The Girl Who Died: A Young Adult Novel

by Wendy Dranfield

  God, where is he? I’d start walking home but it’s the opposite direction to the direction Josh would be coming, so if he’s just running late and I leave, I’ll completely miss him. I have to give it a bit longer. This place is creepy in the day, never mind at night. I look through the gates into the pitch black. There’s just one light on in the grounds so I can see the shape of the gravestones. I can’t believe Katie’s in there on her own. Well, not on her own obviously, but yeah, on her own. I wonder if she knows she’s there. Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this. If mum found out she’d kill me. My legs are freezing, I should’ve put some jeans on. It was still sunny when I got changed so I thought it would be a warm night.

  Every car that drives past seems to slow down and watch me in the headlights. I move to the shadow of a tree trunk. Then I hear someone running towards me. I spin around and Josh appears out of no-where. He rests his hand on my shoulder while he bends over trying to catch his breath. I notice his bandages.

  ‘Sorry,’ he gasps, ‘running late. Mum’s only just gone to bed.’

  His hand is warm and big compared to my shoulder.

  ‘That’s okay. I can’t find a way in though, they’ve locked the gates.’

  He stands up and has a look. ‘Yep, we’ll have to climb over.’

  What in this skirt? Is he kidding? He looks down at my skirt.

  ‘You’re not really dressed for a break-in, are you?’

  ‘Er, no!’

  ‘That’s okay, I’ll help.’

  He drops his rucksack which is packed full and has all sorts sticking out of it. Then he bends over again and motions for me to get on his back. Again, he must be kidding.

  ‘You’ll be fine! Just throw your bag over, put a foot in the gate and hoist yourself up. Then stand on my back and throw yourself over the gate.’

  ‘Throw myself over?’ I laugh in disbelief. If I throw myself over I’ll fall flat on my arse with my skirt up over my head. Not a good look. But he lifts my foot and puts it in the gate, then he hoists me up so that I have no choice but to pull myself over. After embarrassingly trying to maintain some kind of dignity, I fall over the other side onto my arse, as predicted. Josh meanwhile, effortlessly climbs over with both our bags and manages to land on his feet. But he can’t stop laughing at me.

  ‘Girls are pathetic!’

  I get up and punch him in the arm but that just makes him laugh more. I hurt my bum, it’ll probably be bruised tomorrow. He gets a torch out from his rucksack and then just suddenly stops laughing. I know why. He’s remembered that we’re here to go and sit at his sister’s grave. This really isn’t a good idea. I’m about to tell him that when he starts walking forward.

  ‘Come on. Let’s get this over with.’

  Chapter 15

  He leads. It’s getting so cold now that I can see my breath. I really wish I’d thought to bring a hoody and some jeans to change into. At least he remembered the sleeping bags. I know I’m just trying to distract myself from the familiar feeling of fear, dread and sickness that’s taking over me. I have a bitter metallic taste in my mouth and my legs are shaking but I can’t tell if that’s just because of the cold. It’s so dark, even with the glow from the only light here, plus Josh’s torch. There are jumping shadows everywhere I look and the whole place smells kind of dead and damp, even though it’s been a warm dry day.

  Graveyards are horrible places. Why don’t they make it so that they’re cheerful places to visit? I know these people have died and everything but it’s so eerie and depressing here. We should celebrate the person’s life, not throw them underground and let their graves get all tatty and overgrown. And don’t get me started on churches. Why would anyone want to get married in one when there are dead people buried right outside? Then the married couple get photos taken whilst stood on people’s graves! It’s crazy if you ask me. Josh stops in front of me and I walk into him. We’re here already. I didn’t realise.

  ‘Yo.’

  Did he just greet her? It seems like he’s done that before because he’s not at all self conscious about it. I wonder if he’s camped out here before. If he has he would’ve been alone. That’s so sad I could cry.

  ‘Hi Katie.’

  I thought I’d feel stupid talking to her but Josh doesn’t look at me so it’s okay. He puts his rucksack down right next to her grave and starts getting out the roll up tent which automatically pops straight up when it’s freed. It’s absolutely tiny. Why am I pleased at that? Oh yeah, because I’m a horrible person and I’m here totally for the wrong reasons. He unwraps the sleeping bags and throws one over to me.

  ‘Where’s the Ouija board?’

  I take it out of my bag. I also take out some cheese sandwiches I made, plus some crisps and a bottle of white wine I stole from my mum. I thought we both might need some kind of drug to get us through the séance. I’m not sure where to sit but to do the board we need to be sat knee to knee. I have no choice but to walk over to him and sit down next to him, half in the tent and half out, like he’s sat. The sleeping bag is freezing cold on my legs at first but it soon warms up. Plus, I can feel the heat of Josh’s body almost touching mine.

  ‘To do it, we need to sit knee to knee I’m afraid.’

  My cheeks go warm. Thank God it’s dark. He doesn’t say anything though. He picks up the bottle of wine, unscrews it and takes a couple of long swigs. I do the same. It tastes nice, sweet. He reads the box of the Ouija board using his torch. I didn’t bring those rules the psychic shop assistant gave me, but I’m pretty sure he was just trying to scare me anyway. We get the board out and put it between us. On it are the numbers one to nine, the whole alphabet, a sun and a moon plus ‘yes’ ‘no’ and ‘goodbye’. I wonder what the sun and the moon represent. I hold the pointer in my hand and look up at Josh, who’s taking another swig of wine.

  ‘Do you know what you want to ask her?’

  ‘I don’t want to ask her anything. I want to tell her something.’

  He looks so unbearably sad when he says this that I have to swallow the lump in my throat. I hope I don’t cry in front of him when he talks to her. Maybe I should go first. I have a lot of questions. Then he surprises me by pulling out some candles from his rucksack and lighting them. They flicker gently beneath us and cast an orange glow on his gorgeous face. It makes him look younger than sixteen. I feel like we’re best friends now. We haven’t spent that much time together but the time we have spent has been so intense and unedited. I feel almost completely comfortable around him. Part of me wonders whether we would’ve ever gotten this close if Katie hadn’t have died. But I know the answer to that.

  ‘Okay, here goes.’

  I put the pointer down on the board.

  ‘We have to place our index fingers on it firmly without applying any pressure, if that makes sense.’

  We both touch it with both hands. Our fingers also touch. Then I have an overwhelming urge to stop right now before we go any further. My breath quickens as I wonder what the point of doing this is. If she talks to us and says something bad I’ll never get over it, I know I won’t. If she tells us she’s in pain or somewhere like hell then I’ll have to kill myself because I won’t be able to live with that knowledge.

  ‘Don’t worry, Hannah. It probably won’t work anyway. Let’s just have a go and see what happens.’

  I take the biggest breath I can and think of my first question. ‘Katie? It’s me and Josh. We’ve come to see you. Are you there?’

  We both stare hard at the board. If the pointer starts moving I’ll die. After about thirty seconds of nothing happening, Josh says, ‘The instructions say you have to repeat yourself a few times to get the attention of the person you want to hear you. So say it again. But don’t say anything like ‘is anyone there?’ because that’s inviting anyone to speak to us, and I mean anyone. Like the devil or a demon or some shit like that.’

  He’s really not making me feel better. I try again. ‘Is Katie Sewell there?’

  Still no
thing. I start to feel better.

  ‘Katie Sewell? It’s Hannah and Josh. Can you hear me Katie?’

  Nothing. About ten seconds pass and then I scream and recoil in horror backwards into the tent as the pointer moves under our fingers. It’s moved to ‘yes’.

  ‘Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Was that you Josh? Tell me honestly, was it you?’

  His eyes are bulging and he appears to gulp as he pulls my arm back towards the board. ‘Come on, she’s here.’

  He takes over as I don’t have any breath left in my body. I want to scream very loudly right now but I couldn’t if I tried. My fingers are tingling like I’ve got pins and needles. I swear the air has turned static around me.

  ‘Katie? Are you okay?’

  The pointer stays where it is on yes, but I don’t know if that’s because she means yes or whether it was just a fluke that it moved the first time. Josh takes it off yes and moves it to one side.

  ‘Katie? Are you okay?’

  Nothing happens. It must have been a fluke. Thank God.

  ‘Shit!’

  It moves to the letter J and then straight to the letter H. Josh and Hannah. I look up at Josh. He has tears streaming down his face. I want to hug him but he wipes them away with the inside of his elbow whilst keeping his fingers on the pointer. It’s my turn.

  ‘Katie? I’m so sorry,’ I drop my head to my chest. ‘Do you know how sorry I am?’

  By the end of my sentence my voice breaks and I sob. But still I leave my fingers on the pointer. It takes about ten seconds but the candles flicker wildly and the pointer moves really fast back to ‘yes’. Then it moves to the letters D-O-N-T and stops.

  ‘I think she means ‘don’t be’.’ Says Josh, ‘I think we’re really talking to her, Hannah. How amazing is this?’

  A funny sensation comes over me. My shoulders relax and I start to feel like I’ve been smoking a joint. I feel light headed and numb, but less scared.

  ‘Katie? Did I push you?’

  I have to ask this. I have to know whether what seemed to be her trying to pull herself over the edge in the end was real or whether it really was my fault for tripping and pushing her. But nothing happens so I ask again. I have to know. Surely she wants me to find peace? The pointer moves. It moves to ‘no’. Then it moves to U. Followed by S-V-D-U-S. Josh jumps to conclusions.

  ‘She’s saying ‘you saved us’. She must mean you saved her from our dad. But why ‘us’?’

  I try to think and then it comes to me, ‘Because your mum told her she thought the baby would be a girl, so Katie was worried your dad was going to abuse her too. Do you really think that’s what she means; that I saved her and the baby?’

  The pointer quickly moves to ‘yes’.

  I break free from the board and lay back in the tent. I’ve lost all control of my emotions. Tears and snot are running all over my face as I quite literally cry my heart out. The relief is so massive. My lungs ache with the effort of it crying. My sobs are so undignified and childish that I’m surprised when Josh lies down and puts his arms around me. Could it really be that she’s okay where she is and she doesn’t blame me for anything? Surely that would be too easy? Don’t I deserve some kind of punishment for not calling an ambulance? But then I remember the whole court case is yet to take place and according to mum that will seem like punishment. Not just for Katie’s dad but for me too. I don’t care, I can take it because being punished will make me feel better. It’s only right for what I did. Josh sits us both up.

  ‘Come on, let’s carry on. It said on-line that it takes a lot of energy for a spirit to move this thing so it might not last long.’

  We both take another swig of wine and I wipe my face with the inside of the sleeping bag. We put our fingers back on the pointer. I’m physically shattered and feel like I could sleep forever. If it’s draining for me I can’t imagine what it’s like for Katie.

  ‘Katie?’ says Josh. ‘Why didn’t you tell me about dad? Why didn’t you feel you could come to me?’

  The pointer moves to ‘no’.

  ‘But why not?’

  The point spells out ‘H-U-R-T-U.’

  ‘She didn’t want to hurt you, Josh. She told me she didn’t want to mess up all your lives by burdening you with her problem.’

  He looks angry and raises his voice, ‘But how was I supposed to help you, Katie? I would’ve believed you! I could’ve helped you trap him! I could’ve stopped it years ago! You didn’t let me be your brother!’

  It’s his turn to break down now. He lowers his face. It’s horrible to watch him. The pointer spells out L-V-U. Love you. The flicker of the candles is getting weaker.

  ‘Josh, I think she’s fading. Katie? Will you watch over us forever? Do you promise to stay nearby?’

  The pointer slowly slides to ‘yes’ and then moves again. It moves to the letter H followed by the number four, followed by the letter J. I can’t help but smile and blush at the same time. Even now she’s trying to match-make. Hannah for Josh. Does that mean she’s giving us her approval? I look up at Josh to see if he worked it out, but then the pointer moves one last time, very slowly. It almost reaches ‘goodbye’ but stops just short. She’s gone. She’s left us. For now, at least. I miss her instantly. There’s so much more I wanted to ask her and to tell her. Maybe we’ll get to do it again one day. But that reminds me of one of the rules on the list the shop assistant gave me, something about only using it once and for its original purpose. My original purpose was to find out if she was angry with me. I don’t think she is. Maybe I need to throw this away now then. Maybe it’s time to start afresh.

  Josh wipes his face and then packs the board away, into the box and then into my bag. I wonder if he still wants to stay the night. He probably wants to go home now and be alone. But he starts moving everything into the tent. He leaves one of the candles alight and moves it to the head of the tent.

  ‘Are you coming in?’

  I bunch up my sleeping bag and swing my body fully into the tent. He zips it up. I start to feel a bit awkward, I don’t know what to do with myself. But then he lays back and pulls me towards him. He puts my head on his chest with his arm around my shoulders.

  ‘That was amazing.’

  I agree. So is this.

  ‘I can’t believe we actually spoke to her,’ he says. ‘And that she seemed okay. I wish I could tell mum, but she wouldn’t believe me.’

  No, she wouldn’t. Adults have a habit of not believing their kids. They’re so closed off to what we’re going through. How can they say they were our age once but then not believe us?

  ‘I think the only way you can help your mum is by getting back to living your life the best you can,’ I say. ‘And by spending lots of time with her at the moment.’

  I think about my mum. I wish she had someone like Josh to rest her head on. It can’t have been easy going through this whole mess without a partner. I’m definitely going to spend more time with her from now on. And maybe I could find her a man.

  ‘Yeah. I think I feel better about stuff now. Is that bad?’

  I look up at him, into his gorgeous green eyes. I want to tell him that it’s not bad. But instead I kiss him. On the lips. And he actually kisses me back. I swear I hear Katie giggling nearby. Not in a scary way, but in a scheming way. His lips are softer than anything I’ve ever felt before. He’s a really good kisser. He pulls away from me for a minute.

  ‘Do you want to get in my sleeping bag? There’s loads of room.’

  My cheeks burn. If I get in his sleeping bag then I know what’s going to happen. I really want to be that close to him. It will be like we’re cocooned together. My mind tries to make me think of what happened at Steve’s house, but I refuse to give in to the images. Who cares? That was a different me. We all make mistakes. At least I know I’ll never let anything like that happen to me again.

  I wriggle out of my sleeping bag while Josh unzips his all the way open. Before I get into his, and before I can stop myself
from going through with it, I pull my t-shirt, skirt and converse off. He watches me and blushes the whole time. He’s not the only one. Is this really me? I then lean forward and pull his t-shirt off. I have to be gentle over his wrists because of his bandages. I leave his jeans on because I’m too embarrassed to make the next move. He pulls me down and zips up the sleeping bag. His body is so warm that I just lie there listening to his heart beat. We spend the night together like this. That’s enough for both of us tonight.

  Chapter 16

  We had to sneak home before our mums woke up, so when I get in, I creep up to my room, jump into bed and get another four hours sleep. Talking with Katie last night really took it out of me. The doorbell wakes me up just after nine o’clock. I almost leap out of bed and put my dressing gown on so that I can see who it is. I’m hoping it’s Josh. It’s not. It’s Inspector Foster. Which is weird. We’re supposed to be meeting her at the police station later today so God knows why she’s come here. I walk down stairs into the living room. She sits down next to mum on the sofa and then notices me. She looks down at my dressing gown. It’s pink with yellow stars all over it. Normally I’d be embarrassed but who cares what she thinks of me? I’m at home, I can wear what I like. I bet she wears a dressing gown first thing in the morning. Then again, she’s not really the dressing gown type!