Mrs Mariano: Part 1

by L Neil

  “I’m leaving, Frank,” she says.

  The words resound through me. She certainly has my full attention now.

  No, this cannot be.

  “I will not allow it,” I reply, and I know that it is arrogant and selfish.

  Her eyes widen slightly but then she returns to packing her things. Did she not hear me?

  As I walk around the bed towards her, she backs away, almost cowering. It breaks my heart to realise that she is afraid of me.

  “Helena, baby,” I step toward her, cajoling, “I would never hurt you – you know that.”

  Remembering herself, she stands tall and lifts her chin, “Yes, I know.”

  I cannot help but admire those closed lips of hers – so full and beautiful on her proud, flawless face. A strong compulsion to lick them and those pearly white teeth hiding behind them comes over me so suddenly that I involuntarily step towards her once more.

  It seems that I am longer in control my own body, even – so fierce is this need for her. And she believes that she is about to leave me? As if that I even a possibility?

  Her eyes, like green sapphires, flare at my advance. I suppose I should give her a moment to think. I would not want her to feel trapped or forced, even. There is still time to repair what we have.

  “I need some space,” she says, casually enough. But I do not like the way her eyes flick sideways. She is lying to me. My crafty little wife seems to be forgetting that I have interrogated many men and could smell a lie from a mile away.

  This can’t be happening. I simply cannot exist without her by my side. Thus, I offer, “Hit me, yell at me...tell me everything that you hate about me and what I have done. Give me a chance to prove to you that I would never do anything like this again.”

  “I can’t...” her voice breaks. She continues gently, “I can’t risk the lives of the people I love. You need to understand that that is the reason we can’t be together anymore – I don’t trust you not to hurt my family.”

  Her family? Surely not all of her family?

  Unable to contain my anger completely, I seethe. “Jimmy deserves to die for what he did to you.”

  “Argh!” she yells in frustration.

  As she quickly zips closed her duffel bag, she says, “You don’t get it. You never will. You’re so used to having everything your way and doing whatever you want.”

  That is true, I must admit.

  She straightens up again, holding her bag by the handles, and tilts her head in thought. “If Manny died because of you, I would have killed you.”

  She said it with such resolve that I know she meant it. I think about how dying by her hand would be the most blissful way to go. But then, the words sink in and the last of my confidence slips away. There is no fixing this. Which leaves me with only one option…

  Gripping her upper arms, I say, “You can’t leave,” and it’s not a plea this time, but a statement.

  I can see her reflecting on a recent conversation of ours. I had confessed that I once considered stealing and keeping her, if necessary.

  Well, I consider it necessary now.

  “Frank,” she warns, “if you don’t let me leave, I will hate you forever.”

  Her breath quickens and it’s not in excitement or even fear. She is ready to fight me on this.

  There are a million different ways to say that I am sorry, but I know that none of them will get through to her. Her stubbornness, whilst something I have always adored about her, is painfully inconvenient in this moment. So, what do I do?

  Hate me forever?

  I cannot take that risk. Our relationship has been perfect – beyond perfect. If she were forced to be with me, I doubt she would crane her neck for my kisses, purr under my touch, melt on my fingers…

  I suppose there is another option: compromise.

  “No, baby,” I loosen my grip, “I will give you your space. But I will not give up on us.

  “I am your husband. And although you hate me now, I am going to prove to you that you can trust me.”

  Although it goes against every fibre of my being, I continue, “I will not pursue Jimmy. He has lost both of his children now. Perhaps that is punishment enough.”

  Her eyes lower, considering my words but I lift her chin and make her look at me as I promise, “But know this: I will pursue you. I will return your faith in me and you will love me again.

  “If you could love me but a tiny fraction of how much I love you, it will be plenty. You will see.”

  I smile hopefully at her. Can she see that I’m falling apart? Or because I am so accustomed to hiding my emotions, is she unaware of my pain?

  She only nods – a non-committal gesture that does not ease my mind one bit. And then she begins to walk around me, to leave.

  I step in her way, frantic. “Where will you go?”

  “To Manny's,” she replies, flatly. “Silvia could use some help.”

  “Dominic will be there?” I ask quietly.

  Will she know that I have two very different reasons behind the question? The first being that I want her safe and I know that Dominic will protect her. The second, that I have grown weary of that ugly beast of a man’s sudden interest in her.

  Yes, I have noticed him watching her more closely, since learning about what Tommy did to her. His intentions could be fatherly, I suppose. Even if so, it irks me. She doesn’t need a father.

  She doesn’t need an older male friend, either.

  Or another lover.

  “Yeah,” she replies, speaking to me gently again. It seems she can see that I am hurting after all. My sweet, caring bride.

  I try once more to get close to her but when she dodges my advance, my hearts breaks.

  “I love you,” I whisper.

  I wait for a response that doesn’t come.

  Reluctantly, I step aside and watch her leave.

  ✽✽✽

  CHAPTER 18

  Cat and Mouse

  It was about a week later when Manny got released from hospital.

  His broken nose has mended and the stiches are out, but it is still bruised. Also, the scans on his head came back clear – this is what we were mostly concerned about.

  The nurses told us that he will be in a bit of pain for some time, but he brushed it off, telling us that the pain was gone already. Silvia and I both know him well enough to know that he is playing it down for our benefit.

  Dominic and I had taken care of Isabella, allowing Silvia to either visit Manny or get some rest without having to juggle so many things at once.

  Surprisingly, Dominic is a great cook. Which is super lucky for us three ladies. I have always been a terrible cook because I get distracted too easily. So – and I never thought I would say this, but – Dominic has been a Godsend.

  When he first watched me bathe and dress Isabella for bed, he asked me if I wanted my own children. The answer came easily enough – “No.”

  I thought he would have more to say about it as most people try to tell me that I will change my mind one day, but he only nodded in understanding.

  I suppose he knows that I have seen and done a lot of bad things and I would consider it selfish to bring a child into the world that I know is so cruel. Plus, some people just don’t have that maternal instinct and I happen to be one of them.

  With Manny home, the house quickly became crowded.

  Dominic offered to pack his things to make room, but I felt that it was time I had my own place, so I told him he should stay.

  Over the past couple of days, I searched for accommodation. However, there wasn’t anything suitable near the music shop.

  I thought that perhaps I could buy a cheap, temporary car, so that I wasn’t limited to places nearby but then Dominic suggested that I move into the apartment. I shut down the idea immediately, telling him that I was not going to ask Frank for anything. It turns out, however, that he had already asked on my behalf and Frank had transferred ownership solely to me.

  I wanted to
be upset about Dominic doing that behind my back, but he really did do me a huge favour.

  When I worked up the courage to tell him that I won’t need him around anymore, that I will be asking Frank to stop him from following me, he told me that his contract was already terminated.

  However, he told me that I shouldn’t be fooled into thinking that I’m not being followed. And he doesn’t expect me to have much luck getting Frank to cooperate in that regard.

  Also, he said that while he doesn’t have to be around, if I ever needed help, no matter the situation, I am to call him without hesitation.

  And just like that, I realise that Dominic and I have become friends.

  Being at the apartment is lonelier and depressing than I thought it would be.

  It’s good to have some space to think, though. At Manny’s there wasn’t much time for that. Now, there isn’t much else to do but play the piano, drink, wait to start my new job tomorrow and... think about Frank.

  Perhaps it’s the cooler weather, but no matter how much clothing I layer on myself or how much wine I consume, I can’t seem to shake the cold. Then, I discovered that the thermostat needs repairing.

  I cried the first night, wishing that Frank hadn’t gone and screwed up the best thing that had ever happened to me.

  The second night was slightly better. Sebastian and Natalia brought over some dinner from the new Thai restaurant around the corner. They were clearly worried about me but thankfully didn’t mention Frank. Oblivious to what’s going on, I envy them their normal lives.

  Tonight, I’m thinking about work tomorrow and about perhaps visiting Molly’s on my lunch break.

  “I cannot thank you enough.”

  Eddie smiles and those dimples grow deeper than I’ve ever seen them. I’m sure he has melted a lot of hearts with the look he is giving me right now. “I’m glad you like it.”

  “I mean it,” I say, happily, “it’s the coolest job I’ve ever had. And Mrs Evans is so sweet.”

  It’s true – it isn’t very busy at the music shop but it’s not dull either. Probably because Mrs Evans was happy for me to “test" all the instruments and peruse the stacks of sheet music, which I ended up purchasing from myself.

  When I picked up books that were jazz-related, my heart ached for Frank.

  “Are you hanging out at Medusa tonight?” Eddie asks quietly. His head is tilted forward slightly, so when his black eyes lift, the newly formed bags beneath them are even more shadowy.

  I had noticed that he seemed tired and weary when I first walked into the shop. Is it possible that being associated with someone like me has tainted him?

  “No, actually, the band is coming over to jam,” I reply. “Do you want to join us?”

  He smiles gladly, “Yeah. Maybe I can take a look at that thermostat.”

  As we leave Molly’s, I think to say, “Please don’t invite Sam.”

  It’s not that I don’t want to see him exactly – just that I don’t want to see him yet. I don’t think I could deal with his gloating about my breakup.

  Aware that there is a chance that Frank’s men are most likely watching me, Eddie promises to wait a few minutes before he leaves.

  ✽✽✽

  I sit on the light blue, fabric sofa in Emmanuel's quaint and cosy living room. He sits opposite to me, mirroring me with our legs parted. Lounging like this, you could not tell that he had been in a car accident two weeks ago.

  At first, he seemed uneasy about my visit but given his desire for answers about his father and our mutual interest in Helena’s welfare, he began to realise that this was a good idea.

  We have talked for almost two hours about Jimmy’s failures and the effect that they have had on my poor wife since the day she was born.

  Emmanuel, too, has had his share of ups and downs resulting from Jimmy’s gambling addiction and consequent financial troubles.

  I would pity them if I didn’t know that they were resilient, courageous young people.

  Naturally, he had approached the subject of whether he thought his sister should be married to someone like me or if she should leave and never look back.

  Most men would not speak to me in such a direct manner, but he is easily forgiven. Not only have I caused him a great deal of pain and trouble, but it is impossible not to have a soft spot for someone so similar to Helena. In fact, he is quite engaging, and I find myself wishing my own sons were like him.

  After I explained that there is literally nothing that I wouldn’t do for her, that I love her more than life itself and that my only desire in this world is to make her happy, he seemed to soften towards me.

  I admitted that I had my eye on her for years and that perhaps my obsession with her may be unsettling to a lot of people. However, he knows that it isn’t an issue to her and if it’s good enough for her, then it’s good enough for him too, apparently.

  I want to ask him about Dominic’s relationship with her, but I know that would only cause concern. Instead, I comment on his father in law’s protectiveness in regard to his family and how admirable it is.

  To which he replies, “We’re lucky, that’s for sure. He absolutely hated me, just for being Jimmy’s son – but he’s much different now. Heck, Helena and I both wish we had a dad like him.”

  This not only surprised me, but also eased my mind to know that she thought of him in a fatherly way.

  The videos that Max had sent me of the two of them taking care of little Isabella upset me more than I could ever express.

  Between the curtains, the lit-up living room and kitchen were visible to the outside world and Max was able to capture them doting over her, eating together at the dinner table, ironing clothes, and undertaking other little domestic duties.

  Helena and I had never done household chores or cooked together because I have always employed a maid and a personal chef. And we certainly didn’t have a child to care for.

  I recalled Helena’s adoration towards her niece at our wedding reception and wondered if she really does want a child. Could she be saying otherwise because she believes I would be a terrible father? Am I preventing her from becoming a mother? Does she resent me for this?

  I do not like the uncertainty I feel when I look at those videos.

  Pulling myself back to the present, I impart, “I honestly never meant for you to get hurt. When I first got the call, it hadn’t occurred to me that it was my doing.”

  He doesn’t look at me but the stillness in his face and body tell me that he is listening.

  “I requested that it look like an accident but had assumed that it would have been taken care of in a more manageable way, with closer contact and some...surety about it. If they had told me their plans, I would have stopped it.

  “If there was any way I could take it back, I would,” I say and mean it. Never have I felt so powerless in my life.

  He shakes his head, deep in thought. “It worked out okay. If it hadn’t happened, I would have never known what Jimmy did. Hel would have never told me. She has spent her entire life protecting me, sparing me from pain...she would have lived with this terrible secret.”

  He looks at me now and says, as serious as I have ever seen him, “If she wants to hurt Jimmy, I won’t get in the way of her. But I ask you, please, let her make this decision.”

  I tell him, “I have promised her that I will leave him be. And believe me, I will not break another promise to her.”

  He smiles and nods gently and it seems like an affirmation. Then he looks out the white, sheer curtains and says, “Speak of the devil.”

  ✽✽✽

  For the first time in a while, I am happy. I unlock Manny’s front door, knowing that they won’t be setting the table for dinner just yet.

  I can’t wait to tell him how great my first day at work went. He told me he’d be waiting here to hear all about it. But when I step into the living room, I can see that he is not alone.

  Frank sits in the sofa opposite to him and they are both looki
ng my way, expecting me before I even entered the room.

  Frank appears so at home and Manny doesn’t seem worried one bit.

  I feel like I’m missing something. Especially when a soft grin forms on Frank’s face.

  It’s hard to breathe and even harder to stand. What is he doing here?

  Straightening up, he asks, “How was your first day, sweetheart?”