Prom Queen of Disaster

by Joseph James Hunt

  “Operation boyfriend?” Ava asked.

  “Dylan and I will give you a run for your money,” I said. In the corner of my eye, I could see her scowl.

  “Obviously, you know this is what I’ve always wanted, Zo,” she said. “So, respectfully, I hope you know I’ll do anything to win.”

  I nodded. “I was kidding.”

  There was an audible sigh of relief, or exhaustion, both?

  The drive on the main road was smooth at last. We remained quiet, after an eventful couple of hours, we needed all the time we could to soak it in. They’d all fallen asleep by the time I pulled into Char’s driveway. She lived in a huge two-story white-paneled house in a nice suburban area 30 minutes from where I lived.

  It hit 1 AM. I beeped the horn to wake them.

  Chapter Two

  Cushions, pillows, and comforters made the bed for five on Char’s bedroom floor. We had the master bedroom, we always did, although each room was huge. It was only Char and her mom who lived here, and the living museum to their TODDLERS & TIARAS days.

  I stumbled and stubbed my toe on the Little Miss trophy cabinet outside the bathroom. “Fuck!” I hopped around, holding my foot. Char didn’t make a secret of being a child of the pageant circle, but you knew without her saying so.

  My reflection in the glass revealed the crop top and short shorts. The midriff of my stomach hadn’t tanned, and there was a clear fading into the milky white of my skin down my legs. The thought of cheer practice and homecoming was enough to prioritize a visit to the tanning salon.

  “Girls,” I said, wandering back into the bedroom. We binged on PRISON BREAK with ice cream and some cooking wine we’d found in the kitchen. I flicked on the bedroom light as they paused the TV to look at me. I tugged at my clothes. “I’m turning pale.”

  “God, Zo,” Libby said.

  “Think we all need it,” Char said. “My mom has self-tanner.” Ava and Hannah sniggered. “Or the salon.”

  “We’re not 14,” I said. “That stuff doesn’t come off; my mom bathed me in vinegar. Never again.” I could see their agreement in nods. We all suffered that day.

  “So?” Char spooned another mouthful of cookie dough ice cream. “I’ll schedule us in with Amy.”

  Amy was an ex-cheerleader, she graduated, but now she was our cheerleading god-mother, working at a tanning salon to give us free access and all-around even tan.

  I shut the light off before taking my spot between Char and Ava. There was a cold spot from where my ice cream had been. It was mostly froyo with frozen strawberries. “What’s happened?”

  Hannah waved her spoon around. “That creeper was getting all up in her business, so she was no, I’m not down for this, then the cops came.”

  “So, not much,” I said with a chuckle. “When’s Wentworth getting his screen time?”

  “It’s all about the brother, the real bad boy,” Char said. “He was in prison first.” She shoveled ice cream in her mouth.

  We stared at the large screen mesmerized by the men. Everything was better in HD.

  I slept through my morning alarm, waking to Char’s wriggling legs. Then an “ow” from Libby, followed by “don’t be a pig.” I didn’t want to open my eyes, but I did.

  “Moooove.” I pushed Char’s leg.

  My phone clutched to my chest, buzzing in my hand. I glanced to see Dylan on the lock screen. His daily ‘good morning’ and a selfie in his basketball jersey, captioned with ‘Saturday training, being whipped into shape for homecoming’. I unlocked my phone to double check the selfie, his perfectly quaffed blond hair, and his huge smile warmed me.

  I sent him a quick text back. ‘Morning babe, just woke up! Hope you’re having fun’ full of X's and O's. He was my lucky thirteen, and now captain of the basketball team. Naturally, he was dating me, the cheerleader. We already had a shoe in for prom royalty, although Char wouldn’t let that happen.

  “What time is it?” Hannah asked in a drawn-out yawn. “Can I get more sleep in?”

  I lifted my head to see Char in a star formation, legs and arms out. She was solid in position, even after pushing her. I pulled on the blanket and Ava curled up to my other side.

  “Wake up, it’s half one,” I said.

  “Noooooo,” Libby groaned.

  “More sleep?” Hannah asked.

  I pulled the blanket again from around the girls. It wasn’t particularly cold, but there was a draft from the air conditioning, programmed to buzz when it was on. “I need to tan,” I said.

  “We all need to,” Char let out with a stretching yawn. “We all need to.”

  “What about the rest of the girls?” I asked, referring to the cheer squad. We were all friends, but us five were the best of friends, and we had been since freshmen year.

  “Yeah, group text,” Char said, reaching out for a phone. “Appointment is at three.”

  Stomach rumblings bubbled in my belly. “And food!”

  “My mom’s doing a vegetable cleanse,”Ava said. “So can we go to a veggie bar?”

  “A veggie bar?” Char laughed.

  “Yeah.”

  “No, Ava. I’m not eating any more nuts because your mom’s decided she’s on a cleanse.”

  Ava grabbed a cushion and whacked Char. Her phone fell, hitting her in the face. “I’m sorry. Yeah, not really,” she laughed.

  Libby and Hannah had already crawled out and sat at the end of Char’s actual bed. Libby had drawn her mousey brown hair into pigtails, and Hannah’s hair had been pulled back into a messy slept-in bun.

  I threw the blanket back over Ava and Char. “I’m getting a shower.” I didn’t have many clothes at Char’s house, but I had a pair of pink shorts and a short-sleeved top, mainly all I needed with my sneakers.

  Char’s bathroom was a large white-tiled room from ceiling to floor. One wall covered in a glass pane, and inside there were holes for water to shoot out. Absolute bliss! I tried not to wet my hair; it was too much to wash and blow dry.

  The girls were waiting for the shower, already wrapped in towels. “Was I long?” I asked.

  “Yea, forever,” Char said.

  “Had to get my skin prepared,” I said, combing my hands through my hair.

  “All the girls are coming, except Monique and Damaris, they thought I was being funny, asking them to tan. All girls can do with a tan, white, Hispanic, black, Asian; it’s all bonding.”

  Monique was one of few African-American girls at Marin County, a junior. Damaris was Latin-American, natural golden skin and eighty pounds soaking wet, usually top of the pyramid and the highest flyer.

  “Are you getting a spray tan or using a tanning bed?” Libby asked, bouncing on beside me on the bed.

  “The bed,” I said. “Least that way it won’t melt on my skin or come off in the shower.”

  “God no, just use cocoa butter,” she said. “I smell like a cupcake.” She pushed her hand under my nose. It wasn’t that—more antibacterial. The look on my face must have given my thoughts away; she pulled it back. “Just used a make-up wipe, so yeah, probably not cupcake right now.”

  “Yeah, not cupcake.” Of course, I knew what cocoa butter was, my mom would always tell us how she never had any stretch marks with me or my sister, Maddie because of it.

  San Rafael Mall was a large three-story building before a large parking complex. First order of business was the food court, and from the number of rumbling stomachs I could hear while we drove, the veggie bar was off the list.

  “I want wings, buffalo wings,” Char announced as we walked into the mall through the automatic doors. “Maybe fries, I’m feeling carbs.”

  “Fried chicken,” Hannah said.

  “Chicken Shack?” Libby asked.

  “Wait. Didn’t someone find a hair?” I added. “Maybe Big Fry?”

  Ava held out her hand and pulled us all to a stop. “Whoa! No, they fired me after a week. We’re never going back there.”

  “You gave us free soda from the machine that week, i
t was amazing,” Char said. “Like you even needed a job.”

  The decision was down to Char; she didn’t say a word. We walked by all the kiosks and women offering samples of new perfumes. Libby was caught off-guard by a woman spraying perfume in her face. I turned to see the woman shoving the perfume bottle in her face. “Buy this, buy this.” I rushed back to grab Libby’s arm.

  “Libby,” I said, snapping a finger in front of her eyes.

  “Uh?”

  “C’mon.” I pulled her along. “It’s like they want you to smell like some baby hooker.”

  “Where’d you go?” Hannah asked, as the girls ahead stopped to wait.

  Libby grabbed her t-shirt to smell it. “Some amateur saleswoman, looking like a realtor with her blue blazer,” she said, snapping out of the daze. “God, Zo. Baby hooker!”

  “Zoey,” Char said in a loud laugh. “Did you say that?”

  There was a preconception I was quiet. The daughter of conservative parents, do-gooders in the neighborhood, always part of the welcome wagon the day you move. “Well, where’s the lie?”

  Char chose the Chicken Shack, joking we had to keep our portions under 500 calories. I knew she was joking, or at least hoped so as I glanced at their menus on the illuminated boards. There was nothing under 500 calories unless it was two mouthfuls of a supreme meal deal.

  Finally made the decision of a chicken salad wrap and an XL soda, it was enough to keep me hydrated and burping for the rest of the day. We were sat outside on one of the tables, trying not to scoff down the food. We knew better than to get indigestion; nothing was worse than eating before having to lay still for 8 minutes on the tanning bed.

  We sat around waiting for the other girls. If we were under 18, we needed to get Char’s friend to approve us, which meant most of us needed to be approved. Char and Bex were the only 18-year-olds on the squad. Bex didn’t want anything to do with it, but she was getting a full gymnastics scholarship—a full ride to one of the large state schools, so she was staying.

  “Oh my gosh, I stood outside the salon for 5 minutes, then I got the texts.” Brianna walked through to our table. “I feel so stupid.” One of the newer girls to the squad, Brianna, a junior, she’d tried out in freshman year and again at the end of sophomore year.

  “Grab a chair; we’re still waiting,” Char said.

  “So what were you doing last night?” she asked. “I saw your Snapchat.”

  "There was a shared side-eyed glance. “It was interesting,” I said. “We ate ice cream and watched PRISON BREAK.”

  “I love Wentworth Miller!” she cried out, sitting down at the table. “Isn’t it a shame that he’s gay?”

  “To you?” Hannah asked. “He’s pretty old, and no, it’s not a shame.”

  She shrugged. “Yeah, yeah.”

  “Oh, Zo!” Ava yelled. “I forgot to ask last night, but who’s that guy?” My face creased at her. I wasn’t a mind reader. She nodded at me as if I’d understood. “The one on the bike that works behind the bar.”

  “What bar?” Brianna asked.

  “Kaleb?”

  Ava reached over to me, wide-bug-eyed. “Yes, him, he’s pretty cute, right?”

  “Creepy, borderline creepy,” I said. “He followed us, then helped us, not to mention the glaring.”

  “I think that’s hot.”

  Of course, she did. “Go for it,” I said. “Maybe he’ll pick you up on his bike.”

  “You think?”

  “Yes, Ava,” Char said. “You’re both clearly easy and gagging.”

  Mary-Beth, Sara, Jade, and Katrina, finally showed up. Minutes later, the basketball team showed up. I hadn’t noticed until Dylan came up from behind and wrapped his arms around my waist. He swung himself gently from side to side, slowly pulling me with him. I could feel the burning smile on my face; I knew it was him from the way his skin felt on mine.

  “Hey,” I said. He kissed me on the neck. Heat blushed in my cheeks. The girls watched, most with awe-filled faces, others with the look of get-a-room, but it didn’t matter, I felt we were alone, just like every moment did when his hands were on me.

  “Have you been to get tanned up yet?” he asked, pulling away as I turned around into his body.

  “No, can you not tell,” I said, grinning. I wanted to pull my shorts to show him the white marks, but I remembered we were in public. “I guess that’s what happens when it’s fall.”

  “I think you’re perfect,” he said. “In every way.”

  “Guys and girls,” Char said, standing. “Let’s leave now before they get to first base in the food court.”

  “Char!” I said, my face swelling in the heat. I turned to her. “Not funny.” The girls were already giggling, but I would never start making out in the mall, with all eyes on me, no thank you.

  She threw her hand. “We’re jealous really,” she said.

  Anyone else who didn’t turn up now would have to tan on their own. It was considered a bonding activity. I loved comparing tans; my skin would bronze so easy.

  “I’m getting the spray tan,” Libby said. “I burnt like a bitch last time.”

  We headed to the Salon. A hoard of valley girls with pasty skin. The girls walking out were glowing and golden. We were almost there. Amy stood behind the counter. The salon was decorated with reds and whites, the smell of cleaning bleach and lotions welcomed us in the air conditioned breeze.

  “Amy!” We called out collectively.

  “We’re doing tanning beds.” Char circled a hand over everyone but Libby and Jade. “They want a spray tan.”

  With finesse, Amy moved toward Char. She was probably 5’11” with her red satin Manolo’s. She appeared taller with her tan legs and the split in her skirt, riding up her thigh. I was in awe; she had been a senior when I was a sophomore. My eyes made my way up to her chest, and suddenly I felt out of proportion. Dressed in a white blouse with the top buttons undone and a push-up bra to hold herself in place.

  “Char,” Amy said, pushing back her wavy brown hair. “How’s the squad?”

  “In desperate need to get some color before homecoming,” she said. “What’s happened to the sugar d-a-d-d-y?”

  Sugar daddy? I’d heard Char mention Amy’s boyfriend, but not that he was an old man.

  “He’s okay, he’s not that old, well he doesn’t take Viagra,” she said. “I think he wants to get serious. He’s talking about buying another cat.”

  “Isn’t one enough?” Char asked.

  Amy grabbed a handful of key cards from behind the desk. “Lola is in the room at the end, she’s got a client in at the moment, but she knows you’re waiting.” She handed me a card. “I love your blond hair, Zoey.” She reached for the messy ponytail. “You think I’d suit it?”

  “Like an ombré? Or full?”

  “Ombrés are in,” she laughed.

  In the tanning room, I’d undressed completely and turned around to the shock of seeing my reflection in the long mirror hung on the door. I dipped my hand on my hip and swung slightly. I could see where my tan had faded.

  I slathered myself in moisturizing lotion. It smelled exactly like the cream my mom used on me when I was younger at the beach. The tanning beds themselves were like little tombs you close in on yourself. I’d placed the timer on for 8 minutes and listened to pop music in the surround speakers.

  “Surely you’re tan enough,” I heard someone shout, knocking on the door.

  I’d just finished getting dressed and wiping off the excess moisturizer. I pulled the hair elastic tight in my ponytail, watching myself in the mirror. I sucked the rest of the cola from the Chicken Shack cup, throwing it in the trashcan before leaving.

  “How do I look?” I asked as Ava, walking out of the room opposite.

  “You look more tan than me,” Ava said. “I need an extra 9 minutes and a nap.”

  “Only had 8 minutes,” I said. “I just wanted to look—you know, sun-kissed, like it was summer again.” I could see Hannah from the corner o
f my eye.

  “Yeah, I can see that,” Hannah said. She was only a little more tanned than she had been. “It won’t wash off, at least.”

  The other girls were waiting at the entrance of the salon. Libby was significantly darker from the spray tan. It always lighter after you washed, but you couldn’t for 24 hours.

  “Remember girls,” Char announced, rounding us up on the seats. “As of Monday, it’s homecoming week. So for the rest of the weekend, practice your pep, brush up on team spirit, and most importantly, get those lockers decorated. Naturally, Zo has Dylan’s locker, but we’ll group text the rest of the lockers.”

  “You need to beat the San Rafael High School cheer squad, that’s on you,” Amy said. “Let them play the sports, and you show those bitches who they’re dealing with. Go, Marin County!”

  “I heard you bleached the other cheer captain’s hair?” Jade asked.

  Amy smiled. “We did.” She laughed. “We were ruthless.”

  Char snapped her fingers. “Yah! Ruthless.”

  Chapter Three

  Life at home was different in the idyllic suburban Payton Lane. Quiet waved me in as Char dropped me at the end of the street. My parents’ house had four bedrooms, a garage with two cars and all the bicycles I had growing up, and a few years ago they’d had a pool installed out in the back, they had to pull out a tree and the make-shift swing, but we wanted a pool more.

  “Zo, is that you?” Mom called out.

  “Yeah.” I hung my bag and jacket up on the hook beside the door.

  From the hallway I could smell food, it hit like a heavy truck, welcoming me inside. The hallway led to the open kitchen, it was the center of the house, and with good reason, my mom was always seen there. She stood, stirring a crock pot on the stove.

  “Sweets,” she said. “Aw look at how tanned you are. Preparing from homecoming already?”

  I nodded, taking a seat on a stool. “It is Friday. Still got to find a dress.” I’d learned from Say Yes to The Dress how difficult it was, not only for me but for women all over America to find dresses they loved. “I have choices.”