The Lost Days (Prairie Town Book 3)

by T. E. Ridener

  He hadn’t meant for it to happen. Had he known Kelly was going to drop by the store, he would have kept his distance from Nick. He wouldn’t have given in to his feelings so easily.

  But was he truly the only one to blame? Nick had kissed him, after all. The entire town could have seen it – hell, maybe they did. But neither of them had really cared at the moment. Hadn’t Nick been just as caught up in the heat of the moment? Did they really care about the consequences?

  He cares now, he thought, placing his freshly cleaned clothes into a drawer. It’s all fucked up now.

  They hadn’t spoken much since then. Nick was busy with work and he was trying to seem busy, too, but there wasn’t much he could do given he still didn’t have a job. It made him feel useless, pathetic. All the negative feelings were coming back and he was helpless to stop them.

  It was funny how a little bit of happiness could keep the darkness at bay, but that darkness was looming overhead – stronger this time than ever before.

  It’s my fault.

  Sighing quietly, he made his way back downstairs and opened the front door, desperate for some fresh air.

  It was a cloudy day, but at least it wasn’t raining.

  Not yet.

  The local weather station was calling for some hellacious rain in the next few days. Thunderstorms would be headed Prairie Town’s way, thanks to Hurricane Carla.

  Living in Prairie Town must have meant he’d been through them before, but he couldn’t help that he felt a little nervous about it. Even the after effects of a hurricane could be dangerous. Damaging winds, hard rain, possible tornadoes...

  It wasn’t his idea of a good time.

  Listening to the wind chimes on the next-door neighbor’s porch, clanging together wildly as a gust of wind came through, he leaned over the rail and clasped his hands together, peering at the empty street.

  Now it makes sense, he thought with a smirk. That stupid song finally makes sense.

  While he was in the institute, he and everybody else had been tortured with one song, over and over again. Old Willy Hamilton had a record player and only one record: End of the World by Skeeter Davis.

  But he totally understood the lyrics now, as he watched two girls jog by the house.

  No matter what he was battling in his mind and heart, the world kept going.

  The storm Prairie Town was about to get was nothing compared to the one already raging in his head.

  “Damn it,” he muttered beneath his breath, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Why do I always screw everything up?”

  He felt so stupid for getting his hopes up, for thinking life was actually going to get better. Was he naïve for hoping Kelly would join them?

  I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to be with me either.

  It was a downright depressing thing.

  Nobody hated him as much as he hated himself, but knowing he was unlovable stung in the worst of ways.

  He wasn’t good enough to be the one and only in Nick’s life.

  He wasn’t good enough to be involved in the relationship Nick wanted most.

  He wasn’t good enough for anything, was he?

  Bowing his head, his eyes closed and his throat burned as his thoughts ran away with him.

  I wish I’d never lost my memories.

  I wish they would’ve kept me locked up; it would be better than this.

  I wish I’d never met Nick Laveau.

  But damn it, that wasn’t true. Nick was the best thing that could have happened to him. Being with his handsome jack-of-all-trades brought him such happiness.

  Why didn’t he feel worthy?

  Why didn’t he feel like he deserved it?

  It’s my fault Kelly won’t be involved with him. Not now, not ever. She probably thinks I’ve got some sort of disease or something.

  He didn’t, but she didn’t know that.

  She was only being nice to me because she felt sorry for me. She doesn’t really—

  “Devin?”

  His eyes snapped open at the sound of her sweet voice and his head jerked up, surprised to find Kelly standing at the foot of the steps.

  Wearing the prettiest dress he’d ever seen, she peered at him with a worried expression, her lovely eyes glued to his.

  “K-Kelly,” he stammered, suddenly nervous. “What are you doing here?”

  “To be honest, I’m not sure,” she admitted with a small smile. “I got off work a little early, and since I don’t have to pick Jamie up until five and Justin’s with Skylar today, I thought I might drop by.” Tucking some golden hair behind her ear, she bit her lip and laughed. “I suppose I don’t have any business being here, though...”

  “No, don’t be ridiculous.” He pushed away from the rail and raked a hand through his hair, unable to hide his smile. “Please come inside.”

  “Are...are you sure?” Her eyes moved to the driveway and he knew what she was thinking.

  She’s here to see Nick, not me.

  “He won’t be home for another hour or so,” he said, ignoring the ache in his chest. “But you’re welcome to come in and wait for him if you like.” He opened the front door and waited for her next move. If she left, he wouldn’t blame her.

  “Okay.” Much to his surprise—and delight—she climbed up the steps and smiled again. “Thank you so much.”

  He let her enter first, and then, while silently praying he didn’t screw things up any further, he shut the door and rubbed his sweaty palms together. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  “Water would be just fine, thanks.” She turned around to gaze at him, that beautiful smile still lingering on her lips. “It looks like we’re going to get rain, but it’s really humid out there.”

  “Yeah, it’s hot.” His legs carried him swiftly into the kitchen and he managed to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, his mind racing. “I reckon we’ll be getting some bad storms soon.”

  “That’s what I heard,” she said, standing in the doorway. “I don’t think I’m prepared for that. My kids can sleep through anything, but I’m worried we might get some seriously bad weather.”

  “I’m sure it won’t be anything to worry about,” he reassured her, unscrewing the cap and holding the bottle towards her. “Here you go.”

  “Thank you.” Her eyes stayed on his as she opened the bottle and lifted it to her lips.

  His heart raced as some water trickled down her chin.

  “Oh, gosh. I don’t know how that happened.” She laughed, quickly wiping at her chin. “How do you miss something so big?”

  They shared a laugh, but it did nothing to ease his nerves.

  Why was she really there?

  Does this mean she’s not mad at Nick?

  “Would you like to sit down?” He motioned to the table and visions of Nick and their endeavors flashed through his mind.

  Damn it, man. Now is not the time!

  “Sure.” She sank into a chair and peered up at him, studying him. “How’s your day been?”

  “Good. It’s been g-good.”

  “That’s good. Mine, too.”

  He watched her as she carefully placed her bottle on the table and then clasped her hands together, licking her lips.

  “Can I ask you something, Devin?”

  Shoving his hands into the back pockets of his jeans, he nodded. “Sure thing.”

  “When Nick approached you about...his idea,”—she gnawed her bottom lip and tilted her head to the side—“How did you feel about it?”

  He felt like it was a trick question. Was she genuinely curious about his feelings because she was interested, or was she going to judge him over the fact he did want to be a part of it?

  What if she was disgusted?

  “I don’t really know how to answer that, Kelly.” He pulled out a chair and sat down, keeping his eyes on the table. “At first I wasn’t sure, I guess. It’s new to me – as far as I know. It’s different.”

  “You can say that
again.”

  “But then I thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, you know?” He finally met her gaze, unable to read her expression. “Nick is a good guy. He makes me want to better myself in every way.”

  “You care about him, don’t you?”

  “I do,” he answered without hesitation. “I really do, Kelly. And I know he cares about you.”

  “He does?”

  Why did she seem so surprised?

  “Of course, he does. He’s been trying to figure out how to tell you about it – about us. We never meant for you to find out about it like that.” Sliding his hand across the table, he touched his fingertips against hers. When she didn’t pull away, he rested his hand over hers and gave her his best smile, a meaningful smile. “And I just want you to know how sorry I am if I’m the deal breaker.”

  “The deal breaker? What makes you say that?” Her hand trembled beneath his and he completely understood. He was nervous, too.

  “Well, it is me we’re talking about. I can’t blame you for how you feel about me.”

  “And how do I feel about you?” She turned her hand over, resting her palm against his. The warmth of her hand caused heat to soar through his arm, all the way into his heart. “Because I don’t know how I feel about any of this, Devin. It’s new to me, too.”

  “I know. And I’m sorry if I’ve caused you any grief. I never meant for that to happen.”

  “You didn’t cause me anything, Devin.” She sighed, gazing at their hands. “We both fell into the same web. Nick does seem like a nice guy, but he wasn’t honest with us.”

  “He was trying to be, he just didn’t know how to tell you.”

  “All he had to do was open his mouth. I’m not some innocent little girl or anything. I’m a mom, Devin. I’m a widow. I’m not new to the ways of sex or how this works. We’re all adults here, aren’t we?”

  “I’d like to think so. But in his defense, it’s the facts you just stated. That’s why he was taking so long to tell you about it.”

  “I know I may seem fragile at times, but he should have given me more credit than that.” She seemed sad and he didn’t like that. Watching as she closed her eyes and hung her head, he curled his fingers around her and squeezed gently.

  “He really does like you, Kelly. Please let him prove that to you.”

  “I’d like to, but...”

  “But what?” He prompted when she didn’t finish the sentence. The worst possibilities ran through his mind.

  “It’s stupid.” She sighed, pulling her hand out from beneath his. “I probably shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry.”

  When she stood and headed for the door, he leapt up from his seat and blocked the doorway, arms extended and gripping the frame as he stared down at her.

  “Don’t go,” he begged. “Wait for Nick to get here. Please.”

  “I think I’ve made a mistake, Devin. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  She tried to slip beneath his arm and he stepped backwards, once again blocking her path.

  “It’s not a mistake.” His voice quivered. “You’re here because you feel something. You have to feel something.”

  “I...I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” Her eyes darted back and forth between his. “All I feel right now is confusion, and maybe a little stupid for even entertaining the idea.”

  “You’re not stupid, Kelly. You’re looking for something.”

  That caught her attention.

  “You’re just as lost as I am – as Nick is. And you’re looking for something you didn’t even realize you needed.”

  The corners of her mouth twitched and after a long moment of silence, she cleared her throat. “It’s not normal, Devin. Don’t you understand? What he’s asking of us...what he wants; it’s not something people like you and I get involved with.”

  “But how do you know?” She managed to get around him and he followed her to the door. When she grabbed for the knob, he pressed a palm against it just above her head, cornering her.

  “Devin, what are you—”

  “How do you know this isn’t something we get involved with? We’ve never even tried.”

  “And we shouldn’t either!” She turned around to face him, tilting her head back to meet his gaze. “People would talk, Devin. We would be judged because that’s what the world does now. They criticize what they don’t understand and I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of seeing that happen.”

  “Screw what people do, Kelly. This isn’t about them. It’s about us.” His stomach twisted into anxious knots as he leaned down to be eye-to-eye with her, their noses inches apart. “If there’s even the slightest chance that this sparks your interest, go for it. If there’s even the tiniest part of you that wants to try it, then don’t let anyone take that from you.”

  “That’s easy for you to say,” she said, frowning. “You’re a man. You’re allowed to do things like this, but it doesn’t work that way for a woman. Do you know what people would call me if I allowed myself to be with two men? A whore. I would be a whore, Devin. A slut.”

  “That’s not true,” he said through clenched teeth. The thought of anyone saying such degrading things about her really got under his skin. It made him furious, protective. “You are not and will never be a whore or slut, Kelly. Double standards are bullshit.”

  “But that’s the world we live in, Devin.” Tears shimmered in her eyes. “If I let myself do this...if I allow myself to be with Nick...and with you...it would be so selfish of me. It would make me a horrible person.”

  “Why would you say that? You could never be a horrible person, Kelly.”

  I’m the horrible person, he wanted to say. I’m the one who should be fighting this moral battle, not you.

  “I loved my husband so much. So much,” she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. “And a part of me is terrified of what would happen if I actually went through with this and liked it.”

  He slid his thumb over her cheek, catching a tear as it escaped from between her lashes. Cupping the side of her face, he released a soft breath and leaned in, resting their foreheads together.

  “I think it would make you human,” he murmured. “There’s nothing wrong with liking affection. It’s not a crime to rediscover happiness. What does it matter if you find it with two people, instead of one?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Neither do I.” He chuckled. “I honestly have no idea what I’m doing, but do you want to know what I do know?”

  “What?” Her eyes opened again, only to be staring directly into Devin’s eyes.

  “I know that what I feel when I think about being with you and Nick can’t be wrong.”

  Her eyes grew bigger. “You...you’ve thought about it?”

  “Of course I have. I think about a lot of things. I think about you.”

  “You do?”

  “I do.” His tongue slid over his lips as his eyes dropped to her mouth. Her lips were parted, quick breaths leaving her as she listened to him. Maybe he wasn’t making any sense at all, but he prayed he was. “I think about this...”

  He closed the distance between them and brushed his lips over hers, soft and with regard. It was a tenderness he didn’t know he possessed until that very moment. Something about her evoked a gentle nature, he didn’t think possible.

  One thing he did know, most certainly, was it was very different from the way he kissed Nick. It felt different, in the best way possible, and it wasn’t a feeling he wanted to part with any time soon.

  She kissed him back with trembling lips, and a soft noise escaped her as he opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, carefully sliding his tongue forward.

  There wasn’t a word for how she tasted.

  Delicious.

  Divine.

  Addictive.

  Seconds turned into minutes as he slid his hand to the back of her neck, pulling her closer. Their mouths fused together in the most erotic fashion, tasting and savoring one another. He paced his
breathing to the best of his ability, drinking in her sweet moan as her fingers found his hair.

  He knew there was no turning back now. Even if she decided to decline their offer, he would never be able to let go of her. Not completely.

  “Devin.” She pulled back, breathless. “Devin, what are we doing?”

  “Kissing,” he replied hoarsely, overwhelmed with desire. “Do you want to stop?”

  “N-no.” She gulped air into her lungs and rested her forehead against his chest. “I think that’s the problem though. I definitely don’t want to stop.”

  “Then don’t.” He inhaled the scent of her hair and allowed it to consume him, finding contentment in her presence alone. Trailing his fingertips up and down her spine; he smiled when he felt her arms wrap around him.

  “Is this...okay?” She questioned, lifting her head to gaze at him.

  “It’s more than okay.”

  “Because I really don’t know what I’m doing right now and I’m a little terrified.”

  “Because it’s me?” His heart threatened to burst.

  “Not in a bad way.”

  “Are you sure? Because I understand, Kelly. I really do. I’ve done so many bad things.”

  “The old you did those bad things.” She nuzzled her nose against his. “I don’t hold it against you. I’m sorry I ever did. I’m terrified because I do want this and I probably shouldn’t.”

  “You want this?” He grinned. “Me and Nick?”

  “Yes.” She blushed and dropped her gaze to the floor. “I shouldn’t, but I do.”

  He felt like he’d won the lottery, and suddenly, the weight on his shoulders evaporated into thin air. He wasn’t sure how or why, but Kelly was going to give them a chance.

  And maybe Nick won’t be upset with me anymore.

  The thought of pleasing Nick gave him great happiness, and before he realized what he was doing, he’d scooped Kelly off the floor and was twirling her about, laughing.

  “Devin!” She yelped, holding onto him for dear life. “Please don’t drop me.”

  “I won’t.” He tightened his arms around her and stopped spinning, laughing heartily as he sought out her lips and kissed her again. “I will never drop you, Kelly. I promise.”