cut steaks and sausages. He then handed him a few packs of hotdogs and fish bait to place inside the refrigerator. The small kitchen was now overrun with family-sized packets of salty chips, hard pretzels, mustard, pickled onions, jarred sauerkraut, oatmeal raisin cookies, and cheesy crackers.

  “So, what’s first on the agenda?” Rob called out as he tugged at the elastic band on his pants upon leaving the restroom.

  “Well, Dan said he wanted to go boatin’,” Alex said, noticing Dan sitting on the couch glaring at the flat screen television in the living room. He’d been unusually quiet. “You all right, man?”

  Dan tossed Alex a glance, the kind laced with feelings unsaid.

  “I’m okay.”

  “You don’t look okay.” Rob popped open a can of beer as they all cast their sights onto their aloof friend. Dan was a family man and worked in accounting. He was short and stout, his appearance rather unassuming, and didn’t exactly possess the most desired physique. In fact, people were often surprised Dan was interested in any physical activities whatsoever, but he enjoyed them as much as the next guy. He was the reserved one of the group but had a wisdom about him that was much appreciated. He at times drifted towards bouts of negativity and depression, but his positives far outweighed the propensity to rain on others’ parade. “You can talk to us. What’s goin’ on, man?”

  After a brief silence, the ugly truth came tumbling out.

  “Alice asked me for a divorce a couple of weeks ago. It’s over. Twelve years of marriage down the drain,” Dan stated rather calmly before turning back to the television. The happy go lucky energy and fun in the air was vacuumed out in a millisecond.

  “Oh man, sorry about that. What the hell happened?” Alex approached his longtime pal and plopped down beside him. The others followed suit. The man shrugged, his hazel eyes fixed on watching fishing techniques in a nature survival show. Rubbing on the couch arm, he grimaced and shook his head, his salt and pepper cropped hair staying in place.

  “We grew apart and then she met someone else… now I’m just tryna figure out how to break this shit to the kids.” The man had three children, a twelve-year-old daughter and seven-year-old twin boys. They were his entire life.

  “Are you both still in the same house?” Joshua questioned in a low voice.

  “Yeah, for now. I hinted at marriage counseling. She said she’d try it but she’s been distant for a while now… Not sure it’ll work.” He shrugged. “I don’t really wanna talk about this though, all right? That’s why I didn’t say anything.” The man looked down at the floor and ran his hand along his arm. “Either we’ll make it or we won’t, but I needed to get away so I’m glad you all invited me.”

  “We can’t invite you to somethin’ you’re already a part of,” Alex offered, trying to lighten the heavy, somber mood. It was true though; these weren’t just his friends… this was family.

  “I’m gonna sit here for a minute, drink a beer or two, and then we can roll out. Is that fine? No more Alice talk.”

  They all nodded in understanding and stood one by one, leaving him to himself. A few minutes later, they packed back into the truck, snacking on bagels and crispy microwaved strips of black pepp
ercorn bacon, and headed down the path to the boats for a bit of kayaking.

  After a short drive, Alex parked in the sloped area, enjoying the morning smell of fresh grass, lake water, and the great outdoors. He glanced down at his watch and they trudged down to the water, one by one. He glanced over his shoulder, hoping to see Pretty Boy lose his balance like he did last year and end up face forward in the water. When it didn’t happen, Alex felt disappointed. Each of them put down the $5.00 deposit and rented a single kayak per person for an hour. After placing on their bright orange lifejackets, they got into their individual boats, smiles splitting their faces. Alex breathed in the air, overdosing on nature. It felt so good to be out and about, without a care in the world.

  Yeah, this is exactly what I needed…

  They floated fairly close to one another, taking in the nice breeze and enjoying their first adventure of the day, but then Alex cut eyes with Joshua, and they began to row faster and faster, their paddles beating the waves as they broke away from Dan and Robert.

  “You son of a bitch! Not today you don’t!” Joshua cackled as he gained an edge, his tattooed arms moving fast and hard against the current. “What’s the bet?”

  “Down to the green flag and back again. First one to the white flag wins.” Alex hitched his finger straight ahead. “Twenty-five bucks and you gotta cook breakfast for the whole gang tomorrow mornin’ with all the trimmings!” Joshua was an excellent cook and Alex was constantly looking for an excuse to force his best friend behind a stove or grill.

  “You got it! It’s gonna be a shame to have to whip your hide so close to your birthday!”

  Alex leaned to the left and veered away, making more space between them before straightening up and hauling ass. The muscles in his arms burned as he heard the frantic splashing of Robert, who’d drawn dangerously close, apparently wanting in on the action. He tossed a glance over his shoulder and took note of Dan who now looked like a mere dot along the landscape, at least 300 feet in the distance. Alex pushed himself further, power-stroking the water and ignoring how his little red boat seesawed back and forth, threatening to give him an instant baptism. He cackled loud, ensuring all within earshot heard his manic laughter as he passed Joshua.