Skulduggery Pleasant: Kingdom of the Wicked

by Derek Landy

  hey drove out of Roarhaven, skirting round Dublin and taking the smaller roads until they came to a cottage bordering a large field. A few small sheds huddled beneath the shelter of a line of trees like they were trying to escape the sun. The Bentley slowed, parked along the road. Behind it, dozens of vans did the same.

  The sorcerers worked quickly. Using a cloaking sphere to hide themselves from the cottage, they laid the Tempest in the middle of the field and quickly hooked up the cables. Valkyrie watched the sorcerers lie on the ground in a wide circle, using camouflage to blend in. Once they were hidden, the sphere was retracted so that it only covered the Tempest itself, and Skulduggery and Valkyrie walked up the narrow driveway and knocked on the door of the cottage.

  Greta Dapple answered, and smiled at them. “He said you’d be by here eventually. Come in, come in.”

  She shuffled to one side, and when they were in, she closed the door. “Would you like anything to drink? Tea?”

  “No thank you,” said Valkyrie. Greta’s home was an old person’s home. Old-fashioned, with doilies and a small television. Valkyrie helped her to her chair.

  “Thank you, Valkyrie,” she said, sighing as she settled in.

  Skulduggery took off his hat and focused his eye sockets on Greta. “You’ve been talking to him,” he said.

  “Oh, yes.”

  “Where is he?”

  “I’m afraid I don’t know.”

  “Greta,” Valkyrie said, “maybe you can help us. You need to convince him to stop what he’s doing. People are getting hurt.”

  “Walden wouldn’t hurt a fly. He is and always has been a perfect gentleman. If only all gods were as mannerly as he is, the world would be a better place.”

  “Argeddion is not a god,” Skulduggery said.

  Greta shrugged. “He’s the closest thing to one that I’ve ever met.”

  “Has he told you what he plans to do?”

  “He has. I think it’s a wonderful idea.”

  “He’s endangering the lives of billions.”

  “Oh, have a little faith in the human spirit, would you? He wants to make them better. He wants to make them happier. Wouldn’t you like to live in a world without strife?” She paused. “Well, maybe you wouldn’t, Detective Pleasant, but hopefully your young partner has not been completely corrupted by violence just yet.”

  “I’d love to live in a world without strife,” Skulduggery said, “but that’s not the path I’ve chosen. I do the things I do so that other people don’t have to. Argeddion doesn’t realise what he’s about to unleash.”

  “He’s about to unleash peace and love.”

  “He’s about to unleash an animal.”

  “Mankind is not an animal.”

  “Oh, it is, Greta. It’s a scared, dangerous animal. He thinks people are going to wake up one morning and be elevated by the wonders he’s shown them. He thinks we’re going to live in a kingdom of the righteous, of the noble. But we’re not like that.”

  “I feel sorry for you, Detective. You fight for us but you have no true understanding of what we are. The tragic thing is that young Valkyrie probably follows your philosophy to the letter.”

  “We’re just trying to help people,” Valkyrie said.

  “Then you’re doing it wrong,” said Greta. “Don’t become a bitter old cynic like your friend here. Trust in the decency of others and you won’t be disappointed.”

  “Where is he, Greta?” Skulduggery asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “When will he be back?”

  “I couldn’t say.”

  “When did you see him last?”

  “This morning. We spent the night together. We talked of so many things. He didn’t have an awful lot of news for me, but that’s to be expected, I think, when you’ve been asleep for thirty years. But I told him everything that had happened to me since he was taken, and we spoke of our old dreams, and of the future.”

  “And what is your future?” Skulduggery pressed. “Are you and Walden going to live happily ever after in this new Age of Enlightenment?”

  “Me?” Greta said. “Oh, my time is nearly up. It’s sad, really. I wish I could have stayed young and beautiful for him – although he says I’m still the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.” She laughed softly. “He’s such a bad liar.”

  “You love him,” said Skulduggery.

  “Of course,” said Greta.

  “Then you won’t help us, even if you agree with us.”

  Greta gave them another smile. “I’m glad you understand.”

  “Unfortunately, I do. Can I ask you to accompany us outside?”

  Greta seemed surprised, but smiled again as Skulduggery helped her up. Valkyrie didn’t look at her. She couldn’t.

  They went outside, moving slowly, and crossed to the field.

  “It’s a beautiful spot,” Skulduggery said.

  Greta nodded. “It belonged to my parents. They died over a hundred and sixty years ago, but I can still hear their laughter. They didn’t know I was magic. They didn’t know magic existed. I’ve always regretted not telling them. What about you, Valkyrie? Does your family know?”

  Valkyrie shook her head.

  “A shame,” said Greta. “But don’t worry. They will. You’d make it easier on them if you told them beforehand. Tell them today. Show them what you can do. Delight them. Tell them that soon enough, they’ll be able to do it, too. Think of the look on their faces.”

  They were on the field now. They’d passed through the circle of sorcerers and Greta hadn’t even noticed, even though she’d been right on top of one of them.

  “Walden loved this place as much as I did,” she continued. “The peace and the tranquillity, the fact that no matter how fast the world was moving around us, we could always stop and hear the birds sing.”

  “Greta,” Skulduggery said, “we’ve tried to be reasonable. We’ve tried to use logic and common sense to convince Argeddion that this is not the way to go. But we’ve run out of options.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  At Skulduggery’s signal, all of the hidden sorcerers raised a hand.

  Greta gasped. “What... what are they doing here?”

  “It’s a trap,” Skulduggery said. “We’ve worked out a way to stop Argeddion and we’re using you to draw him in.”

  “No. No, I won’t do it.”

  “You already are. With the bond you share, I can’t see how he wouldn’t be tuned in to your emotional state at all times. Your panic will send him running.”

  “Then I won’t panic. I won’t—”

  “You’re panicking right now, Greta. You’re doing exactly what we want you to do.”

  She stared at him, then stared at Valkyrie. “How can you do this? What is wrong with you that you can do this?”

  “We’re sorry,” said Valkyrie.

  “He doesn’t want to hurt anybody!”

  “He may not want to,” said Skulduggery, “but he will.”

  Greta covered her mouth with her hand, and tears filled her eyes. “He loves me. How can you use that against him? What kind of people are you?”

  Skulduggery tilted his head. “We’re the people who get the job done.”

  “I’m disappointed,” said a voice from behind them.

  Greta sobbed as Argeddion walked forward, taking her in his arms. “It’s OK, my sweet. It’s OK.”

  Valkyrie glanced at Skulduggery, and they both took a step back.

  “Walden,” said Greta, “no, it’s a trap.”

  “I know,” Argeddion said. “But it won’t work. Please, go back inside. I’ll speak with you soon.” He kissed her gently on the forehead, and then made her vanish. He looked up. “As I said, I am disappointed in you. Greta is an elderly lady, and you purposefully cause her distress simply to draw me out?”

  “We had to get you here,” Skulduggery said.

  “Why? So all of the sorcerers you have surrounding us could attack me at once? What, yo
u thought I wouldn’t notice them? A clumsy plan for such an intelligent man.”

  “You’ve left us no choice.”

  Argeddion’s eyes flickered to Valkyrie. “I see someone has installed a psychic block in your mind. A good job they did, too – although it wouldn’t take me long to dismantle it if that’s what I wished.”

  “We’re offering you a chance,” Skulduggery said. “Return to the Cube. We have it powered by the Accelerator. It’s safe. Forget all this. Let the world evolve on its own.”

  “Abandon everything, after I’ve learned so much?”

  Argeddion held out his hand and a man appeared beside him. He was in his twenties, dressed in a suit, and he was sweating profusely. He looked like he hadn’t even realised he’d just teleported.

  “This is my newest test subject,” Argeddion said. “As of yet, no side effects or abnormal behaviour. He is coping quite well with his new abilities.”

  The man looked up, eyes wide. He stared at Skulduggery. His hand began to glow. He cried out, raising his arm and energy crackled—

  —and then he crumpled to the ground, unconscious, and a small globe of light drifted from his chest, absorbed into Argeddion’s hand.

  Argeddion was silent for a moment while the man disappeared. “That was a promising start,” he said at last. “I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. I knew there was going to be a lot of trial and error. But I’m close. When the power I gave to Sean and Doran and Kitana reaches its full potential and returns to me, it will answer a lot of questions. It won’t be long now before I discover the correct amount of magic to give to mortals which will not result in trauma.”

  Skulduggery shook his head. “We gave you a chance to surrender. It’s obvious you’re not going to take it.”

  Argeddion smiled. “Is this when you spring your trap?” He rose into the air. “Very well, then. Here I am, a nice big target for you all.”

  “Actually,” Skulduggery said, “would you mind moving to your right a little?”

  “By all means. How’s that?”

  “Perfect,” Skulduggery said. “Thank you.”

  Argeddion sighed. “Is this when the violence begins? Are you going to attack me now?”

  “We are,” said Skulduggery. “But not in the way you think.”

  The cloaking sphere retracted, revealing the Tempest lying directly beneath Argeddion’s hovering form. All around the field, sorcerers burst from cover, grabbed their Siphoning Discs. Energy pulsed down the cables, stirred in the Tempest and burst upwards, catching Argeddion right in the centre of the beam.

  Valkyrie followed Skulduggery to the edge of the circle, their discs floating into their hands. Her hair whipped round her face. It was like standing in a pool of static electricity. She could feel her strength draining, and didn’t know how long she’d be able to keep it up. When it was almost too much, she released her hold. Immediately she started to feel strong again.

  “Give it a moment,” Skulduggery said from beside her.

  When she was back to full strength, she picked up the disc once more. Gritting her teeth, her body trembling slightly, she watched as all around the field sorcerers sent their power into the beam of debilitating energy that kept Argeddion trapped.

  “It’s working,” she managed to say, then frowned. “Where the hell is Kitana?”

  Argeddion twisted, tried to reach out beyond the energy, but the beam was too thick. He pressed one hand down, grimacing as he struggled to do the same with the other one. The energy hit his palms and spilled over but still he pressed down. He was focusing on his own energy, pressing it down further, shifted into a better position, and then he pushed. The beam rippled, the ripple hurtling down its length in an instant and the Tempest shook, got brighter.

  Skulduggery cried out a warning but it was too late. The Tempest exploded, sending out a shockwave that took everyone off their feet. Valkyrie hit the ground and kept rolling, glimpsed Skulduggery crashing through the door of the old barn.

  When she came to a stop, her head was ringing. She looked up, saw Argeddion, floating there, exhausted but recovering his strength quickly. The Tempest was destroyed. Their one chance to stop him, gone. And Kitana and the others hadn’t even bothered to—

  A stream of energy hit Argeddion from above and he cried out, went tumbling through the air as Kitana and Sean and Doran swooped down out of the clouds. They all fired, each of their streams connecting, each one sending Argeddion spiralling in a new direction. Doran burst forward, grabbed Argeddion, spun him and hurled him straight down. Kitana cheered as Argeddion hit the ground.

  Greta Dapple emerged from her cottage, moving as fast she could. Valkyrie groaned as she got up.

  Kitana landed. “Hey there,” she said, and lashed out, sending Argeddion sprawling over the smoking remains of the Tempest. “We don’t mean to be ungrateful or nothing, but we’re teenagers, you know? We need a positive role model in our lives, and you’re not it.”

  Her hand glowed and a beam sizzled through his back. He screamed and she laughed, and then he rose into the air, but it wasn’t his own doing. Sean was in control, grinning as Argeddion contorted in pain.

  “Sir,” said Doran, “I just want you to know how much we appreciate all this power you’ve given us. It was really very nice of you. Thanks.”

  “Stop that!” Greta called. “Put him down! Stop that right now!”

  “Stay back!” Argeddion shouted, but she kept coming.

  Valkyrie cursed under her breath, started running to intercept.

  Sean let Argeddion fall, and Doran hunkered over him, started hitting him. “Thank you,” he kept saying as he punched. “Thank you.”

  Argeddion didn’t even try to defend himself. He just kept reaching for Greta. “No,” he gasped. “Don’t. Stay back.”

  Kitana grinned. “Nonsense. Come forward, old woman.”

  Greta was out of breath when she reached them. Valkyrie was sprinting towards her.

  “You let...” Greta said, “him go...”

  Kitana looked back at Argeddion. “I have to say, and I don’t mean this as a come-on, but you could probably do better.” She looked at Greta and smacked her across the face, and the old woman was dead before her feet had even left the ground.

  Valkyrie roared and leaped and Kitana turned, punched her in the gut. Valkyrie folded, spinning away, her insides broken, her lungs empty.

  “Greta! ” Argeddion screamed. “Greta! ”

  His screams sliced into Valkyrie’s head and she felt like her skull was going to crack open. Doran stumbled back and Sean stomped on Argeddion’s head until he shut up. Valkyrie sagged.

  “Doran,” Kitana said, “stop. Don’t kill him.” She nudged Valkyrie over on to her back, and smiled down at her. “Hear that? We’re not killing him. What, did you think we were stupid or something? It was so obvious from the way you lot jumped all over our little plan that you wanted us to do it.”

  “Two birds with one stone,” said Sean.

  “That’s it exactly,” said Kitana. “We kill him, we lose our powers, don’t we? I mean, it’s the only logical conclusion. So we’re not killing him. You know what we are doing? We’re going to dump him in that cool glowy square thing so he’ll be trapped and we’ll stay like this for ever.”

  Sean picked Argeddion up and rose into the air. Doran followed, and Kitana was the last to go. “Oh, Valkyrie?” she said, right before she flew off. “This is over, and I’m the one wearing your jacket.”

  She laughed, and they were gone.

  Valkyrie tried to breathe.

  She heard voices. Someone dropped to their knees beside her. Reverie Synecdoche. The doctor. She felt hands on her, warming her skin, easing the pain, and then her lungs filled with oxygen and she gasped.

  “Don’t try to sit up,” Reverie said. “You’ve got internal bleeding. We need to get you back to the Sanctuary.”

  Valkyrie grimaced, looked around. Sorcerers and Cleavers were organising themselves, preparing to retu
rn. She saw Skulduggery striding over. He had a black metal case in his hand – the case that held Vile’s armour.

  “Thank you, Reverie,” he said, scooping Valkyrie up in his arms. “I’ll take her to the Sanctuary immediately.”

  “But it’s been evacuated!” Reverie shouted after them as Skulduggery rose into the air. “There are no doctors there!”

  They angled towards Roarhaven, quickly leaving the field behind them. “I’m fine,” said Valkyrie as they flew.

  “Of course you are,” Skulduggery replied. He’d lost his hat and his jacket was torn.

  She did her best to shut out the pain. “Where’d you find the case?”

  “Greta’s barn. Argeddion hid it close to home. Vile is the only chance we have now of stopping them. And if by some ridiculous stroke of luck he does stop them, then you need to stop me.”

  “How? By bleeding on you?”

  “By being your usual charming self.”

  “Ah,” she said, trying not to cough. “My secret weapon.”

  They reached the Sanctuary and Skulduggery took her inside. They flew gently through the empty corridors and down the steps.

  Voices up ahead. Arguing. They heard snatches of the conversation. They’d successfully moved the Cube back inside the Accelerator, but Kitana didn’t know how to open it and for some reason she was blaming Sean. From the sounds of fists against flesh, it seemed as though Doran was in charge of keeping Argeddion unconscious while they figured it out.

  They ducked into a room and Skulduggery set Valkyrie down. She leaned against the wall and did her best not to pass out. He didn’t say anything as he stepped into the corridor with the case. He didn’t need to.

  He undid the first clasp and then Sean grabbed him, hurled him into the wall.

  “Told you!” he shouted. “Told you I felt something coming!”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Kitana said from the Accelerator Room. “Just kill them, would you?”

  Valkyrie stumbled to the doorway in time to see Skulduggery reaching for the case, but Sean picked it up, held it tight to his chest. “You want this? What’s in it? It’s probably important, isn’t it? I’ll let you have it if you beg. Go on, skeleton. Start begging.”

  Black liquid dripped from the case, forming a little puddle at Sean’s feet. The dripping quickened, and liquid began to leak from the other end, flowing steadily now, like the case was filled with oil. Sean noticed, and adjusted his hold, and the case sprang open and a wave of black burst forth, splashing down on to Skulduggery, covering him from head to foot, wrapping round him, getting thicker, forming armour. And slowly, Lord Vile looked up.